Friday, February 4, 2011

Friday Thoughts and Links


Here’s HCwDB’s very own orange almost-Legend and former Weekly winner, The Night Oranger. As a gay cop. But still pulling quality party hottness in the form of Sexy Cop Brenda.

So for that, he earns our Friday Mock.

A quiet week for your Humble Narrator. The Night Train is flowing after a brief “health” hiatus where I ate only wheat germ and a plate of mashed yeast crashed and burned with six consecutive trips to In-n-Out Burger. Those are some tasty burgers, Dude.

As to HCwDB’s Mission Quest, the ‘bags continue to doth protest too much, by email and comments threads, which means our mock continues to have potency, even in this unfortunate era of Jersey Shore meta-celebrity.

And for that, our cause remains not only Holy. But Righteous. And Just.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week, Childhood Nostalgia Edition: “When single shines the triple sun/What was sundered and undone/Shall be whole, the two made one/By gelfling hand or else by none.”

In Vegas, even the “Bellagio Bandit” wears douche wear.

I’m working on a spinoff of Jersey Shore right now with Peter Jackson, here’s an exclusive sneak peek.

The Empire Farts Back. Quality cerebral satire for your Friday entertainment.

The Tralfamadorians still love HCwDB.

Since we’re on an 80s nostalgia kick today, there were many arcade games that ruled back in the day. None more so than Journey. Bouncer Bonus Level for the win.

Next thing you know, you’ll tell me Jim Carrey played a heroin addicted Axl Rose acting in a music video based on the Exorcist with a director played by Liam Neeson. In a movie starring Clint Eastwood.

The 80s were trippy times, man. Trippy times.

Here’s your Pear:

This Old House Pear.

It is rustic southern comfort. And the house, too.

# posted by douchebag1
1:29 pm February, 4 C.G. said...

pear is the toppest of the notches this week!

1:36 pm February, 4 Deltus said...

Old House Pear just cured me of everything that ills me. Or at least that how it feels in my post-masturbatory state. HELLOOOOOOOOO, NURSE!

2:16 pm February, 4 Wedgie said...

I love ’em slutty. Happy Friday.

2:31 pm February, 4 Anonymous said...

If you look closely, you can hear what she’s saying. Seriously, I can read her lips. And that’s a good thing, right Martha?

3:04 pm February, 4 Et Tu Douche? said...

Hmmmmmmm Pear, tasty succulent Pear.

3:06 pm February, 4 Medusa Oblongata said...

I about fuccen DIED during the Yoda part. Thank you, boss. Now need to go change my drawers.
.
Today I have been sanding and painting this old house. Sadly, there was no sight of TOH Pear to be seen. Just a dog of below average intelligence.
.
I hadn’t started doing drugs yet when the Journey game came out. But if I had, I assure you, I would have lost a lot of money in that machine. Instead, it all went here. Dang, I miss that game.

3:09 pm February, 4 DRK said...

Bellagio Bandit posted on a poker site after he stole the money and got ratted out.

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/29/news-views-gossip/cashing-stolen-bellagio-chips-poker-news-943375/index7.html

Logged himself into the forum as OCEANSPRAY25 and basically contacted members looking to sell the 25K chips.

Darwin award winner for sure

3:09 pm February, 4 I R A Darth Aggie said...

This Old House Pear.
.
Hammer time! Can touch this!

3:09 pm February, 4 Scooby Douche said...

Some asses you can just stare at all day. Got me a new wallpaper.

Good weekend all!

3:11 pm February, 4 Anonymous said...

Pear, juicy pear:

Liquor in the front, Poker in the rear

3:13 pm February, 4 Hermit said...

According to a friend of mine who worked for PBS, every time Bob Vila sees “This Old House Pear” he begins to buff himself lightly with an orbital sander, slowly increasing the grit from 0000 to 120. After a sufficient amount of foreplay, he works himself into a frothing, sweaty, sex-crazed frenzy with a shop-vac® and a can of bearing grease. He then tightly fastens a pair of vice-grips to each testicle before pleasuring himself with a moistened length of PVC pipe attached to a reciprocating saw.

3:25 pm February, 4 Baron Von Goolo said...

TOH Pear …I…I’m sorry…I’m just so…happy…

3:28 pm February, 4 Medusa Oblongata said...

Ummmm….Hermit….That was fuccen hilarious, and I don’t wanna split hairs, but 120 grit is fine, and grade 0000 only exists in Steel Wool country. I’m not trying to bust your balls, I’ve just had a sander in my hand for the last 14 months and can now tell you the grit of paper merely by touch. However, I about crapped myself laughing at the mental pic of Bob Vila’s Reciprocating FleshSaw. suppose he uses WD40 in that thing, or joint compound…?

4:34 pm February, 4 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Possibly the best pear. Evar.
.
The Night Oranger still looks like sweaty scrotum, but at least is pulling higher quality tail.
.
All and all a good kickoff to the weekend. Go Chargers!

4:53 pm February, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

Night Oranger is back as a shirtless cop. As if I needed another reason to avoid the cops.
.
Hermit, hilarious.
.
May the best team win this Sunday. May the worst team lose. And may whatever party I go to at least have Cheetos.

5:07 pm February, 4 ehcuodouche said...

Hardware Wars remains the best Star Wars parody.

5:08 pm February, 4 ehcuodouche said...

Oh, and by the by, my friend or relative’s house is the LA project on TOH for the next 10 weeks.

5:13 pm February, 4 PicsOfLosers said...

Why is everyone going on about the the ass pear what about the dark crystal thats good too

6:24 pm February, 4 shawk said...

The ass pear is improving the appearance of a row of beach cabanas. Probably in Rio.
It’s summer in Rio.

6:56 pm February, 4 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The Night Oranger pulling Scarlett Johanson…that’s some quality poon. Poon, I says.

7:06 pm February, 4 creature said...

@ shawk,
I say they are private lap dancing sheds… son

8:02 pm February, 4 DarkSock said...

I can’t stop giggling over fart wars….Son….

8:39 pm February, 4 Sir David Douchenborough said...

I have one question: How did Monsieur Nua steal the collier of ma voisine who still lives in zay sixties?

8:59 pm February, 4 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I’m so imbibed with the farts that I swear I heard the same coming out of This Old House Pear, although Norm Abrams and the crew would never attest to that.
She maketh the power drill to go “Va-va-voom.”

5:45 am February, 5 mr.reeve said...

The pear is like no other pear. Kind of like a snowflake. Except snowflakes don’t give me a boner, son
The worst part about journey was having to listen to “Don’t Stop Believing” for over an hour straight while trying to beat the game. The Atari version had no lyrics so it was a little easier to deal with, son.
Off to Vegas my fellow ‘bag hunters. Pray for me. For I will walk through the valley of the douche, I will fear no taint: for the power of HCwDB is with me…….son

11:30 am February, 5 Scroteophobic said...

OK boss. Breaking a posting drought to ask one simple question:
Who the fuck do I blame for the new TV Show? MTV are doing Geordie shore. A Jersey shore spin off based here in the UK. In Newcastle. Sweet Jesus. A good night out in the parts of Newcastle they are looking at hitting is twenty pints of lager, two kebabs, five fights and a bout of forgettable drunken sex that gives your rash a rash.
.
One tiny glance at the only picture I’ve seen so far of the hopefuls nearly blinded me. I’ll admit there are a lot of very hot American girls out there but I do not subscribe to the theory that there are no hot Brits anywhere. But still. It is like they trawled the bottom of the great Fugly Trench in the Sea of Wiltingboner, dug down into the ten thousand year old slime made of rotting sea creatures and whale excrement and stuck fake eyelashes on what came up.
.
You are in with MTV. There has to be someone you can discretely pay off? I’ll start a fund if you like. Just give me a name a blackmailable deviancy.

3:46 pm February, 5 Stephanie said...

I’m not into the whole anti-gay thing, yet I still use the phrase of things and people “being gay”…which is stupid of me,and my own fault. I don’t think this site is anti-gay, we should find new words to mock properly….
But I don’t like night oranger,he gets a ticket from me for just looking like that.
For some reason farts are so incredibly funny. Now I’m on you tube and watching every fart anything.Farts on live TV,newscasters shooting them off while on the air,I’m am so easily entertained.
Gotta laugh to keep from crying.

6:32 pm February, 5 DarkSock said...

@ Stephanie:
.
Don’t worry, Toots. I have 2 close friends that are homosexual. They laugh at gays. Gay is different from homosexual like douchebag is different from stylish. In fact many heteros are gay (see: Metrosexual).

6:34 pm February, 5 DarkSock said...

Barney Frank is homosexual. And he’s a kick-ass legislator. I would not make fun of Barney Frank.
.
Elton John dresses up in chicken suits and collects trophy twink husbands half his age, writes Disney songs for cash and adopts Brangelina-style orphans. Gay.

6:35 pm February, 5 DarkSock said...

Rock Hudson was homosexual.
.
Perez Hilton is gay.

6:37 pm February, 5 DarkSock said...

Bill O’Reilly is homosexual.
.
Glenn Beck is gay.

6:38 pm February, 5 DarkSock said...

Jello Biafra is homosexual.
.
Rob Halford is gay.

1:48 pm February, 6 Lil' Fartknocker said...

So sad to see a hott of this calibre in danger of contracting that mangey facial fung…for the love of Gawd, Brenda, GET BACK!!

8:41 pm February, 6 Wheezer said...

I love This OH Pear…..as in “OHHHHHHHHHH”…..
.
Fap fap fap fap fap…..

11:33 pm February, 6 Wheezer said...

LFL Football Pear
.
(drools)

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