Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Burnt Loaf

Poor Elyse.

Home for a long weekend. Midterms just around the corner.

Then her mom’s best friend’s optometrist’s wife totally new this guy who would, like, be totally perfect for her, because, like, he’s an investment banker and loves to, like, surf. So Elyse said, “Sure? Why not?

And there he is. Burnt Loaf.

There is no social or spiritual justice for the tasty legged giggle blondes of this world.

And so we mock his pre-cancerous skin from afar.

# posted by douchebag1
10:54 am October, 21 douchebag1 said...

Apologies the pic is so small, but it was too orange not to run. And Elyse is tasty.
.
– management

11:02 am October, 21 Eliza Douchecoo said...

I think he’s just wearing one of those orange vests for when you go running at night so cars see you.

11:04 am October, 21 Crucial Head said...

Looks like he just belly flopped off a five story building onto the hot asphalt of the parking lot below.
.
Let’s hope he makes his next leap a swan dive.

11:05 am October, 21 Crucial Head said...

She’s cute. I would eat a tootsie roll out of her butthole, no problem.

11:07 am October, 21 Eliza Douchecoo said...

standing next to him her skin looks like she’s been locked in the basement since last November. At least she’s been putting the lotion on.

11:12 am October, 21 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

That’ll teach him to check his antifreeze shirtless before the engine cools.

11:32 am October, 21 Jacques Doucheteau said...

That’s what happens when the spacetime fabric ruptures into a wormhole and your bedroom turns into the sauna at Gold’s Gym while you’re sleeping.

11:32 am October, 21 Jacques Doucheteau said...

He’s gotta stop standing so close to the microwave waiting for his pizza rolls.

11:35 am October, 21 Jacques Doucheteau said...

It’s like when you’re having breakfast at Denny’s, trying to put some ketchup on your grand slam ham & cheese omelet, and the whole bottle empties on the plate.

11:38 am October, 21 Jacques Doucheteau said...

He’s just a chameleon who walked in front of a firetruck.

11:40 am October, 21 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Maybe he’s just a burn victim who had all his skin replaced with porn star labia.

11:44 am October, 21 Deltus said...

No mock here. That sunburn’s gotta be painful as shit.

11:46 am October, 21 eggraid101 said...

I gotta give him a notta. Pumped-up, burnt, some kind of ugly tat, but a genuine-looking smile and no hand signals, plus he’s holding her hand, I give him a pass.

It’s “knew” not “new.”

11:49 am October, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Thanks a lot Boss. Now I have a spot on my fuccen monitor that glows bright fuccen orange. Hydrochloric acid, sodium hydroxide, aqua regia none of these work. My IT department is gonna give me a 15″ full CRT green screen monitor next if you don’t stop this shit. Or maybe you could send me one of those nice 19″ jobber and send a warning email next time.

11:56 am October, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

So, did the aborigines have the spit come out of his mouth or the top of his head and that’s why he has the hat on? I just wanna know how he escaped.

11:57 am October, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Stackhouse must of fuccked up when he tried to deep fry this one. “Don’t deep fry me ‘bro!”

11:57 am October, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I thought Kenny Roger’s rotisserie chicken franchise went under.

11:58 am October, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

This asshole make the sun look like it’s dark blue.

12:00 pm October, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I bet I know what each meal he eats consists of: Tang, circus peanuts, oranges, carrots, and candy corn. On Sundays he eats two whole pumpkins while kegeling a pair of basketballs.

12:01 pm October, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Fucck. I forgot yams. Lots and Lots of yams too.

12:02 pm October, 21 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Looks like the Vegas death ray has claimed another victim.

12:11 pm October, 21 Vin Douchal said...

We’ve seen this gal before, she looks familiar.
.
As for Burnt Loaf, that moniker brings visions of a next day blood tinged poop after a late-night-King Taco-with-extra-red-sauce run.

12:57 pm October, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Burnt loaf sweats gamma rays.

12:59 pm October, 21 The Goob the Bag and the Pudly said...

The Bag Red One.
.
The Red Bag of Queerage
.
Red-Bellied Hoodpecker?

1:20 pm October, 21 douche bagel said...

Burnt loaf poops flaming hot cheetos

1:31 pm October, 21 Doucheywallnuts said...

“Knock, knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Orange.”
“Orange who?”
“Orange you glad I woke you up when you fell asleep under the sun lamp?”

1:42 pm October, 21 douche bagel said...

Burnt loafs boogers are hot tamales

1:42 pm October, 21 douche bagel said...

Burnt loaf farts pepper spray

1:45 pm October, 21 douche bagel said...

Burnt loaf pees tobasco sauce

1:46 pm October, 21 douche bagel said...

Burnt loaf cums jalapeno jelly

1:47 pm October, 21 douche bagel said...

sorry

2:11 pm October, 21 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Borderline on if he goes to closet of poo or gets a notta pass. But since he’s posing for a picture in his living room with no shirt on and has the backward hat tilt / stupid tatt thing going on, douche. And she need to touch up her roots, while were critiquing

2:14 pm October, 21 Medusa Oblongata said...

I give him a notta, with a stern written warning. Side tatt (It has indeed become a douche signifier, IMHO. Once the realm of people whose limbs were already full, it’s now become the new tribal armband), hat tilt and too damn much time in the gym. Stop now, Hierorangemus Bosch.

2:42 pm October, 21 Mr. Biggs said...

Medusa, maybe, but I think it’s obvious that it’s impossible to get that shade from exposure to the sun.

3:04 pm October, 21 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Well, gee whiz, I think we’ve finally gotten a glimpse of Scrotisserie Chicken NOT in his govt. duds.

4:10 pm October, 21 Wedgie said...

The color of funny.

6:51 pm October, 21 Stephanie said...

If he sits on a curb, a dog might pee on him.

8:21 pm October, 22 Steve L. said...

ASK THE INVESTMENT BANKER IF HE IS SINGLE-HANDEDLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ECONOMIC RECESSION.
someone has to do it.

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