Monday, January 17, 2011

“The Ninja In the Picture” Responds to HCwDB’s Hatters

Last week’s Yo Guy Says “Yo!” responds to the Hatters:

—–
THE NINJA IN THE PICTURE said…

First off….. F#ck all of yall, you can kiss my asian ass, dont be hatin because you could never find girls like my friends to even give you the time of the day….. f#cking losers find something better to do besides sitting on the computer to looking to find some hot girls to jack off too….. Same goes to the mother f#cker that created this website, you lame f#ck!!!.
I live in Austin TX, come find me and hurtle a fist towards your face!!!

——-

In High School, I almost set the school record for the fifty yard Hurtle A Fist Towards Your Face. But at the last minute, the East German judge disqualified me for trying to find some hot girls to jack off too.

# posted by douchebag1
9:31 am January, 17 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

Asian, huh? So much for Philippe Rushton’s theory.

9:40 am January, 17 chaserofthehott said...

What are we supposed to do now boss? I don’t know what to do with all my free time since I was told, “f#cking losers find something better to do besides sitting on the computer to looking to find some hot girls to jack off too….. ”

I don’t know what to do to other to than to find to some to
.
.
.
Oh f#ck it, you get the point.

9:46 am January, 17 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

Is there an autodouche rule for using the word “hater” under any circumstance, even if spelled correctly? I can’t think of a situation where a legitimate human being would say “hater”

9:48 am January, 17 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

** …or “hate” or “hatin” as a verb

9:48 am January, 17 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Given that most of the comments in that thread were about Mr. White’s epic take on a classic Talking Heads song, I find the Ninja to have the overworked sensitivities of a 13-year-old girl with a pimple and a hand written note from someone named “Anonemus” that says “Your ugly. And none of the guys like you cause your ugly. Go die.”

9:49 am January, 17 Bag A said...

Is that Cro ‘Bagnon?

9:51 am January, 17 tall guy said...

I think he is frustrated from not scoring enough cock. Although he is rather ugly so it’s to be expected.

9:52 am January, 17 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Crobagnon’s buildign up a layer of squishy over thepythons there. Still, he could swallow his whole fist, which he’ll always have no matter how badly the ‘roids eat away at his muscles and his…err, brain.

9:56 am January, 17 Mr. White said...

C’mon, Ninja. Boston Douchebag offered us $10,000 to fight him. You have to step it up.
.
I didn’t think I recognized him, but now that I learn he’s from Austin, maybe I do. My coworker and I were leaving our corporate headquarters, eagerly looking forward to the next day when we could leave Texas and hopefully never come back, when a hipster douche in skinny jeans attempted and failed to unfold his foldy-up bicycle and proceeded to have a little girl shit fit. (So many things wrong….why a folding bicycle in Texas? If you live in a place that actually has public transit, sure, but…. And why a bicycle, since the nearest ANYTHING is always a 45-minute drive through desolate brownness? But I digress…)
.
So, Ninja: Sorry about your bike, bro. And sorry my Boston-born and bred coworker laughed and called you a “retahd.”

9:58 am January, 17 retard said...

Not roid rage. Definitely not roid rage.

9:58 am January, 17 retard said...

“wikkid retahded” – love the boston accent.

10:12 am January, 17 Nancy Dreuche said...

Why would DB1 travel all of the way to Austin to hurtle a fist towards his own face when he could easily punch himself where he’s at right now. I find your logic disturbing “Ninja from the picture”. I am hatin’ on your logic. And after logic hatin’ I usually retire to a private area to jack off or jill off as it were.

And to the roided up buffoon in the photo, fuck your poison too.

10:20 am January, 17 Anonymous said...

eat his fist? Sheeeeeit, Cro’ can eat a concrete divider (including rebar) and a truck bumper.
.
I have never seen an actual human being who more resembles a guy on the Flintstones who should be eating a pterodactyl leg at the drive in–it’s Cro Bagnon. If there is anyone who is capable of eating a side of ribs that can turn over a car–it’s this dude right here.

10:21 am January, 17 The Dude said...

“Jill off” — thanks for that. I’m really starting to like you, Nancy.

Not in a creepy, internet kinda way, just friendly.

Okay, 10% creepy. But mostly wholesome.

*Digging out of the hole I just dug*

10:22 am January, 17 Deltus said...

Wait, maybe gorillabag in the photo is making a deeper socio-econo-political statement:
.
“Fuck you, Skull N Bones Society”
.
He’s railing against the elitist regime that has long put a stranglehold on anything they could use to further their own wealth and power. That’s the idea, gorillabag! Fuck the Man!

10:23 am January, 17 Anonymous said...

However, as funny as this post is…DB1, it does nothing to remove the sting of the absence of the weekly.
.
I love you, man, but that hurts.

10:27 am January, 17 Wedgie said...

Penis.

10:39 am January, 17 Wedgie said...

Funny: Asian guys who say “y’all”. Yup, Billy Bob Takadashi.

10:46 am January, 17 tall guy said...

Quick, somebody call up Douche Lee to confirm this alleged Asian’s Asianness.

10:53 am January, 17 tall guy said...

Maybe they can have pillow fights in their underwear.

10:53 am January, 17 Nancy Dreuche said...

@The Dude, 10% creepy is the perfect amount.

@Deltus, yeah I’m sure this guy is railing against social injustice. And by railing against social injustice I mean being railed by his broheims at the gym, Stackhouse chicken style formally known as Zyzz-style.

11:33 am January, 17 Wheezer said...

Always good to see the legends make return appearances – yep, that’s “Cupo,” our own Cro-Bagnon/Old No. 7 in the pic here. Good to see he’s still out there just, well, being himself.
.
But I think Anon 10:23 a.m. stumbled upon the true genesis of Ninny(ja) Scrote’s anger: Ninny(ja) wanted to vote for himself in the Weekly. It’s been proposed before.
.
Now if you’ll all excuse me, I must go find some hot girls to jack off, too. It’s tough doing that by myself, after all, and more fun to “hurtle one’s fist” in parties of 5 or more.

11:39 am January, 17 Et Tu Douche? said...

I see Roidbag is keeping Austin weird but probably not in the way the slogan was meant.

11:41 am January, 17 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Asian guy taking a picture with his friends is pissed off for two reasons.
.
1. Even he said it: they are his FRIENDS
2. His small Asian cock.
.
Sorry, bra, but YOU’RE the one jacking off to that picture.

11:45 am January, 17 Mrs Draper said...

Dear “Ninja”,

First off, you’re name is seven different kinds of offensive. Really, the only qualification needed to be a ninja is to be Asian? Really, being Asian automatically means you’re a ninja? Forget the years of study and training … every Asian is BORN pro at marital arts and works for the secret silent army of the night, no matter how cultural assimilation and diaspora has deluded past recognition one’s connection to their ancestry! Hmmm, if I were Italian, does that mean I can have the name of “Renaissance Painter”? If I were African-American, maybe “Olympic Track Gold Medalist”? Way to perpetuate a stereotype, asshole … slow, sarcastic clap for you.

Secondly, speaking as a woman, yeah, your friends are pretty. So what? The sideways “V” is still STUPID. What does it even MEAN??? Are you in a gang? Is it some sort of cryptic offshoot of American Sign Language that only pretentious losers like you know about? DUMB, DUMB, DUMB.

Guys like you do it because they need to overcompensate for the fact that they’re too damn uncomfortable in their own skin to just sit there, smile, and take a fucking picture like a normal person. They need to co-opt this psuedo-badass persona instead of just being themselves. Then, when people call bullshit on it, they get all defensive and start insulting their manhood.

I can tell you right now, no matter how interested in a guy I might be, the moment I see a photo of them pulling any kind of hand symbol, it’s an instant turn-off. REAL MEN don’t use visual crutches to hide their insecurity about their personality (or lack thereof).

11:46 am January, 17 Mrs Draper said...

Sorry, I meant “your” at the beginning. Wouldn’t want to bring on any grade-school era insults about my one misspelling … because, you know, the rest of my argument is airtight.

12:02 pm January, 17 skrag2112 said...

Is that his Barbara Striesand album he’s holding behind his back?

12:14 pm January, 17 creature said...

when Asian Austin hipsters try to fit in by saying “y’all”, it sounds like “y’arr” & locals look at them & say, “Whaa? are you a pirate now?”

12:25 pm January, 17 soy bomb said...

I thought ninjas were supposed to be silent badasses, not whiny douchebags.

12:31 pm January, 17 Ohio FJ said...

Stoopud hatters…

12:36 pm January, 17 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Ninja. Clint Eastwood used to stack swamp rats like you five feet high and use them for sandbags.

12:51 pm January, 17 Ron Artest said...

That glass jawed tool better watch or Ima go to Texas to shatter that glass jaw

1:12 pm January, 17 Collaz B. Popped said...

Ninja. Bruce Lee would flatten you with one punch.

I wish I had the ability to meet girls like his friends,,sigh,,,I just keep being a hatter.

Silly me.

2:07 pm January, 17 Et Tu Douche? said...

Hey Boss tell him you’ll meet him in Austin on the condition that you’ll be bringing with you our mythical leader in mock & disgust John Lahgeman.
.
That way, size wise, it would be a fair fight. You see John Lahgeman, besides being disgusted with D-bags macking on the Hott’s, really despises roidbags. JL earned his girth and size the old school way by working long, hard, honest hours for his family’s construction business during the summers of his high school years..
He started young because his father wanted him to learn the family business, to appreciate and understand what a hard days work was all about. Just because he was his fathers son didn’t mean he was going to get an easy ride. He was going to learn the biz from the ground up. This meant hours of heavy lifting, trench digging, hauling wheelbarrows full of bricks etc; under the hot Fresno area sun.
.
As time went by JL grew bigger, and stronger able to easily climb ladders with 50 lb bags of cement mix on his shoulders.
At the end of the day he would hop in the passenger seat of his dads’ pickup and they would head home to copious amounts of good old-fashioned home cooking and later on a well earned solid nights sleep.
.
It was an incident during his senior year that JL came to loathe roidbags. A friend of his, since grade school, got a punch hurtled at him by the school tough guy/muscle head for no reason during lunch break. JL knowing his friend, who was on the thin side, was not one to talk shit or start fights was enraged. He asked what happened and was told this guy who was showing off in front of the “cool” kids just started pushing me around, calling me a weakling. I tried to walk away but as I turned away he hurtled a sucker punch at me knocking me to the ground. JL told him not to worry about it that he would take care of it. JL knew who the guy was so after school he caught up with him in the parking lot tapped him on the shoulder and said I heard about what happened at lunch. Next time why don’t you pick on someone your own size. The ass clown roidbag laughing derisively said, “Dude I spend 2 hr’s a day in the gym and can bench press 350 lb’s, I’ve got 18 inch biceps and squat 525 lbs. You’re not even close to my size” At which point JL says “I don’t give a shit how many roids you’ve taken and what you think you can lift, fucck with my friend again and I’ll knock you out”. Roidbag pissed that this guy wasn’t intimidated by his freakish muscles goes to throw a punch but before he knew it he was laying on the ground waking from a daze, his jaw shattered as if he had been hit by a two by four. Looking up and wondering what the F just happened he could see off in the distance the same man who had just knocked him out with one shot getting into pick up truck ready to head home and call it a day.

2:14 pm January, 17 Doucheywallnuts said...

Asian is probably 74th or 75th on the list of things I would have thought this douche is. However, now that he has fessed up to his Asian heritage, is he the A number one Asian douchebag of all time?

2:27 pm January, 17 Wheezer said...

Salty fuccen tears, Et Tu Douche…..that was beautiful, man! The legend of John Largeman is one every douchebag needs to learn.
.
I daresay Mr. Largeman may be able to shame even the revered Samurai Scrote.

3:01 pm January, 17 Et Tu Douche? said...

I don’t think cro-bagnon pictured above is Asian. The Asian dude who wrote the response is wrote it in response to Yo Guy Says “Yo!” linked above.
. @ Wheezer
I agree

3:31 pm January, 17 charlie sheen said...

i will be in killeen tx tomorrow for my buddy fighting in the main event at ufc fight for the troops i was planing a little trip to austin to see some friends since i live in new mexico full time now you just name the time and place and ill be there “ninja” bra!

3:50 pm January, 17 Hurtle Boy said...

I like Hurtles.

5:06 pm January, 17 Nancy Dreuche said...

^Hahahahahahaha!

5:38 pm January, 17 Medusa Oblongata said...

Wow, Cro Bagnon!!! The classics endure.
.
@ Ninja–I assume your argument is valid. TL;DR

6:11 pm January, 17 Steve L. said...

what Mr. White said.
Boston Douchebag paid us $10,000 to fight him, man.

6:42 pm January, 17 Andy Capp said...

Man, Martin Amis has gone mad on steroids and hair plugs.
.
I recognized the writing style, though…
.

7:16 pm January, 17 Baron Von Goolo said...

Lighten up, Francis.

7:35 pm January, 17 Doucheterminatrix 2.0 said...

OK, I know I’m in the minority here, but I would give this guy a notta. As he admits, these are his friends (which is a term no ture douchebag would employ to describe hotts), and his only douchemarker is the hand gesture (granted, it’s obnoxious). More importantly, though, he’s an Asian guy trying to break stereotypes, even if he’s doing it in a dorky way. As can be seen from some of the previous posters’ comments, the last form of racism that seems socially acceptable in this country is directed at Asian men, and in light of what must have been life-long derogation of his manhood, I really can’t blame poor Mr. Ninja for wanting to appear like a pimp.
.
.
.
Ninja, if you’re reading this, you’ve got a notta from this poster…just lose the quasi-gang signage next time. You look ridiculous.

7:35 pm January, 17 Doucheterminatrix 2.0 said...

^full disclosure:
I’m dating an Asian guy, and he’s hung like a horse.

7:58 pm January, 17 Wedgie said...

^At 17.5 inches tall, Thumbelina is the world’s smallest horse, according to Goose Creek Farms.

8:16 pm January, 17 Doucheterminatrix 2.0 said...

^Assuming a guy has a small cockk because he’s Asian is kind of like assuming posters on HCWDB are all jealous hatters that can’t pull their own hotts, or beta males who choose their screen names based on unpleasant high school memories involving douchebags and the locker room.

8:19 pm January, 17 Sir David Douchenborough said...

I am confused. According to the much debated article in the New York Times by overbearing Asian parent, Amy Chua, Asian parents are supposed to raise high achieving children with perfect grammar, skillful syntax, and a mastering of numbers. Did this ‘ninja’ slip through the cracks or something?
.
You disappoint me Mr. Ninja. What happened? Did you rebel against your parents’ wishes to drill you into rote learning such that you could become an asset manager of a doctor? Instead, you chose to tap into a the mythos of the ninja to deceive the innocent white debutantes at your local Planet Hollywood?
.
And I thought the whole “V” sign was something little “Super Kawaii” Japanese school girls do when they get their new copy of Manga. Who are you trying fool here? Just remember, after a combination of booze and incessant suggestion, you may get a vulnerable woman back to your garage apartment, but you must keep your tentacle porn out of plain sight.
.
It is just the “ninja” thing to do.

8:35 pm January, 17 Wedgie said...

@D 2.0:
My name is taken from the Wedge in Newport Beach, CA where I grew up. You must be new.
But your comments remind me of a joke I heard once:
Her: “Aren’t I tight?”
Him: “No, just full.”
Full Disclosure: I don’t like Asians.

8:35 pm January, 17 Wedgie said...

Or girls who date Asians.

8:35 pm January, 17 Wedgie said...

Or guys who date Asian guys, just in case you are Jason Stackhouse.

8:36 pm January, 17 Sir David Douchenborough said...

*asset manager of a doctor
* into the mythos

Curse you, Tankhouse ale.

@creature

‘Tis a linguistic trap. Any time they try to impress by expressing the willingness to become a ‘Rory Templeton,” it fails miserably.

8:39 pm January, 17 Sir David Douchenborough said...

*asset manager or a doctor

Okay that’s it, I need a nap.

9:17 pm January, 17 creature said...

@ Douchermonetaryreflexoogabooganipdriver 2.0
I’m pretty sure that Wedgie gets his handle from body whompin’ the Wedge, an odd angular configuration of jetty & shoreline that amplifies south swells on the Calif coast…just so you know

9:22 pm January, 17 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Last week at the BedBath&Beyond,I got me a big black dirty laundry bag with a skull on it just like his shirt.
Precognition, or what?

6:25 am January, 18 Kevin said...

In response to wedgie, i grew up around in newport beach as well, and the overt and open racism towards Latinos, African Americans and other minorities was ridiculous. At least with Asians, including my parents we weren’t the help or the person spitting in your food.

I give the guy a nottadouche, as I understand the racism towards Asian men. President Hu Jintao is visiting the USA, and I don’t think my Chinese bretheren who didn’t grow up in California or the US will truly understand the deep seated hatred and racist bigotry a large majority have against Chinese people. Now that the next century will be dominated by China and India the subtleness and implicit racism will become more apparent and open.

8:20 am January, 18 Wedgie said...

Dude:
It’s a joke.
This is a humor site.
PC not welcome here.
I am an equal opportunity racist; I dislike everyone.
OK?

8:39 am January, 18 Don Cherry said...

So what does this have to do with my order of Peking duck? Man the service around here really sucks!

8:43 am January, 18 Scrotelaw said...

Soooooooo Asian Ass, if you’re not canoodling with all those girls your friends are finding what are you doing on your computer right now?

P.S. It hard to sound like a badass, sporting that haircut, with arms like dental floss and with the “under 21” temporary paper wristband

12:12 pm January, 18 Mrs Draper said...

I don’t understand. Okay, yeah, the jackass comments about his background are uncalled for, but whatever prejudices Asian people have suffered living in the U.S. still doesn’t excuse the fact that he looks like and reacted like a complete tool.

Plus, considering he gave himself the most cliched nickname SOLELY based on his cultural background (because, you know, ALL Asians are ninjas), I don’t think he’s TOO concerned with the plight of his people.

12:21 pm January, 18 Greek-God-like bodies and masculine features said...

Fuck off and leave the site you PC pussies. People make fun of gays all the time on her and I don’t take it personal. Grow a set you cunts.

2:30 pm January, 18 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

Kevin – If you are that eager to Be Offended, you may be a douchebag

9:51 pm January, 18 Stephanie said...

If you keep regarding your high school days, that might be the last decent thing you ever did in your life. Sounds like a scene from Napoleon Dynamite,son. Do you perhaps drive a 1970’s era van,and play football with yourself and film it? Just wondering?

2:32 pm January, 20 scotto said...

this dude is a tron!!! straight up. i think he needs to change his style. cause this picture and his little statement made him a even bigger douche. hahahaha

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