Thursday, March 24, 2011

Ask DB1: The Self Portrait Pearadox

—-
Dear Sir.

I am the ever present Anonymous, a ubiquitous lurker who only until recently started posting. I kept the anonymous name because for some reason at work the posting came with a burglar’s mask in the face where the avatar would go, and frankly couldn’t think of a proper name. Hence, until such time, I will remain anonymous.

Many things have I learned from this educational site. Among them, many strange phenomena amongst the douchebag elements of society. None more vapid and narcissistic than the cell phone mirror preening pose photo. It makes me sick to my stomach. That is, when guys do it.

However, I submit for your consideration the following: cell phone mirror preening pose pear. For it is succulent and good. And not to mention the fact that her booty shorts bear a shamrock with the words 69 in Gaelic written in it. I hope you enjoy.

Anonymous (for now)
——

The pose is quintessential doucheyness but the pear is succulent. And so we come face-to-pear with yet another example of the douchadox, the conflicting impulses of pear appreciation (“apearciation”) in a Bleethy world.

# posted by douchebag1
11:44 am March, 24 Wedgie said...

Life is inherently unfair. Get over it. When two hotties make out, it’s the ultimate turn-on fantasy for most of us, When two guys do it, they’re gross fags.
Same thing with mirror self-portraits. Any guy doing what she is will be relentlessly mocked for all eternity. Her, we thank.
Too bad if the PC pussies don’t like it. Fuck ’em.

11:46 am March, 24 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I think the Bleethiness factor is directly related not to the taking of the pic, but where and how it is shared after that.
.
Sent by MMS to boyfriend: 0 on the Bleeth scale. Actually pretty cool.
.
Posted to a password protected site: 6 on the Bleeth scale. You know damn well it’s going to get out, and you aren’t fooling anyone by pretending that wasn’t your intention.
.
Posted to a public page or bulletin board: 11 (out of 10), or even Yasmine herself would shake her head and wonder out loud why you are such a skank.

11:47 am March, 24 DarkSock said...

She needs to be given a severe tongue lashing.
.
.
.
And then a stern talking to.

11:49 am March, 24 DarkSock said...

@ Dude Mc. –
.
Conversely, while she gets a 0 for bleethness if MMS’d to a boyfriend, he conversely gets +7 douchocity for then showing to all his brahs and posting on FB; therefore she is bumped up +2 simply by being with such a douche spigot.
.
Medical Fact.

11:54 am March, 24 jonezy said...

whoa whoa whoa, Wedgie. Who said two guys making out is a turn off???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
uhhhh, what?

11:57 am March, 24 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Dark Sock,
Medical fact and scientific law. QED.

12:15 pm March, 24 Mock 6 said...

Ah, many thanks DB1. My day can now officially start. Man that 4th Stouffers frenchbread pizza is really making me lethargic. If I had to click on a link to see this I may have passed out.
.
I agree with your Bleethyness scale DarkSock. And as a reward please accept this asspear DB1 has so nicely put up for us. I bid you all adieu gentleman, for I am spent.

12:37 pm March, 24 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I whole-heartedly embrace the double standard of which Wedgie speaks. Connoisseurs of all things bleeth are sure to appreciate the multi-colored nail polish, the well-groomed hair and the Playboy bunny phone cover. The old school, cheek-covering panties are a huge bonus. Her taut and toned suckley, gnawey torso and buttocks makes her a one-shot HOF candidate.

12:37 pm March, 24 saulgoode42 said...

Yuck. Only a decent butt at best, and everything else, especially her attitude is awful. She has ‘future bag lady’ written all over her face.

12:42 pm March, 24 Anonymous said...

I disagree with it being decent at best. It’s pretty gnawable.

But I do agree with the double standard. However, it’s not a double standard when it’s correct. Then, it’s just a fact.

12:43 pm March, 24 smackdouche said...

I can’t find any reason to hate this photo. Admittedly, I’m not trying too hard to hate it, but I plan on staring at this for at least another 20 minutes.

12:47 pm March, 24 Wedgie said...

If the bag ladies in your town look like this, then you live in heaven.

12:54 pm March, 24 boatbutter said...

I don’t know Gaelic, but I’d Sorley her Maclean all afternoon. I love her sassy attitude, her naughty fingernails, her dumb phone condom and her pink, freshly-spanked ass.

As for the Anonymous poster, don’t be afraid to show yourself in your avatar… let the Bags & Bleeths know who’s whoopin’ ’em.

1:09 pm March, 24 Steve L. said...

can we have face-to-boobs next?
IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?!
… *cough ahem*

1:12 pm March, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I am stangely excited and disgusted at the same time, That chick has been spanking herself and sticking unkown objects in her arse.
.
Dr.Bunsen. It was just a stroke, Fuck my face is paralyzed and my dick faces sideways. Wow!
.
Did that fucking pig Elizabeth Taylor die? Liza’s next. Then Barry Manilow.

1:13 pm March, 24 Hermit said...

This conundrum is nothing new nor unique. While a mule-driven wagon of sweet potatoes is left rotting in the sun, downwind of a Yugoslavian airport, bags of French Fries are routinely eaten by greedy teenagers, with little concern about potential mercury poisoning. Brittany Spears’ soiled panties are auctioned off on e-bay for forty two dollars while senior citizens are spoon-fed canned dog food and condensed milk.
The moment rigor mortise curls the fingers of Elizabeth Taylor’s still cooling corpse is somehow considered poignant, yet we’re repelled when Ricky Lake dry-humps a Salmon Fisherman behind the laundromat.
In conclusion, we must simply embrace the fact that sometimes a double standard is often justified.

1:18 pm March, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@ Hermit
.
You should run for Congress. Ricky Lake? Fuck I hate her. Did she really bang a fisherman behind a laundromat? I’m cool with that.

1:24 pm March, 24 Mock 6 said...

Hey everyone I’m back. Realizing I hadn’t even addressed the issue at hand er cheek as it were. (I was too busy basking in the glow of my own self importance. Afterall it was through my campaigning that this pic was posted at all.)
.
Perhaps it is more acceptable for a woman like this to post self pics of their butts because she is attractive. But attractive men do it for the same reason. You can’t mock one without mocking the other if you are mocking the behavior. However an inherent weakness in the hetero and homo male species is perpensity to be easily distracted by visual stimuli, often times this visual stimuli will over ride logic and the
ability to make sound and fair judgement calls (Hey I’m not complaining I’ve used it to my advantage many a time.) It just how men are genetically wired. So in conclusion if you wanted to be fair you would mock the self pic in general no matter who is doing it.
.
And just to show I’m not one to overlook a little narcissism to get some boot knockin’ action, I give you the following story. There was a guy I went on a date with who made the mistake of showing me his Facebook page without getting to know the real me first. Let’s just say if he had known my propensity to mock narcissism he might have
deleted at least 15 of his 20 self portraits. I’m not saying I still didn’t
end up banging the shit of him (what? He was hot!), I’m just saying it was kind of a turn off.

1:30 pm March, 24 DarkSock said...

Katie made a decent living off of her pay-to-view armpit hair stubble fetish site.

1:34 pm March, 24 Et Tu Douche? said...

A cool pic if MMS’d to a boyfriend indeed, at this stage she doesn’t have the physical characteristics of bleeth ie; no tramp stamp and the boobs look natural. What is of concern is the Playboy phone cover. To me this screams “LOOK AT ME I’M HOT AND I KNOW IT”. There’s nothing worse then a good looking chick who flouts her own narcissistic, better then thou self. Yeah from the outside she’s rockin’ it but I’m willing to bet she’s a self centered, what’s in it for me type, of chick would take you to the bank all day long until someone better, ie; more disposable income and willingness to worship at her feet, come along.

Nice ass pear by the way

1:47 pm March, 24 Mock 6 said...

And wow, what an effing breaking newstory, RevChads back from his woman-like ploy for our collective attention. So I guess dudes do that too. Are you okay RevChad? Is there anything I can get for you? A tampon perhaps?

2:08 pm March, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Et Tu
.
Totally agree. Made that mistake once and only once. You can smell the desperation coming off of them even though they are leaving a trail of panting men in their wake. I do love fuccking with them though. Just can’t help it. Telling them shit like their eyes are too close together or their feet would look better if they didn’t have toes that were 7″ inches long. Things that will drive them nuts because they can’t do shit about it. It pisses my wife off because she thinks I just wanna talk to hot chicks until I tell her what I’m doing. Then she thinks I’m just mean. Go figure.

2:11 pm March, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Rev Chad
.
Glad to hear things are back to “normal’? My “ears” are always open.

2:20 pm March, 24 Mock 6 said...

@Doc B, you’ld be hotter if your jokes were funnier.

2:31 pm March, 24 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I was about to give her a Nottableeth and a go in peace until I caught sight of the Playboy bunny on her phone.
.
Playboy bunny == autobleeth?

2:35 pm March, 24 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Did that fucking pig Elizabeth Taylor die?
.
Hey, now, be nice. The younger versions of Ms. Elizabeth would run laps around the Hall o’ Hott…

2:56 pm March, 24 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

@Darksock…
.
I have to throw my 2 cents in on the boyfriend’s who post a “private” photo their girl sends them… 7 is nowhere near high enough. They are AUTO FIFTEEN on a scale of 1 to 10. It’s because of assholes who do shit like that that most women won’t text you a nice little sexy picture. The guy can MAYBE show his really good buddy. He can’t show the guys at work. That’s just a real fucking douchebag move.

2:57 pm March, 24 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

damn… boyfriends.

3:00 pm March, 24 jonezy said...

Frankly, I’m shocked that there hasn’t been a single reference to her butt being peed in.

3:01 pm March, 24 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Doc
I made that same mistake too, Usually I tend to dislike ex GF’s new BF’s however the one after me I felt sorry for I wanted to pull him aside and tell him it really ain’t worth the aggravation

3:13 pm March, 24 DarkSock said...

Between Hermit, RevChad and my Ambien® abuse, things are getting weird on this site.
.
I like it.

3:15 pm March, 24 DarkSock said...

Hey Mock6, your avatar just arrived:
asdew4

3:20 pm March, 24 Mock 6 said...

@DarkSock, you sir, are the shit.

7:28 pm March, 24 Stephanie said...

She has a large bump on the top of her head…or is that the “bump its”,whatever, I think it’s lame anyone poses in the bath mirror. Can’t you all just feel okay about yourself without photographing your dumb self? Post it somewhere and then…poof! someone takes it and puts it in an ad somewhere and you don’t know it. Embarrassing.

8:33 pm March, 24 lex said...

ahah had to be a woman noticing the bump on her head.. yea it’s actually there now that you mention it!

9:18 pm March, 24 Deltus said...

I’m comfortable with my double standards. And no, we’d don’t have to mock the one if we mock the other. Who ever said that was a rule?

11:02 pm March, 24 Wheezer said...

Shillelagh Pear be turnin’ me blarney inta’ stone.
.
Sorry, but that cute booty and nearly-exposed boobie is making me horny. Sue me, ya fuccen hatters.

4:26 am March, 25 Motorcycle Accessories said...

The elderly school, cheek-covering panties are a immense bonus. Her taut and toned suckley, gnawey torso and buttocks makes her a one-shot HOF candidate.

10:49 am March, 25 Mr. Biggs said...

I resubmit my cultural theory for fellow baghunters’ digestion.
Once upon a time, we lived in a world where men ran things, and women gave men pleasure. They primped themselves, looked good, kept the house, raised the kids. It was an old order, one I do not say was good or bad.
Then, feminism came about. Women demanded being equals to men. Men, overall, accepted this premise. That’s when the idea of women primping themselves to look good for men was frowned upon.
The downside of feminism, though, was that women got their new world equals, and kept their old world marital relationships. I.e. they were our “friends” but still devoted themselves to the douchebags who clubbed them over the heads and dragged them home to cook and clean.
This leads to a contradiction. This contradiction has led to the birth of HCwDB to resolve this cosmological crisis.
So … where does above ass pear fit in? I just answered my own question. This is a woman who is overtly expressing herself by how much she turns us men (and a few women) on. There is no guilt in expressing such bouncy giggly suckle-munchy feelings. She is calling us to the old order way of relationships where women are expressed by the pleasure they provide.
Of course, if she is to find her equal, it would be with a douchebag, who likewise formulates his being by what kind of pleasure he provides to a female.
Of course, the problem with this coupling is both are looking to be objects to the other, which destroys the subjectivity of mind. And so the downward spiral begins.
So by all means, baghunters. Mock at the douche. Lust after the hott. For the hott is demonstrating she wants to be ours. And the douche is trying to steal that away from us.

7:56 am March, 26 Lesbian Chicken said...

That’s Deanna Brooks.

http://twitpic.com/4as3nl

6:59 pm March, 31 Deanna Brooks said...

@ Anonymous -Shame on you for not crediting the link / reporting all the facts! 😉

@ Lesbian Chicken -Thank you for crediting the link.

This is a fun social experiment!

I LOL’d a lot at this post when someone sent it to me.

SOOOO…just to mix it up a little I thought I’d add some new info+facts:

-I’m a Playboy Playmate (thus the phone cover)

-I’m single (after an 18 year relationship/marriage)

-I buy my own things.

-Admittedly I’ve dated douche bags, but more the kind of “wolf in sheep’s skin” that would never make it to this site + there are a lot of these in LA.

-Pic was taken for #FriskyFriday that playmates do with @Playboy on twitter. (Self shot natural setting pictures every friday)

-It was St. Patty’s day tribute (week of St Patty’s.) “Pear Coverage” part of a sponsorship from http://www.badcockapparel.com/ for my article covering SXSW in Austin this year on Playboy.com (http://bit.ly/gcMERk)

Last but not least…is it narcissistic if it’s what you get paid to do?

If it is…awhhh…I am guilty of that as well as being publicly open to your comments. Happy commenting.

Shameless self promotion:
Follow me on twitter http://twitter.com/deannabrooks for more humor and or bleethy / hott / non-douchery / pear / or maybe not what you thought entertainment. 😉

(AND GO!)

7:02 pm March, 31 Deanna Brooks said...

PS IMHO…some of you douche bags are SICK PUPPIES that deserve spankings!

Leave a Reply

What is 5 + 13 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)