Tuesday, January 11, 2011

“Hey Timmy! Your Dad Was a Creepy Licker Douche!”

Poor Unborn Timmy.

In the future, he’ll be born. He’ll grow up. Then his sleepover buddy will find this pic in a photo album, in 2019, and then the rest of the kids on the schoolyard will call him a “Son of a Douche” for months and months on end.

And little Timmy will tearfully ask, “Dad? Is it true you were once a creepy-ass roided out douchewank who licked mom’s ears like a human Q-tip?”

Think before you douche, imminent moms and dads. The subsequent damage could ripple through the generations like an ancestral riptide.

# posted by douchebag1
1:29 pm January, 11 Douche Springsteen said...

I come back to the office after my last 3 weeks on walkabout where I was naked on peyote in the desert more often than not and saw nary a human being I didn’t want to, let alone any signs of rampant douchebaggery, and this is what I see when I come to this site. They’re breeding. Well it was a nice reprieve, but back to the real world now. I’m ready to mock, put me in coach.

1:30 pm January, 11 creature said...

other kids will marvel at his mom’s enormous jugs

1:31 pm January, 11 Deltus said...

Wiat, are those directions he’s following in his hands? Could be that Step 3 was “Gently nuzzle her ears/neck area”, and this is the best he can do. Just thinking out loud here.
.
Also, he arms are a little matronly, n’est ce pas?

1:34 pm January, 11 Anthony LaBaglia said...

Fat Grandmas with Douchebags?

1:44 pm January, 11 soy bomb said...

Where to begin…Passport jokes, nipple jokes, played out tribal tat jokes or girly drink jokes? It’s like one of those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books in picture form.

1:49 pm January, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

I for one am a fan of her Germanic or possibly Scandian naturalness and by naturalness I mean real, plump melons. She might be a little bit older (mid 30’s?) then some of the young hotts we’re used to seeing here but with age & maturity comes knowledge that being said I bet she knows here way around the bedroom.
.
Why does lickbag have what looks like to be a passport in his hand?

1:58 pm January, 11 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Et Tu Douche^
.
Everyone bitching about how invasive airport screening has become what with the body imaging and pat downs.
.
Just be f*cking thankful that, unlike Timmy’s mom, you don’t take the daily ferry in and out of Bayonne, New Jersey.

2:02 pm January, 11 massengill said...

I was going to go with a passport joke or a cruise ship joke. They are on a cruise ship, right?

2:07 pm January, 11 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

above all Tommy is a class B+ douche, and his Mom’s built in weather girls qualify her also in the class B MILF.

2:08 pm January, 11 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

“Quit it Son!” says Tommy’s Mommy

2:08 pm January, 11 Blinded by the Shite said...

“I’ve been deported from Australia, Sweden, Azerbaijan and the New Hampshire Meth Clinic”

2:08 pm January, 11 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

Timmy, Tommy… sorry I was still focused on her baby feeders..

2:20 pm January, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She does have nice jugs. If I get the Delorean off it’s blocks and travel forward in time to Juggsies’ ovary and place Timmy in a different space/time ovulation sequence, would I be altering the future of the universe? Would I be altering my own past or future? Would shitstain still fertilize Juggsie at a different time? Would the Delorean make it back to the present if the Professor got caught up in some bullshit problem again? These are the questions I am faced with daily as I go through my psychiatric treatment for PTSD. Anyway the best natural drugs are as follows if you are borderline psychotic: pussy, beer, weed, whiskey, and the shit the doctor gives you. And pictures of Dark Sock’s wrecked boats courtesy of Mr.Scrotato Head and DS Offshore Charters. Ima stoned, son.

2:25 pm January, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

And that chick would get you off better than two 18 year olds. She would leave without sleeping over and thank you for her 3 orgasms and not ask you is you love her and that shit. I know, son. Cause Im old son.

2:27 pm January, 11 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

Dear Unborn Timmy.

Your dad may be a Passaic Pud, but you’re gonna love breast feeding.

Sincerely,

CND

2:32 pm January, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@The Rev 2:20p, with all that time travel are you your own grandpa now?

Is the douche in pic T.V.’s Dane Cook?

2:39 pm January, 11 Vin Douchal said...

Mmmm…. you’ve still got some seafood sauce on your ear, momma
.
.
My theory is this is a clam shack cafe on a small dock in Harwichport , MA and these two are ‘Nucks on vacation come to town to leave a generous 5% tip to their server
.
‘Nucks or Upstate New Yorkers,…. same thing

2:40 pm January, 11 Desert Douche said...

Although he holds the Professor Henry Jones’s Grail diary in his hands, Timmy’s dad cannot get past the booby trap hold the Triple D Boobies in place.

2:40 pm January, 11 skrag2112 said...

I’ve figured it out. Douchebags are a race of aliens who need earwax to survive. That explains why half the photos of them involve their tongues in a chicks ear.

2:42 pm January, 11 Wedgie said...

And Timmy’s Dad will reply: “That’s not your mother, son”.

3:09 pm January, 11 Vin Douchal said...

Nips. The great equalizer, son, kinda evens out fat arms or some douchefuck’s saliva on the cheek

3:32 pm January, 11 Captain Obvious said...

You can see that woman’s nipples through the fabric of her blouse. They are quite large.

3:32 pm January, 11 Fatness said...

If it gets any colder, someone’s going to lose an eye…
.
Son.

3:32 pm January, 11 DarkSock said...

When Zeppelins race, we all win.

3:33 pm January, 11 DarkSock said...

Son.

3:36 pm January, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Nancy Dreuche

If I was my own grandfather I would be dead unless I had 5 livers. No time travel until I get over my buzz. You don’t mess with time sister. And I am going to smoke some chronic with Mrs. Kroeger when I get my daughters to sleep so I’ll be buzzed for a few days. I loves me the nipples. Nipples never change. Boobs sag, butts get jelly, pussies fall off, arthritis prevents aggressive oral sex, daughters go lez, it’s a tough life son.

3:42 pm January, 11 Southern Scrotic said...

This is Ben Douchelick reprising his role in “She’s Just Not That Into You”. She doesn’t look like Jennifer Garner, though.

3:47 pm January, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@The Rev, sounds like you’re already halfway there, son. Super buzzed that is. And thanks for the anatomy lesson. It is indeed a hard knockers life.

3:54 pm January, 11 Medusa Oblongata said...

Those are implants. At her age, at her size, no way those nipples would sit so high on her breasts.
.
I ain’t complaining, I’d shove that douchelick over the railing to take a motorboat ride.

3:56 pm January, 11 Frank Mercurio said...

And then you’d have me rail that shit from behind while those big knockers swing like milk-filled udders on a spring morning.

3:57 pm January, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Rev 2:25 pm.
.
Bravo, Son!!! I like the way you think. I would add that she would cook breakfast the next morning, after obligatory morning romp, if it was at her place.

4:01 pm January, 11 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

It puts the lotion on its ears or it gets the lick!
.
.
.
.
.
.
Does that even make sense????

4:08 pm January, 11 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

@Rev:
Wait– “pussies fall off”?!! that can’t be right, can it? That’s gotta be the chemically-addled part of your brain angrily demanding more alteration, right? I don’t know how much older you might be, but seriously, pussies don’t really fall off, do they? Come on, Rev– I’m married, too. Give me a little hope for the future.

4:09 pm January, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@ Et Tu

If it was Sunday, ye may stay if she let’s you rest a beer on her head while she blows you while the game is on. When she’s done she rehydrates you with a new coolie and shrimp won-tons. You treat her to a smoke of your chronic and ensure her you will lick her clam after the late game. That is how I married my kids mother and intend to watch the conference finals. Son.

4:21 pm January, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@The Rev, you should write romance novels for men. Broetic, son.

4:33 pm January, 11 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Thank you Captain Obvious. They are rather…nice…

4:39 pm January, 11 creature said...

this woman is armed (chested) with missile silos with turkey timers atop

4:48 pm January, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Triple R

I was working as an orderly on a New Year’s Eve some 25 years ago while going to university, with a sweet date set for 4 am with Mrs.Kroeger. This old woman named Agnes, she was a sweet soul, dropped ladyparts into her supper around 10, she was a late eater. I don’t know what the fuck it was, prolapsed uterus maybe, but I had to deal with it. So all the nurses and nurses aides were on a skeleton shift and I had to spring into action since they were in the common room with the functional clients.. Fallen uterus covered with gravy on New Year’s Eve? No help? Sweet lady with Alzheimer’s and I have to make a swift decision! So I pull on the tendons connecting said uterus to her body and clean them off with a solution of alcohol and hydrogen peroxide. Fuck, what a mistake she starts screaming for Benjamin, her child that died prematurely out of wedlock, and asks that the pain go away. So being the good Catholic I am, a Good Samaritan if you will, had to help dear Agnes with her predicament. Being a seasoned Boy Scout and Canadian Army reservist I knew I had to act quickly without indecision as there was blood pouring out of Agnes’ empty birth channel. So I ran up and down the halls looking for help for a few minutes.
With no response to my pleas for help I realized it was just me. So I ran to the front desk near Agnes’s room and called 911, they said to stay on the phone. I knew Agnes needed me and sprinted to her room. Benjamin end it she asked. Knowing she thought I was Benjamin I had to help her. So I licked all the food off of her 90 year old uterus. tendons and ovaries and became stangely aroused. Agnes asked for more, she was more lucid than I had ever seen her, and asked for Chad to enter her. So I got a clamp out of the emergency room, cut her lady parts off and gave her the sweet love she was looking for all of her non-Alzheimer’s life. When it was over and I had sprayed her pancaked boobs with my man-juice, Agnes said to me, Benjamin I love your salty balls. I was cleared of all charges and remain yours. The Reverend Chad Kroeger: Love Story with a Uterus When Her Pussy Fell Off. Son.

4:53 pm January, 11 porno said...

odfcw zwyw, free sex, aadch heh ki http://www.expectporn.com porn, nzoc wkk

5:30 pm January, 11 megsies84 said...

That woman is way too good for the douchebag.

5:42 pm January, 11 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The outrageously protuberant nipples almost distract from the fact that her face is reminiscent of ray nitschke of green bay packer fame.

5:51 pm January, 11 Mr. Biggs said...

The punchline is this is hardly the worst moment of conception to be captured on photograph.

5:54 pm January, 11 Vin Douchal said...

@ Mr Wallnuts
.
I don’t think she’s ugly at all. She’s not bad for an old coger and at least she’s not bleethed out.
.
Matter of fact, her boobgina looks like a lovely place to spend a drunken Tuesday night doing a “Hawaiian Muscle Fuck” as she squeezes them bad boys together for me.
.
Yup, “Hawaiian Muscle Fuck”. That’s what we call it around these parts anyway

5:59 pm January, 11 DoucheyWallnuts said...

@Vin
I’m not one to argue with a legend, especially when I’m in between games of Black Ops on XBOX live. Her teeth remind me of a picket fence I white washed when I was a lad, or was it in a dream when I thought I was Tom Sawyer? Either way, I never said I wouldn’t bang her.

6:27 pm January, 11 Vin Douchal said...

Okay, then. D.P. it is. But I want to HMF for awhile.

6:43 pm January, 11 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Ever notice that in every single licker pic, and there are a lot of them, the chic looks completely un-moved and not the least bit aroused? Or even vaguely interested? Not even grossed out? It’s as if he was calculating the tip on the bar bill instead of leaving a slime trail on her face. Puzzling.

6:56 pm January, 11 JG said...

Old coger…saggy boobs… WTF is wrong with you people? When and how many of you regularly get a woman this fine?

7:00 pm January, 11 Mr. White said...

Enough about douchelicker and Chest of ICBMs! “Mr. White,” you say. “I want to see young, firm, natural boobies. I want to see boobies painted gold. I want to see boobies au naturale, but with some sparklers around. I want ass pear. I want upskirts. I want a lesbian kiss. I want to see a dude execute a stuffed panda bear at close range. I want that and a whole bunch of other crazy shit, and I want it to be a music video. In Spanish.”
.
What can I say to that? Here you go, my friends.

7:02 pm January, 11 DarkSock said...

Re: The Reverend Chad Kroeger’s 4:48 pm post –
.
Jacques, the gauntlet has been thrown. And by “gauntlet” I mean “lunch”.

7:03 pm January, 11 Mr. White said...

What’s that you say? You also want the first minute to be a weird paraphrase of Carl Sagan’s “Cosmos,” AND include some chick fellating a piece of wood? What kind of ass do you think I am? It’s allcovered in the vid, son.

7:40 pm January, 11 DarkSock said...

Dammit, Mr. White. For fuck’s sake.
.
I SAID ““I want to see young, firm, natural boobies. I want to see boobies painted gold. I want to see boobies au naturale, but with some sparklers around. I want ass pear. I want upskirts. I want a lesbian kiss. I want to see a dude execute a stuffed panda bear at close range. I want that and a whole bunch of other crazy shit, and I want it to be a music video. In Portuguese.”
.
FUCCEN PORTUGUESE!
.
Fuck it. I give up. I cannot work under these conditions, son.

7:45 pm January, 11 DarkSock said...

Okay, you did get the wood fellation and the Sagan plagiarism down. I’m sorry. I’m just a little emotional now. I think I’m going through Men o’ Pause, Son.

7:55 pm January, 11 DarkSock said...

I want to build a log cabin in the valley between Timmy’s Mom’s titties and chop wood shirtless and shoot gophers with muzzle-loaders. That narrative just gave me a tad o’ wood, Son.

7:56 pm January, 11 DarkSock said...

Her boobs are sturdier than a Volvo’s vagina.
.
.
drugs are a helluva drugs, Son.
.
– signed, Tad O. Woodson

7:58 pm January, 11 DarkSock said...

Her boobs are more stout than a cement goiter plug in a fat Albanian whore’s neck crevasse.

11:53 pm January, 11 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Those boobs are the real thing, the nips are sassier than a chihuahua at yer heels, and she could use the services of a Lady Grace catalogue to find a harness that would fit and flatter her waterwings. Er, melons, Uh, knockers. Um, HOOTERS.
Son.
Oh, and yes, he’s a friggin’ douchecake.

12:29 am January, 12 creature said...

her boobs are so stout they make these look smallish

12:30 am January, 12 creature said...

…uh, get some, son

1:51 am January, 12 Motorcycle Parts said...

I would have died if I had to pay 5. No time to travel, until I get my buzz. You Do not Mess up a sister. And I’m going to smoke some chronic Mrs. Kroeger when I have my daughter to bed so I buzzed for a few days

3:26 am January, 12 Collaz B. Popped said...

Cant tell if they are real or fake, but they are spectacular.

He’s dildonic,,,,,not the Frank Mercurio kind.

3:48 am January, 12 Steve L. said...

Timmy’s non-father of a father will tell Timmy that being called “son of a douche” is a “character-building experience.”
.
and then one day Timmy took a Heckler & Koch to school.

5:37 am January, 12 Wedgie said...

Kroeger that is some funny shit. Keep up the good work. AARP is going to give you some kind of award for your heroism. Or some other kind of -ism, anyway.

7:42 am January, 12 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Mr. White
.
I see your rollerskating ability has improved. But I didn’t understand that whole thing with you and the sword. Is this some kind of Dadaism where “It’s art if I SAY it is art”-thing?

9:42 pm January, 12 DarkSock said...

In running back through this thread I apparently failed to mention that this lady has very large and sexually provocative breasts and nipples. Not trying to “Denis Leary” Captain Obvious’s bit; just saying “DAYUM”….

11:20 am January, 13 Stephanie said...

Fat is the wrong word here,boys,she’s just stacked and normal voluptuous and at least not so fake as everyone else. Apparently you love pencil thin heroin whores too much.

2:22 am January, 19 Canadian Pharmacy said...

I would add that he cooked breakfast the next morning, when the mandatory morning romp, if it were in his place.

Leave a Reply

What is 2 + 12 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)