Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Mr. Choad’s Wild Ride

This post is named in honor of a long-time contributor who hasn’t been around lately. But there’s always a home here at HCwDB.

If you’ve been a ‘bag hunter, but wandered away, come back and rejoin the mock. We’ll be here for you.

That’s what HCwDB is all about. A collective mission to mock the puds and oggle the suckle thighs.

That’s what we do.

Well, that and waste time on meaningless intellectual pop culture frivolity in the spectral blender of the alienation of the virtual online Othering crisis, and ass pear.

And don’t forget, if you’ve tagged a pic of hottie/douchey wrongness that needs our collective social therapy through the art of mock, or you just want to offer to buy me a bottle of Night Train, drop your humble narrator a line.

Operators are standing by. And by standing by, I mean scratching themselves. And by themselves, I mean myself.

# posted by douchebag1
2:14 pm October, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

I see Charon and his ferryboat on the river Styx has been replaced by Amber and her golf cart. Dude there looks like Cerberus pissed on his shoes in the waiting area.

2:15 pm October, 19 Wedgie said...

Oh little brunette on the right, I will take you home and very slowly make you regret wearing that ugly fuck of a hat.
Oh yes, I will. Your blonde friend can come along, too. My car only has two seats, so you girls will have to share. Might as well start early.

2:16 pm October, 19 fatness said...

Hey look! That blonde freak’s implant has shifted to her right shoulder!
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Nice of them to spring young Cletus from the special school for the afternoon though.
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Off to dream of raven-haired on the left….in the men’s room. brb

2:33 pm October, 19 jonezy said...

Boss, I bet some Valtrex could help you with that constant need for scratching…

2:49 pm October, 19 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Paid to pose Corona hotts. The brunettes look yummy, the blonde rather bleethy…

2:50 pm October, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I actually think he’s making the appropriate face in this picture considering the assemblage of aborted pig anuses next to him.

2:51 pm October, 19 douche bagel said...

thats it, i’m going to bedazzle my cock

2:53 pm October, 19 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

That is some choice Ass-Pear… i’d like to chafe that Mr. Choad with Velcro (not the soft side either). I would then begin a 24-hour ass slapping ritual necessary to remove his tar from their sweet pits.

3:00 pm October, 19 mills said...

quality hotts in this pic bleeth or no bleeth they are all “bangers” especially curvy, cap wearing, lolita.. hooh! i jus got a rush of blood to my lower head

3:16 pm October, 19 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

The blond might be a dude. Oh my curvy princess on the right, I would do terrible things to you.

3:39 pm October, 19 Adolf Skroatler von Baggenstein said...

I’ll frolic with you.

ASvB

3:44 pm October, 19 Adolf Skroatler von Baggenstein said...

The good news is that the hot with the hat could walk, squeeze out a rug-rat, and keep walking.

Yea folks, those are child-bearing hips, and they are beeping.

3:59 pm October, 19 Wedgie said...

^But she’s no Holly.

4:18 pm October, 19 Horace Dangleballs said...

Almost enough to make me drink Corona… almost.

Time for another ‘Gansett!

4:31 pm October, 19 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

Da Fuk!!!??? is happening to our youth today? Faggot with the sideways hat (hell yea I’m hating suck it) and shitty “snake that wraps around his arm” look at my blingin’ chain bitches….is a fuccin huge douche. If another one of you fucktards come ask me to tattoo those fuccin wraparound shits I swear I’m gonna hide penises all throughout the tattoo…and no, you will never know they’re there…but yea you’ll have a bunch of dicks in your tattoo.

Fuccin’ Filthy Ginches in pic….move the fuck outta Jersey, stop hanging around with this fuckin’ dipshit, and learn how to swallow.

/rant

peace…fellow baghunters and huntresses.

4:31 pm October, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I want to visit that waterpark for boobies, Is it in Canada? I only ask because I am still not allowed to cross any borders besides Mrs.Kroeger’s Turdpie Ferry Dock Ride.

4:33 pm October, 19 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

…Oh, and Ed Hardy shit sucks alpaca balls.

4:49 pm October, 19 Troy Tempest said...

Wow, what a smear of waxy refuse. Girl on the left is either preggers or has serious scoliosis. Girl on the right has a Big Fat Ass. Like, huge. And the blonde is the head of the local chapter 15 of the Federated Bleeth Union.

Douchenozzle boy? He stocks shelves at the pigglywiggly.

5:18 pm October, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

I fear that if I were to share a confined space with Blondie I would be forced to hum elevator muzac in my head as well as aloud. Even if we weren’t in an elevator!
Curvaceous D on the right’s hips don’t lie. They told me she’s got Bieber fever. And that is one disease that needs to be annilated tute suite. Its far more deadly than that strain of Ricky Martinitis that gripped the nation awhile back.
The dude in this pic actually doesn’t look too happy. Probably because he has a pair of fully functioning ears.

5:31 pm October, 19 Mitch Meats said...

We’re still with you DB1!

5:33 pm October, 19 Charles Ulysses Farley said...

Call in the air strike. There is nothing to be saved in this photo.

5:58 pm October, 19 Douchble Helix said...

Watch out for that wide load on the right.

But I’d fuck her. Gladly.

6:17 pm October, 19 Crucial Head said...

Elmore straightened up quickly once the four person anal Sybian ride cranked to life.

6:20 pm October, 19 Crucial Head said...

The first foresome of the day rolled up in style to tee off at the most prestigious golf tournament of the year: The Shatsters.

6:22 pm October, 19 Crucial Head said...

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… and now you know why I have been away for so long. Fuccing home remodeling and work has sucked all the creativity out of what little the shrapnels of grey matter in my skull could procure.

6:26 pm October, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

Dear JCVD,
I love you. Please accept this box of cupcakes drizzled with the blood of alpaca fetuses.

7:10 pm October, 19 Dicy said...

@ASVB

When did you come back!!?!? YAAAAY!!!

Is this post implying I’m not the only one who randomly left the flock for a bit? As usual, I blame all my woes on the GRE. I can blame all of your busy lives on the GRE too, I don’t mind.

7:26 pm October, 19 CBS said...

look at that wet shit in the cap. i believe he will follow me into the alley and have a screwdriver shoved up his spine. one hand on his throat keeps him in place while i dig just a little bit deeper. then a nice grab of the back of the head as I ram his face deeper and deeper into a dumpster. the goal is to not stop until i forget why he deserved it.

“i’m not a violent man mr. fawlty”
“yes you arrrrr”
“no i’m not”

why not hurt them for being a speck on the spectrum of what was male and thus creating a bottomless scale.

i am watching friday the 13th part 4 right now on amc and if you think jason is scarier than me…come knock on my front door.

7:26 pm October, 19 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

@Medusa Oblongata

Accepted and deliciously devoured, eventual feces formed will be forwarded to Sideways-hat-wearing-fucktard in pic post-haste. Thanks!

7:40 pm October, 19 Carl said...

That boy with the hat and snake tatoo won’t be hanging around the amusement park much longer, now that he can join the Army.

7:51 pm October, 19 Steve L. said...

the blonde in the middle is almost as hideous as Snooki.
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and that is already a feat in and of itself.

7:53 pm October, 19 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I haven’t see our fellow mocker Scrotisserie Chicken around at all in past months (years), so you might just add that the Hot Chicks here are also in his honor.
For what is hotter than a chicken on a scrotisserie, er, uh, emmm. ROTISSERIE.

7:56 pm October, 19 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

“Hotchicks and ducks and geese better scurry
When I take you out in a surrey,
When I take you out in a surrey with the fringe on top.”

8:23 pm October, 19 Stephanie said...

That’s their summer job,riding the old folks around in the little golf carts…for minimum wage…and free suntans.

11:44 pm October, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

11:47 pm October, 19 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Neeeehhh-ggrralfff!!!!
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Whatever they’re riding, I hope to Gawd a carnie is standing by with a bottle of bleach and a hose. Better yet, just burn those seats. The rank stench of Banana Boat, shaven taint, and Rid will never wash out.
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I don’t know dude. I’ve been so tired as of late. I just haven’t been able to muster enough energy to fully dedicate myself to the mock. I’m sorry to my fellow ‘bag hunters/huntresses for my lack contributions. The Ed Hardy plague has physically sickened me to the point of intellectual decrepitude. The wit has been near torn from my very soul.
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Dicy’s gently rolling cleavage does entice me back however. Oh, you cruel mistress. Why does thou taunt me with thine Facebook link to nowhere? Your making it very hard for a middle-aged married man on the other side of the continent to friend request you and make coy passes at a cute college girl with whom he obsesses over yet has no chance with whatsoever.

12:44 am October, 20 Douchetacular said...

The brunette tart has some serious thigh action…I bet if she rubbed two douchebags dicks together she could start a fire…and, if they were to burn…then she really would be doing the world a favor.

4:20 am October, 20 Guid is Good said...

Sweaty Cheeks on Vinyl. New album out soon.

5:24 am October, 20 The Goob the Bag and the Pudly said...

@Jaqcues:
“The rank stench of Banana Boat, shaven taint, and Rid will never wash out.”
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I am laughing as I type, and expect to continue for quite some time. Well done!

5:25 am October, 20 The Goob the Bag and the Pudly said...

Yeah, I misspelled Jacques’ name in that post. I’m laughing too hard to edit…

6:49 am October, 20 Eliza Douchecoo said...

I would do them all, even the two dudes in the middle.

8:24 am October, 20 Dicy said...

My FB link leads to nowhere? How sad! You can probably find me under the boss’s friends if you like. Will try to figure out why its not working…

8:39 am October, 20 Deltus said...

I was going to comment on hat hott’s beautiful ass, until Medusa went and posted that animated gif page of Her Hendricksness’ gorgeous posterior. And now I must spank it like a rhesus monkey on a triple espresso.

8:54 am October, 20 fatness said...

@Dicy…works fine for me. And by works fine, I mean “thanks for the photos!”.

10:00 am October, 20 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Deltus: Word. I’d climb on and dry-hump that red wool until the cows came home. And by cows I mean me and by came I mean, uh, came.

10:06 am October, 20 Medusa Oblongata said...

GOD DAMNIT I just sat here and watched it for three minutes straight and I burned my omelette. DAMN YOU, CHRISTINA! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!! Stop by before you go, I wanna tongue punch you in the fart box.

10:38 am October, 20 Deltus said...

@Medusa: I facebooked the animated gif. Friend commented that she quite the beauty, even if she is a “big girl”.
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I wonder how people do not just consider her to be awesome, and instead have to call her awesome for a big girl. She’s JUST AWESOME! It’s the other Hollywood meat that’s too thin, too malnourished 12 year old like.

11:55 am October, 20 DarkSock said...

OK I have a confession to make, Jacques, et al:
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I am Dicy. Just another construct to fuck with you guys.
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btw if you were ‘bating to “Dicy” then technically you’re gay now.

11:55 am October, 20 DarkSock said...

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PSYCHE!!!!

12:02 pm October, 20 Dicy said...

I wish I were darksock… I’d be a lot better at the mock.

12:03 pm October, 20 fatness said...

^Uh…not really. If you are Dicy, she could be fabricating you, which means I need to go look at her photos again. Never underestimate Women of Science.

12:39 pm October, 20 Dicy said...

Yay women of science! I’ll science all on your faces… Though that could just be my reaction to the ass pear above.

1:10 pm October, 20 DarkSock said...

^by all means Blind Us With Science
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I’m not Dicy, but I am Mr. White, and (I think) Crucial. Maybe FLYETEETHE also. I’m not sure anymore.
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and I Like Turtles.

1:52 pm October, 20 Medusa Oblongata said...

Wait a minute, so if I’m dressed like DarkSock’s avatar while I bait to pics of Dicy, what does that make me?
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She who pees in horses, that’s what. @ Deltus–I agree completely. There are several categories that women can be lumped into, something as nebulous as “Blondes” or something as specific as “Waifs”. However, we as a society seem to have this ideal that under a certain size is what’s best. Okay, if that were true, then riddle me this, America…..who would you rather fuck?
Christina? Or Nicole? In general, we’re obsessed with perfect faces, little button noses are all the rage and big noses will get you called a witch and whatnot. Well, then. Who would you rather make out with? Penelope? Or LaToya? Some people just transcend all the bullshit and become their own category. There’s a reason we’re still worshiping Marilyn Monroe’s enormous ass today. Because she was just HOT, period.

3:46 pm October, 20 Deltus said...

@Medusa: exactly. That must be the ultimate arbiter of hott. Are they fuckable, and how much. Do guys want to schtoink them all over? Do women? My penis tells me what I like, and I’ve learned to listen to him.

8:37 pm October, 21 Douchehunter said...

Douchehunter here! In light of the subject of ‘bag hunters who haven’t been here in a while, I would like to mark my return! Discovered this site in its infancy but due to its popularity was unable to comment in the office as it made the IT hitlist (I know, I really should be working anyways). Not sure if anyone stole my ID since I was last an avid visitor but call me the second if it has!

Original Douchehunter

11:02 pm October, 21 search engine positioning said...

I swear that I will hide around the penis tattoo … and no, you never know they are there … but yes you have a bunch of dicks in your tattoo.

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