Friday, October 15, 2010

Morty McSwag

If there’s one thing Morty learned in all his years on the Brooklyn Sanitation Department payroll, it’s that when choosing a tattoo, always make sure you have a matching shirt.

Shiny Jessica Simpson is either Jessica Simpson or a Jessica Simpson wannabe. Either way, boobs.

# posted by douchebag1
11:13 am October, 15 End the Haberdouchery said...

Sleeveless shirts, always a classy choice. You’re a tool, I don’t care if normal human sleeves can’t contain your “pythons.”

11:23 am October, 15 a non anon said...

According to our behind-the-scenes-bro on the left side of the picture, she must have quite the nice bumper, in addition to the bOObs.

11:35 am October, 15 Wedgie said...

Hey, isn’ t that Doughy McWade behind them?

11:36 am October, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’m sorry I is late for the Bat Mitvah uncle Moishe, and what d’ya mean we are not dressed kosher. What is a Schlemiel? Huh?

11:38 am October, 15 anonymouse said...

I love reading the body language in these pics.

11:38 am October, 15 tall guy said...

His subtle attempt to art directed the shoot so that his gym developed arms are the most noticeable thing in the picture has not gone unnoticed. They weren’t exactly the first thing that caught my attention though. Jessica Wannabee is a nice entree to forthcoming pear.

11:40 am October, 15 Wedgie said...

Morty actually used the gym membership that ma & pa scrotum got for him & little bro Smarmy. Unfortunately, all he knows how to do is curls. And now, little Smarmy’s clothes don’t fit Morty as well as they once did.

11:40 am October, 15 douche bagel said...

that is one fugly ass dude

11:41 am October, 15 douche bagel said...

tattoo inspired by swizzle sticks

11:46 am October, 15 Eliza Douchecoo said...

damn, she looks like a hot Jessica Simpson, huh?

11:47 am October, 15 Wedgie said...

That shirt reminds me of an acid trip I allegedly once had.

11:48 am October, 15 Eliza Douchecoo said...

^I just had a flashback from staring at it too long.

11:49 am October, 15 douche bagel said...

christopher reeve could draw a better tattoo than that with his foot

11:51 am October, 15 douchebag1 said...

Fenton Hardy has been banned. I’m all for commenters ripping on me, the site or the regs, but they gotta be funny about it.

11:52 am October, 15 Army of Douche-ness said...

maybe it’s cuz im on about 3 hours of sleep today, but I want Friday Thoughts and Links earlier so i can kill time with them between now and 5pm EST not starting at 5pm EST

11:52 am October, 15 Douche Springsteen said...

did he get that shirt on Etsy?

11:53 am October, 15 Nancy Dreuche said...

Gasp! She’s wearing purple! And I think we all know what that means. He is wearing the newspaper from the bottom of my parrot’s cage. Polly wants her paper back, Cracker Douche.

11:55 am October, 15 fatness said...

11:58 am October, 15 douche bagel said...

@ nancy dreuce
polly wants her paper back
bwahahahaa!

12:02 pm October, 15 fatness said...

@me, 1155: Way to leave out the comment, fuckface.

Please insert “For your pre-pear musical enjoyment, here is John Hartford’s take on faux Jessica…”

12:13 pm October, 15 Doc said...

damn straight db1. fenton wishes he could be me.

wedgie, i need to take acid so i can make sense of your comments. where is phah to control this shit? oh that’s right he’s buried in my backyard up to his neck. i use his bald head to practice my golf swing.

12:23 pm October, 15 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I have no idea how this guy got the doodles from the cover I put on my 8th grade algebra textbook. Once I find out, I’m gonna sue.

12:58 pm October, 15 Deltus said...

She reminds me of how hott Jessica Simpson used to be. And that makes me a little sad. And a little turgid in the pants.

1:32 pm October, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

This is a Yiddish douchebag convention. Jessica is the only Gentile in the building. And by Gentile I mean I would not be gentile with her.

1:48 pm October, 15 DarkSock said...

That you Boss; I’d threatened to zap Fenton a couple of threads back but then I had a development on a certain $20mm project that I could only sum up this way:
asdf

2:07 pm October, 15 Medusa Oblongata said...

I’ll give Fenton this: He did befuddle me at first with his excellent vocabulary and sentence structure. But as for the actual bones of his arguments, if you read carefully, it was all “You guyz are jealous hatters,” with a dash of “I know you are, but what am I”, and topped with “hurr hurr ur ugly”. He was just able to disguise it. I’m sorry I wasted electricity on indulging that nonsense last night. I suffered a sugar high like I have never felt before and was considering going to the hospital around 11:30pm, no lie. If I wasn’t diabetic before yesterday, I certainly am now.

2:08 pm October, 15 Medusa Oblongata said...

The guy on the left of this photo is priceless. I want to know more about what was going on at that moment, because that whole pose is pure gold.

2:55 pm October, 15 I R A Darth Aggie said...

First Tony Romo, now this guy. Who else will you curse, oh Jessica?

8:56 pm October, 15 Tom Choad said...

Crap! I missed out on more Fenton-trolling? And now he’s not going to be able to read any of my further takedowns of his shitty reasoning? I have got to start skipping work!
.
Come on, Hendon Farty– create a new account and come back for your whuppin’!

11:31 pm October, 15 Mr. Biggs said...

If your bicep is bigger than your head, you might be a douchebag.

11:33 pm October, 15 Mr. Biggs said...

If you can’t tell where your shirt e ds and the tattoos begin, you might be a douchebag.

11:38 pm October, 15 Mr. Biggs said...

If you got grade AAA milk right next to you and you’re busy posing your generic arm tatt, you might be a douchebag.

11:39 pm October, 15 Mr. Biggs said...

And who the F Is Fenton Hardy? I hope he’s got an awesome doucheba tribute website up soon. I really wanna check it out.

3:19 am October, 16 Englebert HumperDouche said...

It’s Right said Freds Retarded nephew! So douchy it hurts!

5:03 am October, 16 Blair said...

That’s a wax figure “Dukes of Hazzard” era Jessica Simpson. And Morty always has tickets to the gun show. Like, at least 3.

5:50 am October, 16 DoucheyWallnuts said...

It’s bad when the random bleeth is better than the original…She’s light years better than Jessica Simpson.

6:53 am October, 16 Wheezer said...

This pic is of Jessica Spears meeting up with Fenton Duchovny (David’s psycho half-brother).

8:55 pm October, 16 Steve L. said...

Fenton Hardy may be gone now, but the damage had been done. he ruined a perfect opportunity to drool over a dogpile of hotts.

9:00 pm October, 16 Steve L. said...

tomorrow’s headlines:
JESSICA SIMPSON FOUND TO BE DATING SOME DOUCHEBAG FROM THE BROOKLYN SANITATION DEPARTMENT.
and no one would be surprised.

1:16 am October, 17 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

It’s been years since I read ’em, but if my memory serves me right, Fenton Hardy was the Hardy Boys’ father. I didn’t realize that attorneys in young men’s popular literature turned into web trolls as they aged.

May my aunt’s Fenton glass collection shatter into a thousand million pieces and do collective damage to any and all web trolls who shall be forced to walk in it, or better yet, gargle it with their Maker’s Miss-the-Mark second rate booze.

1:21 am October, 17 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

A choadmeister with a shirt and tatts that busy must have a mind as cluttered as the clothing. Oh, I forgot.
The mind don’t matter in choadwank world.
But holymarymotherofbleachedblondesinpurple, she is not to be undersung.
No sirree.

2:33 am October, 17 iDouche said...

Instead of wasting that ink on his turkey breast like upper arms, he should have put it to good use penning an interesting book about his life , an autobagography if you will.
That shirt looks like Escher was sick on it.

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