Monday, January 24, 2011

The Waterbug

Continuing our recent theme of douchebags and hot chicks in the pool, meet The Waterbug.

Your typical fifth year Senior at a non-accredited university on spring break, scooping up Tasty Tonya in the pool, while wearing the unforgivable “hat + sunglasses + Jesus Bling in a swimming pool” choadwankery.

Still, The Waterbug would only be on the middle end of the douche scale. A stage-2 or 3-er.

But then he had to go and give us the tongue.

Tasty Tonya is a glorious doe eyed and firm gluted minx that deserves better.

And by better, I mean me, slavishly tickling her uvula with a pinky toe while the soundtrack to Twin Peaks plays at quarter speed.

# posted by douchebag1
4:26 pm January, 24 Wedgie said...

Justin Timberflake.

4:29 pm January, 24 Wedgie said...

A Candiru is going to swim up his urethra, and he will then learn about real waterbugs.
Nasty..

4:30 pm January, 24 Medusa Oblongata said...

Boss, you’re going to put your pinky toe down her throat?

4:31 pm January, 24 Fatness said...

Perhaps he meant “vulva”, which makes much more sense…

4:32 pm January, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Guy in background of second pic FTW with EPIC facepalm.

4:33 pm January, 24 Baron Von Goolo said...

I’d sink her Battleship.

4:33 pm January, 24 Baron Von Goolo said...

I’d chum her waters.

4:33 pm January, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Fatness
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Then her name wouldn’t be Tonya but Mulva instead?

4:33 pm January, 24 Baron Von Goolo said...

I’d gaff her albacore.

4:34 pm January, 24 Baron Von Goolo said...

I’d catch crabs in her tidepool.

4:34 pm January, 24 Baron Von Goolo said...

I’d pee in her pool.

4:35 pm January, 24 Baron Von Goolo said...

I’d dive headfirst into her deep end.

4:35 pm January, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Tonya better go to the emergency clinic quick. That’s the worst case of crab I’ve ever seen.

4:36 pm January, 24 Baron Von Goolo said...

I’d marco her polo.

4:37 pm January, 24 Baron Von Goolo said...

I’d clean the leaves out of her skimmer.
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.
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…what?

4:38 pm January, 24 Baron Von Goolo said...

I’d wait thirty minutes before giving her the cannonball.

4:39 pm January, 24 Baron Von Goolo said...

I’d keep making aquatic innuendos just to see how many I can come up with.

4:41 pm January, 24 Baron Von Goolo said...

I’d check her pH.

4:42 pm January, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Baron
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Try venturing into the Moby Dick and Das Boot themes. I’m too fuccen tired to do it.

4:44 pm January, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

OK, here’s one
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I’d sink her great white whales with my pink torpedo.
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Naw, that just sucked. I’m out.

4:45 pm January, 24 Baron Von Goolo said...

I’d vent her main ballast.
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Hmmm…I dunno. German U-Boats just aren’t sexy like they were in the 40’s.

5:02 pm January, 24 Nancy Dreuche said...

Baron Von G @4:36p FTW.
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Double pool Jesus bling today DB1? What did I do to upset you? And who wears a fucking hat like that into a pool?! Listen Justin Timberlake wannabe, you’re gonna have to pork a chick ten times crazier than Miss Tonya here if you want to really get your sexy back.

I’m inventing a pool chlorine that dissolves Jesus bling on contact, unless you’re actually Jesus. Patent pending, Leary. Jesus doesn’t give a shit that you’re swimming, maybe start turning that water into wine and then you can wear that thing in the sauna too.

5:04 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d Nina her Hartley

5:06 pm January, 24 I douche, therefore I am said...

I’d depth charge her flotation devices.

5:07 pm January, 24 I douche, therefore I am said...

I’d ping her with my sonar.

5:26 pm January, 24 Baron Von Goolo said...

I’d Natalie her Wood.

5:27 pm January, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^ Nina her Hartley. Spits into his pot bag.

5:27 pm January, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Ginger her Lynn.

5:28 pm January, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Sasha her Grey.

5:35 pm January, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d Ron her Jeremy.

5:35 pm January, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d Rusty her Bike Pump. Look it up.

5:37 pm January, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The fedora has become autodouche, particularly in Canada.

6:05 pm January, 24 Anthony LaBaglia said...

I’d swab her poopdeck

6:08 pm January, 24 creature said...

lotsa commingling in that petri dish of STDs…you could get facial herp just by doin tha crab in that pond…

@ BvG
i’d spelunk her wet cave

6:25 pm January, 24 Fatness said...

I’d let her shiver me timber.
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@Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche (4:33), and her sister is named Delores.

6:49 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d let her blow me down

6:49 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d let her Olive Oil my Brutus until she suffered from Popeye

6:50 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d fuck her pool boy
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.
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wait…

6:50 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d flop her belly

6:51 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d ball her cannon
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wait….

6:51 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d pool her pee

6:51 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d give bottle service to her private cabana

7:07 pm January, 24 massengill said...

I’d pour hydrochloric acid all over her.

No.

7:08 pm January, 24 massengill said...

I would seriously dunk her though. Just to get her hair wet. Every chick in that pool has bone dry hair.

7:28 pm January, 24 Medusa Oblongata said...

She could man my dinghy.
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And by dinghy I guess I mean Frank.

7:28 pm January, 24 Medusa Oblongata said...

I’d force her to a 30 degree list to port.

7:28 pm January, 24 Medusa Oblongata said...

I’d break a wave on her starboard side.

7:29 pm January, 24 Steve said...

This douche has a scar on his pec at the armpit.

7:29 pm January, 24 Medusa Oblongata said...

I’ll do some frigging in her rigging.

7:30 pm January, 24 Medusa Oblongata said...

I wanna see the two points abaft the port beam.

7:30 pm January, 24 G said...

I’d chlorinate her bacteria trap

7:31 pm January, 24 Medusa Oblongata said...

I’ll batten down her hatches.

7:33 pm January, 24 Medusa Oblongata said...

I wanna scour her lubber’s hole.

7:34 pm January, 24 Medusa Oblongata said...

I’ll give her a rolling-tackle.

7:35 pm January, 24 G said...

I’d let her wax my bean

7:35 pm January, 24 G said...

I’d let her polish my bayonet

7:37 pm January, 24 Southern Scrotic said...

I’d Dos her Equis.

7:43 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d place a shot across her starboard bow

7:44 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d film an episode of “Deadliest Snatch” showing her hold overflowing with a mass of writhing crabs.
.
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wait….

7:46 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d motor her boat
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^dammit people, 50 posts and we just now got to that old chestnut? We must try harder, and not just post the most obvious shit that comes to mind under our noses.

7:46 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d nut her chest

7:46 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d try my harder post under her nose

7:47 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d hippo her crit

7:49 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d drain her pool, and standing there in a haz-mat suit, nonchalantly pick up a fecal-looking log from the pool floor, take a casual bite out of it, and say “No Big Deal” with my lips in a disjointed pose, causing a well-heeled blue blood dame to faint dead away.
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Dammit no more Canadian drugs in my system.

7:51 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

And in regards to background soccer mom in a blue polka dot bikini holding the beer, I’d make like Reverend Chad Kroeger and Light her Bud.

8:02 pm January, 24 Nancy Dreuche said...

Nobodys offered to pee in anyone’s butt for almost a fortnight. What’s going on in here?
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When did we all turn into well-heeled blue-blooded dames?

8:03 pm January, 24 Nancy Dreuche said...

I’d why I her never.

8:13 pm January, 24 creature said...

I’d haul her keel

8:15 pm January, 24 creature said...

Id roger her jolly

8:17 pm January, 24 creature said...

I’d treasure her chest

8:18 pm January, 24 creature said...

I’d Davy Jones her locker

8:18 pm January, 24 creature said...

make that ‘fur locker’…son

8:27 pm January, 24 ehcuodouche said...

I’d pee in her horse…

Before Dark Sock could…

Son…

8:36 pm January, 24 Deltus said...

I’d land her ho.

8:36 pm January, 24 Deltus said...

I’d swab her poop deck.
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Wait, what?
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No, that’s okay. I would.

8:37 pm January, 24 Deltus said...

I’d bay her watch.

8:38 pm January, 24 Deltus said...

I’d hassel her hoff.
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Okay, now I’m reaching. Too tired. Gnight.

8:49 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d pee in her kiddie pool

8:50 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d bleach her roots. Someone needs to.
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And by “roots” I mean “anus”.

9:03 pm January, 24 creature said...

I’d toss her briny salad

9:14 pm January, 24 creature said...

i’d crow in her nest….
thnx to BvG!

10:05 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

She could shiver me timber.

10:06 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

And walk me plank.
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Sorry if someone already did these, but I’m so fuccen Kroegered right now.

10:06 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d lap her pool

10:06 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d Mark her Spitz
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what?

10:07 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d Greg her Loose-Anus

10:08 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d Mike her Phelps………um, that sucked……..
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I’d suck her bong. and by “bong” I mean “thong”. And you know what elsoe rhrymes withe Thong”
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I am bein…..’nite

10:11 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d knocka her Chaka
qwet
wait that has nothing to do with the pool theme

10:12 pm January, 24 DarkSock said...

I’d Sleeze her Stacks
ewy
Dammit….POOL THEME…focus, Sock….
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I’d knock her socks

10:45 pm January, 24 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I’d blow her man down.
No, seriously.

10:46 pm January, 24 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I’d make her walk the plank.
My plank.

10:47 pm January, 24 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I’d re-inflate her waterwings.
At the appropriate opening.

5:02 am January, 25 Collaz B. Popped said...

I’d tackle her box.

6:24 am January, 25 Greek-God-like bodies and masculine features said...

I’d suck his skimmer pole

6:45 am January, 25 ehcuodouche said...

I’d Yo-Ho her Ho-Ho with a bottle of rum.

6:47 am January, 25 Deltus said...

I’d hump her tits.
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It doesn’t really fall into the “pool pun” theme, but so what. I’d hump them like a rhesus monkey on a triple espresso.

6:52 am January, 25 JAMES said...

He suck my dick in GYM class 2006

7:14 am January, 25 Sir Edmund Houndstooth Wellington, Duke of ShinePants On CherryBottom said...

^Well said, James, my Good Man. Hear, hear! Huzzah, Good Sirrah! Indeed. M’yessss.

10:59 am January, 25 Wheezer said...

Waterbug/Waterbag – what’s a vowel anyway?
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I’d motorboat her boobies like an Evinrude.
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Keep ‘Sock away from that, though – that’s shit’s dangerous.

10:59 am January, 25 Wheezer said...

100?
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Sorry, THAT MUTHAFUCKA.

11:02 am January, 25 Wheezer said...

Fuccen “Authorization Required
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This server could not verify that you are authorized to access the document requested. Either you supplied the wrong credentials (e.g., bad password), or your browser doesn’t understand how to supply the credentials required.
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Apache/1.3.33 Server at http://www.mardecortesbaja.com Port 80″ BS…..
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Trying again:
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EVINRUDE.

11:11 am January, 25 Et Tu Douche? said...

I’d tickle her little man in the canoe, Son!!!

11:12 am January, 25 Et Tu Douche? said...

I’d scrape her barnacles, What?

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