Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Emobags Clog the Toilet
Meet The Emobags: Dopey, Frumpy, Herpy and Jeff.
Watch as they bother Shen-Chu in the bathroom of the Korova Milk Bar somewhere in the near future in this excerpt from “A Clockwork Altoid.”
If these are the leaders of the revolution in Homoslavia things are going to go very badly for the rebel forces.
Dopey there appears to be differently abled. Frumpy is throwing up what appears to be the “Stretch Shocker”, testing the elasticity of vaginas everywhere. I wouldn’t let Herpy pump my gas or shine my shoes. And what the hell Jeff, are you wearing makeup?!!!
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And Shen Chu? More like Man Chu. More makeup is not helping sugar “tits”.
SuperGroup: The DumbAss Pees
Or: KajaPooPoo
I see Herpy has “UR” tattooed on his fingers so he remembers how to spell it next time he’s texting his brofriends.
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The moldy emo/hipster stench is appalling.
Another clandestine meeting of the Dayton Ohio Communist Party.
DOC?
The remaining members of the Culture Club™ fan club, Son.
The middle guy is legendary body mod artist Lars HumpStinch, who was the first person to move on past placing stainless steel lumps under his skin and actually transplant a live human hand onto his scalp. He went on to win the 2010 Fellatio Olympics with his unique three-hand reach-around technique.
Fucking Nihilists…I bet they roll on Shabbas.
I guess if I had to choose out of the five there, Dopey would be my bottom bitch. Sorry Jeff. Its because of the suspenders.
They all look like Herpy’s to me , maybe that’s their last name?
This pic does not live up to the proud history of the site. I see only douchebags and one very questionable “chick” on the right, who probably pees standing up. Not that there’s anything wrong with that; some guys pay extra to watch.
Not that I’d know, or anything.
Where’s the hot chick? All I see are 4 toadstools and a $10 hooker.
I remember when references to Emo had to do with Judy Tenuta’s lesser half. Am I that old?
They may all be douchebags, but Jeff is by far the most odious, for Jeff is an arrogant, hipster ass. He’ll engage in conversation just long enough to enlighten you with his vast wisdom, but when you attempt to point out a potential flaw in his logic, he dismisses you with an annoying scoff, and moves on to talk with someone who will be impressed by his self-perceived awesomeness.
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He spends his evenings in a lonely, one-room apartment, seated in front of a full-length mirror, eating scrambled eggs out of a large Tupperware® dish, shoveling them greedily into his mouth with a soup ladle.
“EMOBAGS CLOG THE TOILET”
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I hate them with every fiber of my being.
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Sorry.
Great, now I gotta go into hiding again. Just disappear for a while. I don’t know if it was all the cough syrup I drank or the voices in my head that made me do it. Maybe it was a combination of both. I thought that I had put those demons behind me….
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I just remember waking up on Wednesday morning feeling like shit, smelling like shit, and looking like shit. I figured it was from the flu virus and sinus infection that I had developed but my mind told me it went much deeper. With each step it became more obvious as I approached the bathroom. There in the mirror I could see it. What appeared to an amature’s eye to be random bits of drool and mucus were actually tiny shards of flesh. Shit, no wonder why my fuccen jaw hurt so bad…
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I stumbled downstairs and turned on the local news. The idiots on there are always good for a laugh. Think they have “serious” jobs and all. Fuccen morons. As I laid down on the couch, Jake came up and took up residence on my chest and started his incessant purring. “Not now” I told him as I tried to get comfortable. It was then that the bubble-headed dipshit broke with the story of the nightclub tragedy. It seems as though someone went on a rampage last night biting off the ring fingers of several patrons at the club before escaping into the night. The police had no suspects but did recover some thick black-rimmed glasses and a lab coat at the scene. FUCCK! The Army docs had warned me this could happen after they pulled me in from the last job I did “off the grid” in Honduras but I didn’t expect it so soon. It seems yours truly had a bit of a “spell” and went a bit primeval on my last mission in the jungle and “collected” a few “souvenirs” from a job well done. With the meds and some electroshock the docs said I should be OK but they couldn’t guarantee anything. Well, I guess they were right. Let the bastards try to find me. I’ll change identities yet again. Just in case anyone asks, no one has seen me OK? I’ve been away for weeks. No forwarding address. I just disappeared.
Dark Sock’s proud to be an American,
Cause at least he knows he’ll pee.
He won’t forget the horses that gave their vag for free,
And He’ll gladly stand up and write Haiku’s for thee.
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Cause he’s proud to an American, got bless the guy he’s gay.
Shaggy Rogers is just not that into it since Scoob came down with worms. He can’t even muster up more than half a sideways peace sign.
@Doc Bun—–errrrr, “Anonymous Poster”, 11:17 a.m. –
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It seems as though someone went on a rampage last night biting off the ring fingers of several patrons at the club before escaping into the night.
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Blame this guy.
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Son.
^^Hey, how’d you get a copy of my driver’s license photo?
hipsterbags are not capable of ultraviolence.
what a relief that is.
Blue-bags, that color is such a hot thing now over at Target in the melamine serving platters and party plates.
YUP, it’s come to that. I see the COLOR SPLASH now before I see the douchey pose. Not sure what that means, but it’s a relief on my retinas.
He went on to win the 2010 Fellatio Olympics along with his unique three-hand reach-around system.
The modern day Breakfast Club of scrote.