Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Angry Bert Doesn’t Like You

Nadja confuses terror with love. Or so her therapist keeps telling her.

But she knows she can change him. She just needs time.

EDIT: Mr. Scrotato Head makes the excellent catch that Angry Bert is indeed a shirted Tendon Ted and Ass Pear Annie is a clothed Ass Pear Annie. Good work Mr. S.H.

EDIT #2: Readers Wedgie and The Everpresent Anonymous also made the catch. Proving once again that I gotta stop drinking so much and keep better track of previously tagged ‘bags.

# posted by douchebag1
1:27 pm February, 8 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

What he lacks in smiling faces he more than makes up for with shiny mottled skin tone.

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Wait what?

1:29 pm February, 8 Crottenham said...

Be careful all future posters, Bert WILL definitely track you all down and use you as a chew toy!

1:33 pm February, 8 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

The idols on Eater Island just called and they want to sue for copyright infringement.

1:34 pm February, 8 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Only seconds after the camera flashed, Bert howled in rage and confusion, flailed his arms against his chest, tossed Nadia over his shoulder, and scampered up to the top of the nearby boarded up Tower Records store where he spent the rest of the evening flinging his poo at passing pigeons.

1:36 pm February, 8 Leisure Suit Larry said...

She is some kind of yummy yummy delectable goodness. She needs a good spanking ASAP.

1:37 pm February, 8 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

This is an optical illusion. He is only five feet tall. The girl is an Olson twin on a really good day. Is that an alien likeness on his left forearm?

1:44 pm February, 8 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Angry Bert once had a staring contest with a building. And the building lost.

1:45 pm February, 8 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Dr. Bunsen….

I’d have thought the idols on Eater Island would be fatter.

1:53 pm February, 8 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Every time Angry Burt tries to masturbate it turns into a wrestling match between his arm and his cockk.

2:00 pm February, 8 Hermit said...

Nursing another black eye and sobbing, Nadja tells her BFF that Bert is a really sweet guy when he’s not drinking.

2:00 pm February, 8 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Angry Burt looks familiar…did he appear on the site with another moniker – and bleeth – last year?

2:02 pm February, 8 Leisure Suit Larry said...

She kind of looks like a much younger and much hotter Pamela Anderson. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroowwwwwwwrrrrrr! I should like to spank her because she’s probably been a bad, bad girl.

2:04 pm February, 8 Et Tu Douche? said...

My apologies go out to all Pacific Islanders, and their ancestors before them, whose art of tattooing which expresses their proud culture & heritage has become sullied by Neanderthal meat heads such as Bert here.

2:08 pm February, 8 Captain Garanichode said...

A horse is pee’ing in Bert’s butt right now (hence the anger…)

2:18 pm February, 8 soy bomb said...

Bullets don’t kill you and guns don’t kill you.
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Angry Burt kills you.

2:21 pm February, 8 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Holy exposed nerve endings rippling across a shaved orange! DoucheyWalnuts is correct. We have seen Bert before.

2:29 pm February, 8 UFO Destroyers said...

So is she Nadja or Ass Pear Annie? She must be surgically grafted onto his right thigh.

2:30 pm February, 8 Anonymous said...

^
Hey, that is Tendon Ted and it’s the same bleeth. You can tell by the little tatto above her sweet right butt cheek.

2:45 pm February, 8 Wedgie said...

It’s Tendon Ted, who was one of those “temporary seating” guys Jerry Jones rat fucked in Dallas.

2:45 pm February, 8 Hermit said...

Bert’s facial expression hasn’t changed since 1987, when he walked into his mother’s room and found her lying on the floor, casually eating a box of Milk Duds® with a table lamp protruding from her vagina.

3:27 pm February, 8 KingBadger said...

I don’t think that’s the kind of guy you want to piss off. Db1, I would run for the hills if I were you. Bert will still find you, though. And then…..

3:53 pm February, 8 Et Tu Douche? said...

Not only is it Tendon Ted & Ass Pear Annie but it’s almost the exact same pose. I just reread some of the comments in that old thread, they were quite comical

4:06 pm February, 8 Mr. Biggs said...

I wonder how many gimpy male “friends” she complains about him to.

4:12 pm February, 8 Mr. Biggs said...

Well, I gotta hand it to this guy. You wonder why UFC is so popular, all you need is this pic.

4:15 pm February, 8 Vin Douchal said...

That’s alright Angry Bert, I ain’t too fond of you either.
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This muthafathuh looks like every disgruntled Steeler fan in Vegas this past weekend. Shaved head, black jersey , waving yellow towels like little girls until the Packers ($200 returned $370 for GB and overs) shut them the fucking fuck up.
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Thank the football gods for Aaron Rodgers. How insufferable Sunday night would have been getting my swerve on if those douchebags had a chance to party. That was sweet

4:27 pm February, 8 Medusa Oblongata said...

Great googly moogly, Scrotato! Good work! It is indeed Tendon Ted. and, on closer inspection of his tattoo, it is concrete that the Tendon Ted photo is a later one that Angry Bert, note the addition of the smaller skulls closer to his wrist. My God….he’s developing an exoskeleton!!! I imagine by now he looks like this.

4:40 pm February, 8 Deltus said...

I would willingly suffocate myself on those shorts stretched across her ass, and I don’t care who knows it.

5:21 pm February, 8 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Tendon Ted looks to have overcome his Dracunculiasis.

5:23 pm February, 8 Steve L. said...

those tight white briefs are pure solar flares.
and i haven’t heard of Angry Bert in UFC before. neener neener neener.

6:13 pm February, 8 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

UFC…Up Fuck Crick

6:15 pm February, 8 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

UFC…Unsmiling Fwapping Choadwank

6:17 pm February, 8 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

UFC…UberFlopCock

6:18 pm February, 8 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

UFC…Uncle Fester’s Cuntbuddy

6:20 pm February, 8 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

UFC…Ugly Friggin’ Critter

6:22 pm February, 8 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

UFC…Unidentified Flying Cockpit

6:23 pm February, 8 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Mr Scrotato Head, great recall…I was just going to post that I remember there was something about his body that was odd, and sure enough you came up with it. Tendon Ted and his Visible Veins.
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http://www.axialif.info/grap/AXI_toegang_L4L5_1.jpg

6:23 pm February, 8 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

UFC…Ultimate Fugly Curmudgeon

7:14 pm February, 8 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Credit to DoucheyWallnuts who saw the menacing glare and the shining dome and knew we’d seen it before.

7:54 pm February, 8 SGT Warren said...

hey bert, i showed your girl last night, why they call me the Drill Instructor!

7:57 pm February, 8 Douche Springsteen said...

is he really angry or has the juxtaposition of him with a hott led to a sort of Kuleshov effect that he is angry with us that his beloved Ass Pear Annie is the recipient of our collective gaze?

8:35 pm February, 8 Stephanie said...

He’s angry because his spray tan didn’t turn out well.

8:45 pm February, 8 DarkSock said...

Damn good work DoucheyWallnuts and Mr. Scrotato Hep C.
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There is no known cure for the rare but irreversible “Treble Catfish Hook Novelty Belly Button Ring Imbedded Hard Into The Dude’s Outer Pelvic Bone During A Meth-Fueled Speed-Fuck Session” Syndrome (T.C.H.N.B.B.R.I.H.I.T.D.O.P.B.D.A.M.F.S.F.S.S.™) but with crank-fueled resolve Ted and Annie made the best of the situation by scowling scornfully at the rest of the world external to their dual Narcissist Personality Disordered Dillusions like a 2009 Camaro’s front grill adorned with J.C. Whitney Catalog customizations on sale during that particular holiday season.
..
If eggs come out of captive turkeys, cockk can go in. MEDICAL FACT.

8:51 pm February, 8 DarkSock said...

More than he hated the world, Bobby Boehner hated being picked on for his congressman daddy embarrassing him by crying like an Oprah guest every time a camera pointed at him.
ef

8:59 pm February, 8 DarkSock said...

Ed Muskie stepped out of his 1972 time machine, after being discredited as weeping in response to Richard “Burning In Hell Right Now” Nixon’s fabricated “Canuck Letter”, merely to ask “SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE; WTF? WHY IS THIS WEEPER OF THE HOUSE NOT RAN OUT OF OFFICE?”. Then Mr. Muskie stepped back into his time machine and died quietly in 1992, mercifully before the Karl Rove Hate Machine acquired self-awareness in 2000 and took over AmeriKan PolitiKs.
qrw
qwet
aewf
q434t
qgr
qw4etq4wet
qer43uuuu
wqet

9:36 pm February, 8 DarkSock said...

Ed Harris tried in vain to contain his fury at being asked yet again about doing a sequel to Michael Bay’s “The Rock”.

9:51 pm February, 8 massengill said...

Is this photo overexposed or is that pink triangle in the center a Speedo that’s been burned into my retina?

11:47 pm February, 8 Wheezer said...

Hey, maybe it’s just me, but I’d rather check out this Spank Bank than look at Angry Tendon Ted.
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But Ass Pear Annie’s still quite a delight.

1:13 am February, 9 The Dude said...

omg i forgot what i was gona say when the Boehner pics appeared on the down-scroll.

oh yeah, keep drinking! jeebus

p.s.- those Boehners are awesome!

2:01 am February, 9 teh_abominable_snowdouche said...

That’s ok Ted, we don’t like you either.

6:15 am February, 9 Anonymous said...

@ Vin Douchal –

In the original Tendon Ted commentary, you posted a link to a video of the Mother Truckers. I noticed because I LOVE those guys. That guitar player kicks ass.

8:19 am February, 9 DarkSock said...

Bert Convey was the baddest Bert e’er lived; a bad ass bro with a tight ass fro, slingin’ big dick on the LOVE BOAT bitchez
qwet

11:21 am February, 9 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Deer Bert,
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Sorry the steroids shrank your junk to the size of acorns, but thems the breaks.

3:23 pm February, 9 Captain Garanichode said...

Enough about Bert… I’m thinking about shelling almonds against Nadja’s ass

12:42 pm February, 10 Stephanie said...

Nice job Dark Sock,especially Howdy Douchebag.

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