Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Truth in Spiritual Advertising

Because when the tongue licking and alcoholism stop, there’s only the haunting wind of existential crisis and ultimate meaningless echoes of cries that will not be returned in this cold and harsh wilderness we call life.

In other words, do it, Tommy. Go for it.

How bad could it be?

Man, I’m grumpy this morning. Must be my Keurig coffee robot thing. Stupid Keurig. Keeps turning on and off on its own. No, I do not want a glass of tasty Kona at 2am. Okay, yes I do.

# posted by douchebag1
11:32 am February, 23 Wheezer said...

Those are some of the ugliest fuccen bangs I’ve ever seen.

11:50 am February, 23 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

French kissing: no longer sexy. I’d rather watch two hobos wrestle naked while covered in bacon fat. Mmmm bacon…

11:53 am February, 23 Eliza Douchecoo said...

ST!

12:03 pm February, 23 douche bagel said...

D?

12:05 pm February, 23 DarkSock said...

I wish Keurig made sex toys.

12:07 pm February, 23 DarkSock said...

How Will I Wipe Tomorrow When I Can’t Even Douche Today?

12:10 pm February, 23 DarkSock said...

my mom came in and I didn’t even know she was there.
She called my name and I didn’t hear her and then she started screaming: DONK! DONK!
And I go:
What, what’s the matter?
She goes:
What’s the matter with you?
I go:
There’s nothing wrong mom.
She’s all:
Don’t tell me that, you’re on drugs!
I go:
No mom I’m not on drugs I’m okay, I was just thinking you know, why don’t you get me a Summer’s Eve.
She goes:
NO you’re on drugs!
I go:
Mom I’m okay, I’m just thinking.
She goes:
No you’re not thinking, you’re on drugs! Normal people don’t be acting that way!
I go:
Mom just get me a Summer’s Eve, please
All I want is a Summer’s Eve, and she wouldn’t give it to me
All I wanted was a Summer’s Eve, just one douche, and she wouldn’t give it to me.
Just a Douche Bag.

12:24 pm February, 23 Dooshspotter said...

dude, er I mean douche – if you want the slow way out, o.d. on tylenol. why lick a pig like her ? its not gonna be like licking a golden dart frog (phyllobates terribilis).

12:27 pm February, 23 DarkSock said...

All the slutty Afghani women wear burkas made out of her shirt’s material.

12:32 pm February, 23 Taint Nuthin But A G-Thang said...

Her bangs look like she got a bowl cut! Sadly, I’d still bang her, even with those bangs. Wouldn’t kiss her though, knowing now from this picture that she has tongue herpes.

12:41 pm February, 23 Foxy Mocksy said...

@Tommy, you think you’re the first that’s ever wanted to end it?
Get in line broheim. I know you’re trying to be edgy and shocking but after making out with you the chick will be the one wearing the hat. Actually hey, can I borrow that hat? I stared too long at this picture. Oh wait, I have something to live for…I’m not you and I’m not this chick.
.
Chicks got pubes growing out of her ears. So much so she can’t hear you coming.

12:45 pm February, 23 Captain Garanichode said...

Thomas feeds off human happiness, and thus cause depression and despair to anyone near them. He can also consume a hott’s soul, leaving his victims in a permanent vegetative state, and thus are often referred to as a “soul-sucking fiend.”

12:50 pm February, 23 Douche Springsteen said...

Oh man if there’s one thing I can’t fucking stand it is the Disembodied Side Burns. For those who’d rather have hair on the side of their heads than on top. Upon further inspection, this douche had his fucking eyebrows done too. He puts more work into his “look” than “she” does.

12:59 pm February, 23 Wedgie said...

No, she’s not crazy or anything.

1:05 pm February, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Somebody’s gotta kill captain stupid here.

1:09 pm February, 23 Bigphatnotadouche said...

Where is the Hot chick?
She has a nose like Barbara Streisand.
Maybe she can sing and swallow at the same time.

1:16 pm February, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Nice muttonchops batboy.

1:18 pm February, 23 Stephanie said...

Sucking the life out of the party,while spreading herpes.Wearing a Suicidal Tendencies hat,like you’re a real punk? Ha!

1:37 pm February, 23 soy bomb said...

Tommy, until you actually do the deed, I’ll refer to you only as “Liar.”

1:44 pm February, 23 Anonymous said...

@12:10

I saw your Mommy.

2:02 pm February, 23 Mr. Biggs said...

This just in – Mike Muir just committed suicide.

2:11 pm February, 23 Anonymous said...

I guess he had those . . . tendencies?

2:59 pm February, 23 Mr. Biggs said...

Those tendencies became a full blown obsession after seeing his namesake on this douchebag’s head.

3:13 pm February, 23 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I see ugly people…

3:56 pm February, 23 Mr. Biggs said...

Speaking of extistential crisis leading to suicidal tendencies, honestly the coital answer has always been right in front of us. This existential crisis is hardly philosophical, or eternal, it’s very material and stems from our separation from the coital. While we mourn and suffer, the douchebag proudly wags his cock to the world, showing off its wetness, and the female hides in mysticism and yoga classes.

It’s a basic biological injustice that must be righted, on an epic and titanic scale.

4:04 pm February, 23 Et Tu Douche? said...

Ironic hipsterbaggery

4:33 pm February, 23 Foxy Mocksy said...

@Mr. Biggs, why fight science? And your view of women is a tad outdated. Cute, but not reality. We’re not hiding, we’re right fucking here!

6:48 pm February, 23 Medusa Oblongata said...

Doesn’t matter, he’ll probably get hit by a car anyways.

10:26 pm February, 23 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

You know, you can stuff them both into a mesh bag made of the same material as her outfit and send them through the wash with some TIDE, but I doubt whether that’ll reemove the douchestains.

2:20 am February, 24 appointment setting said...

I did still bang her, even with those bangs. Wouldn nott kiss her though, knowing now from this picture that he’s tongue herpes.

7:13 am February, 24 Deltus said...

Her nose is overshadowed as her face’s worst feature by them hideous bangs. And that’s saying something, because that nose looks like it could be used on an ice breaker ship in the Arctic.

8:10 am February, 24 Anonymous said...

Christ, I didn’t see the hat until now. I was too busy looking at those tongues. Moth to flame you might say.

8:10 am February, 24 Anonymous said...

That’s a blasphemy.

10:49 am February, 25 Mr. Biggs said...

@Foxy – fair enough. Then again, you’re right fucking here simply because this website is doing the Lord’s Work. Five, ten years ago, the douchebags were running off with the hotties with total impunity.

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