Monday, February 28, 2011

The Smarm Candy

Who did Patty call when she was desperate for someone take her to the clubs on Saturday?

1-800-Smarm-Candy.

(Little did Patty know that phone numbers are only 7 digits, so she really only had to dial 1-800-Smarm-Ca.)

# posted by douchebag1
3:36 pm February, 28 jonezy said...

oh wow, she is delectable, what with those stick figure legs. And all the more repulsive with that turd-dimple accosting her.

3:42 pm February, 28 Wedgie said...

Why is everyone in the background hunching over and looking down?

3:46 pm February, 28 Wedgie said...

Nice Members Only jacket. You must be the last surviving member.

3:49 pm February, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I sure hope someone noticed before he chloroformed her and put her in the back of a windowless van.

3:52 pm February, 28 Kennedy Smith said...

The perfect combination of pencil-sharpened hair and Elton John glasses. What girl wouldn’t?

4:14 pm February, 28 Vin Douchal said...

“Smarmca” Chimanlal is my dry cleaner. His phone number is 800-SMARMCA.
.
Better get ready to cam with a left handed Jew lawyer. Smarm’s too busy to mess with all those wrong number calls , you’re going down, Db1

4:15 pm February, 28 Shocker Khan said...

@Señor McCrudeshoes, but chloroform takes all the challenge and fun out of it!
.
I believe this douche’s watch is an old timey sundial. Without that, the sunglasses and stupid facial hair sculpting he might have gotten a notta from me. Oh wait, there’s the kissy lips too. Good gravy douchebag, you are pulling out all the stops!
.
She seems nice. And I mean that with the uptmost sincerity, instead of the halfass sincerity I normally dish out.

4:20 pm February, 28 soy bomb said...

Never knew Prince would ever want to pull tail like that.
.
.
Cuz, y’know…

4:29 pm February, 28 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

I don’t think that’s a douchebag actually. She just has a giant, disgusting growth on her back.

4:39 pm February, 28 DarkSock said...

Later than night Smarcma and Cindi would learn a hard lesson about the dangers of fisting while wearing a full-sized wristwatch replica of the Titanic’s barometer.

4:39 pm February, 28 DarkSock said...

Cindi learned a hard lesson about trying to bolt out of the cab without paying the fare.

4:41 pm February, 28 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

She has that “I’m embarrassed and hope that no one notices the dingleberry that I couldn’t wipe away because when I went into the stall there was only one sheet of toilet paper left so I had to leave like this” kinda smile. Don’tcha think?

4:43 pm February, 28 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

The last time I had an order of Smarmca something very similar happened. Luckily I was able to get the neighbors dog to gnaw it off.

4:54 pm February, 28 DarkSock said...

A Chick ‘n Smarma…….and for all these years I thought nothing would ever rhyme with Chicken Schwarma. Finally I can complete that limerick I’ve been saving since 1987…
.
Here we have a hot chick and Smarma
Stepping out for some hot Chicken Shawarma
But just out of his cab
Her ass he did grab
and whipped out his junk to butt-harm her.

5:16 pm February, 28 DarkSock said...

Candi, ever the loyal girlfriend, always carried a spare watch for Smarma on her right ear lobe.

5:20 pm February, 28 Bigphatnotadouche said...

Dude is a butt pirate. He is peeing on a horse.

5:24 pm February, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

When she gets rid of James Franco she will graduate, marry, and be the best darn looking MILF in the PTA. Tonight she parties. Tomorrow the morning after pill and he doesn’t have the right phone number. Her name is Tamara and I’d hit it repeatedly. Son.

5:26 pm February, 28 Shocker Khan said...

^But Reverend, what about her matronly arms?!

5:43 pm February, 28 Taint Nuthin But A G-Thang said...

Her earrings are picking up radio waves from space.

5:59 pm February, 28 P. Bateman said...

I second soy bomb…this guy does look like a modern scrote version of Prince.

When will the giant sunglasses in the club fad die?

6:42 pm February, 28 Wedgie said...

His watch is so big it has measurable gravity. Which explains why her skirt is getting ever shorter.

6:42 pm February, 28 Wedgie said...

Son

7:35 pm February, 28 DarkSock said...

He’s a pipe farter.

8:47 pm February, 28 Steve L. said...

i knew i was sugar-intolerant for a reason.

9:18 pm February, 28 DarkSock said...

Vince Diafalo: Human Lamprey.

9:19 pm February, 28 Stephanie said...

The hunchback bag,honey you should go and have that wart burned off of your back before it infects you.

10:41 pm February, 28 Mr. Biggs said...

Sweet Jesus on a stick. I smell a weekly. With a heaping side of crapped-on delecation.

11:31 pm February, 28 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Regarding the inconsistency of her skinny thighs and plump arms, whatever it is he’s holding together by grabbing her thick midsection must be some strange confluence of female parts; and she’s sure in a good mood. considering his equally dark expression of douchedaggery-baggery.

4:55 am March, 1 London escorts said...

The ideal combination of pencil-sharpened hair plus Elton John glasses. What girl would not.

6:52 am March, 1 Deltus said...

They’re wearing matching watches. He on his wrist, she from her right earlobe. Wow… quaint. Her taste in wardrobe is almost as quirky as her taste in men is tragic.
.
I’d still hit it like the fist of an angry god, though.

6:57 am March, 1 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

As his fellow terrorists turned to Mecca and bowed their heads in prayer, Smarmca picked up his “equipment” and headed for the door. Recruiting suicide bombers had become so much easier once they started providing virgins up front.

7:14 am March, 1 Wheezer said...

I would like to see how her curves look when not encrusted with scrote. I can still picture her unencumbered, though it would be nicer if that weren’t there.
.
The vision in my head is nice.

7:29 am March, 1 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Unhand that hott, douchebag!

10:26 am March, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Shocker Khan

She has nice matronly arms like Mrs. Kroeger. They will stay the same as they are for about 20 years. Actually, she is similar to the old Kroegster except this girl has not had kids and worked and grown a beard. Nor has she succcumbed to the cruel power that gravity has over us all.
.
She has that kind of smile, that belies her true youthful thoughts. Kind of like me when waiting for the drug store to deliver son. What?

12:52 pm March, 1 Daggerbagger' said...

This must be Private Gadoofi, lecherous son of colenol Gadaffi on a heady Tripoli evening after a few too many glasses of camel milk.
She is a sparkley little muffin of Lybian cresent-moon eyed sunshine. I wonder what posessed her to come into close contact with such trecherous ball-sackery…

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