Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Reader Mail: “Hotts in the Sticks”


Bigheaded DB Basher objects to my statement that there aren’t many hotts in the American rural hickland, and submits this pic as proof.

——-
DB1,

I have been a loyal follower of your site for two or three years now and have loved it up until today. The quote “theres not that many hotts in the country”?? I’ll leave you with this pic. Keep fighting the good fight, but lay off of our ladies or the South will rise again!!!!

-Bigheaded DB basher
——

Fair enough, BDBb. I would Robert her E.Lees and then softly, tenderly, and with great repose, Jefferson each of her Davises.

# posted by douchebag1
12:49 pm October, 27 Fatness said...

I’ll bet she ‘bates her own hooks.
.
Nice bass.

12:52 pm October, 27 smackdouche said...

My south is certainly rising again.

12:56 pm October, 27 Tom Choad said...

Ah, but she might Stonewall your Jackson (synonym for “Johnson?”), DB1.

12:58 pm October, 27 Tom Choad said...

I’ve got just the perch for her.
.
.
And it’s not crappie.
.
.
(Sorry.)

12:59 pm October, 27 Nancy Dreuche said...

That fish is such a douchebag. All the signs are there: lip hook, scaly skin, lifelessness around the eye area and if that’s not an exaggerated O-face then I don’t know what is.

Get thee to a nunnery Sally Mae-Sue-Ann, before he Ulysses your S. Grants.

1:09 pm October, 27 Crucial Head said...

I would bang her and whatever barnyard animal she normally sleeps with.

1:18 pm October, 27 Eliza Douchecoo said...

she knows how to work a pole until something comes up

1:36 pm October, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Since this one has all her teeth, she rates as a keeper!

1:37 pm October, 27 smackdouche said...

I’d go through her like Sherman went through Atlanta.

1:39 pm October, 27 boatbutter said...

I’ll add that nothing would make me happier than to J.E.B. all over her Stuart.

1:40 pm October, 27 Baron Von Goolo said...

DAMMIT! I was just gonna make a Sherman joke!

1:42 pm October, 27 Eliza Douchecoo said...

I’d let her Southern my Belles….this thread could literally go on forever.

1:47 pm October, 27 Durty D said...

I thought the south was the douchey side during the Civil war. Why would we want them to rise again?

1:50 pm October, 27 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

Because Southern Comfort feels good going down, but later burns inside of you.

1:50 pm October, 27 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

okay,let me clear up this disagreement. As a lifelong southerner, i can tell you that the sticks are full of uberhotts, but they have a maximum shelf-life of 25 years. the problem is that they age very poorly and end up looking like John Daly- or, if somehow able to avoid weight gain, Keith Richards- long before age 30. this is due to a poor diet, too much booze/cigs/meth/etc, multiple early unplanned pregnancies, and a complete unwillingness to exercise.

1:50 pm October, 27 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

Hmm, that didn’t sound as flattering to this chick as I had intended.

1:56 pm October, 27 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

I agree with MD local 421– I spent a few of my formative years in the South (junior high school) and the chicks in my school were wildly hott. Especially compared to what I went to high school with up in Ohio.
.
.
But those Southern teeny-boppers’ moms and aunts did not exactly inspire MILF-y exuberance from this hormone-addled growing boy. A friend of mine commented, “Now you know why there’s so many jokes about bestiality among men down here. They’re afraid to whip it out around their wives.”
.
Mine eyes have seen the horror of the aging of the skanks…

2:04 pm October, 27 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

I’ve got a three and a half inch pike for her!

2:05 pm October, 27 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

I’ll show her my Depth Raider (it’s a crank bait)

2:05 pm October, 27 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

She can see my Mister Twister too

2:07 pm October, 27 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

I’d down rig her

2:09 pm October, 27 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

I don’t mind the fishy smell

2:09 pm October, 27 douche bagel said...

i’d Kevin her Van Dam

2:10 pm October, 27 Vin Douchal said...

It’s the accent. When a man with a southern accent comes on a newscast as either the subject ( Cops, tornado victim interview , etc) or a reporter ( James Carville, fer instance ) they sound stoopid.
.
But a nice looking gal with a southern drawl? = Chills through my taint. RRRrrr!!!

2:10 pm October, 27 j said...

on a fish farm, no doubt. way to show us

2:11 pm October, 27 douche bagel said...

i’d drop shot a worm in her honey hole

2:14 pm October, 27 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

I’d bottom bounce her for hours.

2:14 pm October, 27 douche bagel said...

i’d put some smelly jelly on my big hammer and throw it in front of her all day

2:16 pm October, 27 douche bagel said...

i’d toss my fluke between her pilings

2:16 pm October, 27 Carl said...

It she’s got a hole, then I have a pole, we’ll wind up down by the fishin’ hole
honey, oh baby you’re mine

2:16 pm October, 27 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

I’d prefer her if she was dressed like the chick on my “little Cleo”

2:22 pm October, 27 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

I would thoroughly cover all her submerged humps

2:32 pm October, 27 douche bagel said...

i’d start with her lower column and work my way to her upper column. i might even toss my frog on her topwater

2:38 pm October, 27 a non anon said...

Oh what the hell…

I’d euphemism all over her double entendres.

2:39 pm October, 27 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

She could spring my tip-up any day.

2:40 pm October, 27 jonezy said...

I recently had the debate about hot chicks with accents. How many extra points does an average girl get if she spouts an English/Aussie/Southern accent? +1, +2?
.
I was vociferously rebutted that a +1 is far too much weight to grant to a 5 or 6 chick. I’m with Vin though, that shit makes me squirrelly.

2:40 pm October, 27 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

I’m getting tired of all your sexual innuendo.

2:40 pm October, 27 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

In your endo ^

3:00 pm October, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I thought southern girls caught fish
this way
.

3:04 pm October, 27 Douche ex Machina said...

Memphis doucheworkers local 421: I would propose that Sela Ward is the argument against the Southern Hott’s short shelf life. I mean, she’s in her 50s now and still: damn!

As for Fishing Hott: I would travel to Mt. Carmel, Illinois, and express the anal glands that happened to lap up water from the same pond where FH bagged her fishdouche.

3:05 pm October, 27 Douche ex Machina said...

Oh, crap. I meant to write “express the anal glands of a DOG that happened to lap up water,” etc.

4:34 pm October, 27 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Gawd, the hotts are SO dominating the site today. It’s enough to make me cry in my cooter stew.

4:38 pm October, 27 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

All this southern talk has me all primed for some good ol’ Kentucky bourbon….hmmmm….lemme see….which one tonight….?

4:42 pm October, 27 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Speakin’ of which, where the hells’ my corn-cob pipe?

4:43 pm October, 27 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Her O’Hara’s could use a little more Scarlett.

4:48 pm October, 27 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Rafting a pole to get Way Down Upon Her Swanee River ain’t that far from the average intentions here.

5:09 pm October, 27 massengill said...

Where are the REAL southern ‘bag taggers that can name the horses of Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson and Jefferson Davis.
.
One of my friends went to grad school at UGA and I saw the etching of the aforementioned triumvirate and their horses at Stone Mountain on our way down to visit Atlanta. It was almost impressive. More impressive were the Civil War reenactors getting their Thursday morning battle on while NOBODY watched. More impressive than them was the ratio of humans to Coke machines at that place. There were AT LEAST 3 Coke machines per person.

5:13 pm October, 27 Anonymous said...

While I’m sure that you LA pretty boys know how to choke a chicken or two, I’ll bet not one of ya can milk a goat.

5:15 pm October, 27 Anonymous said...

…And what’s with the “Hickland” comment? I bet if I called L.A. “FAGLAND”, all you homos would get all pissy!

5:23 pm October, 27 Anonymous said...

Did any of you L.A. intellectuals know that if a student in any Georgia high school carries a B average for fours years that their college tuition at any state college is FREE!

Man, those fuckiin’ Coke swillin’ hicks sure are stupid!

5:23 pm October, 27 Gamelorn said...

Sorry, there is only one part of a woman that I want smelling like fish.

5:46 pm October, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Anon Fuck off.

I thought the Asian Red Carp came from a cargo box. Not a sweet redneck soon to be four hundred pound nephew fuckin box.

6:05 pm October, 27 Chads embarassed Mother said...

Hey, Chad,is that the best you can come up with? I’ll ask again: where’s all the funny people who used to post here?

6:36 pm October, 27 H. Sapiens said...

^ @ 6:05, You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, you bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish–O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!
.
Your virginity breeds mites, much like a cheese.
.
Methink’st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.
.
You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, you bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish–O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!
.
A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality.
.

8:06 pm October, 27 Wedgie said...

Hey, was this the talent portion of the Miss Alabama Beauty Pageant? Just askin’.

8:06 pm October, 27 wonderdouche twin said...

By order of hotness…..by sound
Hots from Montreal that speak french
Hots from Australia
Hots from the South
Hots from Colombia (Sofia Vergara)

8:18 pm October, 27 Bagnar Dannescjröte said...

@Chad’s Embarassed Mother,
.
With all due respect, they were kidnapped by Doc… and then hauled off to Ayn Bag’s idealistic retreat in the mountains where they await the collapse of this blog.
.
Or, they were fired during the “economic turmoil” of the past few years and are left with no iinternet access to voice their opinions.
.
Or… they are still here… lurking…
.
Mwahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!11!!!

9:01 pm October, 27 massengill said...

@ Hickville Anon
.
I’m no LA intellectual, but I could’ve pulled a high school B-average asleep and with both hands tied behind my back. And I wouldn’t have impregnated any of my kin in the meantime.
.
Not impressed.

9:20 pm October, 27 Steve L. said...

this chick looks highly Mexican to me. not hillbilly enough.
.
then again, who am i to judge what constitutes “hillbilly”?
.
just wanted to put that out there though.

9:29 pm October, 27 douche bagel said...

@ steve L
either she be a mexican or a mexican’t
me thinks she’s mexiCAN
she can hill my billy any time

9:59 pm October, 27 Medusa Oblongata said...

I just wanna see her General Hood.

10:00 pm October, 27 super bowl said...

gyity7y

10:01 pm October, 27 Medusa Oblongata said...

I can attest that here in Central Illinois there are some stunning examples of corn-fed hotties. The really gross, fat cows tend to congregate here around the University. When you get about fifteen miles out, you get some wide-eyed, tight-bodied stunners that will go out and shoot a turkey, clean it, cook it up and then clean your rifle. And by that I mean your gun. And then they will suck your cock like they haven’t seen a man in three weeks, because they probably haven’t. I’m only speculating on that last part. But judging by the way they come into the shop and drape themselves on my co-workers, it’s a safe bet.

10:12 pm October, 27 Steve L. said...

@ Douche Bagel 9:29 PM,
i was gonna follow up with some thinly veiled hillbilly style sexual innuendo, but then i can’t command hillbilly humor that well.
.
that reminds me, i remember when i was bored one day and wanted to expand my drinking portfolio. so i grabbed a bottle of Woodford, and one sip had me going, “whoa i can smell the manure of racing horses in Kentucky.”
.
don’t get me wrong. i like Woodford. but that was a really quirky sensation for a non-white person.
.
eh i’ll shut up now.

11:32 pm October, 27 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I’d go noodling in her catfish hole.
.
C’mon people, I can’t believe you missed that one!

11:51 pm October, 27 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Dear anons posing as trolls posing as anons,
.
Allow me to strategically invalidate every on of your comments in this current, and any past and future threads with my superior big city west/east coast metropolitan elitist intellect and maturity. Ahem. Fuck off and die you pus-filled cock cobbling inbred shit-for-brains sphincter wipe! Maybe if your granddaddy (father/uncle) didn’t huff so much kerosene and lacquer thinner he would’ve had one or two brain cells left to instruct him to wear a fucking condom before blowing his cat piss smelling wad into the kicked in pig carcass of a vagina between the fat cankles of the bloated manatee he called his wart-ridden daughter, and not have cursed the shittiest part of the world with your worthless ass!
.
Just putting it out there, so don’t take it too personally.

11:53 pm October, 27 Jacques Doucheteau said...

And before you go there; yes, I’m a faggot and not funny.
.
HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

5:52 am October, 28 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

I don’t know, Jacques– I thought that was pretty funny.

6:05 am October, 28 Blinded by the Shite said...

Two words: Led Zepplin.

7:11 am October, 28 Deltus said...

@Medusa: cock sucking tight-bodied corn fed hotties in Central Illinois, eh? *scribbles notes*
.
And Jacques, I disagree. That was quite funny. I’m still laughing at “…the kicked in pig carcass of a vagina between the fat cankles of the bloated manatee he called his wart-ridden daughter…”.

7:58 am October, 28 FlipFriddle said...

@Jacques… I bow at your delightful visual elucidation of said troll; I am still picking pieces of vomit out of my keyboard.

10:12 am October, 28 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Jaques, Hilarious. These so called anons need the anon kicked out of them.

11:30 am October, 28 anonymouse said...

Danica Patrick goes fishing.

6:29 pm October, 31 nike air force said...

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7:48 pm October, 31 Lil' Fartknocker said...

I’d noodle her starfish…and her stinkfish!

7:51 pm October, 31 Lil' Fartknocker said...

As Rhett said to Scarlett: “Frankly my Pear, I’d prefer your can.”

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