Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Partius Von Crotchenstain

When I was in seventh grade, way back in the desperately vacuous hair metal days of the late 1980s, I took a class in European History.

In that class, we learned the events of the famed 19th Century boy-king, Partius Von Crotchenstain. Youthful heir to the Indochine-Prussian Von Crotchenstain kingdom from 1811-1814.

Partius inherited the Kingdom when his father, the former Duke of Lacrossian Daterapian, passed away after his prized guinea pig came down with a case of contagious rickets.

From that point forward, Partius wasted his Kingdom and his empire on the Bleethiest of the Fair Maidens a’milking. From great wealth, the empire plunged into poverty, setting up the terrible period known as the “War of 18 Year Olds who Act Like They’re 12.”

At least I think that’s how it went.

Then again, I got a C-.

# posted by douchebag1
9:56 am October, 5 Vin Douchal said...

Last one in is a rotten egg !! Oh it’s me? Oh well, bachelor party pussy is still pussy

10:01 am October, 5 Wheezer said...

That must be the Duchess of Duckfacious.

10:03 am October, 5 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I can only discern one thing from this picture. That chick will happily take it in the butt.

10:04 am October, 5 Claude Douchenburg said...

Okay first of all this douche hates America. I don’t care how many Tea Partyer’s like to display American Flag clothing it is disrespectful to the flag and no flag should be worn as clothing. Don’t believe me? Google US Flag Etiquette. At leastr the douche has no torso tatts I give him a plus there. But the “Naa-Naa-Naa-Naa_tongue thing is super douche facial expression. Along with the headband that looks like a swimming cap from theis cropping, the dude is totally douched out just by his personality alone. Ms Hott, let him go and come to me. I want to lick your sunglasses so heavily that you can’t see then I will go down and suck your bikinibottom tie into my mouth like a single spaghetti noodle while grating parmesan cheese over your painted toenails

10:12 am October, 5 bostongeorge617 said...

even WalDouche in the background is disgusted

10:23 am October, 5 CBS said...

Boy Whord (to the famous Culture Club tune)

Give me timeeeee, toooo realize my crime
Call me bugpud and scrotepeel
I am shartttt its no surprise
How can I be real?
(twang twang… kettle drums)
Do you really want to mock me?
Do you really want me to unzip my fly
Putrid stink from herp that burns me
haters never ask me whyyyyy
in my crotch the fire’s burning
choose a cream and find a start
Expanded pupil always tell me
Give up now, its spread too far.

10:24 am October, 5 douche bagel said...

this picture makes me itchy

10:26 am October, 5 system of douche said...

Holy crap. THIS is what it’s all about.

After shotgunning and crushing the last two Keystones, Mark gave the couple a final disproving glance as he prepares to hurl himself out the 4th floor window.

10:36 am October, 5 Baleen said...

FUCCEN TRANNY!!

10:36 am October, 5 system of douche said...

Either she’s a duck billed Amazon, or SeanPennBag is really twerpy.

Either way, I don’t need to be seeing his package.

10:38 am October, 5 system of douche said...

@Baleen: She does have some man hands at that.

10:39 am October, 5 Vin Douchal said...

This Nancy Douche is disgusted by the entire “girl” thing. He’s so grossed out by a woman that his stomach contents are about to fly out in a re-enactment of a space shuttle explosion
.
Those stomach contents being Chopped Cockk Rigitoni

10:41 am October, 5 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

I hope this is a joke…… she is as douchy as crotchenstain!

10:45 am October, 5 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

It’s a rare unearthed duck-billed-stickendapuss (do not touch without rubber gloves, they are slippery)

10:55 am October, 5 tall guy said...

The war against cliche just lost more ground.

10:56 am October, 5 End the Haberdouchery said...

He deserves to be slowly eaten by a pack of rabid Yorkshire terriers.

10:58 am October, 5 Nancy Dreuche said...

@CBS. Do You Really Want To Herp Me? Classic 80’s.

11:05 am October, 5 CBS said...

@Dreuche

great title. i think we have a hit single now

11:21 am October, 5 Mr. White said...

C’mon, give him a break. He’s only making that face because his kidney was just punctured by her rock-hard cocck.

11:40 am October, 5 Fatness said...

Keystone Light?
.
Seriously?

11:50 am October, 5 The Goob the Bag and the Pudly said...

I don’t care how Bleethymannishduckfacedskanky she may be– he’s still a massive shartbubble in the colon of humanity that needs to be evacuated and flushed.
.
@Claude Douchenberg, 10:04:
Technically, the United States Code, Title 36, Chapter 10, Section 176 (“Respect for the Flag”) states that the FLAG should never be used as apparel. Crotchstain’s tighty-starsandstripeys are not an actual U.S. flag, so he’s not in violation of anything other than good taste and the basic criteria for being mocked on this site (or life in general). But I’m with you in the disapproval of his wrapping his nasty junk and thoroughly-probed ass in anything remotely resembling Old Glory.

12:06 pm October, 5 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

Dude… did you really just quote chapter and verse on the U.S. code for flag treatment? What are you, some kind of “Flag Boy?”

12:09 pm October, 5 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

That guy is definitely banging someone from behind tonight.
.
The guy on the right wearing the black bikini, that is.

12:16 pm October, 5 Charles Ulysses Farley said...

Jeebus H. Christ on a popcicle stick! How the fuck do you even entertain the idea of putting those shorts on? This shart stain needs a date with a wood chipper pronto.

12:26 pm October, 5 Wedgie said...

That guy in the bikini doesn’t look half bad.

12:34 pm October, 5 Anonymous said...

Far too much Douchebag, far too little Hot Chick. Inadequate ratio for a posting on this site.

12:35 pm October, 5 T.J. Douchemandzadeh said...

Far too much Douchebag, far too little Hot Chick. Inadequate ratio for a posting on this site.

(forgot to log in)

12:47 pm October, 5 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

I don’t see what the problem is with this one. Afghan War head wound victims want and need love too.

1:25 pm October, 5 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

For a guy with a flag advertising a woody, he sure makes a puke-face expression.

1:34 pm October, 5 Tom Choad said...

When another dude within 3 feet of a chick in a bikini has a dismissive look of disgust on his face, either your swimsuit is too small or your chick isn’t hott.
.
Fie on this entry– I demand a refund of the $0 I spent in visiting this site.

1:55 pm October, 5 skrag2112 said...

Judging by the look on his face, the hott’s dick must have tasted awful.

2:17 pm October, 5 Medusa Oblongata said...

Hey, it so happens yours truly is quite familiar with the flag code. I’m out in the morning hanging mine up, and dutifully bringing it in before dark. I need to get outdoor lighting so I can leave it up all night. Except in the rain, of course. Call me Flag girl, I guess.
.
They say that when the flag is old and tattered, you take it out and burn it, respectfully. I say we burn these sharted-upon shorts get burned very disrespectfully, with him still in them.

4:01 pm October, 5 mehoff said...

what a fag

4:53 pm October, 5 Guid is Good said...

Ah a not so rare Anatidae Bleethus.

5:17 pm October, 5 Nancy Dreuche said...

I would never salute those shorts.

6:11 pm October, 5 Dear Idiots said...

Mr. Claude Douchenburg,

Unless the American flag has been tranformed from having a blue sqare and red stripes, to now having a red square with blue stripes, there is NO AMERICAN FLAG TO BE FOUND ANYWHERE IN THIS PICTURE. Having said that, maybe you should “google” a picture of the American flag first before worrying about etiquette.

Love,
The Rest of the World

6:36 pm October, 5 Stephanie said...

Is that the same face he makes in bed too? Wow,she knows how to score ’em.

9:36 pm October, 5 Steve L. said...

did they burn down the white house – er i mean white hillbilly douche – in the War of 18 Year Olds who Act Like They’re 12 (otherwise known as the War of 1812)?

6:40 am October, 6 The Goob the Bag and the Pudly said...

@ Redouche, 12:06 PM,
.
Yep, I’m a bit of a nerd. Not quite as bad as Tim Kreider’s Flag Boy (great reference, BTW), but a nerd, nonetheless. Naturally, I wouldn’t frequent a site predicated on mocking other people if I couldn’t take a little verbal abuse myself.
.
Truthfully, I only know about the U.S. Code for Flags because a heated online discussion I got into some years back prompted me to educate myself as to what really constitutes “desecrating the flag.” And I did have to look up the actual chapter and section before I posted before.

7:17 am October, 6 Deltus said...

Partius is one of those douches you just know you’d punch in the mouth within the first 30 seconds of meeting him. You just… you just know.

9:03 am October, 6 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

This is the worst lesbian make out ever captured on film. Chick on the left can’t even make a camel toe with bottoms that are that tight AND she lacks any good boobage. Chick(?) on the right must’ve just had the surgery for her to put on that bikini. Yuckity yuck yuck yuck!

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