Wednesday, October 13, 2010

HCwDB of the Week: The Crustie Brothers and Karen and Sue

It was a tough and equally balanced weekly, with Skulltatt Sammy and Party Girl Ashley, and Itchigan and Bouncy Di all coming close to pulling out the victory/loss. But the Oldbaggery of Crustie Bros and temptress Asian/Indian eastern hottness, were too much to overcome.

The voters speak:

Taint Nuthin But A G-Thang: The Crustie “Bros” are so disturbingly foul that I fear my mouth will permanently taste like bile from puking so violently after seeing this disturbing pic. Karen and Sue on the other hand give me dreams that are embarrassingly far too wet to talk about in public. Crusties FTW all the way.

Nancy Dreuche: My vote goes to the Crustie Bros and my two dental hygenists Mindy and Cindy. I have two. One to clean the top chompers and one for the lower chompers.

ehcuodouche: I vote Crustie this week. Two fantastic (in a bad way) oldbags over a middling fratdouche and a roadie for 311. Quartasian hott over two sets of fake boobs.

Turdacious: The Crustie Brothers FTW! both totally blowing off the hotts, 1 playing paper , rock, scissors by himself. The other telling everyone in site how big he is.

Vin Douchal: it looks like Ryan Seacrest and Donnie Osmond posing at a Sci Fi convention with some out of costume Ferengi extras.

Paul Muad’douche, the Kwisatz Scroterach: I have to vote for the Crustie Bros, Roger and Gary, and their delicious divorcee hotties, Karen and the best advertisement for a continued American military presence in South Korea and Japan, the lovely, lovely Sue.

End the Haberdouchery: Guy on the left may have the shortest torso ever. These poor women will have to spend the entire night listening to their pitches on the exciting opportunities in the wonderful world of soft-core pornography.

Southern Scrotic: I’m going with Sue FTW. I’m guessing there are douchebags and bleeths in all the pics, but Sue’s the one girl for me.

Dex: They took a trip to Thailand last year where they met Karen and Sue (real names Oanh and Kang) at a night club. They were singing “One Night in Bangkok” at the karaoke machine with smug grins on their orange faces, not realizing, or caring, that they were actually in Pattaya. Twenty drinks and two STDs later, they were married, and Karen and Sue were on a plane back to the States. They know full well the douchey-stupidity of their husbands. After three years they become naturalized and they can dump their old asses and take half their stuff.

Medusa Oblongata: Oh, Crustie Brothers. Not since Mario and Luigi came along has there been such a bad, stereotypical fraternal duo embodying silliness of some sort.

Blinded by the Shite: Oldbag on the left sports sunburn forehead with wild Jeff Goldblum grimace while K-Fed Ol’bag on the right gives it a slightly more toned-down “I’m extreme, but I like to let the girls think that I’m into animal rights”. Holy shiny cleavite and real-world hotts makes sure that this picture packs a punch: I nominate it as my Mock of the Week.

I R A Darth Aggie: Being an old bastard myself, I gotta vote for the oldbags, the Brothers Crustie. Besides, the Grace Park look-a-like commands me to vote for them with her Cylon eyes.

Et tu Douche?: They ladies are delectable, spicy suckle hott and have been ensnared in the the Crusties mid life crisis. I’m sure they enjoy the attention and the cash being spent on them but they need to be rescued and taught to stand on their own 2 feet and not result to having oldbag’s footing the bill.

Well parsed, team. The rarety of a double-douche + double-hott Weekly winner makes The Crusties an accomplishment of sorts. But Party Girl Ashley’s lacey hottness and Skulltatt Sammy almost pulled it out:

One for the Choad: Skulltat Sammy and Ashley FTW. He is inky poo, and she is holding her beer bottle (bonus points for actually drinking beer) between her breasts. Well played, Ashley. Well, except for being on that crustacean’s lap in the first place. You might want to see a doctor about that.

Whoop-di-Douche: He is just awful, pukeable, covered with stupid tatts and publicly wooing HOH quality ASHLEY, who hasn’t the decency to wear even a bikini, but dishes her bod in skimpy underwear instead…and orange and black at that.

Lyndon Ladouche: Ashley is reclining like a houris from the Islamic paradise. I would trade 72 virgins for her knowing smile of experience.

The Reverend Chad Kroeger: For being old, wrinkled, tanned, divorced, and mack daddying on anything it has to be the Crusty Brothers for the grin.

Eliza Douchecoo: Lacey McSuperHott for the win, I want to do things to her involving rubber, magnets, a bungee cord and a turkey leg.

Wedgie: any girl hott enough to attract spittle and drool like the very rare, in fact never before heard of, Romanian Tractor Beam, must be exceptionally hott in her poolside lingerie.

numbskull72: I gotta vote Sammy and Ashley, ’cause this one just makes me cry. Ashley brings the hott more than the others, and for the pure fact that this choadwank with green-crayon-on-a-wet-paper-bag tattage is probably nailing this poor misguided lost doe.

Tom Choad: I vote for Skulltat and his fetching orange-and black-lace bedecked yummy suckle-thigh party girl! Seeing his arm around her luscious skin provokes both nausea and focused violence from me.

Mr. White: The orange on Ashley’s ensemble is putting me in the mood for candy corn, and I love candy corn. Sammy’s crap tatts remind me of that kid in the back of 5th grade geography who used to draw all over his arms with a ballpoint. He’s in jail now.

Ashley deserves our collective love for her combination of sex appeal, trashiness and raunch. She is wrong. Yet we love her. Perhaps a HoH consideration in her future. Coming in third, with solid support, Itchigan and Bouncy Diana:

massengill: Sure, some of you are saying, “But Diana is too thick for me: her arms too ‘matronly,’ her thighs to thunderous.” To you I say, “STFU.” Hers are boobs that launch a thousand ships. Or, at least, a shitty old Bayliner.

DarkSock: I would like to posit the following: b( . )( . )bies. Itchigan and Bouncy Diana FTW (Fondle The Wobblies).

CBS: She is the Homolka to his Bernardo and helps cover his tracks with mesmerizing juicified inflatables and tacky Ed Hardy cap. Kudos to these two utter tools, they truly are locked in a vacancy.

The Bounce is strong and the Itch is rashy, but this was oldbaggery and milfy party mom week to shine. Lets let Tumbleweed McElfresh take us home:

I was having a difficult time with this decision, but after reading an article in Ladie’s Home Journal which covered skin and skin care products, I discovered that sun spots are not caused by the sun at all, but are instead, the result of friction, stress and humankind’s age old struggle with good and evil. Therefore, the only conclusion I could come to, with anything close to a clear concience was, The Brothers Crusty.

Mark their slot in the next HCwDB of the Month. Good work to all. And your humble narrator for Cinnamon Corn Flakes.

# posted by douchebag1
7:10 am October, 13 Turdacious said...

Hey DB1
Front page 2 out of 3 weeks, yaaaahoooo!
keep it up and with in 10 yrs or so i might get in Hall of Mock, unless i die of fertilizer poisoning first.
For all you kids out there, don’t clean your golf balls by sticking them in your mouth, it maybe too late for me but if i can just save 1 kid, it will be worth it

7:26 am October, 13 Taint Nuthin But A G-Thang said...

@Turdacious: Your wisdom shared with the youth of today is priceless. Thank you for a damn good laugh.

@Mr. White, your comment for the weekly DROPPED ME. A hearty thanks to you and Turdacious for making this old man choke on his coffee this morning.

7:35 am October, 13 Wedgie said...

Those guys are dicckks, especially Donny Chodesmond. But there is undeniable hottness in those girls, in particular, my future ex-mistress on the right. She could be Miss Hawaii. Or at least, Miss How-Are-You.
Why, I am fine, thank you. (Splort). Oh, excuse me.

7:39 am October, 13 douchebag1 said...

If there’s any ‘bag hunters who haven’t made the front page in awhile, let me know. I try to spread the comments around but as I’m usually hungover early in the morning, may miss some quality mock that deserves highlighting.
.
– management

7:45 am October, 13 Turdacious said...

@ DB1
Thanks Boss for knockin me down a peg…damn!, I thought I earned it .
fucc it, i’m going golfing

7:48 am October, 13 Turdacious said...

If ida known it was random darts, i woulda seen i was on a lucky streak and bought some lotto tickets.

8:15 am October, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I think you must be hungover. You placed mine in the wrong space. And that grin on the Superbag is still chewing at my alcohol damaged cerebral cortex.

8:16 am October, 13 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Hey Boss, remember me? No?
*shuffles quietly out of room and down to the lab*

8:43 am October, 13 douchebag1 said...

It’s a combination of quality, merit and dedication to craft. And yes, I am hungover. I’m getting a coffee.
.
– management

8:52 am October, 13 Deltus said...

Send db1 a few cases of T-Bird, that’ll help too.

9:39 am October, 13 Wedgie said...

DB1
You are now pulling down the big bucks, you must be a multi-hundredaire by now.
Quit being such a tight ass, and spend the extra few bucks for some Caymus Special Selection. You can now get it at Costco, if that’ll make you feel any better.
Then you won’t be so hung over. Night Train is nasty stuff; I use it to clean my kids’ bike chains, so I can only imagine what it does to your brain.
Good Luck, and here’s tipping my Tylenol bottle to you.

10:07 am October, 13 Medusa Oblongata said...

Holy shit, there’s Cinnamon Corn Flakes now?

9:16 pm October, 13 Steve L. said...

unlike Bouncy Di, Sue & Karen completed their GEDs. which makes them… just as vulnerable to douchebags.

if i don’t have to go to work tomorrow, i would’ve blacked out by now.

11:40 pm October, 13 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Karen and especially Sue are to bustier as the bros are to crustier.

Matched, rhyming pairs.

Leave a Reply

What is 8 + 4 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)