Thursday, February 3, 2011

That Dude You Knew In That Band in High School Who’s Name You Can’t Remember


Remember that dude you knew? The one in that band in high school? The one who’s name you can’t remember?

You remember. The band was called, like, “Wolverine Claw” or something. You used to see him in the quad between third and fourth period.

He was always bumming cigarettes. And failing math. And had a detailed explanation about how Yngwie Malmsteen’s fretwork totally, like, blew Steve Vai out of the water.

You remember. He had some plan to drive to California and “make it on the Strip.”

Whatever happened to that guy?

Now you know.

The last decade has not been kind.

# posted by douchebag1
9:13 am February, 3 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

You sure that’s a dude???

9:17 am February, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

It’s nice to see Bruce Vilanch embrace his inner douche.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_I0QxQdLu8sI/SZtDXWAfzyI/AAAAAAAACzY/kD2U0aHfVag/s400/BruceVilanch.jpg

9:22 am February, 3 jonezy said...

yeah, he reminds me of a scary version of the princess pride albino

9:24 am February, 3 Nancy Dreuche said...

@DoucheyWallnuts, hahahaha, Bruce Vilanch! Nice.

Does this guy think he’s being edgy with his makeup? Try black lipstick dude. You wear the same color my aunt does. And I bet that’s a bandana with wig hair attached to it.
.
Wait, is the Brett Michaels? I know he had some medical issues recently but I didn’t know it included gender reassignment.

9:24 am February, 3 Douchble Helix said...

No chance he’s a fer’ner?

9:30 am February, 3 Anonymous said...

That commentary is priceless…

9:32 am February, 3 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Rock of Love winner (loser) Tanya realized that this whole reality show thing wasn’t such a good idea after all.

9:32 am February, 3 smackdouche said...

While I am unsure whether he is more Boy George or Brett Michaels, I am completely sure that he must leave the 80’s behind.

9:39 am February, 3 Captain Garanichode said...

Come on feel the nose
Girls act like ho’s
We’ll get douche, douchey, douche
douche, douche, douche!

9:40 am February, 3 Douchal Webster said...

DB1 – I think you meant “whose” not “who’s” – a very rare error for you, sir. Not nearly as egregious as the man in this picture, whose very existence is an error.

9:42 am February, 3 Douchal Webster said...

On closer inspection this looks like a Halloween party photo…..let’s have some real douchewank please!

9:43 am February, 3 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

The day the music died.
.
On a sadder note, The White Stripes have officially called it quits. This is just a guess, but I think Eugene here had something to do with it.

9:44 am February, 3 Captain Garanichode said...

The Bret Michaels + Charo hybrid project was a huge success…
.
“Every Rose Has It’s Cuchi-Cuchi” is on it’s way to #1
.
[full trademark name being “Bret María del Rosario Pilar Martínez Molina Gutiérrez de los Perales Santa Ana Romanguera y de la Hinojosa Rasten Michaels]

9:53 am February, 3 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Homeless Dee Snyder spent half his booze money on lipstick. What a mess.

9:58 am February, 3 Anonymous said...

It’s obviously a Halloween costume.

10:01 am February, 3 Justin said...

Brett Michael’s Culture Club

10:02 am February, 3 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

It’s Maybellene’s newest color: Used Stratocaster

10:15 am February, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

I got nothing, I’m both baffled and disturbed looking at this guy?

10:19 am February, 3 mr.reeve said...

Soooo this isn’t Brett Michaels after the heart attack?

10:24 am February, 3 Nancy Dreuche said...

This guy has classic creepy clown face. John Wayne Gasey, meet your competition.

10:24 am February, 3 DarkSock said...

Although recent years have been tough for Boy George, his one final fan remained steadfast.

10:25 am February, 3 DarkSock said...

David Lee Sloth

10:25 am February, 3 DarkSock said...

Every Hose has its Porn

10:35 am February, 3 DarkSock said...

After developing an unfortunate fondness of the grape Zyzz really let himself go.

10:47 am February, 3 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Dr. Feelmediocre?

10:49 am February, 3 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Sweet Chode O’ Brine

10:50 am February, 3 boatbutter said...

Boy George & Bret Michaels are the lay-ups…. I’m taking the outside hook and going with Enuff ZNuff.

10:52 am February, 3 boatbutter said...

Look what the scat dragged in.

11:00 am February, 3 Vin Douchal said...

This guy looks like Viviane, the 12 items or less cashier at the WalMart in Fontana. She always recommends getting an extra can of Kodiak in case the Boston Bruins are playing on the HD channel, because she hates to see me rushing through her line between periods,………
.
.
The hockey game’s, not hers

11:12 am February, 3 Medusa Oblongata said...

Halloween party. And I actually high-five this dude for his Bret Michaels costume. Brett is poof douche to the Nth degree and this dude hits it out of the park.
.
Boatbutter FTW 10:50. But I will see your Enuff Znuff and raise you a Hanoi Rocks.

11:14 am February, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I know those dudes, they call everybody Bud. Still rocking while collecting welfare, unemployed, living with parents at 46. Some are legit. Some play the same bar for 25 years. None are as heinous as this creature and his little Lupe with her maggotty cunt and gums.

11:16 am February, 3 Business-Casual Douche said...

Whose, DB1, whose.

11:19 am February, 3 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Brrrr-urp! Michael…no doubt.

11:23 am February, 3 Baron Von Goolo said...

…Mom?

11:23 am February, 3 Nancy Dreuche said...

DB1, Halloween is like 900 months away, (I follow the Zorblackian calendar year). Put up some real live everyday douchebags please. I feel my anger waning and its forcing me to reassess my duvet situation and possibly head on over to Linens N’ Things to buy votive candles.

11:23 am February, 3 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Revlon’s most recent ad campaign features their classic “Love That Red” in the latest, most hip application of that siren hue: faux tranny rocker lips.

Too bad they didn’t get Steven Tyler instead of Bret Michael for their model.

11:25 am February, 3 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Baron Von Goolo, now I see where you got your dashing good looks.

11:29 am February, 3 soy bomb said...

In the tradition of Mark Slaughter of Slaughter and Kip Winger of Winger, Enuff Z’Nuff carried on the 80’s glam-band trend of naming themselves after the chief singer/songwriter. Ladies and gentlemen I give you…Chip Z’Nuff.
.
.
Chip Z’Nuff. What is that, Czech?

11:32 am February, 3 PicsOfLosers said...

Sure it is a halloween pic but i always say that anything you have ever heard about the states has happened somewhere in the states, so don’t worry the real douche is out there we just can’t mock him…..Yet

11:44 am February, 3 DarkSock said...

Metallica is for second graders; no one rocks harder than Winger.

12:08 pm February, 3 boatbutter said...

Hanoi Rocks is a strong card, Medusa. Nice one.

Here’s one for the Canadians on the site…. look at Helix douchin’ it up before it was considered “douchin’.”

12:18 pm February, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Boatbutter and Medusa
.
I’ll see you Hanoi Rocks and Enuff Znuff and raise you one Vixen. Because yes, I’ve been living on the edge of a broken heart.

12:20 pm February, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Darksock 11:44
.
Little known fact: Winger was Bill Clinton’s favorite band. He liked them so much he was going to use “She’s Only 17” as the them song for his second campaign.

12:23 pm February, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

What’s that? Did I hear someone say the loved
White Lion
?

12:24 pm February, 3 Wheezer said...

David Paymer went douche?
.
Yeah, I know: who is David Paymer?

12:38 pm February, 3 DarkSock said...

This is the last known photograph of Artie Lange.

12:41 pm February, 3 Condouchious said...

Axl didn’t handle the reception to ‘Chinese Democracy’ very well

12:45 pm February, 3 DarkSock said...

Mindy Cohn used her last “Facts of Life” royalty check to get her long-delayed gender reassignment surgery.
.
.
.
No one noticed.

12:49 pm February, 3 mr.reeve said...

I see your Vixen and raise you Stryper. Son

12:52 pm February, 3 mr.reeve said...

Because Christians needed a safe alternative to Poison.

1:28 pm February, 3 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

This guy inspired the new Aerosmith hit, Dude Look Like a Bag-Lady.

4:02 pm February, 3 Deltus said...

@DarkSock: dude, I was TOTALLY thinking Mindy Cohn! Kudos, sir, kudos.

4:46 pm February, 3 dk said...

He looks like Andy Serkis in a Bette Midler costume.

7:20 pm February, 3 Jeff said...

There have been a LOT of funny captions on this site, but this one is my all-time favourite.

9:00 pm February, 3 Medusa Oblongata said...

Allright, now you got me mad. I’m going to spank all of your asses until you’re Black N’ Blue
.
If I didn’t win with that one, I will drain Frank’s innards out into a kitten and then punt said kitten into the local dogfighting kennel.

9:05 pm February, 3 soy bomb said...

“Black N’ Blue?” Looks like a photoshop to me. Just in case they didn’t actually exist (as I suspect), I’m gonna ad Tangier into the hat. Otherwise, Medusa FTW.

9:12 pm February, 3 soy bomb said...

^
That’s “add” Tangier. Lead singer’s name? Gerry Nutt. Really wish Tangier had kept up with the tradition of naming themselves after the singer. “Please give a huge Fresno welcome to…NUTT!” “Get your NUTT off!” “Sometimes you feel like a NUTT!” And so forth.

9:32 pm February, 3 creature said...

I yhink his name was Butch?…or was it Clarrissa?

9:40 pm February, 3 Sir David Douchenborough said...

@Boatbutter

Ah, good ol’ Helix. I am surprised they haven’t been inducted into the Order of Canada yet. We tend to do that with Canadian rock bands. Geddy Lee can now bling it up with the highest honour a Canadian citizen receives gets to put letters after his last name. I got a trophy when I used to play curling as a child and some beer when I lost one game..

9:41 pm February, 3 Sir David Douchenborough said...

* and gets to put

no wonder I am not a member of The Order.

9:43 pm February, 3 Stephanie said...

WingerPoisonBrettBoyRatt just say it real fast.

11:56 pm February, 3 Wheezer said...

If this is a Halloween photo, then we have been remiss in not extolling the virtues of her prison guard getup.
.
I, for one, would let her twirl my nightstick.
.
You see where I’m going with this…..though I sense crickets in my future.

6:46 am February, 4 anonymous said...

I have to agree. That’s a halloween costume.

9:16 am February, 4 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Soy Bomb 9:05
Oh, no, trust me. Black N’ Blue were real. Painfully, awfully real.
I believe they were from Portland, if memory serves. The Baron could possibly affirm that for me, he might have killed them and used their blood for Fright Town.
.
I win. The kitten is safe. But Tangier is an excellent runner-up. And by excellent I mean diarrhea-inducing.

9:17 am February, 4 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Wheeze–Funny how that slipped from attention, eh? But I will second the motion and say I’d love it if she ordered me to do three days in the hole.

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