Friday, January 21, 2011

Friday Thoughts and Links

As Pierre Bourdieu notes, culture and image tribes have long adorned themselves with the markers of status as part of their determinants imposed upon the mating ritual.

A complex series of social, cultural and hierarchical spheres of visual signification meant to establish ritualistic order over coupling and desire.

And yet.

Somewhere along the line, we ended up with this.

Four prong and boobie paint.

And Elijah kicked a lamb.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “Ok ladies it’s time for the GRATUITOUS NUDITY. You supply the nudity, and we supply the gratuity.”

“WTF Beast.” An epic folk anthem for the po-po-mo generation.

Blogger David Medsker sums up HCwDB’s case against Denis Leary and perhaps rightly takes me to task for jumping the gun on my critique without having seen the show. Still, I stand by my thesis.

And so as not to pull a Leary myself, credit given to reader Luis Douchuel, who came up with the title “The ‘Lifestyle’ Takes Its Toll” along with his submission on Monday, and I used it without crediting him. My fault, L.D. All writing on the site should always be given credit to whomever wrote it.

Sabio and the rest of The Bros ™ find gainful employment in Canada as academically trained scholars of antiquity.

Ed Hardy invades iTunes and creates its own Douche App. Just when you thought it was safe to create a playlist.

A blogger asks why Asian guys prefer white chicks, references Four Prong. The answers lie in the spikes.

Only the boldest of ‘bag hunters and huntresses dare venture into the video gallery of London’s “Elite Parties.” Where stupid people overpay by the thousands to run with the goose for a few hours and pretend they’re having fun.

Okay. Lets get to it.

Today, for your serving of firm, glute hindquarters, we’re gonna mix it up:

Candid Pearma.

A theatrical lineup of gnaw for your Friday eve, as we hike upwards and into the 2 out of 7 days that are not like the others.

Enjoy. For the weekend is upon.

EDIT: Some comments in the threads today aren’t immediately appearing due to a new spam filter, but will go up after a short delay. Should be running normally tomorrow.

# posted by douchebag1
1:01 pm January, 21 DarkSock said...

I’m confused; the Sabio™ link took me to a gay porn site.

1:03 pm January, 21 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

damn… ol 4phrong is gonna get paint on that JC Penny suit.

1:21 pm January, 21 DarkSock said...

^and on his hand too, if they painted her tulips.

1:23 pm January, 21 DarkSock said...

Four-Prong’s favorite feature of the new arcade-themed bordello was feeding $100 in quarters into the girl’s coin slots.

1:24 pm January, 21 DarkSock said...

Later that evening, as Cindi got to see the other painted part of 4-Prong’s anatomy, she was reminded of her first job painting Tic-Tacs™.

1:25 pm January, 21 mr.reeve said...

Sabio is short for “Slabioonyourknobio”, DarkSock. I guess them gay porn guys roll like dat, SON.
The pear was mighty tasty. Thanks.
Almost beer time amigos. “Get some” buzz on, SONS.

2:02 pm January, 21 Sir David Douchenborough said...

Good lord, these people are embarrassing the Great White North. If our Prader-Willi, pompous, pusillanimous parvenu, Sabio does hail from Canuckland, there is a certain joke in Mexico regarding Canadians who flock down there to act as though they run Fortune 500 companies:
.
“What is the difference between a Canadian and a canoe? A canoe tips.”
.
I am betting these fine gentlemen who consider fine cologne as being 50 dollars at Giant Tiger are probably from the much berated “905” region around Toronto as it were. They seem to ruin everything.
.
If anyone actually waited until the really horrible techno music ended when accessing that link, you will be privy to how these gentlemen tie themselves over for a night after a series rejections: A simultaneous cathartic expression of relief while getting off and sitting on the toilet, for that is the only reasonable explanation for the creepy baritone heard at the end of that music sample.
.
By the way, thank god for the pear. It is a necessary balance for this week’s dumbfuckery.

2:09 pm January, 21 mr.reeve said...

I just googled “ass pear”. You get to see the good, the bad and the ugly. Try it.

2:18 pm January, 21 Army of DOuche-ness said...

I was gonna say in DB1’s commentary re: Denis Leary a while back that I didn’t fully agree…IF he talked about HC’s w DB;s then maybe he was ripping off DB1, but DB! cant take credit for the anti-DB movement as a whole…it’s sort of a trend right now and in my expeirence there were two moments where the term came back to me and both occurred before this site was launched- in an early Curb Your Enthusiasm episode, someone calls Larry a DB. This was a season that aired in like 2002 and then in 2005 i dated a native new yorker in Atlanta and I thought it weas so cool she called anyone she didn’t like a douchebag. the connection between HC’s and DB’s

2:23 pm January, 21 Sir David Douchenborough said...

@ Me

Correction, correction, they seem to operate out West in Alberta, and people say Toronto should be hated for its problems.

2:56 pm January, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Good premise. I just shop at the liquor store, wal-mart, target, and kevin’s head shop. (poor Kevin. he ain’t stoned, he’s my brova. And he has good weed but is on the outs with his motha) Alberta ere is nothing Alberta is Saskatchewan’s older gay sister son. The dope in Alberta is shit son. I know, I lived there son.

3:40 pm January, 21 Vin Douchal said...

4P needs to borrow Gynochin’s cockk glasses to finish the effect she/he’s going for. That would be “dickface”

3:41 pm January, 21 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I want to try my hand at boobie paint. Then work my way into pear paint. Some day, I hope to do a full portrait. By hand.

4:05 pm January, 21 Vin Douchal said...

RE: Leary, etc
.
Bravo TV’s Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger (don’t ask) is also jumping on the bandwagon

4:23 pm January, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I keep landing on porn sites, but that is cool with any Roman Catholic or Spartacus. The Denis Leary site is tough to take. We all know that many people died on 9/11 including a few of my friends and this fuck has made his career on their dead backs. I appreciate emergency workers but this piece of shit has to find something original. Fuck Four Prong. I need pizza and sleep. Stay stoned my friends..

4:52 pm January, 21 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Sir David, hahahaha! regarding your canoe joke. So true. I’m sure you’re a good tipper though, you just seem like you would be.

@DB1 Doesn’t blogger David Mesker know we took you to task to DB1? I personally accused you of “pulling a Kanye.” Or maybe you pulled more of a Coolio. Remember when he got all mad that Weird Al made a song parody of “Gangsta’s Paradise” when Coolio himself had ripped off that song of Stevie Wonder’s “Pasttime Paradise”? At least you trademarked Sabio and The Bros. I was thinking about calling the one bisexual rat and two gay cockroaches that currently inhabit the trash area by my freezing pathetic apartment by that name, but alas, its trademarked.
.
And Four Prong, I think about you entirely too much. It ends tonight! You’ve gotta write in. What’s going on down there? Is it even human? Brett Favre us a pic please. My mom told me it was rude to ask those
kinds of questions of strangers but she never said anything about
posting them to a website.

5:27 pm January, 21 One for the Choad said...

Jay –

I took no pleasure writing up that Leary piece. I just had to call it like I saw it. I hope you can forgive me. DM

5:36 pm January, 21 FoghornLeghorn said...

Sabio and his friends will give you a free sex toy party, if you ask him nicely.
.
I guess I have to admit I clicked a couple links on Sabio page, but I was only doing research. Just like Pete Townshend.

5:53 pm January, 21 Mr. Biggs said...

“one gets the sense that he was too busy with his myriad of other projects to work very hard on his own routine for this show.”
.
And that’s why he steals. Thinking up one’s own jokes is too much busy work for an awesome important guy like Leary.

6:35 pm January, 21 Steve L. said...

ALL HAIL THE NEW SPAM FILTER.
.
son.

6:36 pm January, 21 Steve L. said...

i may be late to the “son” bandwagon, but at least i paid my respects.

6:44 pm January, 21 Anthony LaBaglia said...

I hate when them butts get all cottage cheesy.

I likes me some back fat as much as the next dude, but that one chick looks like her ass caught on fire and somebody put it out with a track shoe.

6:45 pm January, 21 Anthony LaBaglia said...

Then again, my mom used to like cottage cheese with pears. I don’t know what that means.

7:21 pm January, 21 Steve L. said...

i’ve met Asian guys who never considered dating white girls because they don’t know what their parents or grandparents are gonna say. one guy was kinda ambivalent: “well, if i date a white girl, my mom wouldn’t stop me. but she wouldn’t like it either. i can feel that.”
.
it really depends on the crowd you’re with.
.
but on a purely aesthetic note, i’ll say this: Victoria’s Secret’s army of models remained Asian-free until 2009. that’s 30+ years after its founding. i guess Asian chicks aren’t that fuckable?

7:21 pm January, 21 douche equis said...

Dammit! HOW MANY PRONGS DOES HE REALLY HAVE? It is late on a Friday and this sort of ambiguity will keep me up ALL NIGHT! The other day there was a sort of proto-prong entering the picture, the man’s name is Four Prong, and he never seems to have less than five? This is too mind-bending for someone as literal minded as me. I demand a prongcount!

7:30 pm January, 21 Steve L. said...

that being said, most Asian chicks employed by western modeling gigs (especially Liu Wen) look like the result of someone whipping out some 18th century textbook on racial profiling and memorizing the section on “Asian” racial features. that just fucking creeps me out.
.
when i think Asian hotness i think of girls like Gigi Leung and Barbie Hsu. “westernized Asian models” just don’t look anything like that. or maybe i’m just a fucked up quasi-racist.
.
(ugh. the above link is broken. but i don’t feel like fixing it. just google “first Asian Victoria’s Secret Model”)

7:37 pm January, 21 Steve L. said...

other fun stereotypes about Asians:
.
there’s this TV ad of a beauty salon in Taiwan that runs on the theme of “we can make you as hot as your mom”. the ad basically starts with some chick lamenting that she’s not as hot as her mom and then the beauty salon stepped in and promised to turn her into a regal MILF, thereby implying that there’s a large demographic of Taiwanese girls who aren’t as hot as their mothers.
.
but y’know what? i’m in Taiwan (the Xiandian region of Taipei County) right fucking now and i haven’t seen that many MILFs.
.
but hopefully there are tons of MILFs somewhere else in Taiwan. do us proud MILFs of Taiwan!

8:03 pm January, 21 Steve L. said...

that would be Xindian. not Xiandian.
like you care though.

8:49 pm January, 21 Fatness said...

Steve…partake in the local “cuisine” and report back. Thanks.

8:51 pm January, 21 soy bomb said...

Hope you find yourself an Xindian MILF Steve L.

9:23 pm January, 21 DarkSock said...

@ Steve L:
.
If you guess that asian chicks aren’t that fuckable, you would of course be wrong, sir. They have jet black hair, petite lithe frames, taut perfect breasts, bronze skin, and rather smallish garages in which western SUV’s barely squeeze into. You have to fold the mirrors in, and pull right up to the door so you can get into the kitchen. Getting groceries out is a bitch; might as well park on the fuccen street to unload, then try and ram the Excursion in without scraping the Sherwin Williams right off the over-priced sheet rock. And why did the asshole builders put the water heater in an already too-tiny space, where you also have to cram your LAWN MOWER AND FUCCEN 5 GALLON CAN O’ GAS? I mean, really, what the FUCK?
.
.
.
Wait. I was building a boner there somewhere about the undeniable hotness of asian ladies and then lost my way. My bad. Reverend K sent me a Thai stick and I put it in my vaporizer. It had white dust on it. Looks like a long night.
.
.
.
SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!!!

9:36 pm January, 21 DarkSock said...

I suppose Victoria’s Secretions is in the biz of selling Milk Dome Slings, and the bigger and more bloated they can make them seem the better. Asian girls tend to have smaller breasts (NOT that there’s anything wrong with those perfect A and B cups mind you) so perhaps that is why they are just now marketing rib meat holsters and squirrel covers to the lovely Asian ladies, now that they’ve saturated the market in peddling their flap-jack squishers to the flaccid western sows in trailer parks from east to west coast. But Asian chicks general get an automatic +1 on the Hott Scale in my book. And by “book” I mean “pants”.

10:36 pm January, 21 Taiwanese MILF said...

A possible answer to that blogger’s question:
http://www.musingsonlifeandlove.com/2010/08/09/i-date-outside-my-race-because-my-race-wont-date-me/

4:58 am January, 22 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Well played DB1 (re the Denis Leary dust up).
Re the reason Asian dudes like white trim is the same reason (some) white guys dig black chicks, and why (some) Asian ladies prefer the company of large schnozz-ed, horse-faced, Anglo-European-American men, and why Irish girls love Italian boys, and Irish men love Italian women…it’s something different that’s all.

The reason women love me is because I’m incredibly handsome and have a large penis.

5:08 am January, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Sober up Dark Sock. You are starting to sound like me. And by me I mean incoherent rambling and I loved me the asians. When I had the seven year itch, and it was really itchy, I only did french speaking Vietnamese tiny university student whores.And by whores I mean I paid. I did have a Jap Fuck buddy in school named Kayleen. Good times. And up above, it is not me unless red name.

6:20 am January, 22 mr.reeve said...

Darksock @ 9:23, holy shit. That was some of the funniest shit ever, son.

7:25 am January, 22 Blinded by the Shite said...

I think that Leary in also in debt to Vin Douchal here for the Douchebag Song. Also, thanks are to go to Darksock for making me spit the mouthful of sleeping pills out.

2:01 pm January, 22 Jacques Doucheteau said...

$250 G-string Show and $300 for Full Monty.
.
Well, there goes my next couple paychecks.

7:25 pm January, 22 Stephanie said...

The funny thing is, the prongs are the ONLY thing that’s long and hard,son.

9:19 pm January, 22 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

It’s a damn shame that Denis Leary looks so much like Sam Shepherd the actor and grand playwright.
But then, he opens his Leary mouth and all similarities end.
I guess we need to classify Sabio and Friends as Canadian Bacon. Thick cut.
Four-Prong continues to create optical illusion with Five Prongs and a suspicious lesbo-look, and now he’s in to finger-painting broads.

12:14 pm January, 23 DarkSock said...

If you shaved her head she’d look like a terrapin.
.
.
Great. Now I have wood.

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