Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Somewhere, Out There, He Still Just Bangs Bitches and Drinks

I’m the laziest HTMLer out there, but eagle-eyed readers may have noticed that the Hall of Scrote has finally been updated to include last year’s HCwDB of the Year finalists, Mister Liptatt, The Sharkbag and the odious winner (loser), Stackhouse the Poet.

While I was doing cleanup, I found a bunch of He Just Bangs Bitches and Drinks posts from 2008 that never made it into the Hall, so that’s been updated as well.

As we celebrate the isolation and spaying of the odious Stackhouse the Poet, it’s well worth checking out our first poet laureate, our 2008 Douchie Winner for Most Trashcan to the Head Worthy, and a visionary dreamer who does not breathe what you breathe:

—–
I wasn’t born to work.

Other people were born to do what I want them to do.

A single hour of my life is worth more than a whole year of a person’s.

I don’t breathe what you breathe.

We are not the same.

I’m not going to work a 9 to 5 and then come back home and have bills to pay with tons of debt from a $400k house that will take me 20 years to pay off. I sure as hell ain’t living in an apartment either. People WILL build my 20 bedroom, 8 bathroom, 8 garage MANSION, and they WILL love doing it.

This way I shall have MY time to do the things that matter as I leverage others’ times to do things that I want them to do.

I’m going to be treated like a PHARAOH and people WILL love slaving themselves to my demands.

Activities: Anything I want to do…

Interests: I’m not here to make friends..I’m here to f@#k bitches and get money.
—–

# posted by douchebag1
9:19 am January, 18 Douche Springsteen said...

Aw hell, this guy is amateur hour. That sentiment had already been expressed in a more erudite fashion by the poet laureates known as the Dead Milkmen.

Do not like you world of ours
Rather live on planet Mars
Die from lack of oxygen
Than breathe the air of other men

9:20 am January, 18 Wedgie said...

Now you’re talking, sport.
By the way, the last toilet on the right in the men’s room is stopped up, so get over there and fix it, before you empty the trash cans.

9:29 am January, 18 Nancy Dreuche said...

Get money, get paid son!
.
This douche was before my time on this site. He was before I took up the noble fight of heckling douchebags from my modest surroundings and humble beginnings. But enough about me, let’s get down to the get down.
.
Upon further review, this guy’s business plan makes good sense. I don’t want to work 9 to 5 either. So I will stop making friends and start bangin’ bitches and I guess I’m gonna have to start drinking too.
I’m cool with a modest sized home and I don’t care if the people who built it loved doing it. So when do I start receiving my checks? Do I send in money first to get this thing rolling? I’m down for getting two other people in on this plan and then having them tell to other people about it..so on and so forth.
.
The following comment was worth 10 of all y’alls comments.

9:36 am January, 18 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I’m going to be treated like a PHARAOH and people WILL love slaving themselves to my demands.
.
Hey, Poindexter, guess again. And fetch me a lemonade while you’re at it.

9:37 am January, 18 NeverSayNever said...

Don’t say that! Your gonna hurt her feelings… She’s not fat, she’s just big boned!

…and by that, I mean her mouth is suffering perminate contortions from those big bones… but my bet, she did not get that from this little prick OR is his “I just pissed in my cup wanna see” boyfriend!

9:50 am January, 18 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I only bang one bitch and drink. He’s a super duper bitch banging hooter tooter with his 4.2 M in the bank for a few more phone calls. More like 4.2 M phone calls so he can get a few dollars in the bank. Son

9:59 am January, 18 Mr. White said...

Ahh, Poor Man’s Kirsten Dunst. How I missed you….

10:16 am January, 18 Deltus said...

It’s sad, seeing this guy’s psyche up there like that. One thing I’ll give to Stackhouse: his delusions are small and he’s fairly aware of his place in the Universe. HJBB&D, however, has a combination of narcissism and delusions of grandeur that I’ve actually encountered. A big part of him actually *believes* this tripe. He has absolutely no way of making it happen, but he fools himself into thinking it’s so. Which, given that he’s probably a sociopath, makes him dangerous.

10:20 am January, 18 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Mr White.
That was spot on, loves me some Kirsten Dunst.
.
Instead of a trash can to the for HJBB&D I would suggest a “Chelsea Grin” would do him a world of good also he looks like the kind ass wipe who uses the term Son!!! quite often I might add.
.
For example:
.
“I don’t breathe what you breathe”.Son!!!
.
Activities: Anything I want to do… Son!!!

Interests: I’m not here to make friends..I’m here to f@#k bitches and get money. Son!!!!

10:46 am January, 18 Medusa Oblongata said...

“I’m going to be treated like a PHARAOH”
.
So…you’re going to have your brains pulled out through your nose with a hook, your abdominal cavity stuffed with grass, your body dipped in molten paraffin and then stuffed into a narrow box and buried in the sand for 2,000 years?
.
Sounds good to me. Let me know when we start.

11:19 am January, 18 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

Deltus nailed this one shut. He’s definitely a sociopath if he believes a word of his own hype for more than a second.
.
If anyone featured on this site ever truly lived up to his “Dumbass” tag, HJBB&D is the one. Dream on, idiot.

12:47 pm January, 18 DarkSock said...

HJBB&D went on to become Justin Beiber, and his prophetic words became true.

The End.

1:03 pm January, 18 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

And yet he can’t even throw a decent Shocker.

1:37 pm January, 18 Blinded by the Shite said...

Fuck it, I’m joining the Army.

2:31 pm January, 18 Anonymous said...

HJBB&D is actually Tim Ferris, the 4-hour workweek douchebag, after a few drinks.
.
True story.
.

2:33 pm January, 18 Andy Capp said...

^ Hey, that’s brilliant…and it’s mine.
.
My low paid minion failed to log on before popping my priceless gems onto the page.
.
So I had him killed.
.
There are millions like him. But only one me.
.
Have I perfected the douchey tone of this jackass yet?
.

2:52 pm January, 18 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

‘…treated like PHAROAH”….
This dude’s been watching too many “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat” revivals.
No one talks about Pharoah any more ‘ceptin’ dude archeologists.

2:53 pm January, 18 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

‘scusin me, it’s PHARAOH.
Always get that A and O misplaced….

3:54 pm January, 18 soy bomb said...

“Interests: I’m not here to make friends..”.
.
.
.
Think you’ve got that locked down pretty good, son.

4:54 pm January, 18 Wedgie said...

So let it be written, so let it be done.
–Ramses

6:54 pm January, 18 Troy Tempest said...

MOSES? Who is this… Moses?
.
I could hear HJDABB muttering that kind of bullshit and then the next thing you know you hear shouted from across the lawn,
“HEY LARRY! YOU GONNA DRAIN THE FUCKING SWIMMING POOL OR STAND THERE YAPPING TO YOURSELF?”

7:52 pm January, 18 Wedgie said...

A single hour of his life is worth $7.50.

8:51 pm January, 18 Jbone said...

I always assumed that he was a small time herb dealer in Akron. Definitely one of my favorite Hall members.

9:36 pm January, 18 Stephanie said...

Now, he’s minimum wage server which is around $2.33 plus tips.

9:48 pm January, 18 creature said...

I’d drink her pee

2:13 am January, 19 Canadian Pharmacy said...

He has absolutely no way to get there, but he fools himself into believing this is so. Here, it’s probably a sociopath makes them dangerous.

6:03 am January, 19 Wedgie said...

^Thank you for your brilliant insight. I do not need any little blue pills at this time. But if you have any good black tar heroin, I’ll take some.

4:19 pm January, 19 avg free said...

how do i join

4:02 am January, 20 DadBag said...

gotta be honest…i miss this kid

1:29 pm January, 22 Anonymous said...

I will miss him when they find his dismembered body in a muddy ditch.

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