Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Reader Mail: Retro Douchery

Inspired by Sunday’s clip of 80s classic Just One of the Guys, comes this email tag from the heartland:

—–
Greetings from the Heartland of America!

I know what you’re thinking, douches in the Midwest? Never. Well the scrotes from the coasts have invaded and they have hit the jugular of the United States with force.

WE NEED YOUR HELP.

This is what happens when you throw an innocent get together at your house. That guy on the right? My roommate. Please oh please let him know what he is doing to himself. I’ve tried, many ah time, but he is too daft.

Sincerely,
– The First Secretary of the Non-Douchery

—–

The first step of the mock, TFSotND, must be taken at your end. I can only highlight the stupid shirtless cherry tattedness in presence of the barely legals. You must take it from there.

# posted by douchebag1
9:31 am February, 1 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Ooooh and I detect the start of the kissy lips face…Double down on the doucheness.

9:34 am February, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Too many cherry jokes to list….

9:35 am February, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Meh. Buncha poll smokers. Who cares. No matter how much Kato douches it up , your women are safe.
.
.
What would behoove a person to get that cherry tattoo? Is he in a fruity gang?

9:37 am February, 1 Wheezer said...

Wrong Duckface Dong now has a place to put his hand gesture.

9:50 am February, 1 Andre Bagassi said...

Looks like Data from the Goonies is setting new types of “booty traps” these days.

Andre Bagassi

9:50 am February, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

No more yankee his wankee! Get The Donger some food.

9:51 am February, 1 Wedgie said...

Fruit of the Room.

9:51 am February, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“Hey, party hardy dude person!”

9:53 am February, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Very clever dinner. Appetizing food fit neatly into interesting round pie.

10:00 am February, 1 Douchble Helix said...

The so-called ‘bag tagger’ has a bag for a roommate. He’s a bag.

10:01 am February, 1 Crucial Head said...

Buffalo Beast maintained his strict code of silence as he stood in the rear, patiently working the wires of his three marionette’s.

10:07 am February, 1 Vin Douchal said...

She asked Orange Hat to kiss her where it smells so he took her to CherryBag’s living room

10:28 am February, 1 tall guy said...

Does baseball cap turned backwards = autodouche? I am inclined to think yes, it does.

10:31 am February, 1 Hermit said...

Plinky’s Mom’s hastily discarded garter was found on the floor of truck stop rest room, recycled and served nicely as a Marie’s tube top.

10:34 am February, 1 Deltus said...

Oh sexy American girlfriend!!!
.
Incidentally, Wedgie? “Fruit of the Room”. Genius, sir. Pure genius.
.
This photo is so painful to look at, though. So young, they are. Protobags and the one protohott. Almost brings a tear to your eye. Mock them, TFSotND! Mock them hard! It’s not too late, the infection doesn’t seem to have a complete hold on them yet, although Wrong Douche Dong there looks more infected than the others.

10:45 am February, 1 Et Tu Douche? said...

Crucial Head FTW!!!,
.
F Jake Ryan!!!!

10:48 am February, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Zach and Kelly meet the Donger. Zach and Kelly go and make a porno while The Donger drives into a lake. Spssssssssshhhhhhhh! Lake. Very BIG lake.

10:58 am February, 1 Medusa Oblongata said...

Speaking of Retro Douchery….

11:01 am February, 1 Medusa Oblongata said...

I am very confused by this tattoo. This is a tattoo that women get. Huge, busty black women, and they get it right on that same spot. Seeing that tattoo on the birdcage chest of a skinny asian boy is like seeing Taylor Swift with grillz.

11:08 am February, 1 Wheezer said...

Someday, this will also be considered “retro douchery.”
.
Oh, the fuccen horror.

11:18 am February, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

The Donger got the cherry tattoo to commemorate the loss of his maidenhead. He lost it to a giant cucumber he named “Brutus”, and he still is not allowed in the Quik-E-Mart to this day.

11:38 am February, 1 The Dude said...

If I walk to Nebraska from my current position, by the time I get there, sweet honey pie should be 18-ish enough. I’ll try to arrive on a work day. I hope the Lincoln, Ne-BRA!-ska WalMart still employs humans.

11:57 am February, 1 Nancy Dreuche said...

Hey loomate! You’re an effing douche.

12:10 pm February, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I thing the girl on the left is yummy and where I live oh so legal. Tami, why did you leave me in grade 12 ya’ bitch. I heard you got fat and have a bad case of rosacea.

12:20 pm February, 1 ehcuodouche said...

OH SEXY GIRR~FLIEND!! (plummets unconscious into bushes)

12:21 pm February, 1 ehcuodouche said...

I’ve seen movies with Gedde Watanabe. You, sir, are no Geddy Watanabe.

12:27 pm February, 1 DarkSock said...

Thanks to quick thinking after the unfortunate hedge trimming accident, Raymond’s testicles took to the stapled pectoral graft and continued to thrive in spite of the debridement of their covering sac.

1:18 pm February, 1 Taint Nuthin But A G-Thang said...

@Nancy- “LOOM-MATE!” Beautiful. You, good madam, have dropped me yet again with that one. I love this term. Love it.

1:27 pm February, 1 Jean Luc Scrotetard said...

Definately gonna have to CGI out the Smeagol’s tats when the edit The Hobbitt

4:31 pm February, 1 massengill said...

Late for the Data from Goonies comparison, I see. Oh well. He’s setting booty traps.

8:40 pm February, 1 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I dunno, those two on the left look underage, and the Japanese douchebag with the cherry tat must be a rep of the Cherry Blossom Festival in D.C. It was only a matter of time before that event went douche, I guess, but those damn beavers gnawing down the precious trees on the Tidal basin, that was a start.

3:56 am February, 2 Motorcycle Accessories said...

She asked the orange hat to take when you feel, if he took her to the salon CherryBag

1:54 pm February, 2 Stephanie said...

Hong Kong Foey is no harm to chicks when he’s 5′ 3″ tall.

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