Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Yankee Doodle Doodie

Yankee Doodie went to town
A-douching like a phony,
Stuck a feather in Kendra’s Butt,
And called it “Mac the Homie.”

# posted by douchebag1
11:27 am February, 1 Wheezer said...

No, dumbasses, 1 is not less than 1, not even when one of the 1’s is on its side.

11:30 am February, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Too many hand signals. What are they trying to say? The redcoats are coming? Fuck you, no you are not putting that tiny thing between my legs?
.
It’s like retarded douche semaphore.

11:31 am February, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Yankee Douchal finally figured out what they were talking about during sex ed in the seventh grade. Kendra, know that Yankee Douchal just figured this out, had decided that she’ll go it alone.

11:32 am February, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Wheezer
.
I kneed a proofraeder. R U up four the job?

11:55 am February, 1 Douchesquire said...

“I go number 1 on her, she goes number 2 on me”

11:58 am February, 1 Crucial Head said...

Those are well-earned dog tags. As we can plainly see, he is a private in The Civil Whore.

12:03 pm February, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Remember folks: Circumcise your Guidos for a cleaner , shmeg-free, shirtless, living room fist pump, frolic circle jerk

12:05 pm February, 1 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Wait…I think this means Kendra is a tranny? and that Yankee Douche is going to be spread and taking it from Kendra?
.
Ach! Brain bleach!

12:08 pm February, 1 Wheezer said...

@Doc Bunsen –
.
Me? A proofreader?
.
“eye dont think that wud help omg lol omg lulz”

12:14 pm February, 1 jonezy said...

NEW ALERT!
.
The Oompa Prompa Twins have been busy reproducing, still socially awkward.

12:15 pm February, 1 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Never in the course of human events, have a douche and a douchette been so perfectly matched.

May their first child be a masculine child, and may he continue their impeccable douche-i-tude bloodline for our constant amusement and derision.

And by derision, I mean puking.

12:23 pm February, 1 DarkSock said...

The United States Olympic Booger Flicking Team stands an excellent chance of reaching the podium in 2014.
.
.
Not medalling; just flicking boogs all the way to the presentation podium as they’re shown the exit.

12:26 pm February, 1 Captain Garanichode said...

Yankee Doody just pee’d in Kendra’s butt

12:28 pm February, 1 Nancy Dreuche said...

Uh oh. The douches have a new hand sign. I’m assuming the V stands for a woman’s legs and the pointer finger is the size of this douche’s actual penis. Thanks for the sneak peek smalls, I’ll be taking my business elsewhere,

12:37 pm February, 1 Captain Garanichode said...

the 2011 sign-language tournament was a narrow success for Doodie, only when the judges acknowledged his unique display of both male and female reproductive positions in the metacarpal hieroglyphics category was he able to defeat Kendra’s over used universal sign for discouragement.

12:53 pm February, 1 Luis Douchuel said...

Damn Yankee carpet’bagger.

12:56 pm February, 1 soy bomb said...

Ahhh…pure, unfiltered douche ‘n bleeth. Nothing beats the classics. They’re like the Big Mac® of the douche menu. An all-bleeth Patty, special needs, let-us puke, cheesy bling, crabs, and a 10 degree pun.

1:02 pm February, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

It’s the Douche Sign Language Hokey Pokey:
.
You put your small wang in
You take your small wang out
You put your small wang in
and you blow your load real quick
You do the Poke the Whore-y
And it starts to burn again
Kendra’s unsatisfied!
.
Someone write the next verse.

1:17 pm February, 1 Taint Nuthin But A G-Thang said...

Remember, anyone wearing a NY Yankees hat that’s not the team’s original colors is AUTO-DOUCHE. Go Red Sox, and take The Yank-me’s with you. Anywhere. Just go.

1:25 pm February, 1 Et Tu Douche? said...

Kendras fledgling-modeling career took a turn for the weird when a marketing rep approached her from Frito-lay. She was told that they wanted her to rep one of their better brand named items. She said “that’s great I’d do anything to work for such a recognized brand”, plus it would look great on her resume/portfolio.
.
The rep asked if could make it to Plano, TX by weeks end to meet with the final decision maker? “No problem” she said. On the way home she texted her BFF and told her the great news to which her BFF texted back “Yeah they probably want you for a new Diet Pepsi ad or something”. Kendra was excited but her excitement would be short lived. When she showed up for the meeting it turns out it wasn’t Diet Pepsi they wanted her for.
.
She soon learned the hard way that to make it in modeling business you sometimes have to do things to get ahead. She was young and ambitious and thought how bad could it be. So it was she spent the next several hours “auditioning” in a back room with Chester Cheetah the mascot for Cheetos. Alas she didn’t get the gig and to and insult to injury she wound up with a horrendous full body rash but on the plus side she did get a free years supply of Cheetos and the opportunity to meet and pose with Lou Ferrigno Jr.

1:45 pm February, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

When I was a kid, the very first thing you did with a baseball cap was ever so carefully shape the bill into the perfect curve. The perfect curve was symmetrical, not so sharp that it made you look like a woodpecker, but not so flat that it failed to give some shade if the sun was in the corner of your eye. The hat was warn with the bill dead center, save for some exceptional circumstances when a rally cap was apropos.
.
A cap warn with the bill askew, or an unbroken in cap would have been the pinnacle of bad form, and would have resulted in an epic beat-down that would have made the Spanish Inquisition look like a tickle-fest in comparison. Note that I say ‘would have’ for good reason. It simply was not done. Ever.
.
Oh, how I long for that simpler time. And for New York, New Jersey, and Long Island to slide into the Atlantic on skids greased by the facial oil of ten million guidos.

2:40 pm February, 1 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I don’t there have been hairy forearms on the club scene in about 30 years. This is a break through photo representative of a watershed moment.

3:15 pm February, 1 army douche said...

spoons! get your spoons! gouge out your eyes!

3:20 pm February, 1 HeresJohnny said...

Guido plays odds & evens with himself…. and loses

3:52 pm February, 1 FoghornLeghorn said...

I’m imagining Kendra as my proctologist.
.
Cough please.

4:05 pm February, 1 Wedgie said...

Love that Jesse Jane.

4:20 pm February, 1 DoucheyWallnuts said...

And “she” is keeping the streak going of trannys appearing on the site with alarming regularity.

5:01 pm February, 1 Deltus said...

Meathead could never quite get the “rocker horns” look right.

5:02 pm February, 1 creature said...

when reetahds mate…

5:03 pm February, 1 creature said...

^forgot ‘Yo’ & ‘son’

6:07 pm February, 1 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Et Tu, I’m still deciding if a life time supply of Cheetos would be worth getting it on with Chester. I mean a LIFETIME SUPPLY! I’m gonna ponder it over my weektime supply of Cheetos.

8:36 pm February, 1 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

American Sign Language is still getting used to the infusion of douchebag signing, but these two make it appear a very simple black and white matter.

9:41 pm February, 1 Troy Tempest said...

speaking of sign language:
.

.
I’m in wuv.

3:56 am February, 2 Motorcycle Accessories said...

I think that means Kendra is a transsexual? Yankee Douche and that it must be released and Kendra

6:22 am February, 2 Steve L. said...

while Aly (of, er… MinxMafia) claims that it was a dress up, she DOES look very orange. and everything about her Twitter account screams of douche magnet. kudos to DB1 for the retweet.
.
… yeah i’m much more comfortable calling her Kendra.

5:59 pm February, 2 Lil' Fartknocker said...

Nice globes….

I got somebody who can fix choadwank’s chin: 1.800.946.3368

7:00 am February, 3 Collaz B. Popped said...

Them’s fightin’ words McCrudeshoe. – though they are funny with the grease. Thank God or whatever you believe the population of the areas you mentioned is around 15 million people. Too much variance in this population.

DB 1 has demonstrated that Douchebaggery is a international phenomenon.

But fuck the sideways hat tilt forever.

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