Friday, March 11, 2011

Ask DB1: The Librarian Conundrum


Master Pee (in your Butt) writes in with an excellent query:

—–
I wholeheartedly agree with your penchant for placing the elusive Librarian Hott upon a pedestal. Yet, their presence on HCwDB has caused a categorical quandary for me. I look to your philosophical prowess to help define certain categories so that my mind might be at ease.

Can you describe the difference between a Librarian Hott and a Hipster Bleeth? When does the line cross from one to the other? I know that the spectacle of the spectacles imparts a special significance, but when does their presence become superfluous to the Hott at hand?

With regard,
Master Pee (in your Butt)

—–

Excellent question, Master Pee (in my Butt). The answer is an important parsing of the distinction of the Douchadox, the moment at which hott and Bleeth collide in a ‘bag hunters mind as a sort of spectral paradox.

Here, when Hipster Bleeth acquires the attributes of Librarian Hott, she is instantly forgiven her annoying trendoid ways, and pooching of the belly begins in earnest. This is not intellectually justifiable under ‘Bag Hunter bylaws. But it is an inevitable shortcoming of the lizard brain of the human condition.

# posted by douchebag1
9:42 am March, 11 Wheezer said...

Mmmmmm, the taller blonde has the makings of a cute little booty. I would like to make a closer inspection.

9:46 am March, 11 Deltus said...

Or a simpler answer: you know Hipster Bleeth has become Librarian Hott when you realize you have to change your pants.

9:52 am March, 11 Daggerbagger' said...

I think its safe to assume their specs dont have prescription lenses..for some reason this bugs me, but that wouldnt stop me wanting to nibble festively upon the ripe bosom

9:53 am March, 11 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

O magic 8-Ball?! Is this schmuck wearing a clip on?

*shakes*

“Answer poopy. Try again later.”

9:57 am March, 11 Wedgie said...

Love ’em even if their glasses are fake. And even more if they wear knee socks and plaid skirts. Call me shallow; Mrs. Wedgie does all the time.

On an unrelated note, I want to thank today’s haiku participants. Some really funny posts today.

Gotta go; tsunami swell is hitting the coast. With any luck, some Japanese hotties will wash up on the shore during my session.

Too soon?

10:06 am March, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I think they are the same in the fucleability department ( this is the proper use of the adverb of fucle, I know, I created that word here about a year ago in a mind-bending drug binge about Jesus-sized coccks) except that fucling a hipsterbaguette requires the acceptance of patchoulli oil and hair, where the librian hott is socially presentable although seemingly shy. Hipster hotts will be more amenable to our drinking and drug use. I gotta go nature bush on this one. It can always have a bath and a shave before it applies the lotion. And by lotion..
.
We were very easy on Elton this morning. The wrath is bent towards the slut. I saw the Sir by accident in Central Park while Dad was on bithness and he took the family with him. It was 1980, I was 15, Kim was not born yet and I might have been able to stop it from being conceived in 1976 when the Olympics were
in Montreal. Light security would have allowed a twelve year old to run onto the field and stab Bruce Jenner with his javelin or bash his skull with a hammer, or trip him during the marathon. Space-Time would have change if Bruce lost the decathlon. He would never have had Kim’s mom ride him till she met the Armenian OJ lawyer. Fuck Kroeger, you blew decent society and didn’t realize until you are going to be 46 on the Ides of March. Only bad things happen on the Ides of March so I just get fuccking wasted, pretend I care about the girls shitty little cards and my yearly full anal day with the Mrs. So we have my birthday on St. Patricks day and get really stoned on weed brownies. Erin-go-Braheim. I’m getting myself into a rage again. Son.

10:10 am March, 11 Wedgie said...

^Somewhere, a therapist is weeping.

10:19 am March, 11 Anonymous said...

I don’t know. It’s a little like Superman and Clark Kent. The only difference is the glasses.
.
You mean to tell me that Clark Kent never took off his glasses to rinse his face or comb his hair in the restroom at work? Or after playing racquetball, took a shower without his glasses? Right then and there, the jig is up!

No, glasses alone don’t do it. And these 2 are not librarian hotts.

10:25 am March, 11 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

At the Right Reverand^
.
You sir, are a true prophet. If I wasnt convinced it would cost me my job, I would demand your presence for a full on bender my next visit to your corner of Canada. Ah f*ck it! I’m coming to Montreal on the 21st. Line up the hookers and the hooch! Mrs. Reverand can come and watch.

10:32 am March, 11 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Taller librarian hott is possibly the real deal. I think I felt if move anyway. There is a problem with the shorter one. Her boobs are already several inches too low. By the time she is MILF aged, she’s going to have to kick them around ahead of her like soccer balls.

10:36 am March, 11 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Left Librarian’s boob appears to have migrated to her side. Note to hipsterbleeth: It’s called a bra. Your mom may have burned hers back in the sixties, but she wasn’t stupid. She went out and bought new ones as soon as she saw her tits in an all out steeple chase to make contact with her crotchfro. When you’re lying on your back and it takes your man about 30 seonds to get from nuzzling one hairy nipple to the other, and he has to ask you to help by holding them for him, you’ve got a problem.

Right Hipsterlibrarianhott: Your boobs can migrate to the sides of my rib cage any day.
.,
.
.
Along with your thighs.
.
.
Dude with the stupid tattoo, dorky shirt, and punchworthy look. I’ll have a double shot of Makers and the lady will have whatever she wants. Oh, and get her friend with the mammalanche something too. Gotta take care of the wing woman.

10:40 am March, 11 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Kroeger,
I am interested in your ideas and wish to sign up for your newsletter. Please explain further how killing Bruce Jenner, Kim’s *step* dad, before he entered the male lesbian phase of life could have stopped Kim’s conception.

11:06 am March, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

Hipster bleeth’s with glasses always have the potential of being sneaky naughty in the sack. I like the tall one tons o potential there.
.
Re; The Rev’s latest,
Lyrical Psilocybin for the mind I for one look forward to more.

11:09 am March, 11 Fatness said...

@ Wedgie, 10:10 am. Not weeping. Buying a new boat. And putting a down payment on a beachfront condo. Kroeger is a gold mine.
.
Once again, 100 guys and 3 girls. About half of the former look like they’ve never seen the latter. Half of those look like they don’t want to.

11:14 am March, 11 Mr. White said...

I think there is a clear distinction. Hipsterbleeths smell like ass because of their organic deodorants and bore you with tedious monologues about why Arcade Fire isn’t cool anymore. (Made doubly obnoxious by the fact that Arcade Fire was never cool.) Any bespectacled babe who does not share these attributes is a legitimate librarian hott and should be wooed with Keats’ “Ode on a Grecian Urn” and swole cocck.

11:26 am March, 11 Sir David Douchenborough said...

In imbibing at my local bar, I have come to detect Hipster Bleeths quite well. Their mimicry, however, is still annoying. Still, you can usually tell by suggesting that Margaret Atwood boring and shallow. The Hipster Incredible Bleeth Hulk comes roaring out pretty quickly, I may say.

12:01 pm March, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Mr. Scrotato Head
.
Bad week. I have to take care of the kids while my benefactor Mrs.Kroeger is out of town on business and the grandparents are in Hawaii. It’s a hard life being a stoned, drunk, stay-at-home-Dad/Mortgage broker, but as long at the Mrs.’ is making $12-$13K/month I’m her bitch until the youngest goes to school. About time she started making money after I put her through university. Bad on my head taking all these drugs and drinking for a year though. Fucking kids. I have to stop drinking for 10 minutes while I go the bus stop.

12:30 pm March, 11 Wheezer said...

I’m just trying to picture “Librarian Hott Pear” – we had one of those before, didn’t we? Kinda sorta…..
.
I’m off to work, but I travel with tasty librarian hotts (and all other types of hotts) in mind. If I drove stick, I might not survive the trip…..carry on, hatters, and enjoy today’s Pear!

12:31 pm March, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Fatness
.
I was backwards with my thinking on the Bruce Jenner deal. Too much weed this morning. I’m very stressed about Wedgie going surfing.
.
Bruce Jenner dies or is not famous for his pre-Mickey Rourke like botched surgery days . . Then the OJ lawyer dies. So the widow Kardashian has two options. The first is live off the money left by the Jew. The second is to whore herself around LA to find a socialite semi-celeb like Bruce who has already done bad TV. So she meets Bruce. Ya gotta be looking for an angle to fucck that freakish botched facial surgery asshole. Is she the one that used to have the infomercial with Bruce.? And you use his larger local and national celebrity? to whore out your two glamorous daughters and the chimp to make money. The tiny ones, not Chewbacca, make an imprint on the fragile post-9/11 psyche of the Amercican people ( not only American but that’s where the money is) and Kim starts putting her name or huge ass out as a celebreskank. She makes money. She starts some show I have not yet seen with the other small sister. The big chimp will get fucled by Bruce’s son that looks like John Ritter and kill herself because she is a cowpig. If Kate Hudson wasn’t caked with foundation etc. and wasn’t filmed through lens filters she would look like Phyllis Diller. Kim Kardashians new song is to music as ass is to the nose. In conclusion, if Bruce wasn’t famous he would not be with Mama Skank, Kim and her sisters , except for Chewbacca, would not be famous. And maybe I’d get somework done instead of reambling on and drinking. And Mrs. Kroeger, if you are spying on this site today, but I know you’re not because you are out working your 400 pound butt off to keep me in the style in whicjh I kept you before my hiatus from life. You bitch. I may have loosened your wheel lugs this morning on that fucking 4 Ton you need to carry your fat ass around. Mrs. K go fucck yourself I don’t care if you’re naking the money now and I’m picking up the dog shit and cooking supper and vaccuming up the fucking hair from your stupid tortoise Bubbles and wiping shit off the kids. It was you’re idea to move 400 miles to our hometown for your job. So the next time you tell me how tired you are I’m gonna snap bitch. Son.

12:34 pm March, 11 Stephanie said...

Glasses and more conservative clothes perhaps…but not going out,club clothes and crap tattoos. Oh, and a girl that looks like she’s smarter than the average bear. Maybe she’s holding a book,or an e reader but actually reading it.

12:36 pm March, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^my bad. shouldn’t be talking about money. fucking bitch never stops though. i’m gonna snap or hire a housekeeper. is Wedgie back from the beach? and it’s about time the sponge works after 20 years of doing fuck all. i’m in a rage again.

12:36 pm March, 11 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@The Right Honorable Reverend
.
Bring the damn kids. They can crush grapes for our wine and break $20’s into fresh $1s for us to stuff into the pink coin slots of Quebecian nobgobblers.
.
Kids gotta learn a trade somewhere.

12:38 pm March, 11 Another Douche Bites The Dust said...

That lizard brain will get ya everytime. If you let it. Let me just pop on these non prescription glasses, red low cut dress, and no bra and Klabamo! That’s the signal that I’m looking for action right? I can’t just tell you I’m looking, you need these visual aides to cue you? Where’s the challenge in that?
@RevChad, I too would like to sign up for your newsletter. I enjoyed this latest entry however I still believe the entire piece would benefit from more Seadoo. And what the fuck happens to MacEnroe?

1:07 pm March, 11 banana hammock said...

yup… Hott on right is exactly why I learned to read…

1:10 pm March, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@ADBTD
.
MacEnroe and…….the owl…..
.
It was continued in the next post as I was slipping into a buzz.

@Mr. Scrotato

My girls would learn a new trade and I would be in trouble like Buckwheat when he wished his brother Cotton would turn into a monkey.

1:10 pm March, 11 banana hammock said...

whoa… did anyone notice Satan grimacing in the background? I must save this Hott (right) from t he pits of heathen despair and this cock-roach, Nikki Sixx head transplanted labia-majora drip, neanderthal.

2:20 pm March, 11 Wedgie said...

Rev, you should have your own channel. Come to think of it, you do.
BTW, a buddy of mine is building out an “Herbal Clinic” next to World Gym in Pacific Beach (San Diego, CA). P.B., where the per capita ABC license is like one bar for every ten residents.
Yeah, that place doesn’t party enough, let’s put some medicinal marijuana into the mix.
Fuccen sweet idea.
Drop by, Rev. I know, like the rest of San Diego, that you suffer from some malady requiring the buddage.
“Hey, man, save me a toke”.

Wedgie. The only malady I have suffered from is the malady in my head. I was watching KTLA today when Jerry Springer was postponed regarding the Tsunami and SoCal surfers. I would move to California for sun and boarding if I was allowed across international borders. Working on a full pardon so your kind DHS and FDA and DEA guys don’t give me shit at the border. Some cops just can’t take a friggin joke. My family might follow, probably not. Doesn’t matter cause I’m going out with Morgan Fairchild. Son. That’s the ticket. Morgan Fairchild.

8:06 pm March, 11 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I think the diff between the two spectacled ladies is the amount of boob-sag. Like the overloaded shelves of a long-aisled library, there is eventually a modicum of SAG. The hipster Bleeth definitely has the saggy-tits and has not read up on how to de-sag with the appropriate support garments (via the Lady Grace.com catalogue). The Librarian Hott knows how to hold her liquor, licker, and black-lacquer eyeglasses while sporting tits usually found only in reference book photographs. Thus, the SMILE.

8:09 pm March, 11 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Oh, and we rarely see such a fine example of National Review douchebaggery as pictured here, quite meaningfuly so, with Librarian Hotts.
William F Buckley would be so proud of the Man and Goddesses at Yale.

2:31 am March, 12 Anon said...

Do you really have to jump on the hipster-bashing bandwagon, DB1? Why don’t you leave that job to sites that know what they’re talking about?

P.S. I would feign interest in Best Coast, grow a handle bar mustache, and buy each of those young ladies a Tecate tall can just for the chance to caress their discarded American Apparel bodysuits.

7:03 am March, 12 Mr. Biggs said...

I’ll tell you whenthey cross the line. When they associate with THAT guy.

9:40 am March, 12 creature said...

i’m intrigued by the mysterious red & white striped boob intruding on the pic from the right…makes a creature hung-ry

9:41 am March, 12 creature said...

or is it a booty? same result

6:51 am March, 13 ehcuodouche said...

Who’s Bruce Jenner? Wasn’t he the guy who played the Six Million Dollar man?

1:56 am March, 14 Motorcycle Accessories said...

I would feign interest in Best Coast, grow a handle bar mustache, & buy each of those young ladies a Tecate tall can for the chance to caress their discarded American Apparel bodysuits.

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