Thursday, January 27, 2011

Reader Mail: Amy’s Bucklehead Tag

PIC DELETED
Amy writes in with a story of strange mutant douchewankery:

—–
Ok, so I am a hot tattooed chick that frequents the local goth club with my hot girlfriends to go dancing on occasion.

Over the years I have come to know this particular ‘subject’ I am sending you photos of, because he is CONSTANTLY lurking around me and my friends. It is so gross. This guys has even shown up at my work – FOR NO REASON but to look at my boobs.

I have started calling him ‘Predator’ and sometimes ‘Sam the Eagle’ (depending on how much makeup he is wearing to give him that ‘unibrow look’.)

This guy is such an attention-starved man whore that clips foam in his hair.

I would tell you his name, but I do not want to take the risk of anyone recognizing that someone he knows submitted pics of him. Let’s just say he adds a ‘z’ somewhere in his name to be cool.

Anyways, I LOVE your site and have been a loyal reader for a few years now. It would amuse me to death to see him added to the list. There are many more photos where these came from, but he tends to take more homoerotic- type douchebag photos with males than females.

– Amy

——

Good work Amy, and I’m pleased to add you to the ‘bag tagging list.

Although I’m not sure what this pic you’ve provided represents.

I would like to mock as douche, but I’m just frightened and vaguely cold.

# posted by douchebag1
10:06 am January, 27 Wheezer said...

This guys has even shown up at my work – FOR NO REASON but to look at my boobs.
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To attempt to answer that part of your dilemma, Amy, please send of photo of these natural wonders so that I and the rest of our panel of experts can help you.
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It’s sometimes best to attack these things piecemeal.

10:07 am January, 27 Wheezer said...

“…..please send a photo…..”
.
See what I mean about proofreading? But I stand by my advice.

10:10 am January, 27 Vin Douchal said...

He looks a lot like Herb, my accountant

10:12 am January, 27 Vin Douchal said...

@ Amy,
.
It could be worse, at least it ain’t this guy
.

10:18 am January, 27 FlipFriddle said...

Hmmm. She may be bleeth after calling herself and her friends “hot” without a proper judgement by the august members of this site. So let’s see you and your friends honey. Oh and those ta-tas you mentioned. You know, boobies.

10:18 am January, 27 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

This isn’t funny. Did you know that everyday countless douche bags are killed in belt factory explosions. Sometimes the survivors suffer more than the causalities.

10:20 am January, 27 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Is he smoking??? That’s really gross.

10:23 am January, 27 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I don’t think Amy is telling the whole story.
.
Exactly how many times did you say Beetlejuice, Amy?

10:24 am January, 27 DarkSock said...

I………..

10:26 am January, 27 DarkSock said...

Tim Burton’s highly anticipated sequel, “Edward BeltedScalp”, dominated the box office, securing him a 3 picture deal to develop the follow-up, Edward CockenMouth..

10:26 am January, 27 Anthony LaBaglia said...

Zyzz?

10:27 am January, 27 DarkSock said...

Although Leatherface and Pinhead initially denied the rumors of their tryst, eventually the truth emerged.

10:28 am January, 27 DarkSock said...

Strap-Ons: You’re doing it wrong.

10:30 am January, 27 DarkSock said...

Herman learned a hard lesson about allowing his HMO to pick Haitian doctors to perform his scalp goiter surgery.

10:32 am January, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Epic life fail. And stop using up oxygen. Forever. K thnx bai.

10:33 am January, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

At least he doesn’t have to look real hard to find a belt to make a noose.

10:35 am January, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Maybe it’s some sort of new religion-type thing. Like you know how Opus Dei are supposed to be into self-flagellation? Maybe his new religious sect, Gropus Gay, are into weaving belts onto their heads and then flagellating each other?

10:38 am January, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I believe one or more of those belts could easily be connected to a trailer hitch and he could be taken for a drag. Unfortunately my car doesn’t have one. Can anybody else volunteer here?

10:40 am January, 27 Et Tu Douche? said...

Amy.
.
I think it’s agreed upon here that the mock is usually directed at the narcissistic tendencies of the DB’s that litter this site. That being said I’m willing to bet you’re a nice enough girl and I can appreciate that you’re comfortable looking in the mirror and liking what you see. But you might want to refrain from leading off your missive by referring to yourself as Hot,Narcissism is is not a good thing.
.
He is mere spectacle/annoyance, creepy, odd yes. Douchebag not so much.

10:40 am January, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Do you think TSA would do a search of this…thing?

10:41 am January, 27 boatbutter said...

Predator is a decent nickname, but I believe this is better.

10:43 am January, 27 Wheezer said...

@Doc Bunsen, 10:38 p.m. –
.
Do you require that the hitch have the attached dangling testicles ornament? Of course, this guy would like that too much and start “polishing the knob.”
.
But that would be a new twist on autoerotic asphyxiation. David Carradine’s rolling in his grave for not considering that option.
.
Too much?

10:44 am January, 27 DarkSock said...

Sid Feinberg: Founder and sole member of the “Goths 4 Duritz” fan club.

10:45 am January, 27 DarkSock said...

Amy learned a hard lesson about saying “PenisJuice” three times in a row…

10:46 am January, 27 DarkSock said...

Unable to take the weight of the wig, Sid’s scalp began to buckle.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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sorry…

10:48 am January, 27 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Edvard Azzmunch, 2nd lieutenant Pooftwaffe, and ace dildo pilot has traveled back in time to warn us not to vote for Justin Bieber when he runs for president in 2042.

10:58 am January, 27 Wedgie said...

Boatbutter FTW. Should I be embarrassed that I remember that movie?

11:00 am January, 27 Wedgie said...

Headward displays his performance art piece, entitled “Manhattan Skyline Gothic”.

11:02 am January, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Boy those invaders in Battlefield Earth sure pull some tale.

@DS
Going on new drugs today,I’ll mail you my old ones with weed if you like uncontollable shakes. Son

11:02 am January, 27 Deltus said...

Once, in 4th grade, Sid’s pants fell down in front of everyone. Mocked by his cruel peers mercilessly for it for the next 4 months, Sid vowed from that day forward he would never, ever be without a belt again.
.
Which mutated into something very, very wrong.

11:03 am January, 27 Deltus said...

John Travolta just won’t give up on L. Ron Hubbard’s dream. Battlefield: Earth 2 begins shooting next week.

11:04 am January, 27 Wedgie said...

Amy:
Having boasted, you must now provide the jury with photographic evidence of your hottness. And cleavage must be displayed, due to your “boobies” remark.
Sorry, kid, but them’s the rules.

11:28 am January, 27 UFO Destroyers said...

Does he shop at the ….
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.
.
.
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Wait for it….
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.
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Old Navy outlet?

11:35 am January, 27 DarkSock said...

Photographic proof that Randy Quaid has gone bat-shit pants-pissing cabbage-fucking crazy.

11:38 am January, 27 DarkSock said...

You should see his shoe buckle merkin.

11:38 am January, 27 DarkSock said...

OK; I’m just going to sit and wait patiently for Baron Von Goolo’s comments on this dude.

11:47 am January, 27 Wheezer said...

@’Sock^
.
Oh yeah, especially if this guy takes after some Twilight character…..

12:03 pm January, 27 Crottenham said...

Can this dude’s pic please be removed from this site? He no doubt is a leading candidate for descriptive picture in dictionary underCREEPY……..Yech!!!!!!!!

12:17 pm January, 27 Medusa Oblongata said...

I’m with FlipFriddle and Et Tu Douche on this one. I was immediately repelled by “Ok, so I am a hot tattooed chick that frequents the local goth club with my hot girlfriends”.
.
I require further photographic evidence. After 1992 the phrase “Hot goth chick” became an oxymoron, real examples of such became rarities and the whole thing became rather douchey and snickerworthy. I’ll give you all some examples, as I have been known to do some nightcrawlin’ myself. And I always wear bright screamin’ red because it pisses in the “hot” goth chicks’ black Cheerios.
.
So here ya go
.
And here ya go
.
Aaaaand here ya go.
.
So, I didn’t even go nuts here and dig up a gothapotamus or anything, I went pretty average. You see, as a tier 2 female who dabbled in goth as a young’un, I can tell you this. Goth girls are usually average-to-below average lookers who are slightly unhappy and put themselves into a smaller social pool, where most of the clan is misfits like the above gothapotamus. Therefore, they suddenly become, by proxy, tier 1 within this limited pool and are affirmed. I decided a long time ago I would rather be second tier among the hotties than first tier among cutters and rat worshippers.
.
Remember also, Amy, we spend all day in here fapping to the likes of her. The word “hot” is not to be taken in vain around here.

12:23 pm January, 27 Stephanie said...

Starving for attention to put it mildly. Notta douche bag,just odd and stalker like activity. I hope aliens don’t find him and consider him typical of all of us.
If you don’t like him,following you around, call the cops or are you promoting your friend here?

12:36 pm January, 27 smackdouche said...

“This guys has even shown up at my work – FOR NO REASON but to look at my boobs.”
That strikes me as a pretty good reason. If I knew where you worked, I’d probably come by and check them out too. By the way, where do you work?

1:11 pm January, 27 Dave said...

Dad?

1:30 pm January, 27 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

You guys are too cynical. Statistics state that 94% of the internet is young, hot, single, bi-curious females.

2:16 pm January, 27 Deltus said...

@Medusa: and don’t forget, using Deltus’ Law Of Bangitude, being a Tier 2 hott is preferable to being Tier 1.

2:20 pm January, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Wheezer 10:43
.
Anything sharp and spiky will do. And rusty. And covered in botulinum toxin. Yeah, I think that’s about it.

2:50 pm January, 27 I R A Darth Aggie said...

This guys has even shown up at my work – FOR NO REASON but to look at my boobs.
.
I’m inclined to give him nottadouche and go in peace, except for the fact that this happened at your work place. I need to inspect your boobies to be sure.
.
That said, I for one welcome our new Hott Goth Overlady, and hope she doesn’t hurt me too badly.

3:00 pm January, 27 creature said...

gives new meaning to, “strap that ass”

3:01 pm January, 27 creature said...

shop steward for local 666 leather workers union

3:03 pm January, 27 creature said...

dad always said that Zues was a ‘strapping’ young whippersnapper

3:06 pm January, 27 creature said...

Joey went a lil’ overboard when he heard strap-ons got in on alot of hot girl on girl action

4:42 pm January, 27 Nancy Dreuche said...

Amy,
Yeah this guys a weirdo. But a douchebag, I’m not sure. Did he actually say he only comes in to your job to look at your boobs or do you just think that? Are your boobs the only boobs in the whole joint? If I knew someone was coming into my work just to look at my boobs I would 1. Stare at their crotch whilst boob check was going on. And 2. Announce to my coworkers that this creepo was coming in just to look at my boobs. Which they would immediately burst into laughter, and then do me a solid by making him feel uncomfortable when he came in. But that’s just me. That’s just how I run things.
I always find its best to stalk your stalker. The guy obviously wants attention and when he gets it at full blast he won’t know what to do with it. I’ve turned away many a potential life mate with this tactic. Now where did I put that cat food? Got to feed these guys before “The Wheel” comes on.
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I hope I have been of some assistance hot Amy. I live to serve.

7:36 pm January, 27 ehcuodouche said...

Amy, you will need to submit a picture of your boobs to prove their lurkworthyness. I only see belts. Far too many belts to be in the same picture with two people. Unless it was in a belt store. That just had two customers. Belts.

7:49 pm January, 27 dbBen said...

@Medusa – “rat worshippers”
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hahaha!
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I’ll say this about the dude, he probably could have single handedly beat the ddos attack from 4chan on the site. Some of those goth dudes frickin’ love computers.

9:31 pm January, 27 Sir David Douchenborough said...

One would think Mr. Danzig, even though being from the horror punk genre, would provide a yardstick for the industrial, goth, or cross of both to be able to distinguish themselves between eccentric pariah-like personalities and just plain creepy, douchey behaviour.
.
But, then, I realized time has been unforgiving .
.
Anyway, they are not all that bad; some are quite happy and like to dance at Anime conventions or to depeche mode (with a dude in a troll-like mask no less).

Yes, this was a linkstorm. My apologies.

9:54 pm January, 27 massengill said...

This is exactly the kind of dude that would slag on you for being a robot “conformist” without recognizing that he himself is pretty much just a reaction.
.
Well, he’s a reaction or just a Battlefield Earth enthusiast.

10:00 pm January, 27 massengill said...

In much the same way that Native Americans wore eagle feathers, this guy wears roofied-girl belts.

12:01 am January, 28 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

He’s the Gothbag that Young Frankenstein forgot about back in the day, lookin’ to find present-day justification; and he’s obviously fueled by graphene and Everready batteries.

12:15 am January, 28 Guid is Good said...

“Ok, so I am a hot tattooed chick that frequents the local goth club with my hot girlfriends to go dancing on occasion.” Does this sound like a Penthouse letter …

…only to become way less interesting?

1:03 am January, 28 Baron Von Goolo said...

This guys has even shown up at my work – FOR NO REASON but to look at my boobs.
.
In all fairness, he did order a Chalupa.

1:30 am January, 28 Baron Von Goolo said...

And I do take slight umbrage at Medusa’s summation of the ‘hot goth chick myth.’ It may be geographical but in Portland, there are indeed many hot goth chicks. So hot in fact that they’ve burnt into my memory and now I get a Pavlovian erection whenever REPO plays on Starz.
.
It certainly seems to be true, however, that every truly hot goth chick has roughly half a dozen friends that believed their uncles a little too much when he told them they were sexy. (And these girls are in addition to the fat goth chicks that think plum eyeshadow magically hides their gunts.) And as you know, every time four or more goth girls get together, they are required by law to form a burlesque troupe – which the hot goth chick will stop showing up to after two practices, while the others defiantly and irresponsibly carry on. And since they still use the hot goth chick’s picture on the flyer, you pay the $8 cover and then sit through an hour or more of wooden, adolescent gyrating to Combichrist that have you weighing the pros and cons of driving cocktail straws through both eyes and ears until suddenly, mercifully, the fire dancer stumbles and ignites her yarn weave, giving everyone present something to post on their facebook profiles…
.
.
I’m sorry, what was the question?

5:48 am January, 28 Collaz B. Popped said...

Creepybag and stage one bleeth?

The amount of time to do that hair style,,,the preparations, the pleather belts,,,unreal.

9:32 am January, 28 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ BVG 1:30
.
For that magnificent, rapturous tirade, you may take your umbrage wherever you like with me. Good greasy gravy, if that wasn’t the most stellar post ever, I don’t know what was. I am torn between laughing until I shit like a hot banshee, and weeping tears of dismay for all those lost evenings where my paintings, my life’s work, was the background for such infantile spectacles. I would spend the next day scraping the fake blood and candle wax off the UV glass and the frames, wondering where the fuck I expected this to go.

10:37 am January, 28 Mr. Biggs said...

Yup. Guys like that are the reason I stay away from goth clubs.
Of course, the reason I still like goth clubs is I actually feel comfortable and entitled to stand in the corner looking creepy.
That, and the hot goth chicks. Mmm milky white …
(BVG’s post notwithstanding, said creepiness helps to keep one’s eye on the hott and way from the BS)

2:22 pm January, 28 Mr. Biggs said...

Jeebus. Burlesque. Here’s my typical conversation with any female spouting the merits of burlesque / pole dancing as art form / what have you:
Female: “I don’t see why we can’t just be open about sex and sexuality?”
Me: “Ok, well I really wanna grab you right now.”
Female: “WHAT? HOW DARE YOU? I’m never speaking to you again!”
Me: “Fine. Go f*** yourself.”

2:23 pm January, 28 Johnny said...

KING?

2:24 pm January, 28 Johnny said...

looks like Marilyn Manson coughed up an aborted fetus

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