Monday, January 10, 2011

Joey Broheim Is In Your Proverbial Face

Quartasian Sara doesn’t always drink beer. But when she does, she prefers Dos Equis.

# posted by douchebag1
2:20 pm January, 10 soy bomb said...

Quartasian Sara doesn’t always sit on dude’s faces, but when she does, she prefers to sit on dude’s faces who aren’t me apparently.
.
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And for that, an infant hedgehog will pay.

2:44 pm January, 10 massengill said...

He belongs on Club Mario.

2:45 pm January, 10 Et Tu Douche? said...

J Broheims Facebook Status update from his iPhone:
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Yo Son!!!! check it out, I got this hott babe to take a picture with me wearing my goofy retro baseball cap. If I play my cards right I might even get her digits tonight. Man it’s good being Joey Broheim. Updates to follow.
.
Very later that night, J.B. sitting alone in his mom’s basement, in front of his computer wonders were it all went wrong. Was it the hat? the shirt? how am I gonna spin this latest set back. Status update will have to wait. Man it sucks being Joey Broheim

2:50 pm January, 10 Douchble Helix said...

The remains of ‘funnyman’ Jim Brewer’s career in one snapshot.

2:57 pm January, 10 G said...

Funny, I look the same when I take a swig of diet coke…

2:58 pm January, 10 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Massengill 2:44
WTF What is that and where did you find it?!?!?
.
Joey Broheim’s delight turned to horror as his fingers were bitten off by an angry gorgon.

3:00 pm January, 10 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Dude, you stole my hand gesture….I’m coming to git ya.

3:10 pm January, 10 Wedgie said...

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I can’t make that face until I get about halfway through the large bottle of Jagermeister.
And there’s always hell to pay later.

3:29 pm January, 10 Vin Douchal said...

Later, Joey Broheim lamented losing his class ring up Lance Maindude’s colon

3:37 pm January, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Quartasian Sara doesn’t always prefer anilingus, but when she does she prefers Dia Reah. son.

3:40 pm January, 10 DarkSock said...

He stood before the judge that day
And picked his nose with Fury;
Rolled them into little globs
And flicked them at the Jury.

3:42 pm January, 10 Scrotelaw said...

is it the drink making his toofs yella?

3:44 pm January, 10 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

He once had an awkward moment…actually he had many.

3:46 pm January, 10 Vin Douchal said...

Receives
Viking
Cockks
Anally

3:49 pm January, 10 Captain Garanichode said...

She’s Fergie Hott

3:53 pm January, 10 Captain Garanichode said...

Here I sit’s all tired and dirty
Choking my pudding cannon to a girl that looks like Fergie….

3:57 pm January, 10 Andy Capp said...

I call Slavic Hott…
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Lotsa girls in flyover country have that Ukrainian Cheeky look…
.

4:18 pm January, 10 Wedgie said...

RUCA: Chicano slang meaning “old lady” or “main girlfriend”. Written RVCA because avante garde dickwads from Costa Mesa are trying to be edgy.
Shunned by locals; ridiculed by millions, embraced by douchebags.
But at least they sponsor BJ Penn, who up until now, I would have sworn was heterosexual.

4:50 pm January, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

I don’t know why, but he doesn’t really annoy me that much. He looks like he might be awesome to shoot the shit with. Sure Id have to put up with a lot of “sons” “rock ons” and “gnarlys” but I could see myself enjoying an evening of bar sports with this feller.

Uh oh…its happening. I’ve gone soft…creme fraiche soft.

5:14 pm January, 10 massengill said...

@ Medusa

http://www.everythingisterrible.com is my new favorite waste of time.

This one gets me every time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xawyxcqB7ec

5:40 pm January, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I knew I shouldn’t check in before I take my Hoveround to bed. Nancy you disappoint me son. We’re not here to like people. Massengill you ruined what was going to be a good sleep in the manor. Now I have to tune my drums and rock out to GNR. Son.

5:47 pm January, 10 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Quartasian Sara doesn’t always have a second beer, but when she does she usually wakes up to find her underwear hanging from the rear view mirror and experiences a burning sensation when she pees.

5:48 pm January, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

@The Rev, just testing you all. Just seeing what would happen if I started to turn to the douche side. You set me straight Rev, straighter than Joey Broheim here that’s fer sure. I mean c’mon, check out how gay he looks. He’s making that face because the guy behind him just stuck Medusa’s Frank up the ol’ Joey Poopshoot. And Joey looks like he likes it! (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

Yeah, yeah that’s more like it.

7:39 pm January, 10 Tom Choad said...

Awesome smile! Sara has a little bit of a Jessica Biel vibe going on– a vibe that is beginning to set of tremors of another sort in my pants.
.
She has great lips and a nice firm grip on the neck of that bottle. Know where I’m goin’ with this, son?

7:46 pm January, 10 Stephanie said...

Something about his webbed fingers that makes me slightly worried.

7:53 pm January, 10 Wedgie said...

^You forgot to say “Son”.

7:54 pm January, 10 Wedgie said...

Damn, Cam Newton is the best pro athelete on the field tonight.

8:34 pm January, 10 soy bomb said...

Well Nancy, the only ‘sports’ that this chump would want to watch with you would be MMA and instead of having any kind of fun, you’d be left alone to wonder why he and his bros were staring saucer-eyed at a bunch of sweaty, half-naked men with Greek God-like bodies dry humping each other.

8:35 pm January, 10 soy bomb said...

Agreed Wedgie, Newton is really earning his paycheck tonight.

8:45 pm January, 10 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Cam Newton is worth every cent of that 180 k.

11:40 pm January, 10 creature said...

I can’t believe it took this long….does she prefer Douche Equis?
.
.
however, if I grab Sara by the ankles & whip out my camera phone, I’m pretty sure I can feature her in XX

12:54 am January, 11 mahjong said...

I will refuse. Update the state will have to wait. The man who aspires to be Joey Broheim

3:40 am January, 11 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

If Sarah Palin talked about putting guys like this in the “cross hairs” I doubt she’d be taking any flak today. Stupid Sarah Palin.

4:33 am January, 11 creature said...

“don’t call me son no mo, brah”

5:09 am January, 11 Collaz B. Popped said...

Holy fuck Massengil,,,,saw the Mario, and then the Bubbleman….just speechless. Puppet with bubbleman is very disturbing and nothing like Ooogie from Uncle Floyd.

I would love to know Q-Sarah’s nationality combination, she doesnt look pure – bred to me. More of a Hawaiian/Soviet,,,or a Thai/Hungarian hotness. Especially exotic, even by my jaded standards.

http://www.tvacres.com/puppets_unclefloyd.htm

5:16 am January, 11 Collaz B. Popped said...

Now I’m imagining Q – Sara with F. Mercurio,,,,fuck,,,fwappable material.

I’d love 15 minutes of fame with her pear.

Retarded Vermin Choadscrote Available

5:59 am January, 11 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

DUUUUUDE! Nice shirt, dickwad! Joey would look better face-down in a shallow ditch in the woods.
.
Sara is delightful. She prefers Dos Equis, eh? Is that a veiled way of saying she’s into girl-on-girl (2 X Chromosomes)? Whatever she wants to do with that bottle is fine by me, as long as I can watch.

7:03 am January, 11 Deltus said...

@Nancy: I understand where your initial reaction came from, although perhaps you went too far.
.
There are dbags that you instantly want to kick in the face. And then there’s wankers that are merely a bit irritating. Joey falls into the latter category, methinks. I could have a pint with Joey, if I were out with friends and one of them knew Joey and he hung around for a beer. One beer only.

7:06 am January, 11 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Two things.
1) I can only make that face when on the toilet after I’ve been on an Indian food and bourbon bender.
2) Here’s the real most interesting man in the world.
http://idontlikeyouinthatway.com/2011/01/charlie-sheen-had-three-porn-stars-in-one-night.html

8:17 am January, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Deltus, I never said I’d drink with him, I just said I’d play a game of Air Hockey with him. One game. No best two out of three. And yeah on the douchebag spectrum he is on the lesser irritating end.

8:38 am January, 11 Wheezer said...

Is Billabong the new B.U.M. Equipment? I had no idea they have gone so “edgy” with the douche print, apparently to try to catch up to Affliction and TapOut.
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Now to find out who actually cares.
.
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(crickets)

8:57 am January, 11 massengill said...

The GNR video on Everything is Terrible is great, too. The “bass player” goes the “guitar as phallus” route and DOES. NOT. LOOK. BACK. In his mind that is what it means to be a “cool” guitar player. BARF.

12:26 pm January, 11 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

John Cusack was sick of his career going nowhere. All the late nights, stupid interview questions, being away from home for so long… “What can I do to get out of this rut?” he thought while standing at the bar of yet another tiresome club. “There’s gotta be more to life than this.” It was then that genius struck in the form of a Douche Equis bottle.
.
Quickly he got the bartender’s attention and order six “beers”. “That should be enough” as he went through a rapid mental calculation. Methodically he downed them one after another until they were empty. “Don’t throw these away” he told the bartender as he was walking towards the club’s photographer. “How would you like to make $20 bucks the easy way?” he asked Photo Tom. “Sure, why not?” replied Tom “Just remember when I yell ‘BRO!’ to take the picture. You got it?” “Yeah I got it” came Tom’s tired reply.
.
Cusack took three bottles and slipped them onto three fingers on each hand. Scanning the audience he found his target, Joey Broheim. Joey had been trying real hard to impress Quartasian Sara all night with his stories about his skateboarding exploits over at the drainage ditch behind his house. It was just when Joey started the story about how he jumped 17 Frosted Flakes after coming out of the half-pipe when Cusack struck. As Joey re-enacted the scene, Cusack rammed both hands square into Joey’s poop shoot and yelled “BRO!” Photo Tom snapped the picture just as entry was being made. Suddenly Joey became the most interesting douche in the bar as he lay face down quivering on the puke and beer-stained floor.

1:47 pm January, 11 massengill said...

This guy reminds me of someone, I am not sure who, but guessing it is Bob Odenkirk as C.S. Lewis Jr..

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1:55 am January, 12 Motorcycle Parts said...

Massengill you ruined it would be a good night in the house. Now I have to tune my drums and rock out to GNR. Son.d.

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I am one of probably a minority nfl football jerseys of people who have actually studied abnormal psychology.This is great information.

2:11 am January, 19 Canadian Pharmacy said...

I found myself enjoying a night of sports bar with this stacker.
Uh oh … his success. I was fresh sweet cream … sweet.

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