Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Signs of the Impending Apocalypse #43

Some say a thousand dead birds falling out of the sky is a sign of the impending apocalypse.

I say it’s eurobag crypo-gay chest shave revealing sparkly shirts being worn by pseudo-model asswipes in presence of drunk boozy hottie suckle thigh.

So sayeth in the immortal predictions by Nostradouchemas in his epic four part Book of the ‘Bag.

# posted by douchebag1
2:16 pm January, 4 Deltus said...

Gaybag or Fauxgaybag, hard to tell. But I’m leaning towards gaybag.
.
And my penis is leaning towards the just-recently-legal aforementioned boozy hottie suckle thigh. And I say “just-recently-legal” because, although I am a dirty old man, at least I prefer to remain an unincarcerated dirty old man.

2:26 pm January, 4 jonezy said...

I can’t tell if they are Paid to Pose with her or if it’s a standard PtP at some sort of gayfest.
.
Alls I know is it makes my brain scream “Fuck Fish Slap”

2:28 pm January, 4 Vin Douchal said...

Captain Pickard’s tragi-ambiguous son doesn’t know whether to jack off that twink or feel this gal’s ass

2:30 pm January, 4 Vin Douchal said...

BTW, let me be the first to say . “Tranny !

2:32 pm January, 4 Claude Douchenburg said...

Actually I think the “dude” in the middle traded shirts with the blonde fruit fly..

2:38 pm January, 4 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Is this some sort of promo shot from the newest Matt Damon/Ben Afflucck movie entitled “The Unambiguously Gay Duo vs. Slutzilla”? Or is it a “concept” piece called “Sparklejockey Creampie Surprise”?

2:39 pm January, 4 jester said...

gotta love the updated version of the Hitler haircut

2:41 pm January, 4 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Right on, they are gay porn stars. Phil McCrackin and Ben Dover. Uh, I mean I think. Not like I watch any of that stuff.

2:43 pm January, 4 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Shit, now I got it. Mattel is introducing their newest line of Barbie characters. From L to R: Crack whore Barbie, her hairdresser Phillipe Lightintheloafers, and their interior decorator friend Peter Pillowbiter. Together they squat in an abandoned slaughterhouse in downtown Baltimore by day but they let their collective freak flags wave when the sun goes down.

2:44 pm January, 4 DarkSock said...

Neal and Bob found that by wearing their Mom’s blouses they could go out on the town while still being soothed by Vick’s VaporRub.
.
.
.
Later that evening they would both learn a hard lesson about placing the Vick’s next to the Vaseline on the bedstand in a darkened bedroom.

2:45 pm January, 4 DarkSock said...

Neal and Bob learned a hard lesson about borrowing Chad Kroeger’s tee-shirts.

2:46 pm January, 4 DarkSock said...

Neal and Bob quickly became prime suspects in the burglary of Liz Taylor’s closet.
.
.
.
and by “Liz Taylor’s closet” I mean “turds”.

2:51 pm January, 4 Mr. Biggs said...

Man, nothing says “tough guy” like five a hour man-scaping session.
And it appears like she’s going for the boozy trollop look too. Stay classy, guys.

2:59 pm January, 4 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

When did Heather Locklear join the cast of Glee?

3:02 pm January, 4 Vin Douchal said...

The Bachelor 2011 debuted last night. As usual , succulent bimbo action and a few heartstoppingly hot Hotts. It’s still the best reality TV show.
.
Luckily the BachelDork kept a few great babes for at least another week :
.
Britt

.
Delicious Emily , pictures do not do her justice. If I was this guy I’d have sent everyone home and said, “You’re with me, Leather”

.
And the spicy muffin Michelle, who looked into the camera and said, “I’m a woman- I know what he wants”. I think she means lots of sucking and fucking

.
.
This show is the Stanley Cup of heartbreak, I’m a fan, fuck you ,… too bad ..shaddup

3:13 pm January, 4 Fatness said...

Yeah, and they’ll all be fat and stupid in 20 years. Well, they are already stupid…

3:16 pm January, 4 Fatness said...

Heather Locklear-lookielike above is one spray-tan/hair dye and a case of pork rinds from being Heather “Snookie” Locklear-lookielike.
.
The two choads look like something that should be floating face-down in a river.

3:19 pm January, 4 Captain Garanichode said...

@ Dr.
definitely Sparklejockey Creampie Surprise….

3:34 pm January, 4 Anonymous said...

Looks like the afterparty at the circus. How much you want to bet those are sequined unitards that they just threw jackets over. I wonder what their “act” is? Tightrope? Trapeze? Maybe they’re animal “handlers”.

She looks like she just drinks.

3:42 pm January, 4 mr.reeve said...

I don’t get the whole male cleavage look. It must be some gaybag thing. The chick can stay but the two gaybags gotta go.

4:18 pm January, 4 Wedgie said...

Sock:
Are those the Onthis brothers you are referring to?

4:21 pm January, 4 Andy Capp said...

Cast members from the latest revival of La Cage aux Folles.
.
No douches, just gaybaggery.
.
Not that there’s anything wrong with gaybaggery…
.

4:50 pm January, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

Holy crap, check out the man cleavage on those two. I just want to burrow betwixt them like an orphaned lutfish on holiday. I mean I just want to curl up between them with a good book and a piping cup of hot chocolate and use sparkly tank top as my comforter. I mean I would love to just go from pec to pec with my face while making the sound of a fuel powered watercraft.

Too bad they’re both gay.

4:50 pm January, 4 Deltus said...

Well, except for the “baggery” part. Douches is douches.

4:55 pm January, 4 Andy Capp said...

It’s only douchey if you cuddle afterwards….
.

5:03 pm January, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Andy, How do you know they didn’t cuddle afterwards? Sparkly top looks like the spooning type. At least he is in my dreams when I’m using his chest as a kleenex. He’s not gay in my dreams either. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

5:29 pm January, 4 Andy Capp said...

Well, being polydouchious perverse is another matter…
.

5:48 pm January, 4 soy bomb said...

It appears to be an image taken from The Douche Edition of Hasbro’s newest Trivial ‘Poo’suit game, “European or Gay?”®

5:55 pm January, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I fucking hate crows. Particularly the ones that sang Mrs. Jones. Fucktard cornrolled hair fuckers. And in my new digs we have a fuking forest and the fuccking crows wake up before dawn and piss me off and shit all over everything at this migratory time of year,But it’s so warm these cocksukers might stay and I may have to break a few bylaws by shooting in an urban area.These two things are gaybags. The chick is a total slut that I would fucck if I was double bagged but no oral. Not as fine as Emily buy who is besides my award winning cock.
My point is fucking Christmas is over and I have to take care of kids until Monday.

5:58 pm January, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

How did the migdle queer get his left foot over
Tad’s shoulder?

6:05 pm January, 4 Anonymous said...

Aaron Eckhardt in the middle. Man, this is the WRONG In the Company of Men….

FinderTweet

6:44 pm January, 4 Anonymous said...

@Findertweet Is that really Aaron Eckhardt? Because I could have sworn it was (l to r) Christina Aguillera, her stylist, her stylist’s butt plug.

6:54 pm January, 4 retard said...

She looks tired . . .tired from trying to bang these guys all night before realizing they’re gaybags.

7:10 pm January, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Before I pass out on sweet Canadian lager and psychiatric drugs I have one thing to say. Two words. Pat Benetar still gives me a boner 32 years later and Mrs. Kroeger doesn’t care because she used to be her doppleganger. That was more than two words and I apologize because I am still drunk as fuck until next Monday at which time whiskey will be removed from breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And Mrs. Kroeger has aged worse that Pat B. She kind of looks like the asshole of a boxer but she used to look good wshen she was 20.

7:11 pm January, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

@retard, been there. Really tried to turn a few. Just doesn’t work. Its like telling a straight guy he’s gonna love sucking cock. Yeah, no. You can’t fake that.

7:12 pm January, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She looks more like a Chow. My apologies.

8:26 pm January, 4 Hardouche Wankstain said...

Nothing to see here but two gaybags and a cocktail waitress/cage dancer. They offered her an eight-ball to lure the busboy back to their house for a hot tub party. Little does he know that “hot tub” refers to their hot tub of lube.

9:25 pm January, 4 Vin Douchal said...

A look thirty years into the future at the douchebag on the right

10:12 pm January, 4 Stephanie said...

Men are now borrowing the women’s low cut V Neck shirts? Now I know something is wrong.

10:14 pm January, 4 Medusa Oblongata said...

WHAT IS THIS I DON’T EVEN

10:17 pm January, 4 Medusa Oblongata said...

Not to give you too much info, but my guts have been rather…uncooperative lately. I find it no coincidence that within a moment of viewing this photo, my guts became more than cooperative again. I am typing this on the toilet. Hooray for Wi-fi!!!
.
@ Dr. BHD 2:38
I believe “Sparklejockey Creampie Surprise” is the followup act to “Interior Semiotics”.

10:32 pm January, 4 Wheezer said...

These guys are the two gay Irishmen: Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald.

10:52 pm January, 4 creature said...

that’s not a sparkly unitard….beard boy jerked off thru a handful of glitter onto hitler youths chest

10:55 pm January, 4 creature said...

Teri Garr’s grand daughter played slutty cheerleader,”shoot that load…EWWWW!”

11:04 pm January, 4 Medusa Oblongata said...

Dude on the right does look an awful lot like Fish Slap….like before he began his Frankensteinian descent into steroid mutation and whey powder snorting.

12:20 am January, 5 wonderdouche twin said...

@creature
Good call on Teri Garr’s but it’s her daughter because she waited on having kids until her professional career was done. The guys are wearing stuff from “mom’s” closet because their affliction shirts were too ghetto looking for her birthday party.

http://www.celebs101.com/gallery/Teri_Garr/96818/teri_garr_photo_2.jpg

2:15 am January, 5 Manny 'Bagquiao said...

Is that end-stage uber-bleeth Ke$ha on the left? Didn’t realize she was taking a page out of Lady Gaga’s playbook and surrounding her self with gay guys. I don’t know what’s weirder, the Gator-like chest shave reveal on the homeless man’s David Arquette, or the combo of sportcoat and sequined unitard on Bizarro Quasi-Gay Patrick Stewart.

2:57 am January, 5 tall guy said...

Gay not buff I say. Still, it’s the obvious obsession with outward appearance of health that’s one of the overarching themes of douche, driven, in part, by the fact that the douche see celebrities who also portray themselves as the very embodiment of well-being.
However, the average Hollywood actor, when asked to transition from a corpulent Mafia boss to a buff CIA agent in only three weeks, would probably verbally abuse their agent for making such a ridiculous suggestion, and then throw a phone at the concierge (or something). And rightfully so. But the douche believes its abilities are so phenomenal, and its strength of resolve so strong, that it can smash through the wall of human limitations that elite athletes have been chipping away at for years. It should come as no surprise when the douche hits precisely that wall, one and a half to two days into its new health kick. Neither is it unexpected that the douche then hits da clubs.
Kill me now.

4:21 am January, 5 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

I’d like to impend her apocalypse.

4:50 am January, 5 DoucheyWallnuts said...

“Dieter looks very proud and confident as he shows off his new tank top from the Liza Minnelii Collection.”

5:28 am January, 5 Collaz B. Popped said...

These guys don’t crush pussy on the reg.

5:40 am January, 5 FoghornLeghorn said...

At least they all look like they’re enjoying the party. Kind of.

7:02 am January, 5 Taint Nuthin But A G-Thang said...

I’d let her spank me. I’d make the other two idiots watch from behind a bullet proof partition, after bathing in a tub full of bleach.

7:08 am January, 5 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Broad looks like Teri Garr and acts like Heather Locklear, are you satisfied?
Dude on the right HAS to be Fish Slap before he got slapped silly, or after he came to his senses, not sure which, or if the latter is even possible.
Gaydar antennae are spinning like crazy picking up signals from these two males’ shaved, exposed chests: the static buildup on those slick surfaces must be electrifying.

8:26 am January, 5 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Mount up, bag hunters. We got to go rescue the Heather Locklear look-a-alike. Even if she is a tranny hooker. She deserves better than those two.

9:04 am January, 5 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Medusa
.
I have it on good authority that Hof will make his directorial debut with this one and it will have a cameo by Stacky. Stacky is then going to post it on his YouTube channel because he’s still pissed at “that other site” for taking down his pictures of Dan Quail in a bikini.

11:25 am January, 5 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

Is calling someone a “gay Eurobag” redundant? I say it is.

1:07 pm January, 5 Mr. Biggs said...

Someone needs to email this pic to Paula Cole so she stops wondering where all the cowboys have gone. Haws, what a stupid question.

2:52 am January, 6 Canada Pharmacy said...

Together, they squat in the middle of the slaughterhouse was rejected in Baltimore during the day, but they issued a joint freak wave flags when the sun goes down.

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Together, squatting in an abandoned slaughterhouse in downtown Baltimore during the day, but let your freak flags wave group when the sun goes down.

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