Wednesday, October 27, 2010
The Fratbrosephus Bros Celebrate With Arielle
The Fratbrosephus Bros decided to tip their Smirnoff Ass and unbutton their shirts to celebrate Pavel and Steph’s win in the HCwDB of the Week.
Oh who are we kidding?
I ran this pic for one reason: Glorious Arielle. Her sultry stare stems Dutch spigots with ethereal waxing foam. Her pokey boobies sing twelve tone harmonics of mellifluous harmonic boobosity. I’d clutch fondle a lupus addled poodle just for the chance to fly to Jakarta and study Sanskrit at the foot of a sherpa who once hit on her sister at a David Sidaris book signing.
Isn’t she the girl who played in the very douchey movie “Fast and furious Tokyo drift” ?
http://kaboommagazine.com/userfiles/nathalie-kelley.jpg
I just came in my pants a little while imagining her texting me.
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Although I’m sure the only thing she would text me is a restraining order. But that doesn’t quell my fantasy any.
Finally! Some quality tail on this site! Arelola for HOH. I don’t have any threats right now if she doesn’t get in but they are forthcoming I can assure you.
Broheims, I challenge you to a game of Beer Pong. Me against you two. Trust me, its evenly matched.
She looks like Sophia Vergara before the boob job. So you get to ogle the big boobied Sophia if that’s what you like or this little tart here if you like the nice perkies…. It’s a Win/Win/Fap
Gorgeous girl, frat douches who are arguably grown men drinking SMIRNOFF ICE. The world’s fucked.
Sweet Lämp in Heaven, Arielle is nearly perfect according to my Aloysius scale.
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I would ear-fuck Chuck Zitto with a strap-on trunk of a Mexican lime cactus just for the privilege of being subsequently beaten into a pile of lean ground beef that would be barbequed to medium rare and served ‘twixt whole wheat buns to Arielle’s uncle at a company picnic.
For dearest Arielle, a poem:
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Roses are Red
My cockk has a head
But my balls won’t be blue
Once I fwap it to you.
Arielle is as sweet as the peach Jolly Ranchers at the bottom of those two fags’ Smirnoff Ice.
Also, if you look closely at her phone, you can see this text message.
I would willingly roll off the edge of the Grand Canyon in the back of a garbage truck stuffed full of gorilla turds if it would start a chain of events that resulted in a solar flare that spiked the Earth’s gravity field just enough to slip her blouse down another two inches while simultaneously generating a pillar of fire that incinerated these two urethra frankin’s.
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Smirnoff Ice? Really? REALLY??? Is the last of their Zima horde finally depleted? Just drink AstroGlide.
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Wow. Just wow.
Arielle is brutally hott. That is, the image of her face will be imprinted upon my consciousness as I savagely abuse my nethers to the point of needing a transplant.
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Those guys, on the other hand, are not brutal, just “bro tools.” Tongue-douche is rockin’ three Smirnoff Ices at once, just to show us all what kind of a man he is. I bet he could take all three bottles in his sphincter, simultaneously, too.
The sad thing is, and I don’t care what you guys are going to do to my butt hole when I say this, those are two good-looking men. The one on the left has that whole Bradley Cooper thing going on. His friend, if he’d stop making that stupid face for a second, has that strong, aquiline nose, the wide, brown eyes, heavy brow and long jaw that sets my loins aflame. Not to mention they’re both at the very ripe and fuccable age, end of the thirties/beginning of the forties that is so, so perfect. Still young enough to be dynamic, sexual and energetic, old enough to be mature, wise and experienced. Wrap that up in a nice suit and I’d chain myself to a stove and allow either or both of them to rail me every which way they choose while I prepare their favorite dinner.
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But no. They gotta go status quo and act like immature frat douches, whooping it up like teenagers, dressing like unemployed twentysomething losers who mooch off their parents and drinking swill, all in the name of scoring young hott. They’re playing that so, so wrong. How does Donald Trump score such stellar hott? He’s ugly, rude and abusive. But he conveys confidence, he’s self-assured and he’s that big daddy-man who’s gonna take care of you-thing going on. Being a millionaire doesn’t hurt either, but all the aforementioned qualities are good enough. WTF. This is like looking at a perfectly prepared kobe steak that someone tossed on the ground, stomped on and then fed to an alley cat. What a tragic, deplorable waste.
Arielle, ignore the baboonish gibberings of C. Head; he is an architect, ergo a dude-fag. Accept this treatise instead:
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Roses are Red,
Their pick-up line’s “GROOO!”,
That stench that you smell
Are those two stacks o’ Poo.
Or, a limerick mayhaps?
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There once was a brunette whose sultry stare
Made me have to change my new underwear
Her near nip slip
Makes my cockk spit
While I envision her dining ‘ponst my loin éclair.
@ Medusa:
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You had me at “… I don’t care what you guys are going to do to my butt hole…”
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Let me get my harness and spatula set out of the attic; en route.
Hell, I’d personally go to a David Sedaris book reading–and actually listen–and then hit on him afterwards just for the chance to momentarily gain telekinesis so I could make that strap slip down another 3 mm.
@medusa
You’re due at the playpen for “cleansing.” It involves a car battery, nipple clamps, and a traffic cone. And not your favorite traffic cone, either.
Medusa,
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Can your butthole hold a small box of nerds?
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Just askin’.
I have to say, the description of Arielle is one of your best.
Arielle, again, ignore C. Head’s childish rants about his lap taffy”s pining, and accept mine instead:
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There once was a Hott named Arielle
Who’s poo had a Febreze linen smell;
She left the Brothers Smirnoff
To a session of mutual jack-off
So I could plunge my dong bucket in her poon well.
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^well here’s where I find out if Mrs. Sock reads HCwDB…I told her this morning she had an hourglass figure, and I wanted to be the sand in it.
She didn’t jump me then and there for some reason. Women are funny about romance I guess; that’s why some guys turn dude-fag or try to get sent to prison or go to Ole Miss.
Well it’s been 10 seconds so I’m safe.
She is a stunner!
I had a feeling i should have worded that differently. Well, at least I shaved my pits and put on makeup. Go on, do your worst *grunnnnnt*
She is Woman the way the Great Catholic God named God wanted her to be. She is the Eve from whom a bunch of inbred mongrel hordes have dislocated with the Garden of Eden. She is perfect. She has every race in her. And I The Reverend Chad would act goofy in her midst as I would be in Rapture speaking in tongues knowing that Mary had returned. Maybe not a virgin, but Mary to show us the way to the Thousand Year Reign of God on Earth after the heathens (douchebags) have repented or been defeated in the War of Wars and Christ has returned to make all things as they were.
And I would like to bone her. The Doctor told me this site is therapeutic and not to leave. And Mrs. Kroeger did decorate her box for Halloween.
Amen.
I don’t think anyone’s mentioned how hott she is…because she is. I know Medusa mentioned she thought the guys were hott, but she also thought the redneck bag from the earlier post was hott too, especially his tiny nipples. err, wait, that was me.
Allow me to clean up my poetic musings a bit with a Sonnet:
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When forty douches besiege thy brow,
I’ll dig deep trenches in thy groinal field,
Thy youth’s proud livery so gazed on now,
Will be a splattered with my seed if no shield:
Then being asked, where all thy beauty lies,
Where all the treasure of thy nipple lays;
I say, ‘tis answered with thine deep sunken eyes,
Whilst I dream of unloading my lap glaze.
Re: Your wife reading this blog
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I know my wife reads this from time to time, but I just tell her that I’m the one who comments under the name Boatbutter. That avatar alone gets me laid every time.
First, the incredible Kelly , and now the even incredibler Arielle… what awaits tomorrow?
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Seriously, it is so much easier to hate undeserving douches that are macking on actually beautiful women, rather than siliconed-up, orange-skinned, duck-faced skanks. Give us more DB1!
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2010/10/nipple-mitch-steals-a-kiss-from-kelly/
I would rub a warm rice crispie treat on her lower back, give her an almost gentle spanking, then take her from behind.
Fast & Furious is just so fuccen accurate. That first guy nailed it. Maybe he’s not so annoying after all.
It’d be worth the night in jail and subsequent restraining order to walk up and yank that top down to expose her perfect breasts.
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The subsequent saliva slathering worship would be taking it too far, though.
Arielle, your boobs
are pert, supple mounds that bring
eternal fwapping.
Awwww the wonder and beauty of Arielles’ natural boobs. They convey innocence & mayhem all at once. Her eyes beckon with a come hither look. I imagine the rest of her outfit to consist of a pair candy apple red or powder blue Cosabella thong panty’s, a pair of form fitting jeans paired with some stylish, with a hint of naughty, fuck me boots. Her confident sexuality is intoxicating yet the mere thought that one of the bros’ is going to, if he already hasn’t, fail in slowly fondling, nibbling, suckling, tonguing and boning her any which way/speed she likes in multiple positions from various angles for an extended amount of time, the way women of her caliber need to be pleasured is a crying shame.
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@Medussa
“This is like looking at a perfectly prepared kobe steak that someone tossed on the ground, stomped on and then fed to an alley cat. What a tragic, deplorable waste.”.
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I agree a thousand percent!!!!!
“Oh Brave New World that has such breasteses in it!”
Y’all’d be whoopin’ it up too if you had Arielle in your clutches.
Yes, ma’am.
at Crucial 1100
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I’d like to preface this statement by saying that I hold a Bachelor of Arts in English from Miami University in Oxford, OH:
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That’s not a sonnet.
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I heard about this phenomenon a while back. I decided that if ever any of my friends tried to “ice” me, they would be wearing a bottle Smirnoff Ice in their crotch, like they peed their pants. Of course, my friends aren’t douchebags, so this would never happened.
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There is Hall of Hott for these types of pictures.
oh for fuck’s sake: http://money.cnn.com/2010/05/26/news/companies/bros_icing_bros.fortune/index.htm
If she is actually Nathalie Kelley we need Vin Douchal to get to the bottom of this and by bottom I mean some full figure shots of the beauty
Not to invoke Stackhouse, but at least these guys are drinking something more masculine than Michelob Ultra.
I love it when Medusa organically describes that i am her type in both looks and personality.
@Massengill,
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I know, I know. It should be “pelvic field,” not “groinal field.”
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Stupid architects.
The Smirnoff Ice thing… Seriously. The frat kids are doing this thing now called “icing” where when presented with a bottle of Smirnoff Ice at a bar the presentee must get down on one knee a hardily blow the presenter… or something like that.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=icing
Old news Butter Sauce. Thanks for the reminder though.
@Massengill:
We should endure literary criticism from someone accredited by the institution that spawned hyperdouche Ben Roethlisberger?
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I kid. Neither you nor Miami University can be held responsible for that aberration of humanity.
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You are right– Crucial’s offering, while valiant and Shakespearian in tone, was not, technically, a sonnet. However, we would do well not to judge fellow baghunters’ poetic endeavors by their form, but rather by their content, which in this case, was poignant and heartily mocking.
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Besides, “Whilst I dream of unloading my lap glaze” is an impressive turn of phrase, you have to admit.
@massengill, 12:02 pm: I am now convinced that anyone under 30 is an idiot, is becoming an idiot, or wishes they were an idiot.
Her peek a boob gave me wood. Repeatedly.
If this chick is not the reincarnation of the goddess Isis, capable of resurrecting her dead husband by reassembling his corpse from the 14 parts stored in canopic jars at the 4 corners of the earth, and reanimating it via the coital arts for one last roll in the papyrus in the palace of Heliopolis, I would be well and truly surprised.
Smirnoff Ice.. really? What are we.. 16? *shakes head*
No doubt, Crucial’s work was poetic. It just wasn’t a sonnet. Not sayin’, just sayin’.
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Crucial, I’ll make you an offer: If you compose a hottie/douchie sestina (to form) during the next week, I’ll mail you one of those tiny bottles of Maker’s Mark that they would give you on an airplane if you were flying from Louisville to Lexington. Scout’s honor.
@Massengill,
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Done deal. But how about a hand sketch of the Sestina Chapel as a worthy substitute? And I prefer all correspondence to be faxed… under a cover letter made of fire.
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On a more serious note, seeing Dicy’s avatar above yours makes me think the master race has found its parents.
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Just sayin’.
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*wink, wink, nudge, nudge… say no more, say no more*
Arielle doesn’t have Stephanie’s boobies, but she has a sexy smirk and a couple of douchebags.
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you go, Ariella.
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and by “go” i mean Smirnoff Ass.
@ AOD 12:09–I will require a full-body nude, erect of course, to totally confirm that you are. Bonus points if you include firearms in the photo.
If it would start a chain of events that resulted in a solar flare that spiked the Earth’s gravity field just enough to slip her blouse down another two inches while simultaneously generating a pillar of fire that incinerated these two urethra frankin’s.
@ Crucial
I can agree to those terms. I was actually going to mail you a bottle of Smirnoff Ice so you would open the box, see the bottle and have to chug it. Unless you were already holding a bottle of Smirnoff Ice while opening the package, which I hope you wouldn’t actually admit to if there weren’t any witnesses.
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As much fun as spawning a master race with Dicy would be, I don’t really want kids. It’s not that I don’t like them, I just know I’m the type of person that would forget his baby in the car on a hot summer day while playing blackjack at the casino and that’s just a lose/lose/lose situation.
Anyone seen the AT&T commercial where the dude sees a hot chick on the train, then uses his smartphone to change his ticket so he can stalk her, marry her, grow old together and watch their son become the first Hispanic President of the U.S.?
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Arielle looks a lot like that hot chick the dude stalks.
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That’s all I wanted to say.
I’d happily jump naked into a blazing cement mixer full of box jellyfish, broken flourescent tubes ,mule piss and crematorium clinker,while wearing a beard of africanized bees, if while i was going round and round being alternately burned, stung,stabbed and covered in foulness , I could have the briefest satiny rub of her joyful jubblies.