Monday, October 25, 2010

HCwDB of the Week

We’re gearing up for one of the last slots in the Yearly before the 2010 Douchie Awards begin in December. Here’s your noms:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Pistachio Pavel and Stephanie

Before you dismiss Pistachio Pavel as just a mentally challenged Eurocrud with a shaving fetish, I direct your attention to the greasy hint of ‘stache.

Not a mustache.

A pistache.

Add in frosted tips, general creepy aura and toxic orangeness, and we have a Weekly ‘bag.

On the hott side, the tiny nosed Nordic beauty of Stephanie (pronounced “Stef-an-yae”), whose taut boobonic curves cause sparrows to fly into helicopter blades.

Together, they made a solid Europoo entry and a push for the Weekly.

But they’re not there yet. Up next:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Maximilian Smell and Kaylie and Heather

With an odorous multiple run with varying assorts of hot chicks both Vegas inflatable quality, milfy semi-quality and, well, not so quality, Maximilian Smell has Jerzified the Weekly.

But working against this pic is Max’s happiness and general joy with life’s rewards.

Within his own paradigm, his own pedagogy, Max Smell has found a way of being that is entirely and holistically consistent.

Can we therefore judge him as a douchey pudwhack?

Yes. Yes we can.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Teddy Douchechamp and Alyssa

We first met Alyssa when her boobies were being studied for their ability as an alternate source of green energy in the powering of Priuses.

And by green energy, I mean I slapped a hobo and asked for change.

The question here in the Weekly is that while Alyssa clearly qualifies for gnaw-shoulder status, does Teddy Douchechamp rise (sink) to weekly mock status?

Chin pubes, tude and flowery douchey-ass sleeve tatts, yes, but is it enough?

Does his general disregard for 5,000 years of human accomplishment make you want to flick a puppy in the nads?

Because this is a two week baglog of pics (due to the Monthly), we have many (dis)honorable mentions, including DJ the Taint, Assface McReynolds, Kal Armstrong, The Silver Shmoes, Hipsterbag Topher, Morty McSwag and Jessica Simpson Hott, and on the hott side, Pap Pap’s Lil Girl and Caroline.

But you only get to three to choose from.

Which of these three couples deserves the first slot in our next HCwDB of the Month?

Vote, as ever, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1
7:11 am October, 25 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Insert banana, cover with Cool Whip, put a cherry on on top and you have a HCwDB Sunday. Pistache for the RUSH. And by RUSH I mean douche.

7:12 am October, 25 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Oh, tough one. All equally mock-worthy, and the hotts are hott. So, I go with the Smelinator, Max Smell, FTW. And by win I mean I would like to rub shea butter onto Kaylie and Heather’s skin.

7:16 am October, 25 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^ I forgot to mention that pic# 2 is an ad for CougarTown.com the world’s premier dating site for Cougar’s. And #3 is retarded. Damn wet brain syndrome.

7:39 am October, 25 Deltus said...

This week is decided by the douche, not the hott.
.
Stephanie and Alyssa are both first class boob hotts, and Max is posing with lots of hott, from excellent to questionable, yet still he has quantity.
.
No, this is a week of douchal elimination (and by elimination, I mean poo). Pavel is Eurotaint, and Teddy is rocker-wannabe choadmunch, but neither has the widespread multi-hott-besmirching power of Maximilian Smell. Max Smell (and by that, I mean poo) is unapologetic douchebag to the core, and super fist-pumpingly, hott-taintingly, vomit-inducingly proud of it. He infects not because it’s what he does, but because it’s what he is (and by it, I mean poo).
.
Maximilian Smell and Kaylie and Heather FTW. And did I mention the poo?

7:51 am October, 25 Southern Scrotic said...

We could talk about Teddy’s sleeve tat, chin pubes, ripped jeans, and stupid t-shirt, but why?

I just want to bury my face in Alyssa’s pillow soft boobage and dream the dreams of kings.

Alyssa and whatever FTW.

7:56 am October, 25 Mr. White said...

After physically pushing my eyeballs away from Alyssa’s chest missiles, I couldn’t help but notice that she has chosen to show her face to the world instead of wearing a pair of sunglasses made out of an old Honda Prelude windshield, unlike so many bleeths (I mean you, Stephanie). I salute you, Alyssa. And you know what I mean by “salute.”
.
Teddy is that guy who won’t shut up about how “visionary” Avenged Sevenfold is.
.
Alyssa’s musk melons and Teddy FTW.

8:05 am October, 25 Istandouche said...

Maximillian Smell’s hilarious name by itself is enough for me to vote for him. Great job DB1. Say what you want but Max is one happy douchebag, he smiles in all his pictures and refrains from hand gestures save for the last pic. For this reason, he doesn’t have the rage factor but he’s unquestionably the biggest douche amongst the three with the occasional high-quality hott.

8:05 am October, 25 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

I was hoping to cast an enthusiastic vote for the festering waste of stinkpile hipsterbag Topher.
.
But Pavel will do. Maybe a win will give him the motivation he needs to finally see a doctor about that unholy case of Jaundice.
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And Stephanie’s boobies are not unlike two ripe Georgia peaches. Sweet, soft, juicy, and healthy when enjoyed in moderation. I would enjoy them with heavy cream.
.
Pavel and Stephanie FTW.

8:18 am October, 25 Et Tu Douche? said...

All three candidates bring the Hott, Is one Hotter then the other? I guess that all depends on the eye of the beholder. I agree with Deltus that the Douche equation will win/fail the day.
.
Teddy Doucheamp to me is harmless yea he’s tattted but not in the typical douche styling so he gets a pass.
.
Max Smell while not overtly douchey seems rather harmless, It seems that he is the center of attention in these pics, for what reason I do not know but these girls (PTP) want to pose with him and if I were him why not? He is barely spectacle and imho not worthy.
.

FTW I submit Pistachio Pavel. He is a toxic reminder of the influence that corporate marketing & programming is having on the youth culture worldwide. GSR, tweezed eybrows, tan spray, tip frost etc; render him a follower and for that he deserves scorn, mock and the win/loss

8:23 am October, 25 One for the Choad said...

Teddy and Alyssa. He’s a walking checklist for all things scrote (chin fung, tat sleeve), and she’s a potential Golden Globes winner. Done and done.

8:31 am October, 25 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

Pavel may be a freakish, hairless, adolescent elf-imp who looks like he’s on his way to a Halloween party in costume as a diving trophy figurine, but he’s not maddeningly douchey, despite the crime against nature it is for Stephanie’s bountiful boobage to be so close to him.
.
Teddy is certainly annoying with his chin fung and cartoonish sleeve tatt, and as much as I’d like to crawl under Alyssa’s shirt and pop up betwixt those mammarian glories like a prairie dog from his burrow, only to disappear back into that sweet cleavage to hibernate, Teddy isn’t putting much effort into choadifying the photo: no sneer, no eyebrow raise, no faux-gang hand gestures. I can overlook the public dry-humping of that exquisite beauty for the moment.
.
This is especially true once I look again at the grotesque travesty that is Maximillian Smell. He is douche to the core, and doughy/bloat-y to boot. Despite the subpar quality of his “hotts” (and I use the term very loosely), he is the obvious choice for the weekly shame-casting of HCwDB of the Week.

8:46 am October, 25 Crucial Head said...

Leave it to DB1 to throw us a little curve every now and again. This week, instead of giving us three candidates for the Weekly, boss has generously just inserted one image… that of the beloved Alyssa and spared us any douchebags.
.
Made voting this week much easier than it will be next week.
.
Alyssa, FTW.

8:48 am October, 25 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

Cant get enough of Alyssa’s breast meat…. but Teddy isnt 100% USDA Douche. Maximilian Smell is a poser DB, his ladies are forgettable… but…. Pistachio Pavel and Stephanie: Here is a class act, orange to the core, aviator nonsense and some sweet hott side boob to help things along.
.
DB1, my vote is for suitor(s) # 1 ‘Pistachio Pavel and Stephanie’
.
but… Alyssa for HOH!

8:56 am October, 25 Nancy Dreuche said...

As poo usual, all three douchebags annoy me. As poo usual, I feel sorry/whatever for the hotts. (I mean noone is forcing them to pose with these choads. They’re either getting paid or they want to be there. And that means more non-douches for me! Thanks for taking the hit for me ladies, I owe you a chocotini!)

9:03 am October, 25 Nancy Dreuche said...

^I got so excited I prematurely submitted. See fellas it happens to the best of ’em.

Anywho, my vote goes to Pistacho Pavel who looks like Orange Chicken with a mustache. Stephanie better watch out for the dangerous levels of MSDouchey this guy obviously contains.

9:13 am October, 25 Deltus said...

I’d also like to nominate Alyssa for a Golden Globes award in the Yearly. And by nominate, I mean OM NOM NOM NOM *motorboat*.

9:17 am October, 25 the douche whisperer said...

alyssa is in the proper calm submissive state for us to do some ‘training.’
.
unfortunately, pistachio pavel’s level of douche exceeds my level of expertise. pistachio needs what amounts to an exorcism before i can do anything. pistachio ftw.
.
i train hotts, i rehabilitate douches.
.
i am the douche whisperer.

9:27 am October, 25 Plowboy said...

Sorry, Teddy, but you just don’t bring that exuberant self-confidence that the great douches featured on this site usually bring; you are a tortured beagle who got drunk one night and woke up the next morning with his paw fully tattooed. The eyes tell the rest of the story. Pistachio is just run-of-the-mill Eurotrash who can’t compete with the real pudwacks of the continent (http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/uploaded_images/DB3116-703088.jpg)
So I have to give it to Maximilian who has no scruples hanging out with over-inflated Vegas Barbies™
Max FTW

9:28 am October, 25 dbBen said...

Pistachio
.
Because if you’re going to do a mustache, you do it all the way:
.
:{

9:30 am October, 25 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

While lacking the flashy cartoonery and standard issue douchetributes of the other contestants, Freddy Doucheamp must win for his real world barbaggery. Allyssa is the hot, friendly bartender at your local watering hole, and you think that she might be single and possibly interested in more than just your consistent tipping. Until her boyfriend Teddy shows up at last call after his “gig” at the county fairgrounds. You should have known that you were outclassed by his sleevetats, entitlement face, and ability to play Three Nickel Creed Down Back covers.

Screw you, Teddy. Your drunken shell-shocked father should have scorched that smug grin from your face long ago.

9:36 am October, 25 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Pistachio Pavel FTW. Crapulence…he has it.

9:38 am October, 25 Condouchious said...

All hotts are delectable this week, so we must focus on the douche…and Pistachio’s orange glow gets the vote. I feel like I need special protective goggles just to look at him which of course will lead to me screaming “Ze googles! Zey do nothing!”

9:43 am October, 25 jonezy said...

Pistache really does scare me. He’s definitely purchased some GBH. In fact, he’s probably the type of guy that sells it. I just don;t want to see him again, so no vote there.
.
As much as I can see Max taking this on the power of Heather’s inflatable fun bags, his lack of tatts and presence of smile really dilutes his douchiness.
.
.
So I’ll to vote for Teddy, since he looks like such a dweeby wuss. One part of me wants to feel slightly happy for him- I mean, look at him holding on for dear life that she doesn’t leave him. However, I bet he has a thick Boston accent and talks incessantly about the tattoo parlor he gets inked at- he’s that type of douche that just hangs out there- cuz he’s “boyz” with that crew- even though they never actually call or invite him.
.
Being a total douchebag has really paid off for him, and in fact might be the only reason he scored such a quality hott, which is exactly why I must vote for him (against him)., He is reinforcing the argument that being a total D-bag is worth it, and that is no good for our cause. Fuck you Teddy- I hope Alyssa breaks your fragile heart.

9:47 am October, 25 The Goob the Bag and the Pudly said...

I cannot stop looking at Alyssa’s sublime cleavage and sexy dark eyes. She gets my vote (and by vote, I mean soiled kleenex as soon as I’m back from the restroom). She is HoH-worthy.
.
.
And, yeah, whatever, that Teddy guy is sort of a douche, too.

9:47 am October, 25 Taint Nuthin But A G-Thang said...

Teddy is the text book definition of a wannabe who couldn’t fight his way out of a wet paper sack if he had a machete. Alyssa, on the other hand, is making this old man take his heart medication. Teddy & Alyssa FTW all the way.

9:48 am October, 25 tall guy said...

Pistachio Pavel & Stephanie are right up there. Stephanie’s boobies alone make me cry tears of joy. Alyssa’s creamy white skin is also a sight to behold.
But my vote goes to Maximilian Smell. a comment earlier suggested Max as ‘rather harmless’ and I’m inclined to agree. Although I wouldn’t let my 20 year old firm fleshed and totally hot sister within coo-ee of him (that’s if I had such a sibling).
So it’s # 2 FTW. Go Max!

10:01 am October, 25 Tom Choad said...

Pavel’s vacant stare and shiny, orange grease-hide make me want to bomb Dresden all over again. Wait, lots of civilians died, making that urge in poor taste. Let me try again.
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Pavel’s semi-smirk, frost-tipped spike-do and prepubescent girlish physique make me want to consume way too much Mexican food and grain alcohol, vomit it all over the Norwegian pop band A-Ha, then light them on fire.
.
Better. Stupid Norskies!
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And despite the idiotic giant sunglasses, Stephanie’s sensational succulence makes we weep softly into my pillow while applying salve to my over-fapped penis.
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The other two conetstants pale (literally) in comparison. Pavel FTL.

10:01 am October, 25 collosus of choads said...

Swap Assface with Teddy!!!!!!!!!!!
Teddy’s a 2-bit punk.

10:02 am October, 25 Tom Choad said...

^”…makes ME weep…”
.
Learn to edit, stupid Choad!

10:13 am October, 25 Ponderonymous said...

I’m throwing my hat in for Alyssa and Whats-his-face. Her eyes are inviting and her bosom beckons.

And you all just know that Teddy is one of those soft bodied big and tall types that uses the term “Bro” in place of proper punctuation. He spends his weekends on the “bar scene” trying to forget how meaningless and empty his wslaes position is and how he should have studied harder in highschool.

He’s a douche. Maybe not the high-caliber carotene overdosed shirtless grease monkeys he is pitted against, but by God, he has the aura. And he sure has hell is not fit to caress the lucious curves of that muse Alyssa.

-Ponderonymous

10:15 am October, 25 Ben said...

Max ftw, with an honorable mention to Alyssa’s boobs.

10:15 am October, 25 Ponderonymous said...

“wslaes” is an aboriginal word meaning “man of the poo.”

No, my brain wanted to say “sales” but my hand just mashed the keyboard.

-Ponderonymous

10:29 am October, 25 Tom Choad said...

@Ponderonymous:
Goddamned “w” is inserting itself into everything on this thread. That happened on my post, too.
.
I’ve always said “It’s W’s fault!”

10:52 am October, 25 ElderDouch said...

I really hate to do it because I hate to vote for a bag that smiles but Maximilian Smell and Kaylie and Heather FTW and 1 vote for Alyssa’s boobs as well.

10:53 am October, 25 Bob Mcadouche said...

Max is just too happy to be near the presence of hot, and Pavel should get immediately flushed to the closet of poo. Teddy on the other hand has a flower tatt on his forearm. And Alyssa wants me, she just doesn’t know it yet. Teddy and Alyssa FTW.

10:57 am October, 25 fatness said...

Pisstachio Pavel and Stephanie for the Weekly. He looks like he fell into the fake popcorn butter vat at the local megaplex and his proximity to Stephanie’s perfect round mounds of glory makes me want to chuck a bunny into the wood chipper. The others are mere annoyances, except for Alyssa. Her funbags need a place in the Hall of Boobies.

11:10 am October, 25 Blinded by the Shite said...

Teddy Douchechamp and Alyssa: one is a wet little poseur, the other is a hot little pixie (respectively). Teddy’s trousergash begs the mind to ponder Alyssa’s trousergash.

11:23 am October, 25 Charles Ulysses Farley said...

Very tough call, this week. Alyssa is by far the hottest hott. The most HOH worthy candidate we have seen in a while. But Teddy just doesn’t fill me with rage. He just looks like a pathetic schmuck who is going to be telling his buddies around the lunch truck while on break from tying rebar about the hott he used to bang.
.
Max is just a goofy son of a bitch. He’s having a good time while on his trip to America doing research for his father’s Import/Export business out of Istanbul. I can hate him for that. Go on with your bad self, Max. Just stay away from me because I assume you smell like old falafel and Drakar Noir.
.
Pavel and Stephanie are nauseating. Pavel’s greasy orangeness with frosty hair and Stephanie’s greasy hair and ridiculous glasses make me want to use them to test the efficacy of the torture devices from the Inquisition that the Vatican keeps stored in its basement, allegedly. Not even the power of redemption in boobies can save them.

Pavel and Stephanie FTL.

And Alyssa for HOH.

11:24 am October, 25 Charles Ulysses Farley said...

^ *CAN’T hate him for that.
.
Nice proof reading, shit head.

11:34 am October, 25 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Maxi Smell- he has the I’m better than you because Daddy bought me a ______- taint about him.

Pavel’s hot brings him down a notch and

and Teddy has just realized that this picture is the high point of his life- so I pity him.

Maxi Smell for the win.

11:58 am October, 25 skrag2112 said...

Pistachio Pavel and his radioactive day-glo skin FTW.

12:07 pm October, 25 Wheezer said...

I’m voting for Max Smell FTW. Yeah, he’s smiling in all of his photos and seems to be enjoying the women, but dude, you’re not Bra!! broheim! If you make it to the next monthly, let alone the Douchies, you’re gonna get crushed on the reg. No one can pull off the likable goof a la Bra!! and his tasty cola beverages, so you get my vote for that effrontery.
.
And I’d like a hands-on view of Alyssa’s boobies. That is all.

12:16 pm October, 25 Tony Ventresca said...

#2 Max, because his hotts are MILF-tastic. Where did he get them? Based on his track record, they seem to be paid to pose, but on the other hand, they seem too old to still be doing that sort of gig.

12:42 pm October, 25 Douche Springsteen said...

I’m sure he’s got no chance of winning, buy my old man didn’t storm the beaches of Normandy for Teddy Douchechamp’s stupid doughy face to be pawing up Alyssa there. She may not be über-gnaw hot in the classical sense but I really have a thing for the buxom, strapping girl next door type and an aversion to the chin-shrubbed nü-metal bros. I want to break a Godsmack CD over this guy’s stupid face then take his girl to Sizzler.

12:43 pm October, 25 Douche Springsteen said...

but my old man^ that should read.
bleh, still shaking the cobwebs out at quarter to 4.

12:43 pm October, 25 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Tedward and the holy princess of cleavite, Alyssa win my vote boobs down, er… boner up… um, unanimously. Teddy is the type of moron who thinks he can purchase “hardcoredness” with random tattoos and a goate. Ol’ Tedster probably slang a gram of weed once in and high school yet calls himself a drug lord. Hell, Teddy probably thinks Miller Lite has more taste, but the only thing I can taste is despair and bad credit. And Alyssa is the type of woman who craves naughtiness, plays with your bunghole during a blowjob, and degrades you in front of your friends for sport. Or in other words, is perfect mistress material. Could you save her from the dark side? Maybe. But would you want to? God no, her corruptability would send a Tibetian Monk on an eternal whiskey and porn binge. Tedward for the weekly and Alyssa for my wet dreams.

12:44 pm October, 25 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Pavel Pistachio FTW. He is the living, breathing equivalent of an “up-the-backer” diaper – a diaper load that is so full of poo it literally oozes out of the diaper and up the back of the poor diaper wearer. He is greasy, orange, spikey poo-trescence, and is douchey without needing any other accessories save the fondley, suckly, gnaw-worthy euro-bleeth.

12:49 pm October, 25 Wedgie said...

Pavel FTW; human skin simply cannot be that color unless you are doing something horrible to it.

12:54 pm October, 25 smackdouche said...

Teddy’s facial expression says, “I’m so misunderstood–I just want to be loved”. And sweet Alyssa, still wearing the makeup from her Glamour Shots session an hour before.

I understand Theodore, here’s your vote.

1:28 pm October, 25 Troy Tempest said...

Max. Because he scratches his balls and wipes the stanky taint cheese on door knobs, and thinks it’s funny. He smiles, but he’s a sociopath with a mission, and that mission is to crush pussy in a Stackhousian imaginary. Don’t believe me? Ask his tatts. They speak volumes.

1:30 pm October, 25 Troy Tempest said...

Can’t see his tatts? THEY’RE ON HIS SOUL.

1:31 pm October, 25 Hugh Manatee said...

Teddy Douchechamp wears the face of a baby seal just prior to being clubbed. All that is needed is a Norwegian fisherman to do the honors.
I would swim the breast-stroke through a sea of medical waste and broken flourescent light bulbs for one quick glimpse into the special place betwixt Alyssa’s ample womanhood.

1:37 pm October, 25 Vin Douchal said...

This is a difficult, boobtacular week of Hotts. But in a week of difficult boobtacular Hotts one stands group apart, Maximilian Smell and Kaylie and Heather because of huge scrote and true Bleeth. Plastic gals and goofy narcissists are what we’re all about, folks
.
Maximilian Smell and Kaylie and Heather FTW/L
.
.
However Alyssa is a multi-threat as she could be Hottest Hott of the Year, Best Golden Globes, Hottest Girl Next Door Hott and Most Expensive First Date Hott material as it’s entirely possible Teddy can’t afford her. He’s not douchie enough to get over this week but she is delicious.
.
I am an unabashed Alyssa fan

2:22 pm October, 25 DarkSock said...

Pistachio Pavel and Stephanie, because of PP’s ground-breaking research into sustainable self-tanning using fresh soiled diaper rub-downs.

2:26 pm October, 25 C.G. said...

wannabe teddy and his most attractive cousin that lives out of state …posing for this facebook profile pic in another attempt to convince all of his “friends” that he’s not gay.

2:34 pm October, 25 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Pistachio Pavel and Stephanie FTWeekly Win: Anybody with hair that up-stiff, a waist that thin and skin that glowing orange has to have little green nuts to complement the arrangement; and Stephanie’s sunglasses protect her eyes from the sight, although her taut, youthful tits ease all the pain of viewing Pavel in our sight.

Oh, and ALYSSA for HOH or Golden Globes.

2:36 pm October, 25 scrotum pole said...

Is that a tail I see Teddy holding on to? I certainly hope so.
I find the thought of entering Alyssa from the rear while her long black tail twitches back and forth like a nervous cat very erotic, in a sick, disturbing sort of a way.

Teddy and Alysa FTW.

3:10 pm October, 25 tballou said...

Maximum Smell FTW, in recognition not only for his douchie coupling with Kaylie and Heather, but also for his entire body of work at HCWDB. What a douchebag!

Re: Teddy Douchechamp, I almost wonder if he even qualifes as a douchebag…where’s the attitude, the bling, the douchie facial contortions? The sleeve tats are a bit much, but they do pay homage to traditional Japanese motifs etc. And his Pillbury Doughboy “physique” and pasty complexion – I think he might deserve a nottadouche.

3:35 pm October, 25 Medusa Oblongata said...

You know what’s lacking this week? Smug. We don’t really have the requisite amount of smug to make for an easy vote. Therefore, I will simply go for the candidate that is the most stupid looking, and that would be, of course, Pavel Pisstache. Of the three, that’s the one most likely to make my eyes water from holding back both giggles and gagging if he walked up to me and tried to strike up a conversation. Pavel FTW.

3:38 pm October, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Maximilian Smell and Kaylie and Heather FTW! His skank gravitation field is so strong that he can pull them in wherever he goes. Hell, it’s so strong he even pulled a couple of trannies in too. Our only hope that his field is so strong that all the bodies collide with one collective CUNCH! and all that is left is a little green globule that can be washed away by the rain.

3:46 pm October, 25 soy bomb said...

Maximilian Smell and Kaylie and Heather. He’s a douche and Heather is a bleethed-out plasticine pseudo-human while MILFY Kaylie is pure sexiness in a black bikini. I would make her the best grilled cheese she’s ever had.
.
Now that the voting is out of the way, I would like to take a moment to address Alyssa and her Almighty Rack.
.
In private.

3:46 pm October, 25 Dicy said...

This one is easy. I like Alyssa’s boobs the most and Teddy’s face the least. So Teddy FTL.

Alyssa for HoH btws.. I think I love her. Usually the best boobs on here have icky faces but Alyssa is just all around rockin’… just sayin.

4:23 pm October, 25 McLeery said...

Max has to be it. Pistachio Pete, while Orange, lacks the other aspects to fully be elected D of the Week. Teddy is punching above his weight with Alyssa so I want to let him off, that plus he just looks like a Fred Durst wanna-be…he just doesnt come close to the slimyness exuded by Max.

4:24 pm October, 25 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Alyssa’s comely boobiage and her “nail me: I’m slutty” look are attention getters. The Douchechamp, who should be smiling ear to ear, can only offer a vacuous pout, like when his mom backed over his cat in the driveway. The dissonance between the two make this a prime candidate for the Guggenheim exhibit come 2023, and a win for the weekly!

4:49 pm October, 25 CanuckSlapper said...

Whenever casting a vote, be it for President, Mayor, or a pathetic Z-list celeb “facing elimination”, I only have two criteria when casting my ballot: I love boobs and I hate wall art tats. This week it was easy as Alyssa & Douchecamp seem to meet all my requirements.

5:13 pm October, 25 Chaz said...

Gotta go with big Max simply because he can’t find shades quite big enough to fit his roided out melon.

5:13 pm October, 25 Anonymous said...

Pistachio Pavel, aka PeePee, and his hott FTW. because of the Orange. My god, the orange.

5:15 pm October, 25 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

^ Fuck, learn to log in, asshole.

5:30 pm October, 25 Justin said...

Maxi Smellzbag FTW!! He kicks ass…a total legend. I know, I know, he’s genuinely having fun with the hotts, which is kinda endearing…but he’s having fun like a big fat douche.

5:42 pm October, 25 I douche, therefore I am said...

While the orangeness of Pavel works like a well-aimed laser beam to the iris, and Maximilian’s smell harkens of Axe body spray and roadkill, the faux innocence and ‘I beg forgiveness for my douchebaggery’ stare of Teddy take this monthly to the high/low of pudwhackness that is HCwDB of the month.

5:59 pm October, 25 I douche, therefore I am said...

^meh, make that week (then again… nahh, he doesn’t stand a chance… although Alyssa does make my chance stand…).

6:15 pm October, 25 End the Haberdouchery said...

Max is a twat. Well into his 30’s he still frequents the clubs with reckless abandon. He loves the surgically enhanced brain-dead attention whores, and they love him.

7:17 pm October, 25 Steve L. said...

i wanted to vote for Alyssa or Stephanie on the hotness factor alone, but Max Smell is short stubby legs and finger pointing pud. short stubby legs. they piss me off. Max Smell FTW.

7:18 pm October, 25 Douchble Helix said...

I just got ‘Teddy Douchechamp’.

Hey, at least I finally got it.

7:26 pm October, 25 Blair said...

Pistachio Pavel gets my vote because he’s a wannabe Ivan Drago. I want to wrap myself in the American flag and beat the snot out of him. Stephanie must break me.

8:04 pm October, 25 Wedgie said...

On Golden Schlong

8:23 pm October, 25 all bagged out said...

Man that Pistachio is an orange son of gun and whoa Stephanie and her architecture ! Take an orange pelt ,frosted hair ,weird lip growth mix them in a blender and you have a weekly winner . Mock the Orange and free the Hott I say !

9:18 pm October, 25 anon 1219 said...

Pistachio definitely. While Maximilian puts up a valiant fight, there’s something about Pistachio that really makes me weep for humanity.

12:11 am October, 26 The Dude said...

I cast my vote for Max Smell. The sheer weight of the boobage in the beach pic tilts the scale to him.

And, it looks like he’s having waaay too much fun!

5:55 am October, 26 sex toys for men said...

Teddy is a choadmunch rocker-wannabe, but neither is the scent of a large multi-power-blurring Massimiliano hott. smell of Max (and I do not mean poo) is unrepentant douchebag in the middle of

6:37 am October, 26 Eliza Douchecoo said...

I’m voting for Max Smell this week for the boobs in the picture are nice, and the chicks have nice boobs too. Heyooo!! But seriously, he looks like a shaved, tanned, trained gorilla, can’t be much smarter than one either, although he seems to be able to pose with the hotts so he’s got that going for him.

6:46 am October, 26 massengill said...

I gotta select Pavel for orangeness.

6:58 am October, 26 boatbutter said...

Kaylie’s sophisticated hott does it for me. I want to see her in the HoH. Her absence from the other photos is testament to her inherent, although briefly misguided good sense.

Cast my vote for whatever douchewank you want DB1.

9:07 am October, 26 Paul Muad'douche, the Kwisatz Scroterach said...

Pavel…so very, very orange, so deserving of being thrown into a pit of rabid badgers.

12:11 pm October, 26 Douche Springsteen said...

@ Medusa,

You’re right on about the smug thing. Look at Teddy, he almost seems to be apologizing for having his hands on a woman that’s light years out of his league. I almost feel bad for voting for him now. Almost.

3:16 pm October, 26 Evil Otto said...

I’m going to have to vote for Pistachio Pavel. I mean that literally… I have to vote for him because I never got the chance to see the other two ‘bags. Pavel’s orangeness burned out my retinas, blinding me for life, so he wins by default.

5:34 pm October, 26 Mr. Biggs said...

I gotta go for Teddy Douchechamp. The other two are like another oil spill off Lousiana – they’re all fucked in that area so what’s another one. But douchechamp is infecting Little Ms. Unicorns and Rainbows here. We must keep this hallowed ground holy.

10:04 pm October, 26 Sir David Douchenborough said...

Ever since he witnessed the Velvet revolution as a child and the split of his fair country, Pavel attempts to flee from the merciless FSB and the predatory gay porn industry. To achieve his freedom, he decides to take a look at all the magazines from the nineties he used to read on breaks between running drugs across the Czech and Slovak borders and standing in on scenes of a Bratislava Bukkake. Being inspired by the looks of nineties era Brad Pitt, Mark Paul Gosselaar, and N’Sync. He disguises himself as an American and convinces Stephanie to go to back U.S. with him when she is done her student exchange in Peace Studies at Charles University in Prague. Sadly, Stephanie, demonstrating a predisposition to the douche virus, could not resist the orange aura from Pavel and immediately concluded that his nineties haircut was just like Fratdouche Jaime’s back home.

And thus, Pavel, recognizing that his love for euro club techno beats and hairless swimmer’s build could prove useful in the US, embarks on a quest to bag as many Hotts as possible in hopes that he can settle down one day and bang bitches and drink like the rest of his new found scrote friends.

The moral of this story: Pavel for douche of the week because if the West’s greatest exports are raw tainted cultural materials that result in euro douchey imports, there is definitely a Douche Taint Trade Deficit that the Council of Economic Advisers should address.

11:15 pm October, 26 ehcuodouche said...

teddy douchechamp ftw

12:11 am October, 27 dewshey oxburger said...

One vote for Mr. Mustard….er, I mean Pistachio.

And a big plate of rotisserie chicken for me and Stephanie whilst I ogle her rack.

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