Thursday, February 17, 2011
Mandarin Orange is Still Mandarin, Still Orange
At least now we’ve confirmed that 2010 Douchie Award finalist for Orangest Orange, (barely losing to Dr. Redderick Lobster), The Mandarin Orange, is still tanning at Nuke ‘Em High.
Oh lithe brunette under eating and slightly malnourished Valerie sisters. Your crazy eyes suggest a steep downhill descent into anti-depressants, child support payments and alternative therapy treatments for most of your 30s. But for now, you “Woo!” with curvy and taut aplomb. And so I approve of your Wooery with lusty gaze and slight thigh itch.
“slightly malnourished”?
Kissy-lips looks like Miss Ethiopia, 1985.
Asians don’t get broads that look like that. Unless they are sickeningly wealthy.
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What? Was that offensive?
They both have a pornstar quality that I love, which is to say that I love pornstars.
I call Photoshop.
It’s such a thin line between just right and too much…
humping her would sound like a xylophone being tossed down the stairs
Humping her would sound like John Candy stepping onto a pillowcase filled with discarded chicken bones.
Humping her would sound like Regis Philben jogging uphill with a backpack full of coffee mugs and jelly dongs.
Humping her would sound like a fat kid riding a bike with a possum skull in his spokes instead of playing cards.
I concur with Mr Biggs, The head on the Valerie on the right is huge compared to her body. She does have a Michelle Trachteneberg vibe going for here which is a good thing.
Humping them would sound like having breakfast with Snap, Crackle and Pop followed by some blue waffles.
“Was that offensive?”
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I take it as read that everything in the comments section is offensive unless otherwise designated.
@MC 900, if I’m not offended here I don’t really feel like I’ve gotten my money’s worth. But yeah, Orange Duck Dong here prolly has some serious scratch to attract the attention of the soon to be Desparate Ex-Housewives of DB1 here.
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I hope everyone’s delicate sensibilities were rocked to the core. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got some Mormons I need to drink coffee in front of.
Humping them would sound like Steven Tyler brushing his teeth with dice-filled panty hose.
Humping them would sound like a cement mixer filled with dentures.
Humping them would sound like flying a kite made of pleather and rat skulls.
Humping them would sound like Nicole Ritchie having a seizure in a Mexican Space Shuttle.
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^What??
Humping them would sound like John Belushi excreting a colon full of Mariachi players into a timpani drum.
She’s so skinny you can tell when it’s her poop time.
She’s so skinny her vag is an outie.
humping her would sound like Micheal J Fox brushing his teeth with a shake weight while riding a wooden roller coaster
She’s so skinny her dildo is a grain of rice.
She’s so skinny her menstrual pad is unwaxed dental floss.
She’s so skinny she could fist a mosquito.
She’s so skinny she has to wear gloves to hold a fork.
She’s so skinny she has to get a running start to get wet.
She’s so skinny she can never technically be nude.
She’s so skinny if you try to have sex with her without lube it will tear her scalp.
She’s so skinny she looks like chewed bubble gum on a lollipop stick when she’s naked.
She’s so skinny her pubic hair is on her sister.
She’s so skinny the Olsen Twins gave her their sandwiches.
She’s so skinny when she gives you the finger only dogs can see it.
^What?
Dark Sock 3:42 FTW.
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I just thought of something you could probably only do this site because we already do it. We can start a “Spite Club”. I did just break the first rule, but I need you to insult me as hard as you can.
I would totally bang whatever mass that kissy-lipped skinny broad has right off her bones.
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Today was probably the wrong day to tell my mom about this site and what my avatar is.
They’re so skinny they cause Q-Tips to develop eating disorders.
They’re so skinny that two crabs, holding claws, can completely surround any one of their thighs.
They’re so skinny that they can only support two crabs each.
They’re so skinny they can be used as chopsticks.
She’s so skinny that Harrison Ford wants to date her.
She’s so skinny that anorexics point at her.
She’s so skinny she has to stay out of the pasta station.
She’s so skinny she takes a running dive at elevator doors.
She’s so skinny she defies Newton’s three laws.
She’s so skinny her video comes in 1-D.
She’s so skinny her father called her Gone.
She’s so skinny she laughs at gravity.
She’s so skinny her resting heartbeat is dead.
She’s so skinny she showers in the dryer.
She’s so skinny she is replacing fibreoptics.
She’s so skinny her cat can’t lick her.
@ 3:08.
I almost shit myself laughing so hard.
I’m wondering why this site, created for mocking douchebags, so often devolves into mocking the women in the pics. Maybe it’s self-esteem issues that drive them to these guys in the first place.
That sounds like serious buzzkill. Not my intention. It just isn’t as funny to me as douche mocking.
@soy bomb 4:12p, I told my mom I was you. I’m waiting for hilarity to ensue, that or at least her monocle to fall into her tea.
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@Luis D. Equal opportunity mock is the platform I run on. Having said that, your avatar is so ugly it melted my avatar’s face off.
Renown Korean religious leader Reverend Tung Yung Poon reminds us that for a thoughtful donation of just twelve dollars a month you can provide nourishing meals and personal hygiene products for these unfortunate young girls and others like them.
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He also noted sarcastically, that the one on the left is so skinny, that if she stood sideways and stuck out her tongue she’d resemble a zipper,
“Asians don’t get broads that look like that. Unless they are sickeningly wealthy.
What? Was that offensive?”
Nope, that statement is dead on accurate. Just lucky 95% of my fellow of Asians push themselves ( or are pushed by their parents to do well) in school and good non-NCAA colleges (preferably Ivy League/Stanford/MIT) – graduate and get themselves a nice well paying professional job. Or like many Asian-Americans their parents or grandparents worked really hard in the 60s/70s and created substantial wealth for themselves and their kids to enjoy in 2011.
Also I find in my weekly attempts to pick up the hotties some girls (both Asian and non-Asian) enjoy the less aggressive, less macho and over the top game, the long game if you will. A nice contrast to the usual things. Of course only some. 90% of non-Asian girls won’t look at an Asian guy (50% of asian girls won’t either) , so one just works on the ones that do.
Cheers.
@Luis Douchel,
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As Troy Tempest has so eloquently elocuted man,y many times before on these hallowed comments threads: we most mock the Bleeth as much or more so than we mock the douche.
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That’s not a buzzkill.
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It’s just the truth.
Oh for chrissakes, give ’em sammiches and feed him Cantonese. I’m tired of that Mandarin orange business.
Luis,
It’s our hope, or at least mine, that by mocking them for following their ridiculous body images we can return them to a more normal ideal.
dollars to donuts this guy does NOT speak Mandarin.
Damn, I’m a little late to the “She’s so skinny…” party, but here goes:
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She’s so skinny even I’d date her.
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Yeah, I’m not a fan of fat chicks.
She’s so skinny, even Zyzz’s roid-shriveled cocck feels like a Patriot missile to her.
She is so Skinny
Friday Haiku was canceled
Until she thickens
@Kelvin Tan
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Well said.
Yeah, I find it baffling, Kelvin T: the number of men interested in Asian woman is inversely proportional to the number of woman (Asian or otherwise) interested in Asian men. I say you and your fellow Asian mates are on the right track with your observations re. ‘some girls’ too. I dated a girl last night who I’ve recently flirtedwith and was mildly annoyed at the way she was constantly checking out other guys in the restaurant we were seated in. First she gawked at a beefed up douche with trust fund tatts and a dead-eyed gaze. Next the chinless local bumpkin waiting our table got a very smouldering up and down look, then, the male component of a boozy couple seated beside us on the banquette received repeated smiles and raised eyebrows from my date as he fumblingly stood up to make his way to the bathroom and nearly fell onto our pizza (which tasted very ordinary). With her barely concealed eating disorder, her constant, neurotic babbling about herself, and her transparent attempts at determining my financial possish, I remain steadfast in my decision to not propose a second date – although if she’d have said “devour me, big boy” or something as I walked her back to her car last night I wonder just how ethical my determination would have been.
@ Kelvin, sorry about the shallowness/racism of “some women”…I’m on my way to Vegas with my Taiwanese boyfriend right now. I’m of the Caucasian persuasion, but Asian guys really do it for me.
Play on, player.
They’re so skinny that when they turn there bodies,it looks likes 3 pieces of paper that are 5 feet tall.
I’m pretty sure that isn’t just a lusty gaze, but The EYE. You know what I mean.
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That’s right, they want some protein. Feed ’em a burger…
@smackdouche :
They both have a pornstar quality that I love, which is to say that I love pornstars.
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Charlie Sheen, is that you?
why does no one ever talk about the douche-ness of the females in these pictures?