Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Melvin Grows Chin Pubes

Melvin’s so proud of his carefully groomed tri-vag configuration, he’s provided us with the by now classic douche self portraiture tradition, the Cell Phone Bathroom Douche-Pose.

Charlene is so expensive a first date hott, your future kid’s college fund just went poof. With apologies to Ray Davies, all for a cuddle and a peck on the cheek. And maybe a crotch fondle if you’re lucky.

# posted by douchebag1
7:17 am January, 18 Wheezer said...

Charlene is so expensive a first date hott…..”
.
Frontrunner for a Douchie, perhaps?

7:47 am January, 18 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I’m thinking Melvin might be retarded.

7:49 am January, 18 Nancy Dreuche said...

Cell phone bathroom self pic: When you need to take a picture of your fabulous outfit to show your boys but it would be too gay ask someone else to take a picture of you.

7:53 am January, 18 Wheezer said...

Let’s read the t-shirt from his cell phone pic:
.
“This Boy Luv Tha Cockk”
.
I’ve always had a small talent for reading backwards and/or upside down.

8:00 am January, 18 Et Tu Douche? said...

I wonder what the guy in the background is thinking as he checks his watch.

8:19 am January, 18 mr.reeve said...

I am pretty sure that’s Dania Ramirez with her pudwack brother Antonio.
http://fakehustle.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/dania-ramirez-5.jpg

8:26 am January, 18 Wedgie said...

Isn’t a Melvin a synonym for a Wedgie?
Just askin’.
BTW, too many PC pussies visiting the site lately, spreading the love. I thought this was a cynical humor site, comprised of total d’bag mockery, hottie ogling, etc. The regs biting commentary is what attracted me in the first place, and has kept me here.
Let’s don’t get too soft; if I want PC horsecrap, I will visit the ACLU site.
This has been a public service announcement.

8:29 am January, 18 NeverSayNever said...

Long-johns and a vest? You gotta be kidding me. GAY!

I just wanna yank on Charlene’s bow to see how deep the rabbit hole (tan) goes?

8:34 am January, 18 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Never have I been in a public restroom and said, “Man, I should take a picture of myself in that mirror.” What gene is mutated in douchebag’s brains that make them do that?

8:36 am January, 18 NeverSayNever said...

Dr. Quackious: Damn! That’s the biggest mongoloid head I’ve ever seen! It’s this damn tall and just as wide as it is high! RETHADED!

8:37 am January, 18 smackdouche said...

Maybe it’s the post surgery vicodins speaking, but she could whisper to my ghost anytime. By that I mean, looks like JLH and I DO have a ghost in my house. Appeared shortly after the first round of vikes.

8:40 am January, 18 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Boobies, boss, boobies.

8:48 am January, 18 NeverSayNever said...

“Carefully groomed tri-vag configuration”? Na, that’s just where the swinging balls rubbed the peach fuzz away.

Charlene, I want to explore every inch of your bod with just 1 of my taste buds… preferably, one from the farthest posible reaches of the back of my tongue!

8:50 am January, 18 FoghornLeghorn said...

I’m fantasizing about the way Charlene’s chest rises and falls as she repeatedly whispers my name. . . . Foghorn . . . Foghorn . . .
.
Whoa, better get back to work.

9:04 am January, 18 VlaDoucheMir PooTin said...

Looks like a young Babe Ruth, lost in a binge, face mashed down on a lit grill. tsssssss. Charlene’s rack is a place motorboats return to seasonally.

9:07 am January, 18 Nancy Dreuche said...

@VlaDouchMir Pootin, hahahahaha! Great name too.

9:09 am January, 18 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

It looks like someone off camera is instructing him on how to be in a picture with a hott. “OK now. Smile you warthog- faced buffoon. Now get closer. She won’t bite, even if she was paid to. That’s it. Now put your arm around her. For fuccks sake, she’s a paid-to-pose model she HAS to do it. Now drop your head a little. Goddamn that that glare is bright! Drop it a little more. OK, that’s good. Now smile. SMILE SHITFORBRAINS! Ah fucck it, here ya go.”

9:10 am January, 18 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Wedgie 8:26a, stop being a whiney bitch. Is that better? Its not very PC.

9:12 am January, 18 Douche Springsteen said...

@Wedgie,
in my neck of the woods, a melvin was a frontal wedgie, where your underwear would be yanked up in front as to crush your balls instead of being wedged between your ass cheeks. Not sure of the etymology of the term, but that’s what it was known by to us.
Looking at this photo I get the same feeling as a melvin, so this is the most appropriately named photo on this site, ever.

9:25 am January, 18 Wedgie said...

@Nancy:
That’s more like it. For the record, you are not a pussy.
Best Regards

9:32 am January, 18 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

It is a well hidden secret until know that Melvin was the love child of Michael Chiklis X Charles Barkley.

9:34 am January, 18 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Wedgie, that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me on here.
Salutations and Fare thee wells.

9:41 am January, 18 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Shit I was busy all morning working. Then I got stoned and saw this lovely man and Jennifer Orange-Hewitt. Time a start drinking because nothing says responsible like taking care of your toddler for the afternoon stoned and drunk while your Superbowl chili is at a boil. Son.

10:09 am January, 18 Deltus said...

Good call on the Jennifer Orange-Hewitt, Rev! I was trying to place the look, but got lost in the cleavages.

10:37 am January, 18 Douchble Helix said...

I’m not sure the hott is the same one in those pictures, but no matter, this hott is hotter than those pictures.

My kid’s or kids’ college tuitions? Fuck ’em. She’s incredible!

10:47 am January, 18 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

I can’t get over how the guy in the background inadvertently positioned his arm to look like he’s patting Melvin on the head.
.
.
That and the delicious cleavage. I can barely see my monitor anymore from all the tongue-smudges.

10:59 am January, 18 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

@Wedgie:
I’m with you on the “PC horsecrap.” It’s bad enough what with the Darksock-urine-soaked horsecrap all over the place.
.
When we start getting animal sex worker advocates stopping by to tel us what terrible folk we are for laughing at that running joke, I’ll know it’s time to tone things down.

11:01 am January, 18 creature said...

I would give Charlene my entire retirement fund if she earmuffed me with her Tatas

12:49 pm January, 18 DarkSock said...

That Billy Corgan can sure pull the hotts.

12:50 pm January, 18 DarkSock said...

That Clint Howard can still pull the hotts.

2:47 pm January, 18 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

OMG, his head looks like a Humpty-Dumpty, poor soul. No wonder he’s doing vag-tatts.
That still doesn’t explain what she’s doing with HIM, when she might be better appreciated by All the King’s Men.

4:52 pm January, 18 Wedgie said...

I think he’s cute.
But then again, I said the same thing about Uday Hussein, and that didn’t turn out very well.

6:26 pm January, 18 Collaz B. Popped said...

FWAPpable.

9:37 pm January, 18 Stephanie said...

He’s growing an arm out of his head,son.

12:55 am January, 19 Douchetacular said...

I would have loved to see him…in the hallway..in anticipation..however, I am certain he knew the night would end up in frustration.

At least the tarts Mom didnt have to sit up and wait…am sure she was home well before midnight.

2:12 am January, 19 Canadian Pharmacy said...

The regs biting commentary is what attracted me initially, and kept me here.Let us not be too soft, and if I want the pc horse shit, I’ll visit the ACLU.

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