Saturday, March 19, 2011

Ask DB1: Is a Scion Automock?

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Hi DB1,

I’m in the market for a new car sometime this year or next, and I have been looking at the Scion tC.

Scion is new here in Canada, however it has been in your country for quite some time. From what I read, Scion has been labeled as a ‘poser’ brand amongst car enthusiasts. Apparently, the douchebags who drive them make modifications to them as if it is a race car when it isn’t (it has the Toyota Camry’s 180hp engine, not some turbocharged 300hp engine).

Therefore, if I get one without making modifications, does that still make me a douche? It’s a great economy car that’s fun to drive that has some sport features. I don’t plan on douching it up.

Lately I’ve seen a few 20-something year old Scion owners who exude a sense of douche aura whenever I go to a nightclub. Does that automatically make me one of them?

All the best,
Chester Creamworthy

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Notwithstanding the fact someone is already selling Scion Douchebag stickers, I’m not sure any car is inherently douchey other than, of course, white BMW 525s.

However, ironic Scion ownership is, like handlebar mustaches or reading Kindle ‘Zines, a sign of mockworthy hipsterbaggery.

Without choady modifications, and if the budget fits, you are free to purchase. But if the sounds of Deadmaus (and no, I’m not typing a 5 for an S) are heard from your car, even once, you are to be mocked immediately and indefinitely.

# posted by douchebag1
12:36 pm March, 19 Troy Tempest said...

Scion’s are actually pretty good cars. They’re bascially rebadged Toyotas. several years ago we were thinking of getting an xA hatchback, but decided to spend the green and get a Prius. We test drove the xA. It wasn’t anything special, but it seemed like a decent car.

12:56 pm March, 19 soy bomb said...

General Rule of Thumb: If you have to ask, the answer is always “Yes.”

1:06 pm March, 19 Shane said...

You are also not allowed to let chicks dance in their seat next to you while listening to deadmaus , check the Dave Chapel clip.

1:06 pm March, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

General Rule of Thumb #2: If you buy a foreign car ( I know some of them are made in the West) in this economy you are an immediate poseur douchebag lemming. I bet you go to Florida at least once a year with your kids, or will when you have some. Have to have an I-phone because others do whether you need it or not. Call the rental or grandmother’s house “The Cottage”. Eat at the new restaurant. Douche. Invest and save or suffer.

1:15 pm March, 19 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

If you make any modification to your car which has the primary effect of making the engine/exhaust louder, you are autoscrote and deserve woodchippering. No exceptions to that rule.

1:40 pm March, 19 Mr. White said...

@reverend
Aren’t all cars in Canada technically foreign? I know that GM, Ford, and Toyota all build some cars there, but I’m not aware of any “native” Canadian car manufacturers. Do correct me if I’m wrong.
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re: the Scions, I kind of like the tC. It seems to be one of the only decent-looking, affordable coupes out there right now. Plus I don’t think any cars are inherently douchey, at least not off the assembly line. They are only violated by their douchey owners, usually with glass packs and crappy body kits. I don’t think there’s even anything inherently wronged with a Honda Civic or most Mistubishis–they just happen to be violated by douche more often than others.
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Well, O.K., the Mitsubishi Evo might be inherently douchey, even if it is fast as hell.

2:26 pm March, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@ Mr.White
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I should have included a caveat for present company who are informed enough to do a cost/benefit analysis and choose a Jap car. The hordes, however do follow a tribal mentality regardless of education and financial means to fit in like Ed Hardy. Likewise, I would not buy a Harley although made in North America to be cool. I insist on not buying a motorcycle, although I miss having one, when the only options are foreign or
Bikerdouche, yes Bikerdouche. My kids need an economy to live in and I have always been cool without the affectations of subarbia.
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Whatever the split is between our countries, the automobile business is crucial to both. The Canadian side makes a lot of parts and the assembly here is shipped to the U.S. and Canada. Some foreigns for domestic sale are also fabricated in the West. I say fuck the Asians until they start buying our shit.
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If my car looks bad at a golf course or the kids school I don’t give a fucck. Buy local or die trying. My 2004 Venture will last for three more years. The Mrs.’ Fusion will last as long. Don’t mind spending a few thousand more in repairs over 10 years to keep the money close to home. Particularly because the foreign overcharge will be roughly equlivalent to the extra cost, if incurred, as a domestic or as close as I can buy to a domestic.
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The only Canadian car was the DeLorean. Without it you would be bereft of the greatest American movie, with a Canadian actor, of all time. X3,
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It is time to roll doobies. Sons.

2:37 pm March, 19 fatness said...

Although the original boxy design looks stupid to me, and it is basically Toyota’s lame attempt at being “cool” and cheap at the same time, be very very careful. Others have fallen deep into the abyss…
http://clubsciontc.com/forums/interior-styling-7/ed-hardy-22697/

3:01 pm March, 19 Scionara said...

I think they look like a toaster on wheels.

3:13 pm March, 19 stegadouche said...

have to disagree about handlebar mustaches. sort of like exercising- alot of douches do this, but that doesn’t reflect on the activity itself. you’re telling me george parros and cal clutterbuck are douches? read a little about george parros and you’ll see he alone prevents handlebar mustaches from being ‘hipsterbaggery’

4:01 pm March, 19 Organic Alpaca Nutrition said...

Spring is in the air folks, can romance be far behind?
Just remember that in addition to all your herd’s nutritional needs we at OAN carry a full line of massage oils, restraints and Naughty Llama Lingerie.
Organic Alpaca Nutrition

4:16 pm March, 19 soy bomb said...

Stegadouche, General Rule of Thumb #3: Citing hockey players to leverage your argument = Autowin!
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Organic Alpaca Nutrition, I’m a big fan of your site. Big fan. I’ll be leaving helpful feedback soon. Good luck in the future!

4:24 pm March, 19 Et Tu Douche? said...

Get some Whistle tips, they are da bomb. The vid below while an oldie still cracks me up. Remember it’s just for decorations, that’s all.

.
Lanny McDonald was not a douche,

4:31 pm March, 19 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

As a Rav4 owner, I’d argue that Scions and other “imports” aren’t autodouche.
I would argue that the civvy Hummer belongs with the BMW in autodouche hell, as well as any other jacked up SUV or half-ton that has never left the pavement. Fucking gas-guzzling poser rides.

4:34 pm March, 19 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

@OAN,
Where’s my fucking lube I ordered, you bastard? My Tijuana donkey isn’t going to show itself, son.

5:01 pm March, 19 Scionara said...

@OAN, as llama lover, I am deeply offended by your linked picture. If only peeing in a llama were that easy. Also, what purpose would a llama use lingerie for? I understand the restraints and massage oils though. Still waiting on those shirts.

5:23 pm March, 19 Organic Alpaca Nutrition said...

@ Indiana Choad,
With such a huge recent response, we are having difficulty keeping up with demand. At this time all of our Llama Love Jelly® as well as our Sheep and Goat Lubricants are on back order.
Your continued patience is appreciated.

5:38 pm March, 19 Organic Alpaca Nutrition said...

@ Reverend,

The thrill of the ride, the wind in your hair, and since the days of Fonzie, motorcycle have always been a great way to pick up a date. Triumph is back in business and making some nice retro bikes. Please reconsider.

Organic Alpaca Nutrition.

5:59 pm March, 19 DarkSock said...

My old 2001 Mustang GT, which now belongs to daughter Sock, was made largely in Germany and Canada; assembled in the US. Burns gas from Saudi Arabia. Here I am on the way to my boat slip.
gr

6:03 pm March, 19 DarkSock said...

And you are dead on with the DeadMau5 schmack-down, Boss. What kind of grown man portrays himself as a freak with giant black mouse ears?
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.
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What?
qgqrewt

6:09 pm March, 19 DarkSock said...

Ohhh. I see. Nevermind.
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wthrtr

6:10 pm March, 19 DarkSock said...

Well, I think I look just fine.
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qrgrg

6:15 pm March, 19 DarkSock said...

Mom thinks I look fine too.
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regwergwregwreg

6:17 pm March, 19 Scionara said...

@OAN 5:38p, Ah yes, romance IS in the air. Animal Farm-style.

6:27 pm March, 19 Doucheous Rufus said...

@OAN

Triumphs are imports. They are a British manufacturer, and are imported to North America from England.

Although the *band* Triumph *are* Canadian. And they are back in business, too, since 2008.

6:34 pm March, 19 Doucheous Rufus said...

@ DarkSock 6:03, 6:09, 6:10
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Love the photos.
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A word of warning to those insecure in their sexuality: be very careful before doing a google image search for “darksock” if you normally leave “safe search” turned off. Apparently there is some sort of fetish associated with dark socks.

6:59 pm March, 19 Organic Alpaca Nutrition said...

@Doucheous Rufus.

I’m aware of Triumph’s place of manufacture. The Good Reverend noted a particular disdain for Asian bikes, and being that England’s The Mother Country and all, I thought it might appeal to him.


But, for pointing that out, we’re prepared to ship you a genuine Alpaca-Turd necklace at no cost to you, as a token of our appreciation!

9:21 pm March, 19 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I think Sponge-Bob Square-Pants drives a SCION when he isn’t underwater. Damn fugly box-car is what it is. Gimme the curvy jellybean design-school dream any day. I like swoop aerodynamics.

10:32 pm March, 19 Steve L. said...

worst “poser car” in my living memory is the fucking Celica. i guess Celicas are too old now and the army of douche cars need some new blood.
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that being said, douchiest car ad would have to go to Honda’s Civic Nation ads. that was a while ago though. there might be even douchier car ads now, God forbid.

10:36 pm March, 19 Steve L. said...

eh well i shouldn’t say “poser car” because Celica has some racing cred. some of the worst car mods i’ve ever seen was on Celicas. that’s all.

10:39 pm March, 19 DarkSock said...

Whoop-Di-D is right. A car should take its cues from Purple Jelly Dong design; swoopy form and bullet-train lines. Nobody wants a dildo that is square in section. The World is cruel enough without orifices slamming shut.
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I would kick Stone Phillips in the taint for a Luther Burger right now
qewt
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i;lu

/
erm…posting after popping one of Mrs. ‘Socks Ambiens….that was on the New Year’s Rez list. Gotta go.

11:03 pm March, 19 fatness said...

Lorazepam FTW…I’m old school.

11:25 pm March, 19 ColormeDouche said...

Deadmau5 may have some terrible stuff out there but he did produce this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zK1mLIeXwsQ. Which in my opinion one of the best dubstep songs out there right now. Shame that he would be labled as douchey music.

11:27 pm March, 19 ColormeDouche said...

Scratch that last youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hk-AQ4O5KiI. This song is the right one.

11:34 pm March, 19 ColormeDouche said...

I would like to say that any of the material that he puts out douchey or not is better than any of the ignorant rap that the other douches listen to. Lesser of two evils I suppose

7:08 am March, 20 Doucheywallnuts said...

Interesting debate over whether or not buying a foreign car is auto. However, let’s not lose sight of the original question. Buying a Scion is certainly automock, in more than one way.
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8:03 am March, 20 Wheezer said...

Any car that is purchased to serve a practical purpose is not automock. What is instead automock is the attitude that goes into the purchase when the purpose becomes more for show than for need. That’s the essence of douchebaggery, after all.
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Never having owned nor driven a Scion, I don’t know how practical they are. Do they get decent gas mileage? How do they hold up to wear? That’s what I want to know. I don’t care if someone will pat me on the back and say, “Hey, cool car, bro.” I don’t want nor need to know if the car will help me GET SOME – if one needs a car for that, one should just stay home and deep fry some poultry.
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That said, I’d still drive around with a perpetual woody if I owned one of the newer retro style Mustang. I would seriously consider peeing in that horsepower.

8:09 am March, 20 Wheezer said...

That may not be the exact model/style^^ I had in mind, but I looooove that color.
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That’s almost as good as motorboating these.

8:13 am March, 20 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

Yeah, I’m not buying the “import = autodouche” argument either. There are good reasons why one should buy domestic products, but it’s not really a matter acute douchebaggery.

Carbaggery is a more specific problem, and like wearing ed hardy, bling, excessive tats, and hairspike, is just another form of vacuous, susbstanceless peacocking. Douching your car up with accessories or making it loud is no different than the fist-pumping shirtless jerz parking lot frolic and duck-lip roid drip we usually see on this site.

10:15 am March, 20 Banana Hammock said...

Toyota dont make douchebags.. Ed Hardy makes douchebags!
..
Son

3:46 pm March, 20 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I’m pretty sure the Monte Carlo SS is the undisputed king of Douchmobiles. At least for the greater Tri-State douche-area. Dishonorable mention to the Camero and M5.
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Scion are just… how do you say it… simultaneously trendy and sad. TRAD.

5:26 pm March, 20 Deltus said...

Had no idea Scions were considered douchey. Ya learn something new every day.

5:58 pm March, 20 Bag Margera said...

I do like some Deadmau5, although I will admit that there are plenty of douchebags that do as well. I for one do not blast his music out of any foreign car. I keep it in my headphones on the subway, and I make sure they aren’t playing to loud for other people to hear.
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At face value, I can’t defend Deadmau5 from his douche appeal. But he is a pretty cool guy. Unlike most people in his profession, he doesn’t swipe or sample from other people. All those synthesized noises you hear, he made him self. Also unlike anybody in his profession, he doesn’t claim to say that he is a “D.J.” He’s fine with the title of “Music producer” and has actually said that DJs today are cunts. Those mouse helmets are just part of a performance piece. As an individual I think he has RLR applied. As far as his music goes, I think it’s dependant on how it’s applied.
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If that’s douchey to you then fine. Personally though I study douche trends in depth before labelling something Douché. Deadmau5 is in fact his own man, and he is a creative entertainer.
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And Boss, if you had bothered to study Snooki, before you put her on your show, you might have saved this world from a catastophic Jerz plague. Thinking before you bag tag is the true difference between bag hunter and hater.

10:04 pm March, 20 DarkSock said...

I dunno, B. Margera; there is a Snooki (and Jersey Shore) Tsunami-sized backlash brewing that may swamp the douche-boat better that we ever could. Sort of like that footage of the Vietnamese officer executing a prisoner with a head shot turned the tide of public opinion on Vietnam. Perhaps you did not think several steps ahead. Thinking before you bag tag is the true difference between bag hunter and hater.

2:44 am March, 21 24 hour Plumbing said...

They are only violated by their douchey owners, usually with glass packs & crappy body kits.

6:54 am March, 21 Mr. White said...

@dude
I always thought of the Monte Carlo as more of a white trash-mobile (second only to the epically crappy Camaros of the 80s). On the other hand, the Venn diagram of douchemobiles and white trash-mobiles certainly shows overlap between the two.

7:04 am March, 21 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

@ Mr White : The textbook example of whitetrashmobile / douchebagmobile Venn diagram crossover is the post-2000 Mustang.

8:32 am March, 21 Bag Margera said...

@Darksock I’m not seeing any indication of a tsunami like backlash on Orange jersewipe, unless you are referring to global financial collapse. Naturally if anarchy reigns supreme, the douche question/problem becomes mute, as we will all be too busy fighting over scraps of McDonalds in dumpsters to be worrying about greasy sneering ass-jackals. I see that as a more realistic scenario, than Jesus being resurrected, shining light all over the universe, just to make these poo smurfs realize they are nothing but smurfs in poo-spray skin.

10:09 am March, 21 Southern Scrotic said...

Here’s the Ultimate Douchebag Auto Accessory.

10:55 am March, 21 Stephanie said...

A Scion is only douche if the prick who owns it,customizes it with Ed Hardy stickers and a loud muffler. Those large coffee can type mufflers that say look at me,for no reason. Otherwise,it’s a fine car, that’s fuel efficient …it’s the bad bling. Ed Hardy also got into the stickers,car accessories already. Even custom paint jobs. I would think douches drive cars that are huge and suck gas. There’s a lot of jokes there.

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