Friday, January 7, 2011

Wanksta Wally Owns a Boat


He just wanted you to know that.

He also wanted you to know that he plans on adding the word “Son” to the end of every sentence he speaks to the ladies.

“Where you goin’ with that drink, SON?” It’s a trend that deserves derisive and immediate scorn.

Mmm… Smiley Brunette with Perfect Posture Patricia. Yes, you. The one next to the overgrown suburban tumor named Dave. How I would softly cup your index fingers between a hot dog roll and an empty box of Mike & Ikes, and whine softly to you about the pleasures of wedgies.

# posted by douchebag1
9:30 am January, 7 DarkSock said...

I didn’t know pop-up tents came with pontoons..
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Wow. Just wow. Son.

9:32 am January, 7 DarkSock said...

Although the rogue turds were subdued and flushed and the boat was recovered, the Tidy Bowl Man’s body was never found.

9:34 am January, 7 Medusa Oblongata said...

I keep waiting for the torpedo to come and blow this whole thing sky-high. Son.

9:37 am January, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

Pink Bikini want some of my sandwich? Seriously, I can see your McRibs and they’re making me mchungry.

Shocker in one hand cigarrete on the other douche, I just crossed you off of my To Bang list and put you on the To Bang With my Car list. No Friend Zone for you!

Get Son!

9:41 am January, 7 tall guy said...

McFail’s navy. Lt. Cdr. Quinton McFail & Fester Gruber decide how they’re gonna get the hotts to turn tricks.

9:41 am January, 7 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Son-of-a-gun, if they ain’t havin’ some fun in the sun in the bayou.

9:44 am January, 7 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Here we see a young Mr. White in the halcyon days of his youth. He stands off to the side conduction some of his initial micturation experiments testing some of the variables that will later make his famous. Unfortunately he was just a carefree youth at this time and hadn’t yet come up with his elixir (Mr. White’s Long Root Solution #7 and Rust Remover) that would end such douchebag boating expeditions. All great inventions take time, son.

9:47 am January, 7 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Pontoon with two papa-sans and four mama-sans.

9:48 am January, 7 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

What the hell is the douche in back looking at? He’s next to 4 wimmen and he’s not even trying to catch a glimpse of cleavite? I guess he’s probably deep in thought trying to find just the right moment in the cruise to ask Chad if he “really likes him likes him”.

9:50 am January, 7 Wedgie said...

Hot chick with douchebags.

9:57 am January, 7 chaserofthehott said...

You know they rented that boat DB1. Why lie to us?

10:00 am January, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d do the short thick Jewess in black. She’s a giver and looks safe in the junk disease department, son.

10:05 am January, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Blessed be the name of Zyzz. And Rush. And John Denver when he was on the muppet show. And Brook Shields when she was 13 in the brown shirt. And Sheena Easton, Pat Benetar, and Ginger Lynn when they were a bit younger. And Jerry Falwell. I forgot what my point was.

10:09 am January, 7 jonezy said...

Is that John LargeMan on the lawnchair on the beach back there?
.
Who didn’t get a Douchie, by they way. He seemed deserved of one.
.
I can’t quite make it out, but is that a baby crib that john is watching over?

10:17 am January, 7 Vin Douchal said...

This is why I go out of my way to pee in the water, upstream. Poop , too.

10:26 am January, 7 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Nice girl, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice, son.
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Let me guess, dearie. You’re looking for a husband.
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Yes!
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Well, you’re going about it the wrong way, sister. You don’t bat ’em on the bean with a rolling pin. That comes later.

10:32 am January, 7 Captain Garanichode said...

A new web phenomenon in the making!
2 Cockwrinkles – 4 Chicks and a Cup…

10:42 am January, 7 Tom Choad said...

Yeah, I was going to say– that’s a red cup, but not our familiar URC. Them’s fancy drinkin’ wares for a brown lake cruise.
.
Those two asswipes need to be speedboat-bodydragged through some partially submerged permanent obstructions. Like windmill frames and barbed wire fencing.

10:45 am January, 7 Tom Choad said...

Yeah, speedboat-bodydragging passes for lake recreation here in iowa. And all the lakes here have partially submerged permanent obstructions, too.
.
.
Plus cattle and hog farm lagoon runoff and lots of farm field chemicals. It’s an idyllic setting, son.

10:49 am January, 7 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

If not for the queerage of the hairless poo, the Minnow would be lost…
.
Actually this Minnow should be lost. They should all be cast away, too. Except MaryAnn and Ginger in the middle there. I would totally make coconut radios for them.
.
.
And my make coconut radios I mean, tune in Tokyo on their coconuts.

10:49 am January, 7 Wheezer said...

What does Wanksta Wally’s tilted cap say?
.
“Skeeze”

10:50 am January, 7 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

^”by” not “my”
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Jackass.

11:01 am January, 7 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ IRA DA 10:26
hurr hurr, I see what you did there. Me likey.
.
@ Tom Choad–and if they’re close enough to Bettendorf, hopefully they’ll collide with the Lady Luck casino boat. I hit a royal flush in that place, I’d like the see this floating disaster flushed to the bottom of Lake Titty Caca.

11:11 am January, 7 DarkSock said...

…and whine softly to you about the pleasures of wedgies”
.
So, Boss: You and Wedgie got a thang goin’ on? Son?

11:16 am January, 7 DarkSock said...

I’m resisting the urge to abuse my admin privies and go through the last 500 comments and add “Son” to everyone’s posts. Son.

11:24 am January, 7 Taint Nuthin But A G-Thang said...

Babes are like moths to a flame when it comes to boats on water. Why, dear Lord above, dost thou allowest bags of douche to own, borrow, steal, or be in the presence of said boats & water? Dost thou not hath justice in thine Divine Plan? I pray thee smote these foul fools down with Your sword of fire, and spare these fine honeys to come hang out with good ol’ Taint for a spell. Thank you Lord. Amen.

11:26 am January, 7 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

So you say this picture is too static and boring son? Well then, here’s the video son.

11:36 am January, 7 Mr. White said...

Doc Bunsen caught me. It’s true–in my youth, I once bought an aluminum storage shed at Home Depot and used it as a boat, son.
.
What he left out, though, is Doc Bunsen and I’ve known each other for a long time, and he’s in this picture as well. He’s black bikini on the right. This was before “the big change.” I refuse to let gender identity/confusion affect our relationship, though. That’s just how I roll, son.

11:47 am January, 7 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Dr. BHD–Ohhhh snap that vid is sick son

11:48 am January, 7 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Mr. White
.
Ssshhhhhhh, that’s supposed to be our “special” secret. Hell, Mrs. Doc Bunsen just asked me if that makes her gay? I’m not sure.

11:52 am January, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Dark Sock 11:16, By all means, abuse your power, son.

12:29 pm January, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

Please disregard my comment from 9am. I am on my period and I have to make mean comments about girls with good bodies. Now excuse me while I drown my sorrows in a pint or two of Haagen Daaz Amaretto Crunch.

12:46 pm January, 7 Baron Von Goolo said...

Oh sure, Blue Steel can bench press more than me. But I can part my hair. Howdja lahk meh now, ladeeez?

1:57 pm January, 7 DarkSock said...

Also, “Pontoon” sounds like it’s a dirty word to me.

1:57 pm January, 7 DarkSock said...

Son.

2:03 pm January, 7 Stephanie said...

Empty boxes of Mikes and Ikes make a funny fart sound when you blow through them,son.

2:22 pm January, 7 Et Tu Douche? said...

What’s not noticed in this picture of young rascals is the music in the background. It’s barely audible but if I’m not mistaken I can hear “Douchin’ on Son-day afternoon”. Sorry about that my mock is off..carry on.

3:09 pm January, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

@me 12:29pm. Hahahahahaha! I like Ben and Jerry’s you moron. You’re such a bitch.

4:21 pm January, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

Ok, sorry about that. PMS again. I have to admit I will eat any ice cream and have been known to coat butter in sugar and eat it like a popsicle.

4:37 pm January, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

@me again! 4:21p Why are you telling my secrets? Buttersicles was a thing between you and me. And it was cinnamon-sugar too. Its like you can’t even remember a simple recipe. I’m disapointed in you, me. And no I won’t just eat any ice cream, Pralines and Cream is gross. You know that, yet you keep telling other wise.

I know what will make you feel better, how about a buttersicle for old times. Talk to you later, have a good night.

5:24 pm January, 7 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Nancy D–Instead of the Buttersicle, make the butter and sugar on a slice of cinnamon raisin bread. You’ll shit yourself, it’s so good. I come from a long line of fat people who spent their whole lives perfecting shit like Buttersicles or beef gravy.

6:18 pm January, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

@ Medusa–I have done something similar to that. I take a full loaf of cinnamon loaf bread from the bakery and cut it in half. I then cut out a little boat in the middle and put 2 sticks of butter with Cinnamon and brown sugar and just a hint of nutmeg. I then mash the whole thing together and dip in a dozen eggs and straight into the cast iron to fry in a butter and lard mixture. After this is sufficiently brown and crispy I take it out and top with creme fraiche, maple syrup and chopped walnuts. It ends up being a small breakfast for a woman of my size but it is TO DIE FOR. Seriously you have got to try it out.

6:34 pm January, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

@me 6:18p What’s creme fraiche? Sounds fancy. And again me, not a big nut fan. You must have had one heck of a rough day you’re forgetting the basics. Please remember to turn off the porch light tonight. Also don’t forget the trash, remember last time with the ant debacle. Anyway, take care and see ya in the morning.

@Medusa That’s sounds a little bit more my style.

7:59 pm January, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

Jeez, do I not know what creme fraiche is? Wow I am as stupid as I am fat.

8:02 pm January, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

Also sorry for referring to myself in the 2nd person. Sometimes it just ain’t easy having a 86IQ and a 52″ waist. If I keep eating those cinnamon raisin logs maybe they can equal out? Tee Hee

8:10 pm January, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

@me 7:59p what did Dr. Jenkins say about the negative self talk again? She said it was negative. And I was gonna Google creme fraiche I just got distracted listening to some pop lockin’ beats. Oh me, I love you but sometimes you’re/me’re impossible.

8:16 pm January, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

^Internet fight!

8:23 pm January, 7 army (ret) douche said...

i had always suspected adding “son” to the end of sentances was a douche maneuver. thank you db1for confirming my suspicions

8:31 pm January, 7 God AKA ALLAH the Big Jesus AKA Buddha AKA SHIVA H VUSHNU said...

Mrs Dreuche, what you’ve just said… is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

8:33 pm January, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

By looking up creme fraiche on the internet what I really meant was that I wanted to look up bukkake videos so I could get jealous of those lucky models. I wish any man would jizz on me.

8:49 pm January, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

@God and friends, suck one. This just in: I let you down again. But maybe you can finally tell me what the H. In Jesus H. Christ stands for while I have you on the line.

@me 8:33p Creme fraiche is a fancy sour cream. Bukkake videos are fancy circle jerk videos. Discuss amongst myself. I’m going to bed now me, you know I have to get up early in the morning. Goodnight.

8:50 pm January, 7 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

Even Nancy has her own dedicated troll, now. Meanwhile, I can barely get Motorcycle Parts to remix my posts. I’m the Charlie Fuckin’ Brown of regs on this site.
.
No respect, I tell ya!

11:20 pm January, 7 Motorcycle Parts said...

They should all be thrown away, too. Except MaryAnn and ginger in the middle there. I will definitely make coconut radios for them.

12:00 am January, 8 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Over my knee and used condoms, y’all know what creme fraiche is. Damn frog’s a comin’ !

7:25 am January, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

@RRR, I’ll lend you my troll for the week. Warning: He or she is extremely fiesty. Its not the fantasy dream they tell you about in internet school about when you get your first troll. These things require matinence or they can get out of hand. I think we all remember Jaques’ troll. That troll took a toll. And maybe start saying some funny stuff. MP will definitely have your back then. This is the real Slim Nancy btw.

12:42 pm January, 8 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

@Nancy:
Like clockwork, as soon as i complain about MP neglecting me, he chimes in with my earlier Gilligan’s Island-themed post. Brings a tear to my eye.
.
Jacques’ Troll was pretty damned funny. Plus, Jacques’ own responses to it were even better. Good times. I joke about not being cool enough for a troll, but honestly, I’d just waste any decent trolling effort, anyway. It would be like the time the two hottest chicks in school facetiously propositioned me for a three-way. I proved them right– I didn’t know how to handle that much woman.

2:33 pm January, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

@RRR, MP knows what’s up. And no, I’m not MP. I barely have enough energy to write my own comments let alone remix everyone elses.
Don’t give up hope on your own personal troll though. Maybe you’ll get lucky and get one that types in ALL CAPS. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you buddy.

12:03 am January, 9 Nancy Dreuche said...

Creme Fraiche is man goo and I so wish some man would be so excited to spooge it on me. Even a goat would do.

I would be upset if Jacques Douchteau did it. he is a such a hipster fag

7:00 am January, 9 Nancy Dreuche said...

^Here me go again! Beastiality me? Really? Seriously, we can do better than a goat. He’s gotta be at least half man. Like I could totally date a centaur as long as he kept his coat shiney.

And what are you doing up so late me. No wonder I’m so tired today. Apparently I was up late last night writing my man goo wishes for the world to see. Me needs to get a grip already. And sorry Jacques, apparently your goo just won’t do. Me knows what I like.

9:15 pm January, 9 Nancy Dreuche said...

Wow. I got so drunk tonight that I fucked the entire Packers team after their victory. Ya heard son?

6:24 am January, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

@drunk me, great job. We can cross “Do an entire sports team” off our Fuckit Bucket List. What’s next?
Oh yeah just a tip drunk fake me, I would only do local sports teams, son. (Go local sports team!)

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