Friday, January 21, 2011

Zach and Kevin Are Undergrad Business Majors

It don’t matter what decade it is.

Undergrad business majors boozing it up with the girls from the next door Jr. College have always looked like these puds, currently look like these puds, and will always look like these puds.

It’s nice to know there are some certainties in life.

Like sultry Blonde Cindy not knowing how much sexual currency she carries until she’s already married, preggers, and living in Jersey while her Wall Street husband commutes. And goes for Thai Massages twice a week.

# posted by douchebag1
9:27 am January, 21 Fatness said...

Lung cancer in training three in the middle will show on your doorstep in seven years toting a rugrat and demanding money. Bank on it.
.
Blonde Cindy will be 200 pounds by 30.
.
Whatever that is in front will pre-decease its parents.
.
The two in back will be in prison by 2020.
.
And nobody will remember any of them.

9:28 am January, 21 Fatness said...

^ three = there, fucknuts.

9:30 am January, 21 DoucheyWallnuts said...

MTV doing it’s best to help douchebags thrive…
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/parents-television-council-calls-federal-74000

10:03 am January, 21 Southern Scrotic said...

The old saw is that a girl who smokes will put *anything* in her mouth.
.
Just sayin’.

10:06 am January, 21 Deltus said...

Even bleethy mugging for the camera is going downhill (along with society’s chances of survival past the next 5 generations). The hottest one amongst the three hotts is the kissy lips in the front. And that is just fukken sad.

10:11 am January, 21 douchebag1 said...

Note on Spam issue: I’m trying out a new filter process for the spam, so comments may delay posting by a few minutes while I test it. Basically, all commenters need one approved comment before their comments show up. We’ll see if that cuts out some of the spam.
.
– management

10:13 am January, 21 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

Looks like the retarded kids lunch table at the Jr. High cafeteria… Watch out for tongue puddles!

10:15 am January, 21 DarkSock said...

New spam filter???
.
Motorcycle Parts, we hardly knew ye…

10:17 am January, 21 DarkSock said...

“Come to Boris and Ivan’s house of Poon! You vant schmoke? She make a schmoke! You vant naked, ve make naked! You vant severed girl head vis de mouth hole sewed shut, ve got eet!”

10:19 am January, 21 Guns-N-Douches said...

@ DB1: xtra cool if we can cut down on the spam. Even better if it could sense herpes and dispense valtrex to any ‘bags who comment.

I’m so very sorry for the current crop of high school students who have popular culture telling them that being a ‘bag (or bag-ette, bleeth, whatever) is the pinnacle of cool… well, that’s just fucking sad.

10:20 am January, 21 UFO Destroyers said...

I think you’re giving all these “collegians” too much credit. They all have the look of C-plus cosmetology school students to me.
.
And that’s probably giving them more credit than they deserve.

10:22 am January, 21 Anonymous said...

Young Republicans on the Prowl.
.
The girls aren’t necessarily hot, but the dudes are Douche Light…the Next Generation of Newts.
.

10:39 am January, 21 Wheezer said...

And Zach and Kevin already have an idea for the capstone project: a porno movie. Their lazy ass TA, who’s in it only to score on desperate freshman chicks in his other classes, will overlook those pesky copyright issues with a wave of his hand and a “Don’t worry about it” and give them a B-.

10:39 am January, 21 Andy Capp said...

Young Republicans on the Prowl…
.
While the gals may not be that hot, that dude on the left is obviously the Next Generation of Newt…
.
He’s already served Wife One with divorce papers in her hospital bed…
.

10:40 am January, 21 Baron Von Goolo said...

Darksock 10:17 ftw
.
This looks like a candid from the table read for an 80’s brat pack comedy with Vince Van Patten and Jon Cryer (assuming that Andrew McCarthy and Anthony Micheal Hall were busy that week) as two freshman business majors that con an entire sorority into moonlighting as – now, get this – callgirls! Hi-jinx ensue.
.
Get Joseph Cotten to play the irate Dean and it’s a go. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a call on my cinderblock-sized mobile phone.

11:29 am January, 21 Nancy Dreuche said...

Uh oh, I hope this makes it through the spam filter. I’ve been known to leave some pretty generic comments lacking in the meat department and high on sodium. If this is the end of Motorcycle Parts I’m gonna be pretty sad. I hate to admit it but I sort of become atttached to that little spambot. I think he had A.I. and was actually growing a heart, Tin-Man style. Sorry for getting all emmotional about a robot, now down to mocking.

The douche on lhe left looks and has the same taste in men as Lance Bass. These three young ladies will grow up to become three old ladies.

11:30 am January, 21 Nancy Dreuche said...

^Yes! Spam I am not!

11:33 am January, 21 Douche Springsteen said...

re: Blonde Cindy; last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it.

11:40 am January, 21 Mr. Biggs said...

Is that the husband or the wife getting the Thai massages?

I guess I could tell you the answer by knowing if there was a happy ending involved.

11:40 am January, 21 dbBen said...

They’ll spend a significant amount of time carrying around a laminated presentation about life insurance. “It’s a great investment because it doesn’t get taxed.”
.
They will quickly find themselves in the next bubble of consumer-credit-reorganization that encourages people to pay off credit card debt using early withdrawals from retirement funds augmented by short-term high-interest loans. Cindy will accept the advice because “Nick is cute” and he has a weighty watch.

11:43 am January, 21 Mr. Biggs said...

Also, I’d like to clear the air about the trending in comments about “not that hot.”

The question is, are they hot enough for you to party with? Are they hot enough so that, if you met them at a bar or party, you wouldn’t shun them but would at least give a toast? We’re not looking for “lifetime commitment and eternal drowning of paychecks in luxuries for her and the kids” hot.
In these co-eds’ situation, they’re definitely in the first category. And judging by their willingness to be in the photograph, they don’t mind in the least. So, let’s get these Undergrad business majors out of the equation, and we can bring the world one degree back to sanity.

11:43 am January, 21 FredN. said...

Blonde Cindy is hot in a Kirsten Dunst sort of way.

And by that, I mean I like her naked back and open mouth. Or something.

11:46 am January, 21 Sir David Douchenborough said...

How serendipitous. A new book out called Academically Adrift revealed this little nugget:

Students majoring in liberal arts fields see “significantly higher gains in critical thinking, complex reasoning, and writing skills over time than students in other fields of study.” Students majoring in business, education, social work and communications showed the smallest gains. (The authors note that this could be more a reflection of more-demanding reading and writing assignments, on average, in the liberal arts courses than of the substance of the material.)

Business undergrad majors, at least in my time, had too much time in their hands sometimes. They would engage in such douchey behaviour such as wooing jumpoffs with a three chord song from their guitar. However, I am still surprised that liberal arts majors ‘improved.’ Most of the time the hipsterbags who fill that niche are barely in the library and off to some other underground show about which they blogged earlier.

11:49 am January, 21 Sir David Douchenborough said...

* time on their hands

(Yes, the irony of a writing mistake in the post above is not lost on me)

12:04 pm January, 21 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Sir DD

“too much time in their hands” is a much better mistake than “too much tim on their hands”.
.
Thrust me on that one.

12:27 pm January, 21 Wedgie said...

Today’s undergrad business majors are tomorrow’s pimps.
And business is good.

12:51 pm January, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ DB1
.
These aren’t business majors. Can’t be. I’m betting they are criminal justice majors. You can usually find business majors firmly planted in front of an Xbox360 console playing Call of Duty or some such thing. They actually open a book on occasion. C.J. majors are either asleep for 20 hours or are partying (usually the remaining 4 hours of the day). These are clearly the latter. They think they need a college degree to become a bullet sponge (cop) or a probation officer. They don’t realize that they can go to ITT Tech, save more money, “learn” about the same amount and still be as useless as possible. But they do make for a nice revenue stream for a college or university because they take, on average, 6 or more years to graduate.

1:52 pm January, 21 Sir David Douchenborough said...

@ Mr. Scrotato Head

Indeed, that type of Freudian slip might reveal too much of the coc-er I mean consciousness.

7:32 pm January, 22 Stephanie said...

They’re all virgins wishing they weren’t.

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