Monday, February 14, 2011

Flathead in the Third Dimension

This calls for some sort of physics joke regarding vector hair, dimensionality and taut Russian immigrant hotties suffering the consequences of their naiveté.

So I turn it over to Stephen Hawking:

He is dou-chey be-cause his hair is stu-pid and if I could stand, I would spank both of the hott-ies both spa-tially as well as tem-por-a-lly.

Yup. Stephen Hawking jokes. I need a coffee.

# posted by douchebag1
9:50 am February, 14 Luis Douchuel said...

The Euro further devalues.

9:55 am February, 14 Mr. Biggs said...

Scotty is testing out his new beaming technique involving twin flotation devices.

9:56 am February, 14 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Like most of my recent comments, I don’t think Flathead is worthy of notice here on the site.

10:05 am February, 14 boone doggle said...

It is likely that the “Harry Kim Wormhole” has formed directly above him. Seconds after this picture was taken, he was sucked into the Delta quadrant and replaced by the Korean Ensign.

10:06 am February, 14 Wheezer said...

WTF is that on his head? Is it an ear-to-ear fauxhawk, or a Y-hawk? We may need a literal bird’s eye view here, and I wouldn’t mind if said bird dumped on his head.
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Anyway, I can’t tell because my eyes are blurred by the tears of my growing rage.

10:07 am February, 14 boone doggle said...

Thats right. Voyager. I was just following Mr. Biggs’ lead.

10:19 am February, 14 KingBadger said...

If douche has a trust fund from eternally disappointed lawyer parents then hotties were not naive. Are spoilt rich-kid douches the worst of all?

10:21 am February, 14 Vin Douchal said...

We already saw these people on Halloween:
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10:24 am February, 14 massengill said...

His angular features remind me of Blade from the Puppet Master films.

10:43 am February, 14 Captain Garanichode said...

Taut Russian immigrant hotties, yes taut loik a toigar

10:45 am February, 14 Captain Garanichode said...

I dub this the “Vert-Hawk”.

10:54 am February, 14 Jacques Doucheteau said...

His hair creates a negative energy field from its angular momentum that has no Schwarzschild solution!
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Their bodies are so taut that the stress-energy tensor warps the spacetime around them to the point where boson strings within their resonant covariance acquire a supersymmetric gravitational mass.

10:57 am February, 14 jonezy said...

the ironic part is that their dog tags are actual tracking devices for their sale to rich Arab buyers

11:30 am February, 14 Deltus said...

Are these hotts twins? Nothing like twin hotts. Because then you can trace the hottitude swirling around them like they were probability Lorenz attractors.

12:10 pm February, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

These three are too young to further enrage me after the Mrs. persuaded me to watch the Grammy awards to stay “with it” last night. I was doing OK for a while until I saw something called a Bruno Mars at which point I started chugging stiff Harvey Wallbangers. I was totally bombed and stoned when I realized I was out of orange juice. Then I saw Justin Bieber. That put me into a fury and needed more mix. At this point I was despondent but still trying to make the Mrs. happy. So I started drinking again this time with a different mix. The hallucinations were bizarre. Saw something heinous called Arcade Fire. In retrospect, the Prestone Harvey Wallbanger was a bad idea but I almost escaped the bonds of this foul existence.

1:06 pm February, 14 UFO Destroyers said...

RIght there with you my good Reverend. And it will only get worse since our bid on a house was accepted and instead of being $100K in debt we’ll be closer to $500K in 20 days. Let the Crown and ginger ale roll.

1:41 pm February, 14 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Sadly for Flathead, Natalia and Tatiana are nieces-by-marriage to Vladimir Putin…

2:10 pm February, 14 Foxy Mocksy said...

This idiot has 80’s chick bangs. Its called “the rooster”. Great hairdo, Full Metal Jackass. (You know, because of the dog tags.)

2:36 pm February, 14 Baron Von Goolo said...

@ massengill 10:24
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Good gawd, man. How deep did you have to dredge the nerd lake before you came up with that metaphor?
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I’m impressed. But mostly embarrassed for you.

2:39 pm February, 14 Baron Von Goolo said...

and btw
BEST. WRITTEN HAWKING IMPERSONATION. EVER.

3:39 pm February, 14 Fatness said...

Blondie on the right could put out your eye with that pointy, perky protuberance.
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And she knows it.

3:54 pm February, 14 Sir David Douchenborough said...

Hmmm, this is a tough one. It’s as if though he is having an identity crisis in which his homoerotic metrobaggery urging him to become a sexually ambiguous model with his skeletor cheekbones and his 200 MHz sinusoid for a haircut while on the other side, his rough and tumble masculine jockbaggery is pleading for him to stay ‘tough and not be a sissy.’ The amalgam is never hidden too well as the presentation of a strong, rugged gentleman is completely undercut by obvious signs of sanitized and meticulous cosmetic grooming. It is construct, nothing more.
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It is for that reason, I can never take Brantley Gilbert seriously, even if he is beating someone clearly more douchier than him (but then isn’t that how you deflect anyway?).
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All in all, I would say Sinusoid Shaved Steve probably likes to play videos games with his bros but really is a sensitive boy who probably likes to express himself and will be amenable to ‘experimentation’ in the locker room as a manifestation of his rejection of the tortuous varsitybag paradigms he is coerced to uphold. At best, he registers a small reading on the douchemeter.

4:12 pm February, 14 Douchble Helix said...

Here’s how taut those little dollies are:

And here’s the only thing the Grammys left out:
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7:59 pm February, 14 massengill said...

@ BVG
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I was a big fan of Blade and all of André Toulon’s creations.
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I watched all of the Puppet Masters during my formative years.
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And Dollman vs. The Demonic Toys

9:06 pm February, 14 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Ya know, I think some dog groomer got to him at Westminster after he went there sniffing poop, and well, ya know hotts, they can’t resist petting poochy.

11:25 pm February, 14 Stephanie said...

The girls look like sisters,and he couldn’t handle either one of them.

2:47 am February, 15 Steve L. said...

the Russian hotts are 4-dimensional hotness.

10:17 am February, 15 Douchelips said...

The one on the right knows he’s a douchebag…you can tell by her smirk.

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