Monday, February 7, 2011

Speedo Shot First

Somewhere, a long way across oceans of time and space and sands of golden nuggets… way past the fjords of dead parakeets and across the planes of rural Huutju…

A lonely bison steps on a lemur.

And it goes “spppppllllleeeeeettttt.”

And at that exact moment, halfway around the world, three Speedo douches converge in Y-Wing formation to crush Kimberly.

It’s all connected.

Cosmic connections.

And murky lakewater that smells like pizza oil and patchouli.

# posted by douchebag1
2:47 pm February, 7 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

My god there is so much wrong here-

Did the guys raid one of their sister’s underwear drawer- od did they go shopping together?

Imagine how doomed the sales person felt when Kissyface, excitedly screeched, “OOOOOOOO, I want pink. I love pink. I get pink. I called pink. I got dibbs.”

2:58 pm February, 7 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

The Homoslavian government might want to rethink their decision to overturn the “Don’t ask, Don’t tell” policy for their armed forces.

2:59 pm February, 7 Andre Bagassi said...

Tired of competing for the attention of his brother’s left overs in the clubs, Samurai Scrote’s younger brother, Horatio, dons a yellow Speedo and takes to the lake.

Andre Bagassi

3:02 pm February, 7 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

HolyMaryMotherofSlinkySkiv-vies, what-the-friggin-fwap is goin’ on with PinkySpeedinkie and his Flab-Ass?
Mine eyes…oh, mine eyes.

3:03 pm February, 7 Wedgie said...

The Homoslavian Tourism Directorate is considering this photo as one of the finalists for next year’s ad campaign: “Come Visit Homoslavia; We Just Don’t Give A Fuck”.

3:06 pm February, 7 DoucheyWallnuts said...

This photo is proof that the concept of intelligent design in the universe is a farce.

3:06 pm February, 7 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Greeno-Speedo, on the other hand presents well with a good first impression, ahem, as Kimberly will attest. Yellow-Speedello, could use an infusion of tanned porch beef, or borrow some jello from his Commie-Pinky buddy here:
I don’t know why he bears a strong resemblance to Sir Elton John

3:13 pm February, 7 skrag2112 said...

Well, time to go gouge out my eyes with an ice cream scoop.

3:16 pm February, 7 burris said...

After that I think we deserve a Pear Chaser.

3:21 pm February, 7 YA said...

This looks like a scene from the Israeli cult film series, “Eskimo Limon”.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/__msUNftOh7A/TOmzjuAZRVI/AAAAAAAAGho/4NeARoKbk1U/s1600/lemonpopsiclequad.jpg

3:31 pm February, 7 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Westley bring it home with a href=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoSHmVkjmuA&feature=related”>this.

3:31 pm February, 7 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

There goes dinner! Thanks DB1!

3:31 pm February, 7 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Aw fucck it.
.

3:37 pm February, 7 Et Tu Douche? said...

DB1, if I said something to offend you I apologize but this just plain wrong.

3:39 pm February, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

So Borat, Kevin James, Maggie Gyllenhal, and Enrique Iglesias go out for a day of swimming on the putrid Volga coast. They are in the very tiny area where Homoslavia is not land-locked to shoot the new indie movie, Princess Ginger And The Magic Butt Plug.

3:46 pm February, 7 Steve said...

I’m gonna go out on a limb and say “gaybag”. As if Sir Elton John here wasn’t enough, I flat out refuse to believe that straight guys dress that way at the beach. Now unless the Jersey Shore assholes start doing it, then we may have a problem.

3:59 pm February, 7 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Nothing says “I gotta have it” like a pink a speedo on a flabby, pasty, Eurotrash ass.

And by “gotta have it” I mean that Elton John butt plug @Dark Sock is so fond of.

4:19 pm February, 7 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Tosh Point Oh is about to flash the rare Slavotucky micro banana. The words rarest fruit. Marshmallow Pete is relieved that his doughy mess of a body is not his most appalling feature. Rather it’s his knee length ass hair. Porneo Bratwurstsky has a wet spot on his green man-thong. Did he pee himself or auto-ejaculate? Does it matter?? Svetta contemplates the distant whorizen. Could she swim to Canada or die trying? Either would be better than this.

4:38 pm February, 7 Douchble Helix said...

Please, Daddy, make it all go away!

5:00 pm February, 7 Deltus said...

I believe this is what they in the animal studies field call “displaying” or “presenting”.
.
It’s what I call “vomitous”, and I never want to swim in a natural body of water ever again. THANKS!

5:07 pm February, 7 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

Fucc, DB1, wha’d we do to piss you off at us?

6:08 pm February, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Slow day on the last few posts. Anybody ever get a boner after a dream that you were rimming Whoopi, Aretha Franklin, and Fantasia then wake up in the dog run with turd on your chin and curly pubes in your teeth. Gee whiz, I hate it when that happens. Poor fuccen dog.

6:08 pm February, 7 Troy Tempest said...

wow. I just wore out my wire brush scrubbing that image off my retinas….

6:10 pm February, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Anybody else measure their age in how bad Ginger Lynn has bottomed out since you were 20? What an old crack whore! She used to have the nicest tiny gaping butt I have ever seen.

6:27 pm February, 7 Italodouche said...

The Green Bay Peckers celebrate,,,and I search for boric acid to wash out my retinas

6:58 pm February, 7 massengill said...

So I just booked a decade’s worth of hypnotherapy appointments…

7:08 pm February, 7 Blind Squirrel said...

Pink speedo has harpoon marks all over his back.

They need to roll that gay, beached whale back in the ocean before it dies.

7:27 pm February, 7 Wedgie said...

@Rev
Notice how the beginning of her decline can be traced to the year she started dating Charlie Sheen?
Just sayin’.

7:30 pm February, 7 Wedgie said...

Jabba the Butt.

7:32 pm February, 7 ehcuodouche said...

No amount of eyebleach is going to scrub that out of my brain. Post something…anything…to get pink speedo fatass off the top of the page.

7:45 pm February, 7 DarkSock said...

Pink Speedo Guy….?
.
.
Fuck it. I like him.

7:45 pm February, 7 DarkSock said...

He crushes vag. Literally.

9:41 pm February, 7 anon said...

I can’t tell which girl I like better: the one in the pink or the one in the dark purple.

9:54 pm February, 7 Deltus said...

I came back here to see if anything new had been posted, something I could sink my mock into. A righteous HCwDB sandwich with which to end the day.
.
And I get Pink Speedo Guy again, dead in the face. Twice in one day.
.
And a little piece of me just died all over again.

10:17 pm February, 7 Anti_Lifeguard said...

I think they got the whole ‘compensation via showboating’ bit wrong. I mean arent you only supposed to wear those if you… well you know.. have a big #@CK?

11:34 pm February, 7 Wheezer said...

Since I’m still feeling a bit of football spirit, I sure wish Tom Dempsey could take his club foot and relive his 63-yard field goal. Three points in particular.

3:59 am February, 8 Steve L. said...

Homoslavia jokes will never get old when we have pics like these.
that reminds me, i’ve never written up my own Homoslavia joke yet.

5:10 am February, 8 Anonymous said...

Don’t bother

5:27 am February, 8 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Jesus Christ, Mary mother of Douchebags is this a fucking train wreck of a picture.

7:15 am February, 8 Deltus said...

@Anti-Lifeguard: big dick or not, no man is EVER to wear a bathing suit like that. NEVER.

7:25 am February, 8 Anonymous said...

Look closely. Green speedo is so taken with Pink Speedo hairy ass crack that he’s ejaculated into his swim trunks. You can see the semen stain spreading out.

7:29 am February, 8 Troy Tempest said...

Fuck. This really is one of the most offensive images I’ve seen here in a very long while. It really hurts.

8:23 am February, 8 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

This is the only picture Kimberly’s family has left after Chechnian carnies kidnapped her in hopes of making her their thong launderer.

8:56 am February, 8 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Oh lord, this photo is still posted. DB1 better ante up with great ass pear this Friday because the Mockingturds are gonna need it.

9:03 am February, 8 Captain Garanichode said...

GODDAMNIT! for the first time in 20 years I just threw up…

9:18 am February, 8 Captain Garanichode said...

The flamboyant Ferrel brothers argue the correct color order just before their final curtain call from stage-left in the bayside production of “Boy-Thong-Traffic-Light”…
.
Dammit Svenski, It’s supposed to be:
1. Green
2. Yellow
3. then Pink’ish Red …
.
Ollie (yellow) asks the obvious question “why is she here?”

11:31 am February, 8 Mr. Biggs said...

Let’s think about this one a bit.

This wasn’t done indoors, or anywhere near a dressing room. It was done at a beach. Meaning he had to dress up in this, expecting to wear it for a decent amount of time.

Ergo, this is not an ironic shot.

11:45 am February, 8 douche bagel said...

the three muskyqueers

12:40 pm February, 8 MoeDouche said...

I no longer understand this world….

COME ON! Are these guys for real. Did they get up in the morning and said to themselves ‘Hey, today let’s all go to Thong-r-Us down the street and get us matching outfits. How cute is that?’

No gentlemen. That is f*g GAY!

3:30 pm February, 8 Business-Casual Douche said...

Really quite very similar to Ass Pear in Chains. I think some sort of side-by-side comparison is in order.

4:51 pm February, 8 Guid is Good said...

Can we have the Iron Curtin back up please?

8:55 pm February, 8 Stephanie said...

I don’t know any Green Bay Packers fans that wear pink speedos to the beach. Although there are strange species of people that dunk themselves in Lake Michigan every January 1st. But none of them looked this sad.
Wish I could kick him with a pair of army boots on.

6:17 am February, 9 Anonymous said...

“Taking off his Speedo they said, is this man a Jew? Working for the Clampdown.”

— J. Strummer

7:13 am February, 9 mr.reeve said...

Am I at the right site? HCwGB?

8:12 pm February, 9 Balls said...

Three faggots at the beach stumble upon a hot chick and are confused and repulsed why she’s there. Pink speedo is serious nightmare flashback material. If only the seen could be un-seen without requiring extensive shock treatments.

Leave a Reply

What is 8 + 9 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)