Monday, January 10, 2011

Hiphop Hennie Makes A Halfhearted Effort

Lethargic rocker horns suggest that Hiphop Hennie’s heart just isn’t into hitting on suburban librarian hotts at the club like it once was.

Maybe it was Aunt Jennie’s talk over Thankgiving about going back to a trade school after he finished his G.E.D.

Bored Hiphop Hennie don’t know. But somethin’s naggin’ him and it ain’t just his itchy lobes. Maybe Aunt Jennie was right. Maybe the DJ thing wasn’t such a great idea, yo.

Oh Carol from Marketing. I see you at Chachkis and then at Flingers. I stalk you in the Initech parking lot. Someday, I will invent my own pet rock and take us away from this suburban malaise.

# posted by douchebag1
10:03 am January, 10 Vin Douchal said...

Follower. A complete sheep. If it’s trendy, he’s mastered it. Right down to the empty headed vacuous look of junior high school drop-out with an attention span of barely a nano-second .

10:09 am January, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The keys from beginner piano lessons on his hat are the only things that Hennie will remember when he hits 25 and his nerves start to burn out. The Coock has already missed the young nice girls trying to look dirty he just met. They are not just trying to look dirty shitface pianohead, they are dirty and tag-teamed some nasty old fuck like me that bought rye for them all night. I have a stiffler, son.

10:13 am January, 10 tall guy said...

His shirt says it all: a variety of themes on edginess accompanied by gothic lettering covering large tracts of the garment that seem to have indulged his short attention span for a nanosecond. He regrets more that his welfare cheque isn’t sufficient to buy another one rather than the fact that the librarian hott won’t go home with him. Total scrote & weekly contender.

10:19 am January, 10 Wheezer said...

The librarian glasses hot looks to have a couple of fairly perky boobies.
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Son.

10:19 am January, 10 I R A Darth Aggie said...

He probably thinks they’re “plain” and “boring”, mostly because they aren’t total sluts and didn’t drop and gobble shortly after meeting him.

10:19 am January, 10 Wheezer said...

hott*

10:25 am January, 10 Medusa Oblongata said...

He was hoping that his Travis Barker shtick was gonna work and get him some groupies. All he got were a couple of nice girls from Kansas who have mercifully never heard of Blink-182.
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I just realized his shirt says, if I’m not mistaken, “Cowboys From Hell”? I’d like to see Phil Anselmo use this dude for dental floss.

10:39 am January, 10 Deltus said...

The librarian glasses really do add to the hott, don’t they? Each of these girls would be considered equal on the hott scale, except (for me anyways) the glasses make the one in the foreground a bit hotter. The alpha-hott, if you will.

10:54 am January, 10 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with a logo inspired by a 21-year old Pantera song = Auto….

The Librarian Hott look never gets old, it’s a timeless fashion paradigm….

11:24 am January, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

Hip Hop Hennie Has Herpes and Halitosis. How horrible!

@Deltus Ah yes, the alpha librarian hott, leader of the pack of librarian hotts. Roaming from library to library. Checking things out. Alphabetizing stuff. Sometimes they all go hit up a Lenscrafters at the same time putting a significant strain on the employees to fill their orders “in about an hour”. The streets are not safe with these bespeckled she wolfs running amuck. Hide your kids, hide your wife, and DEFINITELY hide your husband too.

11:37 am January, 10 Blinded by the Shite said...

You see, the kids today, they listen to the rap music, with the hippin’ and the hoppin’ and the “o yay”.
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But I digress. Are we seeing a return in 2011 to the ‘original shocker/Dio rock’ flip gesture?
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Hiphop Hennie is out. Mothers hide your oregano.

11:43 am January, 10 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

@Vin…

I was just going to say his outfit looks like “Dress By Numbers Punk Aesthetic”

11:48 am January, 10 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

When did Eminem get a lobotomy?

11:48 am January, 10 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Medusa^
“Cowboys from Hell”? I honestly thought it said “Tomboys from Hell”. Which would have made sense except that she needs a shave or she’s gonna rub some drunk-ass cheek and boobie raw before the night is out.

11:49 am January, 10 Vin Douchal said...

@ MC 900
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I was just going to say his outfit looks like “Dress By Mom of Short Bus Passenger”

11:53 am January, 10 Deltus said...

@Nancy: that wasn’t supposed to turn me on, was it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go squeeze the Charmin. You all know what I mean by “squeeze the Charmin”.

11:53 am January, 10 Tom Choad said...

Hennie’s cap is too large for his pointy head. Look at the gaps along his temples.
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Also, those girls are too hott to be wasting time around a pierced poser gangsta wnnabe out clubbin’ on a fake ID. He needs to have a couple whiskey bottles broken over his crappy TATTOO cap and be thrust unceremoniously into a pile of stray dog urine-soaked garbage in the alley behind the Thai restaurant next door.

11:53 am January, 10 Tom Choad said...

^Son.

11:59 am January, 10 creature said...

Dork…. let’s hope someone cons HH into believing the next “Rad Craze” is to chop your balls off with a meat cleaver… then you’d be one of the ‘real bros’ HH

12:01 pm January, 10 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

You guys can’t read– that shirt clearly says “Coccibogs from Hell.” “Coccibogs” was obviously his nickname in juvie, where he “bogged” (back-slang for “gobbed,” i.e. – “gobbled”) a lot of cocc.
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Hmm, I probably shouldn’t reveal how much man-rape prison slang I actually know. It could lead to awkward questions from the regs here…
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No problem, I’ll just delete this post before clicking “submit” and

12:01 pm January, 10 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

Ooops!
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Dammit, son!

12:29 pm January, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

@RRR 12:01p, should I give you a verbal kick in the groin for that comment? Nah, no need. You self regalate. (That is not a euphamism.)

1:43 pm January, 10 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

@Nancy:
Yes, that is a euphemism. As is almost everything stated on this site.
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And by “stated on this site,” I mean I am fondling myself as I type this one-handedly.

2:42 pm January, 10 Medusa Oblongata said...

Sooooooooo, Re-Re-Re…..Tell me…just how DO you know so much prison slang?

2:47 pm January, 10 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Medusa–
He was my cellie in Sing-Sing. It’s true.

2:47 pm January, 10 Medusa Oblongata said...

Hurr hurr hurr.

3:05 pm January, 10 Wedgie said...

Librarian Hottie…….gets me every time.

3:46 pm January, 10 DarkSock said...

Damned Culkins.
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Son.

4:19 pm January, 10 Andy Capp said...

Once that boy gets the fish hook out of his bottom lip, he’ll be able to perform his day job at Taco Bell without all the embarrassing saliva sprays during sibilant sounds.
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4:47 pm January, 10 Wedgie said...

You know, Hennie is one of those names like Pat or Alex—it can swing both ways. And Hennie, the more I look at this pic, reminds me of a certain multi pronged he/she that has won some awards here recently. Perhaps Hennie belongs in the “baguette” category.
But, hey, I don’t get a fuccen vote, now do I?

7:29 pm January, 10 ehcuodouche said...

Cumboys from hell?

7:41 pm January, 10 Stephanie said...

Pantera sucker dork.

9:40 pm January, 10 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

These are three people so totally bored with life that it makes me want to freebase absynth while singing the words from old Silvia Plath poems to tune of Harry Chapin’s Cat’s in the Cradle. I’d kill myself, but I realize life is already a long death.

9:59 pm January, 10 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Ya know, my once-upon-a-time pet rabbit had a natural split right down the middle of his lip. Like Hennie here.
And no one’s called Hennie unless he hails from Hennepin County or is a chicken.

11:59 pm January, 10 london escorts said...

It is finally doing something that does not turn in his grave.

12:55 am January, 11 mahjong said...

He also regrets that her welfare check is not enough to buy a second instead of the fact that hott librarian will not go home with him. scrot Total and weekly contender.

4:45 am January, 11 Collaz B. Popped said...

He has swole eyebrows.

^Medusa, yep Anselmo would use this tender DB for dental floss – after Vinny plays “Walk” with his head stuffed in one of the bassdrums.

I would meet the librarians at Flingers too, but I have a meeting with the Bobs. They called me at home….

5:18 am January, 11 Steve L. said...

hey Carol, y’know what i think about marketing?
FUCK marketing. all the way up tight sweet vagina.
and by “its tight sweet vagina” i mean “your tight sweet vagina.”






okay that wasn’t the best pick up line in the world. i need to drink now.

7:24 am January, 11 ehcuodouche said...

It’s difficult to tell from the front, but librarian hott looks to be packing a C and possibly a D cup under there.

2:13 am January, 14 Anonymous said...

Those chicks are ugly and that dudes a stud ! 51Fifty rules !!!

2:32 am January, 14 Anonymous said...

I thought this domain name was “hotchicks” not 2 white trash strippers from north Vegas. Try again

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