Sunday, February 6, 2011

Synchronized Douche Parking Lot Frolic: Creepy POV Style

Tuesday. 2am.

University of Maryland dorm parking lot.

Today’s youth’s pursuit of higher education and techno shirtlessness continues unabated.

# posted by douchebag1
8:17 am February, 6 Steve L. said...

i could never understand why the poorest northeastern state has the highest cost of living in the US.
but now i do. has something to do with douchebags.
.
Maryland. a God-forsaken place.

8:37 am February, 6 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Well that was intolerable…
.
Where’s a deranged gunman when you need one?

8:40 am February, 6 Wedgie said...

Go Twerps……errr….. Terps.

8:53 am February, 6 Ted Brogan said...

Hey boss, I understand the Sunday theme. And it is what it is. But can we get an additional Sunday hott to balance things out? The fate of the universe is in your hands. I will repeat that: The fate of the universe is in your hands.

9:14 am February, 6 Anon said...

Great, now I can’t listen to Daft Punk anymore

9:20 am February, 6 Steve said...

This video almost makes me glad I didn’t go away for college.

Almost.

9:57 am February, 6 Mr. White said...

We didn’t have this problem at my college. But of course, you had to be able to read to get into the college I went to.

10:07 am February, 6 Dex said...

In defense of my home state, we DO get an appalling large influx of college students from New Jersey.
But hey, it’s UMD. The only thing they have going for them is the statue of Jim Henson and Kermit.

10:11 am February, 6 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I thought it was going to get gay when the guy took his shirt off. On ya, it was already gay I must mean gayer. And what the fuck was with the dude with the pie jumping in.
.
.
.
Ditto to what Mr. White said. And better get back to my chili made with a special herb.

10:38 am February, 6 Troy Tempest said...

I liked it when then guy with the pie got into it – you’ll note he was walking with a woman. The videographer noted it, saying “That guy just gave up getting laid for a dance.”

Fucking idiot douchenozzles. Sorry folks, when I was in University I had VASTLY better things to do with my time than dance in a fucking parking lot. With broheims.

10:56 am February, 6 Flounder said...

The Chi Boys thought the party was canceled after Gunther forgot to get the alcohol before the blue laws kicked in. But then they they said we’re chi boys, nothing we do is uncool.

12:16 pm February, 6 DarkSock said...

This rare and amazing footage documents the spark that set off the powder keg that is now known as the KY Riots of 2010 in Homoslavia, in opposition to a government-imposed 200% tax on Anal-Eze™. An Ass-Roots opposition called the Tea-Bagged arose with their defiant slogan of “No Ass-Takin’ without Lubrication!” and the battle cry of “Give me wider peen, or give me depth!”.
.
The missing end of this footage shows the government porntroopers (known as “brown-shits”) converging on this group and taking the (cockk)ring-leader, Lou Brick-Hater (the one on the car trunk at the 2:00 mark, with legs in the air), away in a ball gag and silk thong, where he was forced to do naked push-ups under the watchful eye of the guards until his taut buttocks glistened with sweat.
.
We all know how the KY riots ended, of course; the resistance came from behind with a blast; Liberace City was captured; the Chancellor of Homoslavia was hung. So they let him go.

12:25 pm February, 6 Stephanie said...

That was hard to watch. What do you suppose their majors are,with lowered IQ’s and retardation figured in?

1:06 pm February, 6 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

My super Sunday just got super-gay.

1:09 pm February, 6 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Thanks to @Dark Sock @Troy Tempest @The Reverand Chad Kroeger @Mr. White White et al for giving me a good, hard laugh.

And by “good hard laugh” I mean one giant comedic boner…

1:10 pm February, 6 Mr. White said...

@Stephanie
They’re business majors. You’re watching the faces of the next economic collapse. Or the one after the next, at the latest.

1:32 pm February, 6 soy bomb said...

It’s just five dudes dancing together in a parking lot with nary a female in sight.
.
.
.
Normal.

1:38 pm February, 6 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Dark Sock

That was some funny son. Now get ye to your drinking chair and watch the last two hours of pre-game. I heard the Bieber might be on stage. Make sure you have something soft to heave at your 72″ Sony. Burp.

1:42 pm February, 6 Lil' Fartknocker said...

I saw Zyzz on the bottom of that guy’s shoe.

3:10 pm February, 6 DarkSock said...

This is gayer than a naked and oiled Lance Bass standing on his head out in an empty field during a Cockk Storm.

3:11 pm February, 6 DarkSock said...

This is gayer than a SoHo screening of Andy Warhol’s “Blow Job”, with cocktail weenies and yogurt as the finger foods.

3:11 pm February, 6 DarkSock said...

This is gayer than Richard Simmon’s prostate massager.

3:12 pm February, 6 DarkSock said...

This is gayer than a toilet paper dildo.
.
.
.
What?

3:13 pm February, 6 DarkSock said...

This is gayer than a glory hole doily in the men’s room of the Homoslavian airport’s Bangkok terminal.

3:14 pm February, 6 DarkSock said...

This is gayer than a bicycle made of jelly dongs with an ebony butt plug for a seat.

3:15 pm February, 6 DarkSock said...

Oooops….game’s on….This is gayer than if Green Bay’s team moved to Fudge Town.

4:26 pm February, 6 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

So this is what someone videos outside a dorm window these days. Back in my day, it was the girls doing live striptease in the dorm window six stories up across our shared parking lot. But gee, is it too much to ask for “normal times” again? I reckon so.

6:05 pm February, 6 Douchble Helix said...

Maryland is a Mid-Atlantic state.

6:14 pm February, 6 Charles Whitman's Ghost said...

Dammit.

I knew I shoulda held of for another 45 years or so.

6:15 pm February, 6 Charles Whitman's Ghost said...

^Dammit.

That’s “off”.

It’s freaking tough as shit to work these keys with spectral apendages.

7:11 pm February, 6 DarkSock said...

Was it just me or did the half time show suck mule cockk? Son?

7:30 pm February, 6 Dex said...

Were you expecting it to be good?

7:57 pm February, 6 Mr. White said...

@darksock
Maybe the people who messed up the sound and kept cutting out the mics were just doing us a favor?
.
But I’d still bang Fergie. As long as she didn’t “sing” during the act, son.

8:21 pm February, 6 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

This video is gayer than that sport where the players clutch and grab each other, and try to rip each others cloths off. Then they dance around and pat each other on the rear after every play.





What’s it called again?

8:22 pm February, 6 El Bastardo Magnifico said...

It was still better than having the Black Eyed Peas perform at halftime.

8:24 pm February, 6 ehcuodouche said...

My question is “how stoned were the guys filming that?” I got a contact high from listening to the narrator.

8:29 pm February, 6 Flounder said...

At least this wasn’t as bad as the Halftime show.

8:35 pm February, 6 Wheezer said...

@’Sock, 7:11 p.m. –
.
It wasn’t just you, son. The Glee hott was lame, Christina Aguilera sucked donkey balls, and the Black Eyed Pees in a Horse were simply horrid.
.
Too bad Gary Moore passed away this morning – he’d have been a much better choice to handle all of the musical entertainment.

10:01 pm February, 6 Andy C said...

I have just lost my way. I honestly believed that “douchebags” were just presenting that persona in social situations in order to get the attention of women as shallow as them, which i was fine with. It’s a function of natural selection that different hierarchies of the same species will search within their own self defined parameters for a suitable partner. That is why different subsets of the same species survive and others fail; genetic traits that are beneficial or in opposition to their own survival. However what we see in this video is akin to the male birds of paradise displaying their mating dance to each other with no female present. Which is no longer a social behavior but and instinctual one. where as at the onset of humanity the yard stick of an alpha male as defined by the other males of the pack was his ability to physically dominate any opponent, now in this “advanced” stage of our evolution the alpha male is the one who can “serve” his friends in a hotel parking lot with dated unoriginal moves and a leg stall against a stationary vehicle. The ability to physically dominate was an admirable attribute to females because it would ensure the survival of their offspring, so why now is the ability to dance to a simple beat in spastic and unoriginal form the new security blanket for attracting a mate? if there had been a single girl present it would have been just another night, but the fact that this was a display among a group of men leads to the anthropological conclusion that it was an act of posturing in order to create a hierarchy within the group, much like the gorillas of the congo however with the major stark and yet gleaming difference that the monkeys in this video should know better.

10:02 pm February, 6 DarkSock said...

@ Wheezer:
.
Dammit…Gary Moore died?
.
.
That Scotsman could play the shit out of his axe. I first heard him during his metal-ish phase (End Of The World) but he could lay down some blues licks. Damn. WHY could it not have been McCartney?

10:05 pm February, 6 Andy C said...

fuck this noise give me pear and after words a little sleep as i gotta put in 40 at a foundry next week and these ass hats aren’t gonna get me through it.

10:39 pm February, 6 Wheezer said...

Yeah, he was found dead in a hotel room in Spain – I thought I had read somewhere that it was a heart attack, but I don’t know the cause.

4:29 am February, 7 Collaz B. Popped said...

Gary Moore, wow,,,RIP.
One of the most underrated guitarists of all time.

Its very hard to post bc the above vid is so ying yang opposite of real human talent and species progression.

Some of our college kids do this, while in Beijing they learn English and how to build a 16 story apartment complex in a week.

Its almost 8 am here,,,,this has me ready to do a shot.

4:33 am February, 7 Collaz B. Popped said...

Allow me to introdouche some of you to – Mr. Gary Moore.

4:48 am February, 7 Collaz B. Popped said...

Black Eyed Peas = overrated shit.

Always have been.

Sending a big dose of Frankie M. their way, with Mr.. Biscotti gone for a month and Medusa minus her coffee.

7:09 am February, 7 DarkSock said...

I guess I’m officially olden now because I’m not hep to the new music but I just didn’t get it…buncha half assed suburbia hip-hop beats with some idiots that can’t dance yammering shit into a vocoder like “YEAH GIDDIT GIDDIT YO”.
.
I’d rather see some washed up singer’s left tit. Or Pete Townsend’s fish-white belly as he attempts to windmill his Strat. Or even Justin Beiber, Son.

7:43 am February, 7 Mr. White said...

@darksock
I think I can say this without being the old grumpy guy: The Black Eyed Peas are the epitome of all we mock here, namely style over substance. Their music is “composed” in a studio by producers on a laptop, and like other similar creations, these compositions transfer very, very poorly to a live performance. As I think most musicians will confirm, any truly good song, no matter how elaborate the production in the recording, should remain compelling even if you play it on crappy equipment and trashed acoustic guitars in someone’s garage. The Peas don’t record compelling songs, which is why even the geriatric Who could get people fired up in a previous halftime, while the Peas’ reliance on electronic trickery and special effects made for a boring, undifferentiated mass of sound and “GIDDITS!” If they hadn’t spliced in old Guns and Roses songs and that track from “Dirty Dancing,” their show would have had the consistency and excitement of plain yogurt (instead of the plain yogurt with two pieces of stale granola that we got). I seem to remember a story about the puppet masters adding Fergie to the band later on because the business men knew nobody would give a shit about the other three of them.
.
I don’t think all new music suffers from this, and God knows that studio manipulation has always existed. (The rumor is that even Segovia used to have the tape sped up in some of his classical guitar recordings to make it sound like he was faster than he was.) The Peas just reveal how far technology has come, in that you can start with almost nothing and yet produce something that people will buy.

11:01 am February, 7 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Damn @Mr. White. I thought you wuz just another purty face to share a cum mustache with.

Turns out, boy’z got skillz….and taste!

Excuse me now whilst I go listen to some Butthole Surfers.

7:42 pm February, 7 DarkSock said...

I love me some butthole surfers…”Goin’ Down To Florida” has to be one of the worst songs ever recorded…and I mean that in a good way.

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