Monday, January 3, 2011

Baghwan Zenbeard Says…

Baghwan Zenbeard says:

This year will contain a multitude of hottie/douchey configurations you can not anticipate and can not prepare for. But you must mock. For the hottness requires lustful thoughts and demands on a society of culture fail that continues to permeate their boobages.

Well said, Baghwan Zenbeard.

You earn a hearty nottadouche and a goinpeace. Because the new year has made me feel generous.

As for the women, sell them to me. I will ravage the blonde uponst only the finest of stitched Iroquois sheets at break of dawn during the monsoon season, then call for tea and cale by moonlight, served by my servant man/boy, Urdu.

# posted by douchebag1
10:09 am January, 3 Wheezer said...

Isn’t she Snow Leopard Lonnie? Dig the star tatt on her arm…..

10:10 am January, 3 Wheezer said...

Yep, star tatt and lower lip cockk rail.

10:18 am January, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

She does look like SLL,.
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“Bagwhan Zenbeard” FTW

10:19 am January, 3 anonymouse said...

Blonde is GORGEOUS, but the tat and piercings are not a good sign.

10:25 am January, 3 Vin Douchal said...

She’s got a booger on her mouth, ew

10:34 am January, 3 mr.reeve said...

Snow leopard looks WAY better in this picture. The Wicked Witch of the Red Heads scares the living shit out of me.

10:47 am January, 3 soy bomb said...

Baghwan Zenbeard is either deep in meditative thought, visiting blackout city or sneaking a glance a Red’s cleavage. Any one of these options lie on the honorable path to enlightenment.

10:48 am January, 3 Crucial Head said...

Chewie was thoroughly embarrased when he showed up for the Star Wars Convention after mistakenly shaving his pate and a small portion on his face whilst in a drunken stupor the night before.

11:00 am January, 3 DarkSock said...

His head looks like a stubby meat-rocket blasting off to Mars.
.
.
.
.
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I just got Deja Vu

11:01 am January, 3 DarkSock said...

Gurn learned a hard lesson about the highly adhesive effects of donkey jizz on merkins.

11:02 am January, 3 DarkSock said...

As he settled in and waited for bottle service, Enoch had zero regrets about dumping his Amish heritage.

11:05 am January, 3 Wheezer said...

That must be another one of your old bands, DarkSock: “Stubby Meat Rocket.”

11:09 am January, 3 Captain Garanichode said...

Red Head’s face resembles a bicycle seat, I believe that ZenBeard is just a puppet’s puppet. Blonde……. mmmm take out that shower curtain ring and let us frolic in egg-roll sauce!

11:14 am January, 3 Nancy Dreuche said...

Ah yes, Master Zenbeard, I trust you will be putting your buddah into those hotts dojos because Poontang Clan ain’t nothin’ to fuck with.

11:17 am January, 3 Vin Douchal said...

You gotta think that a lot of ecstasy and booze were consumed and somewhere The Meat Puppets are blasting from a monster truck sound system … oh wait that was the last Fontana City Council meeting

11:50 am January, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

He looks down because he’s afraid if he looks at the mortal snapping the photo, he will rip his limbs off, as he thinks, “I’ve have chunks of guys like you in my beard and in my stool…” The bleeths are close enough to smell the rendered bits of puny humans but do their best to keep on a happy face…for they know they could wind up in his beard – or worse – next….

12:40 pm January, 3 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

He looks like somebody PhotoShopped Art Garfunkel, inverting his hair and placing it on his jaw.

12:42 pm January, 3 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

Or maybe Eraserhead…

12:49 pm January, 3 Blinded by the Shite said...

More like the baby from Eraserhead.

2:06 pm January, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I wasn’t such a fan of Davy Jones in “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End”. And why in the world did he shave his head?

2:12 pm January, 3 Medusa Oblongata said...

There is something eerily familiar about him. There is something eerily familiar about that background. I made good and sure it’s not the Ex- Mr. Oblongata’s establishment, but these look like his target clientele. I’m going to also give Zenbeard a pass, but it’s conditional. If he does not have a fixed-gear bike and he doesn’t drink PBR, then okay. I’ve got a special axe to grind with Chicago now. I just found out today that the very horrid Interior Semiotics was filmed here (NSFW). We are definitely seizing the crown as Hipsterdouche capital of the world.

2:34 pm January, 3 Mr. White said...

@medusa
To be fair, most people thought Van Gogh’s paintings were rubbish in his life time.
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On the other hand, he didn’t paint “Starry Night” with piss. And I’d know.

3:06 pm January, 3 Wedgie said...

I always suspected Hilary Duff was a slutty biker chick on her days off from Lizzie McGuire.

3:26 pm January, 3 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Mr. White 2:34
I’ve been stewing over much the same all day. When I get a bee in my bonnet, it doesn’t escape easily. “It’s A Wonderful Life” was a box-office flop and was panned by the critics. Things have a way of becoming classics. However, this sort of nonsense was shocking and provocative when Karen Finley was doing it 20-some years ago. Now it’s tired, meaningless and rote. Especially from some pretentious hipstertwat who doesn’t even know wtf she’s talking about. Proof? When the video went viral and she was inundated with mail and facebook requests and whatnot, she changed her name on her profile and essentially went into hiding out of total shame. So, little miss art fag, you feel confident making these sorts of statements in front of your uppity, hipsterbag friends and having the whole debacle recorded for posterity. You’re making a statement that you clearly feel is important, or else you wouldn’t be pissing in a can on video in front of people. Then this ‘important’ statement reaches the mass populace and you want to backpedal and recant. Way to stand by your statement and your work. You fucking FAIL as an artist.

3:32 pm January, 3 Medusa Oblongata said...

…one more thing….Van Gogh didn’t work in urine. But the NEA was never the same after sponsoring someone who did… In my opinion, it is possible to create beautiful, thought-provoking work that at its core is basically filth. You gotta have all yer channels open, ya know, instead of thinking, “How can I shock people?”

3:55 pm January, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Medusa
.
May I add Madonna, Lady Twa Ta, and Marylin Manson to the conversation? Being “shocking” for shocking’s sake is just plain boring. “Oooooooo, look at me. LOOK AT ME DAMNIT I UNUSUAL AND TOTALLY OUT THERE!” just pisses me off. Just admit that you’re an attention-seeking whore who will do anything for money and then let it be. Don’t try to tell me how “deep” you are and how you’re passionate about saving woodchucks from a life of crime. I don’t fuccen care. If I wanted to know, I would’ve asked.

4:11 pm January, 3 Mr. White said...

@medusa, doc bunsen
I think we can agree, however, that Snooki’s art will stand the test of time. And by “art,” I mean “the unholy offspring of George Hamilton and a syphilitic basketball.”

5:18 pm January, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Interior Semiotics…Wow I thought I’d seen it all…that is fucced and funny and defies all definitions of anything… As Egon said in Ghostbusters, “Sorry, Venkman, I’m terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.”

6:08 pm January, 3 creature said...

I prefer poo flingers

6:46 pm January, 3 Troy Tempest said...

I’ve done things similar to Interior Semiotics, but usually as a satire.
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Example: I did a concert / installation where I made a shitload of racket with a friend who plays guitar. We had slides go by of Bridges and another friend’s grandmother’s wake.
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Yup – old stiff dead lady in a box.
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The slides typically were:
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flowers.
bridges.
priest.
crying people
more bridges
old lady in a box
more flowers
food on a table
old lady in a box
more flowers
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As an echo of the visuals, we also served food:
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ritz crackers, head cheese, and victory gin
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We had a hard time not breaking into laughter.
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The questions we dealt with were priceless – mostly having to do with Heidegger.

7:30 pm January, 3 Asshole said...

^Fucking moron.

7:57 pm January, 3 Nancy Dreuche said...

^Fucking asshole.

9:28 pm January, 3 Cherchez le Douche said...

Oh, shit. I know the blonde.

For real.

She is a tall, willowy sweet thing with a light southern drawl and meticulously placed tattoos. She looks fantastic in six-inch heels.

She also does fetish modeling.

When I knew her, she worked as a fragrance model at a higher end department store. She had a redneck boyfriend who would pick her up at the end of the day in his work truck with their pit bull, Tiny.

She moved away last year to be closer to her family in the Carolinas. She wanted to marry her boyfriend and have a baby.

She was delightful in every way. I miss her.

10:34 pm January, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Bruno the Beard has never missed a Phish concert since he turned 20.

10:36 pm January, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Bruno is held erect upside down and sweeps the stage for tickets to the next show and a chance to blow Stephen Stills.

11:42 pm January, 3 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

This dude is AWOL from the Amish, and those broads might be from Intercourse, PA, which explains everything.

11:46 pm January, 3 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

It’s been rumored that Greek Orthodox priests now have to do two-year missionary stints like the LDS-Mormons.

4:33 am January, 4 Collaz B. Popped said...

He’s gingerly fondling his cockk.

12:15 pm January, 4 DarkSock said...

The I.S. vid would have been much better if they’d added a horse.
.
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Just sayin’.

10:29 pm January, 4 Stephanie said...

Amish punk rocker? But since there’s no electricity he just plays a zither.
Is he looking on the floor for quarters?

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