Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Here Comes the Spiker, Doo doo doo doo…

From June of last year we’ve been monitoring aging, broken-down rocker douche haunting the clubs in search of tasty barely legal pahoitytoit.

But we do not judge The Spiker for oggling tasty barely legal pahoitytoit.

We judge him for spreading toxic skull grease in presence of stunning Librarian Hott Lauren.

Yes, you, Librarian Hott Lauren. Your Mayan Eye of Coitus sends ladybugs into spontaneous fits of addled joy and spontaneous combust. I would only hesistantly thigh massage and brief suckle until you grew weary of my efforts, and then I would run off to cry for the crisis of meaning in a world caught in transnational geoglobal crisis until you called a cab and deleted me from your cell phone.

# posted by douchebag1
3:42 pm February, 16 douche equis said...

Four-Eye of Coitus, that is.

And while Ginger gets all the attention, Mary Ann is over there with a big “come to me, douche equis” sign out. Or maybe that’s just cleavage.

3:45 pm February, 16 Wedgie said...

Man, that is a bad look.

3:49 pm February, 16 Southern Scrotic said...

I like blue boobs.

3:52 pm February, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Smiley Blue is more my type. I just keep a pair of pharmacy reading glasses on hand for librarian effect. This guy has just the most stupid haircut I can remember here. He looks like someone took Dana Carvey and bleached him, aged him, and pounded extra long toothpicks into his skull with a meat hammer.

3:53 pm February, 16 Foxy Mocksy said...

Dana Carvey, you used to be my favorite on SNL. I’m hoping this is your impression of Massive Headwound Harry out on the town.
.
Ladies, I’m not seeing it. Does this guy have access to super drugs? Is he paying you? Wait, is he your hair stylist?

3:58 pm February, 16 Mr. Biggs said...

Gonna ignore Mr. Brainsplosion in the middle there, and ask a more pleasing question: if you could only nominate one of the two hotts in this picture for Golden Globes, which would it be? And on what grounds?

4:11 pm February, 16 Foxy Mocksy said...

@Biggs, I would nominate Blue dress boobs. While they appear to be smaller they look more symmetrical than four-eyed’s boobs. Less saggage later in life too. You gotta think long term on the boob front.

4:28 pm February, 16 Revved Up Like a Douche said...

Scanning electron microscope view of avian flu virus on a douche stick!

Best Halloween costume ever!

4:29 pm February, 16 Horace Dangleballs said...

He looks like a Kiwi fruit.

4:30 pm February, 16 Medusa Oblongata said...

Blue Hott is clearly overextending her resources with the pushup work she’s doing there. HOWEVER….that means when she’s freed from all the contraptions she’s rigged for effect, she has those darling little perky boobies that maker look like she is 16 even when she’s 30. Ohhh, blue hottie, it makes me want you even more.

4:32 pm February, 16 Captain Garanichode said...

“I’ll be your Dandelion”….

4:57 pm February, 16 Vin Douchal said...

There’s so much shit going on with this fuckface’s scalp, scarves, necklaces and general bad fashion that it’s a wee bit distracting as one tries to bear down on Librarian Hott Lauren’s sexy overbite, black roots and tremendous clouds of mammalian jizz targets.
.<br
He's the cockblocker that stands in the way of pulling her aside to leave when the party dwindles down with his regaling tales of EST weekends, Vegan hotspots, his Tony Robbins seminar ticket sales records, and how he's best friends with Suzanne Somer's oncologist, typical West L.A. twit that ruins everything by voting for Mark Riddley Thomas and Henry Waxman for re-election everytime …..
.
Back in the day:
.

4:58 pm February, 16 Vin Douchal said...

Huge photo spot with a red “x” tells me to do it again, only correctly and a wee bit smaller
.

4:59 pm February, 16 Vin Douchal said...

Oh for 2

5:25 pm February, 16 Vin Douchal said...

Man I completely fucked that up@4:57. I went off on a rant about this guy that ended up with a Suzanne Somers reference in a second paragraph that disappeared making my link absolutely meaningless. Back spasm = vicodin = diminished computer skills. I’m going to drink some Crown and take another vicodin in an attempt to make watching American Idol with the old lady palatable.
.
Apologies

5:25 pm February, 16 Steve L. said...

this pic reminds me of a certain post-douchepocalyptic scenario.
.
no wait. this has nothing to do with post-douchepocalypse and everything to do with being the last male alive on Earth.










if you can call that thing “male” that is.

7:05 pm February, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

It puts the lotion in the basket.

8:12 pm February, 16 douche equis said...

Chia Douche. This guy’s gonna have so many prongs one day that poor Four Prong will be ashamed to appear in public.

8:15 pm February, 16 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I had absolutely NO idea that the sticky-ball powers of sycamore seed pods could attract hotts.

8:22 pm February, 16 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Spiker Oldbag, static with winter cabin fever, sticks his fingers into wall sockets to conjure up some fun and get his electrical charge in unexpected ways. However, the hair experience is par for the course in an AC-DC manner of speaking.

9:27 pm February, 16 Luis Douchuel said...

Reminds me more of sweet gum pods.
.
http://peterphun.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/pods_after.jpg

9:31 pm February, 16 Luis Douchuel said...

Or chestnuts, I guess. The point is, he’s reminiscent of tree fruit.

12:50 am February, 17 Sir David Douchenborough said...

Did Pinhead have a lazy illegitimate child who dropped out of the Hellraiser school?

3:19 am February, 17 Trex said...

“Did Pinhead have a lazy illegitimate child who dropped out of the Hellraiser school?”

My thoughts exactly!

Good to see the Spiker is still raising hell with some librarian hotties…

3:57 am February, 17 DoucheyWallnuts said...

That Dana Carvey sure can pull some tail…oh shit
3:52 pm
February, 16
Reverend Chad Kroeger
Beat me to it…
(Almost Haiku)

5:46 am February, 17 mr.reeve said...

Oi! Oi! Oi! watta douche!
Librarian Hott might have Oi’s little Oi in here belly. Just sayin.

5:46 am February, 17 Anonymous said...

DR WAYNE!!

5:49 am February, 17 FoghornLeghorn said...

There’s a lot going on with his “look”, and none of it’s good.

6:01 am February, 17 Hermit said...

@ Medusa 4:30
.
I concur completely. Large, inordinate boobs are a study in excess, and are destined to failure at the hand of gravity.
There’s nothing more aesthetically pleasing than moderate-sized breasts with nipples that point skyward, towards heaven itself.
As time passes, smaller breasts have to contend with gravity as well, but they have at least, a fighting chance, and do so with class and dignity.

6:59 am February, 17 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Was this guy turned down for the Axe hair commercial? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e04SjNGlfUo

7:02 am February, 17 Deltus said...

Librarian Hott Lauren is who you screw now, but you keep that hidden from Blue Hott, because Blue’s the one you want to date long term. Gravity and age will be much kinder to her.
.
But definitely turkey-slap Lauren’s mamms now, while they’re in their prime.

7:40 am February, 17 UFO Destroyers said...

Jeff Reed hasn’t fared well after being removed from the Steelers.

7:48 am February, 17 skrag2112 said...

I’ve been angry before. And I’ve hated certain people before. But until now, I’ve never experienced the kind of insane rage hatred that guy’s face gives me. That stupid hair, that ass expression and the fact he is near those two hotties makes me want to go full Jason Voorhees on him.

8:12 am February, 17 Anonymous said...

Over time, most women will come to the inescapable conclusion that there’s a reason Isaac Newton was knighted.

He was right all along.

Get sultry librarian hott while the going’s good and before her breasticles suffer the same fate as the apple.

8:39 am February, 17 DarkSock said...

That William H. Macy sure can pull some hotts.

8:39 am February, 17 DarkSock said...

Everyone remembered the night every one of Wayne’s scalp goiters burst simultaneously.

9:53 am February, 17 DarkSock said...

Over time, Lance’s vow to add one hair spike for every weenus thrust into him proved to be problematic.

10:36 am February, 17 Stephanie said...

Was his face run over by a car?

11:03 am February, 17 Foxy Mocksy said...

@Stephanie, it was actually a diesel truck that did the damage. Good guess though.

11:12 am February, 17 Mr. Biggs said...

I would have to go with the hott on the right for raw material, the left for presentation. Now if the hott on the right wore that blue dress, hubba hubba.

11:12 am February, 17 douche bagel said...

damnit douchey walnuts beat me with the dana carvey reference…oh well.
booobs!!!

11:28 am February, 17 Foxy Mocksy said...

@Hermit, you sir, are a scholar and a gentleman. A step above the rest. It must be all that time spent alone thinking and analyzing. Unencumbered by popular opinion and what the media programs you to like. Its rare to find a fellow free thinker these days.

2:01 pm February, 18 Anno said...

@ Mr Reeve – I think both of them are preggers

1:00 pm February, 19 Collaza B. Popped said...

I 2nd the Blue Hottie hotness.

Spiker’s look just made me genuinely smile – hard to do these days. Hahaaaaaa……………DB.

Leave a Reply

What is 9 + 5 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)