Monday, October 11, 2010

HCwDB of the Week

It’s a Fungtastic Weekly, three selections of facial crud cohabiting with hottie suckle thigh for your perusal. Which will win/lose? Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Crustie Brothers and Karen and Sue

From Tuesday’s “Ask DB1” on suburban divorcees dating aging suburban douchepuds, The Crustie Brothers are all that is middle management in Decatur.

With choady greasebags and tasty Asian/Indian world cuisine suckle thigh, this is one of those HCwDB pics which offers ethereal dialectic and the wafting smell of poopie diaper.

But rarely do pics that split the bags/hotts into more than a simple binary take the prize.

Can the Crustie Bros bring oldbag game to the victory?

Can Karen and Sue successfully ignore my staring at them stalkeringly at the D.M.V. while waiting to register their Audi?

Only time will tell.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Skulltatt Sammy and Party Girl Ashley

Perhaps this vegas HCwDB pairing should’ve gotten a more unique entry last week (as well as vaccinations), as they appeared in the Friday Thoughts and Links post.

But Skulltatt Sammy is all that is classic Vegas douchecrud, and Party Girl Ashley is wearing a silk lingerie getup. At the pool. Upon which spittle and drool are attracted like romanian tractor beam.

For that, the hottie/douchey cohabit is too toxic to ignore.

Truthfully, this is one of those pics that made it more on the strength of the hott than anything else. Ashley has the supple-firm skin of a newborn doe. A doe with humpty hump.

Does Sammy have enough to carry the ‘bag side of the equation to victory/loss in the Weekly?

Do not ignore the skull stupidtatt and designer black cap. But no hat tilt? Can Sammy’s “douche aura” prove enough?

But there’s one more finalist to consider:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Itchigan and Bouncy Diana

The Itchigan ‘Bag, or “Itchigan’s Island,” if you will, was another entry that didn’t receive his moniker upon first appearing on HCwDB, appearing in the Ask DB1 on Relationship ‘Bags.

Itchigan is classic Boatbaggery, and Diana is all that is giggly about not finishing a G.E.D. but not caring because, hey, boobs uber alles.

Together, they make a quality hottie/douchey boat poison that deserves anger from all who witness.

But enough to knock off Oldbaggery and Vegas crud?

Triple-F just couldn’t make the cut, as Alison’s not really bringing A-List Hott game. But those chin fungal stripes and silly sunglasses are just too douchey to ignore and we may see a 2010 Douchie Award in his future.

(Dis)honorable mention to Snidely Liprash, Fung Diddy, Jigsaw Steve, and the continuing genius of Kettlehead and Company, whose latest entry most definitely will find favor when culling down my gallery show at the Guggenheim in 2023.

Which of these three couplings has the greatest meaning of hottie/douchey societal disgrace?

Vote, as ever, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1
7:17 am October, 11 Eliza Douchecoo said...

Lacey McSuperHott for the win, I want to do things to her involving rubber, magnets, a bungee cord and a turkey leg.

7:18 am October, 11 Eliza Douchecoo said...

That would be Skulltat Sammy and Partay girl Ashley, and I thank you.

7:25 am October, 11 ehcuodouche said...

I vote Crustie this week. Two fantastic (in a bad way) oldbags over a middling fratdouche and a roadie for 311. Quartasian hott over two sets of fake boobs.

7:26 am October, 11 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Being an old bastard myself, I gotta vote for the oldbags, the Brothers Crustie. Besides, the Grace Park look-a-like commands me to vote for them with her Cylon eyes.

7:30 am October, 11 Wheezer said...

I’m going with The Crusties and Karen and Sue FTW, but only by a slight margin. It may be sheer numbers that pull it out for them since Skulltatt Sammy “Bugged” me enough to consider him and Party Girl Ashley.
.
Anyway, it almost looks as though Karen and Sue would rather be off exploring each other in a corner…..much like the boys might. I don’t know that The Crusties are gaybags or just acting the part to land the hotts – check out that white shirt! – but they are definitely acting, and for that, they deserve our mock.

7:38 am October, 11 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

I think Kettlehead and Jigsaw should’ve made the cut but, alas. The show must go on. Is there a greasiest CSR category in the douchies? Kettlehead would trounce.
.
Be that as it may, I will cast in for the Crustie Bros on power of uber hott suckle tandem of a thousand and one delights. I would be a one man tag team betwixt.
.
And the Crustie Bros would gladly attempt to woo your lady friend with false promises of pseudo-fame and chocotinis. That’s what they do. That’s all they do.
.
CB and Asia’s Finest FTW.

7:45 am October, 11 Mr. White said...

Skulltatt Sammy and Ashley. The orange on Ashley’s ensemble is putting me in the mood for candy corn, and I love candy corn. Sammy’s crap tatts remind me of that kid in the back of 5th grade geography who used to draw all over his arms with a ballpoint. He’s in jail now.

7:50 am October, 11 jk said...

Sammy and Ashley. Lame tatt and sweet boobalicious semi-spread.

7:55 am October, 11 Wedgie said...

One vote for Skulltatt & Ashley. Because any girl hott enough to attract spittle and drool like the very rare, in fact never before heard of, Romanian Tractor Beam, must be exceptionally hott in her poolside lingerie.
The Romulan Empire salutes you, Ashley.

8:02 am October, 11 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The Crustie Bros FTW. As an older guy I’m going with the power of the old bags to still pull high-quality suckle, nuzzle boobies and thighs. The relative subtleness of their douchery combined with a pair of Ace high hotts make them worthy of the monthly. Plus I’m tired of all these look alike younger-bag varieties.

8:08 am October, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

The Crustie Brothers and Karen and Sue FTW, They ladies are delectable, spicy suckle hott and have been ensnared in the the Crusties mid life crisis. I’m sure they enjoy the attention and the cash being spent on them but they need to be rescued and taught to stand on their own 2 feet and not result to having oldbag’s footing the bill.

8:16 am October, 11 Paul Muad'douche, the Kwisatz Scroterach said...

This weekly presents quite a dilemma. One one hand, there’s the Crusties, classic oldbags, and the delightfully multicultural Karen and Sue. On the other, possibly the archetypal HCwDB combo in Skulltat Sammy and the visually delightful and almost certainly venereally infected Party Girl Ashley.

Reasons to vote for the CB4:
1. Everyone in the photo has the same cleavage line.
2. Gary, the douchebag on the right, looks exactly like you’d expect Mac from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia would look at age 44. I’m actually kind of surprised Gary isn’t holding a pool cue as a martial arts weapon in the photo.
3. Roger has entirely too much product in his hair for anyone not soliciting donations from gullible fundamentalist shut-ins.
4. Sue. Delicious, delicious Sue.

Reasons to vote for Skulltat Sammy and Party Girl Ashley
1. Ashley is damned hot. Granted, I suspect that an evening with Ashley necessitates an immediate post-coital medical examination and a bunch of penicillin, but let’s face it, I’d buy the ticket to take that ride.
2. I find the dichotomy between Sammy’s immaculately shaven chest and his furry legs to be hilarious.
3. I enjoy tattoos with religious messages because of the Leviticene injunction against tattoos.
4. Both Sammy and Ashley sport the exact same sunglasses, which kind of cracks me up.

In the end, after breaking it down a bit, it’s pretty obvious I have to vote for the Crustie Bros, Roger and Gary, and their delicious divorcee hotties, Karen and the best advertisement for a continued American military presence in South Korea and Japan, the lovely, lovely Sue.

8:22 am October, 11 swo said...

The Crustie Brothers are certainly douchie, but can we really call that a co-mingling with the hotts? They don’t acknowledge their existence to the point where this could very well be a photoshop wonder.

The smug bastard Sammy, on the other hand, makes me want to strangle ferrets. That’s a coupling that makes you question your faith.

8:23 am October, 11 DarkSock said...

As you all know, I am an advocate of safe boating. Therefore I must offer my hearty approval of Bouncy Diana’s flotation devices. And I sternly disapprove of the cut of Itchigan’s jib (although I would approve of the cutting of his giblets, to prevent procreation).
In closing, I would like to posit the following: b( . )( . )bies.
Itchigan and Bouncy Diana FTW (Fondle The Wobblies).

8:48 am October, 11 Choadthedouchesprocket said...

The trouble with sunglasses is they obscure an important component of hotness — twinkly, perfect, brightly beckoning eyes that convey both the sweetness of middle-American, teenage, girl next door plenitude, and a beguiling, come-ravish-me sexiness. Thus, are the faces of two of the four hotts insufficiently visible to algorithmically calculate their exact degree of attractiveness. (Don’t laugh, these things are important if you spend hours surfing porn.)

For that reason I’m going with the biggest tits.

Itchigan and Bouncy Diana FTW

9:03 am October, 11 tall guy said...

I vote The Crustie Brothers on the strength of Crustie Brother #1 on left. He is the wrong type of douche. As a symbolic example: the wrong type of snow might have the power to stop trains. Nothing to do with the wrong amount of snow [burying tracks so completely that nothing can pass], it’s more a problem of quality not quantity – or, in the case of Crustie Brother #1, lack of quality. You see fellow baggers, even the Eskimos, who supposedly have forty-nine different words for different types of snow, don’t have one for snow that has the power to stop trains. Mind you, trains aren’t big in the Arctic, so maybe the issue has never arisen, but assuming they were then the wrong type of snow seems to crystallise the malaise that grips the otherwise powerful and successful mode of transit that rail systems worldwide have come to be identified with for so long. Thus, Crustie Brother #1 is the wrong type of douche simply because the many headed are so pathetic that the slightest bit of snow (or orange tan, daft wristband, sunglasses at night or too tight/white shirt will, seemingly, impresses them).

The Crustie Brothers FTW.

9:15 am October, 11 End the Haberdouchery said...

As much as I enjoy Ashley’s assorted orange triangles and Diana’s silicone hemispheres, their men just aren’t douchey enough. Yes they have douchey tatts, but other than that they’re just happy to be there.

The Crustie Bros. get my vote. Guy on the left may have the shortest torso ever. These poor women will have to spend the entire night listening to their pitches on the exciting opportunities in the wonderful world of soft-core pornography.

9:23 am October, 11 Southern Scrotic said...

I’m going with Sue FTW. I’m guessing there are douchebags and bleeths in all the pics, but Sue’s the one girl for me.

9:24 am October, 11 Turdacious said...

The Crustie Brothers FTW!
both totally blowing off the hotts, 1 playing paper , rock, scissors by humself.
The other telling everyone in site how big he is.

9:27 am October, 11 Taint Nuthin But A G-Thang said...

The Crustie “Bros” are so disturbingly foul that I fear my mouth will permanently taste like bile from puking so violently after seeing this disturbing pic. Karen and Sue on the other hand give me dreams that are embarrassingly far too wet to talk about in public. Crusties FTW all the way.

9:31 am October, 11 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Crustie Brothers FTW. In the immortal of another Crusty…”It’s like poison! It’s shredding my insides”
I agree Crusty…it is like poison.

9:38 am October, 11 One for the Choad said...

Skulltat Sammy and Ashley FTW. He is inky poo, and she is holding her beer bottle (bonus points for actually drinking beer) between her breasts. Well played, Ashley. Well, except for being on that crustacean’s lap in the first place. You might want to see a doctor about that.

9:41 am October, 11 Vin Douchal said...

@ Db1
.
Is it possible that Party Girl Ashley and Bouncy Diana are the same gal with different dudes ? Have we ever seen them in a room at the same time?

9:49 am October, 11 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Skulltatt Sammy’s chest tatt reads “Blessed”. Blessed? By who? And how? The inability to finish a tatto isn’t a blessing, it’s a form of retardation. Nor is being able to play drob-D chords on your $300 Gibson knock-off, or having parents who bail you out when your credit card tops out week after week after week.
.
Now, be able to drag your withered, graying carcass out of bed each day, hack up a night of fitful c-pap aided smegma, write out the three child support and one alimony checks, toil through 12 hours managing the UPS franchise after you’ve laid off half of your four employees, pick up a new pair of bedazzled jeans at The Buckle (Size 34 – down from 35, god bless Bud Lite Lime!), finally reach the deductible on your cholestoral medication so now you can buy this month’s supply of Extenz, and then manage to score a date with your six-year-old daughter’s dance instructor, even though she’s watched you hitting on half the mom’s in the room, and then, and only then, my feeble minded self obsorbed snottling, can you consider yourself “blessed”.
.
And by the way, last night Ashley blessed you with crabs.
.
The Crustie Brothers and the two teaching assistants at their kids’ middle school for the win.

9:53 am October, 11 Lyndon Ladouche said...

Ashley is reclining like a houris from the Islamic paradise. I would trade 72 virgins for her knowing smile of experience. Party Girl Ashley for HOH and the win,

And that thing next to her can go along with her for the title.

9:58 am October, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

After a long weekend of Canadian Thanksgiving and seeing my brother’s pre-divorce separation fung, hair dye, big-cheap watch, snarly attitude tohis pubescent and menopausal prey, single, married, whatever and taking care of his kids whilst he was drunk, I gotta vote for the oldbags.

For being old, wrinkled, tanned, divorced, and mack daddying on anything it has to be the Crusty Brothers for the grin.

10:01 am October, 11 The Dude said...

Crusties get my vote because they’re having too much fun.

10:06 am October, 11 mehoff said...

Crusties
F
T
W

10:06 am October, 11 CBS said...

Can you fault the Crustie Bros. for trying their best? Yes. However, they are out of their league with the hotts… the rental ferraris were a good idea, but at the end of the day they have Levitra’d a toll to get back into bed with their wives at home. Maybe the old ball and chains should have been up for “business meeting” partying…their loss and the Bros. Rogaine. Was is at the Relicore of this issue though? How did these two slimechaff pretenders wheel Karen and Sue, the sensible looking natural hotts…it is just Pepto a-Bismol.

Skulltatt Sammy And Party Girl anger me. She is too hot and juicified and graceful to be getting worn out at 21 with a scrawny mama’s boy twerp like SkirtTilt. Clearly there is something more to the story we haven’t been told. my guess..he stole his dad’s credit card and short supply of cat’s pee..made promises he couldn’t keep to a girl he only just got to know. Got high as a clumsy child’s lost balloon, rented a ferrari, trashed it into the side of a dumpster in an empty parking lot, went home accidentally on purpose rat poisoned mom and dad’s breakfast milk the next morning and can’t seem to see that party girl was calm as a soviet cosmonaut and got her name for perhaps a very apt reason. Another hapless fool to add to her list. Once the gardener stops snapping pics for them and realizes he wont be feeding his eight screaming mexican bastard children, three child molesting uncles, comatose father and whoring mother tonight i’m sure the police will be called in pronto…and SkirtTilt will be but another head immersed in the bowl.

my vote goes to Itchigan and Diana. They really capture what it takes to compete for this title…Generic giant black tatts that mean nothing and can be explained to no one as per their personal significance, Auto-douche white goggles just distracting enough that if you could start to see past the tint you probably wont get to focus on those awkward looks away when a guy uses the word “faggot” or the creepy rape eyes made when a girl casually mentions another dude’s hot body. She is the Homolka to his Bernardo and helps cover his tracks with mesmerizing juicified inflatables and tacky Ed Hardy cap. Kudos to these two utter tools, they truly are locked in a vacancy.

10:08 am October, 11 Baleen said...

Crusties FTW. Kettlehead gets dissed again. The guy pulls midgets for chrissakes.

10:35 am October, 11 dbBen said...

Crustie Brothers
.
Because their hidden shame, which they conveniently love to bring up to all their bro’s, is that they were the willing consumers of the underage sex-trade in Bangkok. Which also just so happens to be the butt of many of their jokes.
.
Karen and Sue, how I’d love to hear more about your brother’s dissertation.

10:54 am October, 11 Fatness said...

Normally, the Crustie Brothers and Karen and Sue would win this in a landslide, being the creatures you’d find infecting the third deck disco bar on a half-price off-season Caribbean cruise on some fifth-tier cruise line. However, Party Girl Ashley is keeping me up at night…and by that I mean keeping me up at night. Skulltatt Sammy has qualified as at least a 3rd level douche, so it’s Skulltatt Sammy and Party Girl Ashley for the loss.

11:04 am October, 11 Mr. Biggs said...

My vote goes for six-prong. Or as I’d like to call him, chin menorah.

Oh wait. He’s not in here. Well, I guess I have to figure out a way to differentiate between these three garden variety vegas choad couplings.

Or I can sit this one out.

11:19 am October, 11 Vin DOuchal said...

The Crustie Brothers and Karen and Sue FTW due to the presence of HoH material. Also because it looks like Ryan Seacrest and Donnie Osmond posing at a Sci Fi convention with some out of costume Ferengi extras.

11:28 am October, 11 Freddy said...

Skulltat and Party Girl for the win. party Girl is epic hot, looking like she rolled out of bed in her skivvies and headed straight to the pool. Skulltat is all kinds of hard. He is so hard he can’t even float. That guy looks like he has a tempered steel plate in his head.

Crustie Brother’s have managed to pull some hotties as well, but they really remind me more of some douchy Uncle, we all know that Old G dude who tries so hard to be cool, but isn’t. Seriously, that seems like a pity picture for these girls, look at their body language.

11:29 am October, 11 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

SKULLTAT SAMMY and PARTY GIRL ASHLEY.

He is just awful, pukeable, covered with stupid tatts and publicly wooing HOH quality ASHLEY, who hasn’t the decency to wear even a bikini, but dishes her bod in skimpy underwear instead…and orange and black at that.
Hallowe’en colors.
Seasonal madness.

11:29 am October, 11 Douche Springsteen said...

When I’m a middle aged man, I like to picture myself embracing my graying hair and lined face and whiling away the hours in my study reading or perhaps tending to a garden in the backyard. There’s something to be said for growing old gracefully. The Crustie Bros are growing mold most ungracefully. Fuck those guys.

11:41 am October, 11 Architeuthis Douche said...

Krusties the Clowns.

11:51 am October, 11 Blinded by the Shite said...

Boss, chalk one up for Crustie Brotherbags with Karen and Sue Me Gently. Oldbag on the left sports sunburn forehead with wild Jeff Goldblum grimace while K-Fed Ol’bag on the right gives it a slightly more toned-down “I’m extreme, but I like to let the girls think that I’m into animal rights”. Holy shiny cleavite and real-world hotts makes sure that this picture packs a punch: I nominate it as my Mock of the Week.

11:56 am October, 11 numbskull72 said...

I gotta vote Sammy and Ashley, ’cause this one just makes me cry. Ashley brings the hott more than the others, and for the pure fact that this choadwank with green-crayon-on-a-wet-paper-bag tattage is probably nailing this poor misguided lost doe. The dichotomy of (possibly at one time) sweet hott and loser tattchoad tips the scales. And by tips, I mean forces me to drink, and by scales, I mean heavy amounts of bourbon.

12:14 pm October, 11 Medusa Oblongata said...

Oh, Crustie Brothers. Not since Mario and Luigi came along has there been such a bad, stereotypical fraternal duo embodying silliness of some sort. Sunglasses at night? That there is enough to warrant a punch in your sagging jowls. Your desperate, pathetic fight against the inevitable settling of age is more pathetic than watching old women in miniskirts and too much makeup, more embarrassing than trying to look your sister-in-law in the eye after her third botched facelift. You’re bringing the greasy, preening spectacle of adolescence into what should be the sexiest and most refined time of a man’s life.
.
Now is the time when you have the mind and experience of an adult, and the irresistable draw of a man who knows what the hell he is doing. Now is the time for quietly closing doors of mahogany-paneled offices with a knowing look. Now is the time to stretch out on the executive desk and deftly work on a famished pussy with the tongue that knows a thousand tricks from decades of practice. Now is the time to look her in the eye as she comes because you ARE the boss, in every sense of the word. And for every fantasy I have about blazers with suede-patched elbows, sly looks over spectacles and graying temples, I am confronted with the ugly spectacle of douche three times over. For every professor and doctor and lawyer that I have wished would give me a furious spanking and order me to keep my panties in my mouth on the drive home, there are ten shaved, greasy goons giving me The Point and yelling, “Yeaaaah, Brooooooo!” Fuck you, Crustie Brothers. Fuck you right in your overtanned, tooth-bleaching mouths. Crusties FTW, middle-aged dignity FTL.

12:20 pm October, 11 Dex said...

I immediately had to knock Skulltat and Party girl out of the running. Look at Ashley. Just look at her. She’s asking for it. Begging for it. And dammit, so is Diana.
Without any hesitation, I am voting for the Crustie Brothers and their Southeast Asian arm candy. They took a trip to Thailand last year where they met Karen and Sue (real names Oanh and Kang) at a night club. They were singing “One Night in Bangkok” at the karaoke machine with smug grins on their orange faces, not realizing, or caring, that they were actually in Pattaya. Twenty drinks and two STDs later, they were married, and Karen and Sue were on a plane back to the States. They know full well the douchey-stupidity of their husbands. After three years they become naturalized and they can dump their old asses and take half their stuff.
God Bless America.

12:46 pm October, 11 Ohio FJ said...

Skull Tat Sammy = toxic waste = FTW

1:09 pm October, 11 anonymouse said...

Crustie bros + Karen + Sue. I’m getting on in years and appreciate the milfy-hott of Karen and especially Sue. The crusties are choady enough, but the real starts of the show are K and S.

1:21 pm October, 11 smackdouche said...

Whereas, I am a huge fan of see-through clothing AND I loved Boomer on Battlestar Galactica AND I am in my forties and painfully past my prime, I must cast my vote for the Crusties. Do not go gentle into that good night, boys.

1:52 pm October, 11 massengill said...

Boobs über alles, indeed. However unpopular, Itchigan and Bouncy Diana FTW. Why? It’s all about the quid pro boobie.

1. Boobs
2. White-framed sunglasses = auto-douche. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Go stand by the bar and get “iced” by one of your broheims.

Sure, some of you are saying, “But Diana is too thick for me: her arms too ‘matronly,’ her thighs to thunderous.” To you I say, “STFU.” Hers are boobs that launch a thousand ships. Or, at least, a shitty old Bayliner.

2:06 pm October, 11 tballou said...

Not even close! The Crustie Brothers and Karen and Sue FTW!

2:37 pm October, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

My vote goes to the Crustie Bros and my two dental hygenists Mindy and Cindy. I have two. One to clean the top chompers and one for the lower chompers.

Anyway, the Crusties get my vote because the one on the left is trying to sell me a used Gremlin and the one on the right has two, count ’em, 2 types of hepatitus. Thanks for the heads up, man. I’ll keep it in mind.

Cindy, Mindy even though I hate doing it I’ll be sure to floss.

3:37 pm October, 11 Tumbleweed McElfresh said...

I was having a difficult time with this decision, but after reading an article in Ladie’s Home Journal which covered skin and skin care products, I discovered that sun spots are not caused by the sun at all, but are instead, the result of friction, stress and humankind’s age old struggle with good and evil.
Therefore, the only conclusion I could come to, with anything close to a clear concience was, The Brothers Crusty.

4:09 pm October, 11 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

The Crustie Brothers and Karen and Sue, FTW, ’cause I want to do shameful, perverted things to Sue. I also want to do foul, disgusting things to the Crusties, but that’s another story.

4:25 pm October, 11 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

The Crustie Brothers and Karen and Sue FTW! Why? Because they are old enough to know better but they continue to do it anyway. It’s like when you’ve had 20 REALLY good beers and think “If I have one more I’m gonna puke my larynx out” but you do it in the hopes that you don’t see a quivering mass of cartilage on the ground along with your dignity. Eventually you do and think about how stupid you were. They don’t have that type of defense mechanism and yet they somehow seem to keep living. Holy shit, they’ve figured out how to defeat Darwinism. Stoopid Darwin.

11:01 pm October, 11 Bob Mcadouche said...

Why Ashley’s bikini must be tainted by that taint is an question Galileo himself wouldn’t even fancy a guess at. Skulltatt FTW.

11:19 pm October, 11 Douchetacular said...

This is a no-brainer…well, that is almost an oxymoron given most of the HC’s and DB’s…

Gotta be the Crustie brothers…

12:16 am October, 12 Steve L. said...

for inspiring the depressing discussion on the unfathomable logic of women with perfectly functional cognitive faculties indulging in oldbaggery, Sue and Karen multi-handedly win the weekly.
.
as for the Crustie Brothers, they inspire nothing except dowel impalement.

7:19 am October, 12 Condouchious said...

Crustie Brothers because they’re older and really should know better. It takes a special kind of arrogance to 1) refuse to accept that you’re getting older and 2) believe that you still actually look good acting and drssing like those 20 years younger than you.

7:34 am October, 12 The Goob the Bag and the Pudly said...

Dammit! I missed the voting yesterday. Well, better late than never.
.
From the bottom (of the barrel) up: brown lake douche is certainly an example of vomit-inducing choadstench, with his moronic chest symbol and rocker horns, but his “hott” looks like a bad Photoshop effort to make a flat girl look busty and her idiotic baseball cap makes me throw empty beer bottles at the neighbor kids, so they’re out.
.
Finalist #2 certainly has the goods, hott-wise, but he seems more like run-of-the-mill trailer park scuzz than a classic douche in the sense of a pampered prick with more money than good taste in body art, trying to appropriate the gangsta-rap look with his Kangol cap, giant shades and semi-sneer (and the “CALI” inked on his fingers), so I have a hard time actually proclaiming douche at that picture.
.
However, the crusties are overwhelmingly douchey and obnoxious, only heightened by the fact that they’re a combined 112 years old and should have long since been gently put down with pillows over their leathery, orange puke-holes by loved ones in the hospice (you know, if they HAD any loved ones). And the Asian hotts are far too delectable to have to be subjected to hanging in the club with creaky, Viagra-addled late-model Boomers trying to stave of the inevitability of time by overspending on drinks and hair gel. Age before beauty– crusty crotch-crumbs for the win.

7:41 am October, 12 Tom Choad said...

I vote for Skulltat and his fetching orange-and black-lace bedecked yummy suckle-thigh party girl! Seeing his arm around her luscious skin provokes both nausea and focused violence from me. He needs to be beaten with tire chains and tossed onto a New Jersey garbage scow.

7:56 am October, 12 Deltus said...

The hotts are all hott, so this week is decided by the douche. The douchiest of which are the Brothers Crustie. Old enough that they should know better. The poo smell is ever the worse for not just being poo, but *aged* poo.

Brothers Crustie and Karen and Sue FTW.

9:35 am October, 12 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

I smell Axe body spray and Jasmine Rice!

9:36 am October, 12 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

I vote for #3 only because I like her tits and he has one hell of a birthmark that will guide my crossbow to the promised land.

9:41 am October, 12 Cheesesock said...

I’ve gotta cast my vote for the Crustie Brothers and their hotts. There’s nothing more insidious and repulsive than these old bag douchewanks grunting and groping on delectable Asian and East Asian cuisine. I was gonna give the one that looked like Eddie Van Halen the benefit of the doubt, then I remembered the entire Sammy Hagar era and also Van Halen 3, and decided against it.

10:03 am October, 12 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

To properly cast a vote for the weekly, we must first understand our skill set here at HCwDB. For in reality we are not “Baghunters’ but actually fecal connoisseurs, we specialize in assessing and comparing the different forms of humany poo-ery. And with my sharpened sense of turd recognition, my nose has led me straight to Skulltatt Sammy. While the other tools reek of exepelled bodily waste, the cyber scent of Sammy reminds me of the hungover, explosive dump one takes after a night of cheap tequilla, cigarrettes, and Jack-n-the-Box tacos. The rankness of this brand of turd is second only to the burning sensation left in your asshole after the ordeal is completed. I see him, and my cornhole screams fire, and while most chalk-up this reaction to excess fiber consumption, we experienced baghunters know that this type of gastrointestinal reaction is due to the visual exposure of a greasy, uneduacated pud-wipe macking on a lusty hott like Ashley, or in other words, a weekly winner. Count one vote for Shulltatt; now I’m off to find some ointment for my anus.

10:22 am October, 12 Business-Casual Douche said...

Write-in:

Snidely Liprash.

Seriously how is that choad not in the weekly?

10:57 am October, 12 Mr. Biggs said...

Medusa – how appropriate that I just pulled out my copy of Secretary from storage. :^)

11:02 am October, 12 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

I thought Snidely would have made a fine entrant in the Weekly, as well. But in his thankful absence, I am going with Skulltatt and the hauntingly smooth thighs and supple bosoms of Ashley. I would definitely party with her, if one broadly interprets “party” to mean sedate, bind to the bed with velvet straps, cover with custard and completely lick clean. And who here doesn’t party that way?
.
The douche-hott differential dynamic is greatest with those two, because Icthigan, while being a self-absorbed steaming pile of rectal discharge, is not degrees of magnitude more douchey than Diana, who hurts her own cause with that ludicrous cap and 40-PSI torso pillows.
.
Similarly, the Crusty Brothers, while unfathomably ancient and emitting a saggy, yet suitably scrote-atious club vibe of desperation and pathos, are not completely unforgivable, since I’m certain those tasty Asian Hotts were purchased online from Malaysia, and thus represent no loss of available native Hottness (yes, I understand that it’s OK to import hotts, but I buy American). As long as I don’t have to see their geriatric awkwardness on the dance floor of my local hangouts, I won’t lose any sleep over their futile macking on exotic sweetness.
.
But Skulltatt is ruining perfectly good suckle-thigh that could otherwise have been sought by one of us normal guys. that is unacceptable.

4:13 pm October, 12 mr.reeve said...

The Crustie Brothers and Karen and Sue FTW
They are too old and should know better. The Asian cousins are under a spell. That spell is called poo. The poo comes from the Crustie Bros. That odor of poo is located in their mouth. F off Crustie Bros!

4:59 pm October, 12 Charles Ulysses Farley said...

Oh, a most wonderful buffet of assholery to chose from. Does one vote for the Bakersfield douches who mortgaged their dwindling futures for a ski boat and tits? Do I vote for the aging hipster douches who mack on the aging hotts who are desperate for validation that their life choices have not resulted in a failed existence? Or does one choose the white trash of Tucson, with knuckle tatts and a set of store bought tits that are going to be repossessed once their meth addiction kicks into high gear?
.
I am voting for the Crusties. These shart felchers deserve nothing more than a mule kick to the throat followed by starring in the San Francisco version of the donkey show.

7:02 pm October, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Mr. Biggs 10:57
Most apropos. And that is an underrated gem, not only for its acting, but its very real and un-cartoonish examination of a BDSM relationship. James Spader does absolutely nothing for me, and I am surely a dom. But I tell ya, if I could get something like that whole arrangement going for myself, I’d gladly piss in a wedding dress every night for the rest of my life.

2:19 am October, 13 Motorcycle Parts said...

Oldbags forced to vote, Crust Brothers. In addition, Grace Park look-a-commands me to vote for them in the eye Cylon.

Leave a Reply

What is 11 + 12 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)