Thursday, January 13, 2011

Confusionland with Douchey Juan and Monica

This pic is surreal, confounding, bizarre and kind of makes me want to huddle up under my bed and wonder if the universe really is infinite, what happens when you go really, really far in one direction. Does it just get dark?

Yup.

Belt buckle as a substitute for a bikini top is both genius and Bleethy. On Monica, a quality uberhott that I must gnaw on, it is both boobie celebratory and yet awkwardly constricting and stupid.

So I’m confused there.

Then there’s Douchey Juan, who helped me fix my engine trouble at Pep Boys, so I kinda don’t want to mock him too harshly.

And the lineup of shirtless Meatheads waiting to go into the rock bathroom just perplexes me.

# posted by douchebag1
1:43 pm January, 13 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

Her tit belt has more testosterone than his pretty white “Buckle Reveal” boy-band accessory.

1:43 pm January, 13 jonezy said...

I believe her watch is actually a time machine and she’s come back in time to take samples for your Guggenheim 2023 show.
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In the future this is typical attire and she wipes her butt with seashells.

1:45 pm January, 13 Deltus said...

Good call on Monica’s top. I’m not sure if it excites me or repels me. I think it’s more that I really appreciate the top notch real boobs (them are quality lady-udders, are those), and they’re pushed together and displayed to good effect, but I’m attributing that to the terrible choice of top. I mean, what if she damages them?

1:45 pm January, 13 Bigphatnotadouche said...

Too bad the fun bags are being restrained by the douches belt.
She is so top heavy the weight of her melons are causing the magnetic axis of the earth to shift.

1:46 pm January, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

I’m no fashion plate, but old school casio watch with tiny white purse and beltkini has to be a very strong DON’T. Why the sad eyebrows Douchey Juan? Did she not wear the burka as instructed? Right here is a case where a burka would be a DO.

1:49 pm January, 13 Hermit said...

^ Nancy, huge sunglasses are the new Western burka.

1:49 pm January, 13 Vin Douchal said...

That’s not a rock bathroom, thats the line for the free prostate exam being administered by a thick-fingered Tongan shaman named, Mo.

1:51 pm January, 13 Douche Springsteen said...

I guess I’d be sad as well if I was in such close proximity to a well-formed bosom and didn’t have my face buried in it. This is the mainly the reason why I don’t frequent strip clubs.

1:58 pm January, 13 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

A furrow of Jainism Monks wait inaudibly to the right till it is their turn to cast loose Monica’s mesmeric cushions from their ever hindering leather bedazzled snare; completing their dedicated errand to my self indulgence.

2:03 pm January, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Hermit! Hey good to see you. Yes giant sunglasses that obscure most of the face are the western burka. Its like a bizarro burka.

2:04 pm January, 13 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Great boobies. Sorry, that’s all I can muster for today.

2:08 pm January, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That is my old roomate Carolyn. I hated her but I’d fuck her when she came home horny looking for coock. Looks like her anyway, she’s be 45 by now. Nice tits.

2:13 pm January, 13 Medusa Oblongata said...

I give him a notta. He looks totally dazed, like he just blew a load in his pants. I don’t blame him. I think I did, too

2:20 pm January, 13 Mr. Biggs said...

Oh Farken A DB1. Don’t give this midlife crisis bozo the satisfaction of thinking he has manual labor skills. Them’s all the trappings of propped up mcFungie oldbag in the works. He realized following his parents’ footsteps was spiritually unfulfilling at age 40, and the only way he knows how to redeem himself is with the store-bought douchal display. And sweet Monica, expensive-date-gnaw-worthy-princess that she is, doesn’t have the wisdom to know better.

Chalk me up for writing this up as a weekly winner, boss. Now pardon me whilst I unscramble my brains so I can fantasize about Monica. Alone. With me as her personal leathersmith.

2:23 pm January, 13 Mr. Biggs said...

“Oh, Monica, that belt-bra is such a betrayal of your awesome curves … here let me work something better for you … more fitting to your style. Let me just wrap this piece of leather … it’s okay I need to feel the curves so I can get the shape right … mmmm oh yes this will come out nicely. Mmmm ah huhhhuhuh I said come …”

2:35 pm January, 13 Vin Douchal said...

My continuing huge crush on Martha MacCallum continues to continue and will continually continue until further notice.
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That is all.

2:37 pm January, 13 Et Tu Douche? said...

+1 for the boobage, the gunt is a turnoff though. As for douchey Juan he looks lost I wanted to feel bad for him then I realized this is some Vegas poolbaggery shot so it must be somewhat warm and yet he has on a wool cap. The only time a wool cap is acceptable on a hot dayby a body of water is if it’s being worn by a rasta strolling the beaches of Negril.

2:51 pm January, 13 massengill said...

“Surreal?”
.
More like “suh-boobs.”

2:53 pm January, 13 massengill said...

@ ETD
That’s not a gunt, it’s the fuel tank for a sex machine.
.
Seriously though, that chick is not fat. At all. Except in the titties. And maybe in her brain, too, since she’s fraternizing with this guy.

3:00 pm January, 13 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

If he took his shirt off the scarred over welts on his back that she raises daily when she beats him with that belt and screams “WHERE…IS…THE…F*CKING…CHECKBOOK…YOU…F*CK?!” would read “I am a pussy”.

3:02 pm January, 13 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Coincidentally, “Rehab Day at the Columbus Zoo” looks like a kick-ass rocking event.

3:03 pm January, 13 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

She keeps his manhood in her tiny purse.
.
.
Right next to her self respect.
.
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With room left over for a half dozen tampons.

3:11 pm January, 13 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Massengill.
.
I agree she’s not fat so I take back gunt and will go with slight pooch.

3:18 pm January, 13 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

I love how she’s sporting theFarmer’s Whobag bikini bottom tanline. Is it just me or does she have some red fuzz poking out over the top of that plunging undie?
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Oh, like you haven’t increased Zoom to 400%.

3:20 pm January, 13 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

She uses her digital watch to calculate the tensile strength needed in the belt to absor…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Snort! Just kidding. It’s actually a pez dispenser.

3:25 pm January, 13 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Actually it’s his watch. And he’s drinking water because somebody in this picture is going to get Shaaahiiiiiiitt-faaaaaaaced, take off her “clothes”, dry f*ck the keg tap, take a few friendly loads to the face, and well, somebody’s got to get them home in time to help the kid with his homework.

3:27 pm January, 13 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Douchey Juan goes to relationship counceling:

3:50 pm January, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Scrotato Head, I love that commercial.

3:52 pm January, 13 mr.reeve said...

I am more confused about the red creeping up from Monica’s snatch. And calling an Armenian dude Juan? This is truly a puzzling post.

4:26 pm January, 13 Wedgie said...

Love that R. Lee Ermey, he reminds me of Grandpa Wedgie. Salty Old Fuccer.
BTW, that’s not a belt she’s wearing, it’s Olivia Newton John’s headband from “Xanadu”. Awesome.

6:10 pm January, 13 creature said...

nice baby gunt on Monica…would very much like to go barrumpa-bump-bum on it with my tom-tom wand

6:18 pm January, 13 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

You just know that at some point, very, very soon, a large amount of cash is going to change hands. Probably Serbian Dinar’s.

But it’s a stroke of genius to throw on your best wifebeater and take your Slavic stripper-escort to Belgrade’s premier waterpark, Super Bath House World. Just try not to get any water in your mouth or rectum.

6:27 pm January, 13 Troy Tempest said...

This pair is as well matched if Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos had all guzzled a liter jar of benzedrine and blew atomised ketamine up each other’s butts until they all spontaneously sang Muskrat Luv in the voice of Elmer Fudd, and began prognosticating on the the necessary pairing of earth people.
.
But rather than throw darts at pee stained bedsheets, they would rather roll in their own filth and bark out runes. When the barking stops, they sacrifice a vole, and divine the names of the next lucky couple.
.
The hopeless bagling and the megableeth above were this month’s winners.

6:44 pm January, 13 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Well, there is Ass-Pear and then there is Paunch-Pear, which Monica seems to have in full baby-bump view.
Or else she’s a model for 14th century Flemish paintings.
Douchey Juan looks like he’s seen the ghost of Robert DeNiro, who isn’t even deceased yet.
Conclusion: There’s a lotta time-warping goin’ on here.

7:19 pm January, 13 Vin Douchal said...

You guys think she has a big stomach? Not even.
.
She’s beautiful, her body is flawless, except for that fork lift driver hand. From the watch down she looks like a grappler.
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Bring on the tug job, Monica, I’m yours

7:20 pm January, 13 Vin Douchal said...

From the watch down she looks like an oyster shucker

7:22 pm January, 13 Vin Douchal said...

From the watch down she looks like a plumber

8:33 pm January, 13 Fatness said...

If you look really closely you can see the Dow-Corning logo poking out of the bottom of those orbs. Plus, I think she’s starting to melt. Better start licking, Juan, before she’s just a sticky spot on the sidewalk.

9:04 pm January, 13 Guid is Good said...

This has to have been taken at the Vivid Christmas Party. Am I right? Am I right?

10:13 pm January, 13 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I think you are on to something, he does look a bit like infamous French douchebag pornographer Pierre Woodman.

12:00 am January, 14 Steve L. said...

she looks like she only has sex once every 2 months. but when she does, she’ll orgasm every 2 minutes, which totally makes you feel macho and shit.
.
yeah i know the above observation made no sense.
then again, neither does carrying a purse while wearing bikinis.

4:28 am January, 14 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

I weep for what the world has become.

5:38 am January, 14 Collaz B. Popped said...

Juan the Armenian wearing winter cap at poolside – autodouche.

Yes, the sadness in his eyes bellies the fact he never gets to experience her natural breasts with more than one of his senses at a time.

6:06 am January, 14 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

Can’tghv ytpew wtihh oen hadnnm AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! Ooohh, yeaaaahhh…
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.
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.
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Sorry– I should really wait until I’m finished ‘batin’ before I try to post comments.

6:39 am January, 14 UFO Destroyers said...

This is what is poking out of her bikini bottom.
.
And it may look like a slight pooch, but I think it’s because she’s slouching to not make the paid help feel that much more inferior since he’s on the way to clean the rock-toilet. Good posture at all times Monica will help you from looking like your Grammy when you’re 73.

7:37 am January, 14 MoeDouche said...

She’d probably do a split for a quarter and let you touch her between her legs for a dollar ’cause that’s what she saying to the men around her with that bikini: I AM CHEAP & HORNY!

10:37 am January, 14 Anonymous said...

Juan? looks more like an Armo to me

11:40 am January, 14 One for the Choad said...

I loves me some boobies, but once the shock factor wore off, I thought, “Bleeth.”

12:54 pm January, 14 Grand Douche Railroad said...

http://www.freeones.com/html/c_links/Corin_Riggs/

Might be the above hott. Given the glasses however, she may be hiding a bionic eye or two. The watch leads me to believe the latter.

12:54 pm January, 14 Grand Douche Railroad said...

Forgot to mention: most certainly NSFW.

12:03 am January, 17 kathy said...

how do i join

2:31 am January, 17 Motorcycle Parts said...

The right until it is their turn to throw pillows magnetic Monica never harm them leather trap dazzled complete their mission dedicated to my day.

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