Monday, January 10, 2011

HCwDB of the Week: Gynochin and Brunette Rhea

One change I’ve decided on for 2011 is we’re gonna hand out the Weekly Award without official voting. We’ll just kind of make a collective determination as to the worst of hottie/douchey toxicity from the previous week, and then I’ll hand it out on Monday.

That being said, you all will still help determine the winner. By making complaints, wise cracks or otherwise noting another pic should’ve won instead and I’m a total ninny are all welcome in the threads.

That being said, if you’d like to hand out a Weekly Award because you’ve got something to rant about a particular pic and want to mock it with front page aplomb, email me the previous weekend and maybe I can rotate some regs into handing out the awards like we did the 2010 Douchies. Since it’s becoming increasingly and awesomely clear that the regs are funnier than my drunk ass most of the time.

The Monthly, and Yearly, however, will still be full-on voting time.

So lets start 2011’s first Weekly with the well deserving and punchworthy smarmy stubble chin of Gynochin, and the absolutely tasty and bank account draining gnaw that is Brunette Rhea. Gynochin also appeared, bothering Perky Peri, making him a double ‘bagger.

But Rhea… oh how your earlobes make me want to crotch slap a fire hydrant then crack hump a lemur named Cynthia.

This combo is toxic urbane four star restaurant trust fund living poo.

And so we mock it. And book ’em the first slot in the next Monthly.

# posted by douchebag1
7:09 am January, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

What! I say what am I to do with my 90 % spare time on Monday now, son?

7:12 am January, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Oh Yeah! Keep on drinkin” and doin’ nothing to make money son. That’s it son. Did anybody see that Saints game son? Ima just cooking chili and I don’t fuccking care about that foosball any more son.

7:21 am January, 10 Andy Capp said...

I hear ya, Rev.
.
Not only do the Saints let the Seachickens hang around all day (how many times did they get behind the Saints coverage, anyways?), they suffered that insane tackling breakdown at the end. I was crying into my Fort Garry Dark in a Mexican restaurant Saturday night.
.
And now, now! DB1 gets all anti-democratic on us. Perhaps this whole Denis Leary thing has gotten under this skin…
.
Not questioning the pick this Monday morning…just mourning the speed of change in my universe…
.
(sigh)
.
….now back to launching DDOS attacks on Lativian Pharma Drug sites….
.

7:24 am January, 10 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

me thinks gynochin reared his vaginal head back in 2010. If he didn’t win back then, he definitely deserves it now. this is a justified rotation, as the baghunting community should never be allowed to forget its most tragic failures, such as allowing this particular abortion to reach adulthood

7:33 am January, 10 Douchble Helix said...

What is this, the USSR?

7:38 am January, 10 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

Every time I try to study his douche-tastic features to build up a head of steam for mock, I get distracted by Rhea’s sparkling brown eyes, perfect skin and slight-but-still-tantalizing cleavage. I stare, mouth agape, at her sensuous beauty and forget that there’s anything else in the photo– hell, in the world. I am succumbing to my own horniness this morning, and can’t muster an appropriate jab at gynochin.
.
I may have to take matters into my own hand, as it were, to clear my head for the day (or at least for half an hour).
.
And, yes, by “clear my head” I do mean ejaculate.

7:43 am January, 10 Vin Douchal said...

I once had a lemur named Swingcockk O’Reilly-Beck. S.O.B. was housebroken but spent way too much time ordering adult movies on Cinemax . And everyone knows that shit is soft core. A ripoff, really
.
Jennifer Korbin makes Skinamax worth checking out once in awhile , like when the old lady has a headache or some such bullshit

8:09 am January, 10 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Before I read what DB1 wrote or even scrolled to see who this putz was up against I knew I was voting for him. Good job on the choice, boss, for his face is one I want to punch repeatedly. And so you all know, I’m really more of a lover than a fighter.

8:15 am January, 10 Taint Nuthin But A G-Thang said...

I agree with MC 900. Good choice, boss. Gynochin’s hair alone is home to six different species of pheasant. Send in a labrador to flush them out, have your shotgun at the ready, and you’re having Pheasant Chowder for dinner the next two nights.
.
PULL!
.
(birds go flying every which way)
.
*BOOM!!!*
.
….”shit, I missed the bird….wait, I think I hit his chin….”

8:27 am January, 10 Condouchious said...

I really have to stop punching my monitor whenever I see these guys and their idiotic facial expressions. DB1 are you from the future or something? He totally would’ve won under the old system b/c of that stupid face and also b/c Rhea is how you say, easy on the eyes.

8:52 am January, 10 Merle Baggard said...

She is super cute. He does his hair like that to appear as tall as her.

9:00 am January, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

OK, so I guess I get to be the first. “It’s Shark Week” didn’t win? For reals son? The guy who walked into a tattoo shop and shouted “I’m here so everyone could clean their equipment and doodle for 5 minutes! I only have $10 so do your best!” doesn’t win? Color me disappointed.

9:04 am January, 10 Et Tu Douche? said...

Scott Caan needs to lay off the blow and put a few pounds back on. As for the lovely, exotic, Mediterranean looking Rhea she is gnaw worthy yumminess whom I’d like to spread my home made Tzatziki sauce all over her subtle cleavite.

9:08 am January, 10 Mr. White said...

@doc
Fair point, but I’m going to back DB1 on this one. Shark Week was major douche, but his HC was mostly obscured, and what we could see of her was skank My biggest complain about the voting process here* is that too many “HC”wDB couplings were making it through based totally on DB and ignoring the critical HC component. If I just wanted to be sickened, I’d go to People of Walmart or Faces of Meth. If DB1’s choices remove this problem, I applaud it.
.
*And by “complaint,” I mean I don’t really care because it’s a humor website, but it’s fun to play the outraged troll sometimes.

9:08 am January, 10 Bob Mcadouche said...

No voting? What kind of dictatorship has this site turned into? At least give three ‘bags a democratic shot at the weekly.

9:09 am January, 10 Deltus said...

First, boss, we (or at least I) completely understand about the voting thing. I can only imagine that compiling the votes was time consuming, and besides which, the voting rarely goes in a surprising turn.
.
Much like, I should add, this week. No way would gyno have lost. Especially not with the sweet, expensive looking loveliness that is Rhea.
.
I would bumper hop a dilapidated Greyhound bus across the most violence torn areas of Mexico wearing an “I hate me some filthy spics” tshirt with accompanying spanish translation on the back just for the opportunity to lick the discarded wrapper from a greasy double baconcheeseburger her best friend ate while talking about her with another friend last Thursday.

9:14 am January, 10 Turdacious said...

I’m out!, thanks but i liked the old way.
and since i’m not the captain not my call.
ill be back if it changes back

9:17 am January, 10 Turdacious said...

I do however need to make 1 more comment before i depart.
Is that a butthole above his chin?

9:22 am January, 10 RAPETIME said...

What the hell, no Monday vote?

9:31 am January, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

Change. Its the only thing that remains constant. Other than my constant hatred of douchebaggery. I’m on board with the new way DB1. You’re a real maverick in the mocking arena. Don’t let the hatters get ya down. See ya Turdacious, I never liked you anyway. You comments were pooalicious. I also look forward to calling you a ninny DB1ster now that you’ve given the go ahead.

Your first choice was right on the chinny. This dude sucks. Chin. This douche sucks major chin. She is hot, there is no denying that.

Deltus’ ode to Rhea, FTW.

9:39 am January, 10 tall guy said...

I like the compromise of handing over the reigns for the weekly to one of the regulars, who I find reading fun, fun, fun. I back DB1 on this call. Let’s give it a trial and reassess it in a few months (as I am sure DB1 would do).

That said, what of Gynochin? Nature’s worst blunder, helped along by his gay hairdressing pals. Rhea is tasty.

9:55 am January, 10 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Ahhh bollocks. Voting was the only thing I could competently do here. Now it’s been taken away much like my financial aid. My style of mock is rudimentary at best, and doesn’t lend itself to many laughs. Well other than awkward laughs I suppose. Oh well change is for the best…and this guy does suck something awful.

10:01 am January, 10 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

A warning image that sometimes insisting on a vaginal birth can have lasting and devestating effects on the child. I”m not saying he has a long face but the distance from his forehead to his gynochin matches distance from her mounds of glory to her glorious mound. If he went down on her they’d both get hair in their mouths at the same time.
.
Tell me DB1 that there is more of Rhea for us to enjoy. She is so hott she makes me tug at my wedding ring in futility until the skin around it is shredded, bloodied, and bruised.
.
You know I was talking about my cockk, right?

10:09 am January, 10 Bigphatnotadouche said...

I can go both ways on the issue but I do believe the interwebs is the only remaining forum of democracy. Such open democracy and freedom speech made HCWDB great.
Actually, I am only here for the boobies.
Please carry on DB1.
I vote for more ASS Pear and Librarian Hotts.

10:10 am January, 10 Medusa Oblongata said...

You mean I might have a shot at writing a front-page rant? *rubs hands together excitedly* DB1, you don’t know what kind of headache you just loosened upon yourself. Think I irritate your inbox now? Ohhhhh, shit, son.
.
I find this stripping of the democratic process not unlike what is happening to America itself. As we plunge into a totalitarian hell in real life, so cyberlife goes with it. There, I said it. Now bring on the tits.

10:12 am January, 10 I R A Darth Aggie said...

One change I’ve decided on for 2011 is we’re gonna hand out the Weekly Award without official voting.
.
I for one welcome our new overlords.
.
That said, the above picture depicting such extremes of hott with douche renders it as autowin. Hell, we might even be able to dispense with the yearly, and give him the HCwDB yearly for 2011.
.
Tho I shouldn’t count out poet poo-chate Stackhouse just yet. Like the Saints shouldn’t have counted out the Shithawks…

10:18 am January, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Karl Marx 1

From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. Or something like that, son.

10:21 am January, 10 Frank Mercurio said...

Medusa, nobody wants to hear you barking, you canine cunt. So, are we working tonight, or what?

10:43 am January, 10 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Good call. He is gross. She is heavenly.
.
I’m crawling back in my burrow now.

10:48 am January, 10 DoucheyWallnuts said...

If anyone already came up with this, I apologize, but this facial expression can be called “Sucky Cheeks,” a cousin of Kissy Lips. Sucky Cheeks = Auto….

10:55 am January, 10 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Frank–speaking of canines…get back in the nightstand or I’ll coat you in bacon grease and throw you to the dogs again. Those teeth marks didn’t quite buff out last time, did they?

11:06 am January, 10 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

The reason I love this new format is cause I’m kind of lazy and now I don’t have to vote. You know, just like most Americans.

11:09 am January, 10 Turdacious said...

@Nancy
Mom! is that you?
Seriously maybe
I’m not gone, just not going to partake.
I still like the site, i just really liked the comments from all on why they thought 1 was more douchier then the other.
My favorite part of the site actually.
I’m glad you feel that way about me since you know me so well.
I’m not going to attack you because i dont know you at all.

11:20 am January, 10 mr.reeve said...

A one time HCwDB of the week with no vote does not deserve all this complaining. Relax, have a toke or a drink ‘bag hunters. Jebus Cristo! This dick chin deserved it.

11:40 am January, 10 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

@Turdacious 11:09:
I see Nancy’s attempt to poke you with a stick to keep you from leaving worked. Don’t fall for the simplest of maneuvers, Turd!
.
I think the new format should work to your benefit, since now you can save it all up and unleash the hella-mock with a fury once a month during the Monthly voting. You can lurk quietly and without attracting any attention and then submit to your bloodlust every thirty days or so like a werewolf (or PMS-ing woman). Yeah, I know– I’ll probably have Frank crushing my sphincter on the reg from Medusa or get a verbal groin-kick from Nancy for playing the menstruation card.
.
Also, that is a butthole above his chin, inasmuch as it’s his mouth. Sodomites jam their coccks in both, so the difference is semantic.
.
(No homo)
.
.
.
.
.
Son!

12:02 pm January, 10 Anonymous said...

No weekly HCwDBoW vote?
.
That has ‘mailing it in’ written all over it. Mr. Reeve, don’t see where DB1 suggested this was a one time thing. Maybe you can do the first write up for him next week. If you do, gimme a call, you can do my job for me next week.
.
His site, his perogative. I suppose when you are writing TV shows and whatnot, it’s easy to forget where you came from–I’m sure TV pays better.
.
Much like Turdacious, the weekly vote was my favorite part, with the possible exception of the haiku.
.
No matter.
.
DB1, you might want re-read the Leary thread–pay particular attention to Butter Sauce’s comments.
.
You have ended your war on douchebags and taken up the cause of making them famous. Can’t wait to see Stackhouse’s reality show.
.

12:12 pm January, 10 creature said...

classic HCwDB coupling, boss, as Rhea is exceptionally comely & Gyncochin by all rights should be impaled, via his anus, on a growing cedar sapling!

12:37 pm January, 10 Scooby Douche said...

I also object to no vote. I enjoyed the challenge of trying to persuade our fellow bag-hunters of the merits of the douche and the boobies. It cannot be said that “this was their finest hour”.

That being said, man she is hott!

1:48 pm January, 10 Wedgie said...

Dude looks like Wolverine’s gay little brother, whose name is Gerbil.

1:52 pm January, 10 Douchble Helix said...

There was a guy in college with a melon shaped liked that. We called him ‘Vice Head’.

2:11 pm January, 10 Hong Kong Douchey said...

Rhea is one of those chicks who will get even better as she ages. She’ll be driving the minivan with three kids and still looking good. Mrs. HKD is not one of those and we don’t even have kids. Gotta get her to start working on the gunt, Son!

2:12 pm January, 10 Tom Choad said...

I have to say, I always enjoyed the Weekly voting. I loved reading everyone’s takes on the various hottie-douchey comminglings and watching commenters make their arguments.
.
And the wrap-up on Wednesdays with DB1 selecting some of the choicest mock for the front page was always a treat. I knew I had brought the good stuff when I saw one of my comments make it. I need facile validation from total strangers– I am a small, shallow human being.
.
Now I’m going to have to be more diligent about commeting on every pic, just to ensure I have a shot at Front-Page immortality. Or DB1 could reinstate the voting to shut up all of us whiners bitching about how we can’t handle minor adjustments to our precious online universe…

3:04 pm January, 10 Wedgie said...

I also like voting. You guys are hilarious; it’s the comments that keep me entertained so much. Plus VinD’s frequent photo links.
You know, Vin, you should start your own skin site with photos stolen from other sites. And name it “The Squirty” or some other of your choosing that rhymes with “The Dirty”.
‘Cuz that’s how we roll.

3:54 pm January, 10 DarkSock said...

What is this, Vassar?
.
.
OK no bearing on anything; it’s just my favorite Letterman non sequitur, next to “They pelted us with rocks and garbage”. Son.

3:59 pm January, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Dark Sock must have had a heart attack or drank that bottle of rye he was talking about yessaday. I think the Faces of Meth is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Gotta find me some. Son.

4:01 pm January, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^^He’s alive. Glory be to Jebus. Son. It’s a miracle.

4:38 pm January, 10 Baron Von Goolo said...

Bah!

4:38 pm January, 10 Baron Von Goolo said...

^…son.

4:51 pm January, 10 Wedgie said...

BTW, Frank Mercurio gets my no-longer-counted vote as best new avatar of 2011. But you better be careful of calling out the redhead, ‘cuz she might just throw you into the wood chipper with her other ex-boyfriends….err…..useless wood.

4:54 pm January, 10 dbBen said...

We can still kind of vote, see: Gynochin
.
I just went down to the BMW dealership where Gynochin works to lease a new 5 series for Rhea. I’ll tell her, “No, It’s no big deal, just drive it until you can get your car running again.” The hug she gives me and lets me know that I am absolutely “the best” makes it all worthwhile. At least as I go to my new second job at the theater. I’m in charge of popcorn.
.
Then I’ll snap my head with such aplomb whenever I see a white 5 series that my chiropractor will recommend I get a new pillow.

5:42 pm January, 10 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I applaud the new North Korea style un-vote. Applaud in this sense means projectile vomit.

6:02 pm January, 10 Southern Scrotic said...

We need more photos of Rhea.

6:51 pm January, 10 Guid is Good said...

Douchenfranchised!

Not happy Jan.

7:19 pm January, 10 Douchelips said...

Not so happy about the change DB1. It’s your site to do with as you please, but I enjoyed the voting. It’s a key element of what makes this community.
.
Plus that’s pretty unscientific to say “making complaints, wise cracks or otherwise noting another pic should’ve won instead” will actually overturn a photo you selected.
.
Some of the best threads are the weekly voting. It inspires people to compare and contrast which always makes for better writing.
.
And just selfishly, I looked forward to the weekly voting thread it was one of the few times during the week I’d take the time to bring my “A” game mock.
.
Please reconsider.

7:21 pm January, 10 Troy Tempest said...

I find the lack of voting unsettling.

That said, I find the general tenor of mock here questionable at times. It seems the mockers of all things douchie can be just as pathetic as the douchenozzles they mock.

The constant salivating over a 19 year old rump. Keep it classy.

I agree with the Baron:

Bah.

7:22 pm January, 10 Troy Tempest said...

Also, I agree with douchelips above.

he pretty much spells it out, why the voting is important.

7:24 pm January, 10 Troy Tempest said...

Also, voting doesn’t preclude some regs writing the results up.

7:51 pm January, 10 Wedgie said...

Troy has a good point. We are juvenile.
Boobies.

8:13 pm January, 10 Sir David Douchenborough said...

It seems the mockers of all things douchie can be just as pathetic as the douchenozzles they mock.
.
Indeed, there is no doubt that given a myriad of factors, the level of mock will vary through time, but I must respectfully disagree, Troy and resist the notion that we can ever descend to the same level as these 21st century philistines.
.
I would think that our self awareness would establish a floor such that when the level of mock does trough, it can never trough to the same extent as the subjects we mock.
.
I am probably being foolishly prideful, but I feel uneasy giving any sort of vindication to those douche worshiping trolls when they reflexively bark that ‘we are no better.’
.
Maybe we are not, but I like to think that what sets us somewhat apart is that our enjoyment at the folly of this douchey phenomenon that has invaded the human condition stems, I would hope, from our recognizing the absurdity that such douchey aspects are heralded as virtues without scrutiny.
.
I know I am using the royal “we” here, but that is my impression, anyway. It should be taken a grain salt, especially since I am most likely not a 4th stringer but a gentleman perched on his truck in parking lot yelling at the jumbotron.
.
As for Gynochin, the I am “Kissing in a wind tunnel” look is further exacerbated by incorporating respectable clothing. There was a time when such fabrics were actually considered classy, but now, all I can think about is a magician on a pensioner’s cruise trying to pick up the annoyed daughters who had to tag along.

8:16 pm January, 10 Sir David Douchenborough said...

*with a grain *out in the parking lot

I really must knock off those word omissions. Okay back to work.

8:24 pm January, 10 Tom Choad said...

@Troy:
Wasn’t “General Tenoruv Mock” one of the villains James Bond fought in Goldeneye?
.
I could be mistaken…

10:06 pm January, 10 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

What the heck, who has time to vote any more?The People’s Party will take care of us, Son.

That said, I agree with DB1, the selection is a good douchey choice, this week, that is.

Better get to work during the week, Comrades, and let the howling, er, mocking then be the vote-o-meter for Mondays.

I reckon DB1 may have some surprises for us down the line. Like, say, extra AssPear. Complain about THAT.
Son.

12:12 am January, 11 Anon Watcher said...

DB1, if you’re just tired of counting votes, just get your IT guy to put a voting widget on the site…. people can write their comments, make their arguments, lay down the funny, but the winner/vote tally will tracked by the widget. That’ll save you some time. Of course, you’ll still have to write up the weekly post, which might be what you’re *really* trying to avoid…

however you slice it, though, this decision reeks of laziness. Which i totally support.

12:56 am January, 11 mahjong said...

Bag hunting community should never allow itself to forget its most tragic mistake to allow this abortion to include adulthood

4:34 am January, 11 Collaz B. Popped said...

Of course he has the Popped Collar,,,black on black.

His facial hair is hysterical.

Brunette Rhea resembles the stunning Euro babe from The Godfather Part 1. – Apollonia – The one Michael marries in Sicily and then she (sadly) gets blown up in a crude car bomb assassination.

But Rhea’s hotter and very talented.

4:45 am January, 11 creature said...

blue ghost nipple hovers above a puckkered assswab & a delectible dish of chickky mounds

5:15 am January, 11 Steve L. said...

holy shit i missed a weekly vote.
eh no wait i didn’t. whew!

… now back to more Rhea gawking.

8:40 am January, 11 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

HEY that’s a GREAT idea!. After all, mock did not begin with the Voting Rights Act, and….

Absence of the Weekly Ballot will make the mocks all the more witty and sharp, one would assume. A good change up for the New Year!

11:59 am January, 11 Mr. Biggs said...

I’d say he looks punchable, but he already looks like he’s being punched in the cheek by an invisible fist. So I’m cool.

12:00 pm January, 11 Mr. Biggs said...

And Ah, sweet Rhea. Inspires a whole new Douchey category – most Doe in the Headlights look.

I mean wow. I’m surprised she was allowed out past curfew.

11:45 pm January, 11 james said...

like me

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