Monday, March 28, 2011

Breaking: Some Hot Australian Actress Is Dating Some Rocker Turd Colon

In “Celebrities You’ve Never Heard Of” news, some Aussie hottie actress named Nicki Whelan showed up at some event thingy on some day or another, and turned out to be dating some heaping serving of rockerchoad.

Thought I’d “break” this “breaking” story because I know how much you care about the goings-on of people who aren’t interesting, have northing to say, but help to sell colory pictury magazines to rolly polly housewives at supermarket checkout lines in flyover states.

And because I like to stay plugged in to the latest Hollywood news. Me and Billy Bush are, like, sympatico.

Speaking of Billy Bush, there’s a turd who just won’t flush.

Okay, enough Hollywood shoescrape. No one cares. Back to real people.

But man oh chewtoy, this Nicki chick is a tasty Aussie Peach. I’d crack spunk a garglety kracken just to gnaw suckle fondle thigh.

# posted by douchebag1
1:14 pm March, 28 Banana Hammock said...

Maybe he peed in a Kangaroo?

1:22 pm March, 28 Et Tu Douche? said...

Now this, for me at least, is quintessential HCwDB. In the past I would rack my brain as to why? now I just don’t give a shit it’s too draining on my soul.
.
Boobs
.
For old time sakes, SON!!!!!

1:26 pm March, 28 Wheezer said...

Isn’t that DJ Ashbag?
.
I’m disgusted that I knew that.

1:30 pm March, 28 Et Tu Douche? said...

Had to do some research and you gotta be kidding me David Spade hit his? I can’t hate on him I want to but for some reason he pulls hot tail. Rockerbag is Sunset Strip early morning alley waste.

1:32 pm March, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Siouxsy and The Man Cheeze.

1:32 pm March, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Arcade Fire On Command.

1:32 pm March, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

One Young Blonde.

1:33 pm March, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The Fartain and Tennille.

1:33 pm March, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Some say that humans are nothing more than animals; and no better. After seeing this, I beg to differ. Animals are waaaay better than humans. When is the last time you saw a raccoon wearing so much eyeshadow that it could not open its eyes and a hat made of patchwork human skin? Exactly.

1:34 pm March, 28 soy bomb said...

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!11!!!!

1:34 pm March, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Elton Goth and Kiki Dee.

1:35 pm March, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The Heebee Bee Gees.

1:36 pm March, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

If that guy was any more masculine he’s look like Cher.

1:36 pm March, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Olivia Pooton John.

1:37 pm March, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Kylie Manoogh.

1:37 pm March, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Englebert Lostisdink.

1:38 pm March, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Tom Moans.

1:38 pm March, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

INXASS.

1:39 pm March, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Poo Jacksmen.

1:40 pm March, 28 Wheezer said...

Mad ExLax

1:40 pm March, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I really shouldn’t do this when I’m sober and working. My phone always rings on silent.

1:42 pm March, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The Gay Humongous.

1:43 pm March, 28 Wheezer said...

Fuck, that’s a face only Michael Jackson could…..wanna try to emulate.
.
Or something.

1:43 pm March, 28 dbBen said...

..AAAAAaaaaannnd….
.
.
My soul is gone.
.
Shouldn’t have looked at his “eyes”

1:44 pm March, 28 Wheezer said...

Jocelyn Wildenstein thinks he’s a scrote.
.
Scientific fact.

1:47 pm March, 28 Wheezer said...

Here is another angle of Nicky Whelan…..ermmmmm, ummmmm, somewhat less than safe for work…..

1:52 pm March, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Dave Navarro saw this picture and said it was gay.
.
That’s a great picture. I’ll be laughing until I get anxious again

2:01 pm March, 28 boatbutter said...

She’s as spectacular as he is similar to Mick Mars’ homo stuntdouble.

2:05 pm March, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Slash called. he wants his ridiculous costume and shtick back.

2:09 pm March, 28 Vin Douchal said...

My disgust is immeasurable.
.
Just goes to show you folks, get a guitar into your boy’s hands as soon as humanly possible. Even a human trainwreck like this incomprehensible waste of a ballsackk will pull hotts if he’s on stage blaring through a Marshall, Son

2:10 pm March, 28 Southern Scrotic said...

He’s wearing more eyeliner than she is.

WTF?

2:15 pm March, 28 Anonymous said...

Wow, the secondary picture of her in the workout clothes has me saluting Australia and all it offers. And by saluting I mean my flag staff is at full erect mast.

As for the “gentlemen” she’s with, he looks like something that would come out of Tim Burton’s anus after he ate a bowl of black bean chili.

2:16 pm March, 28 Wedgie said...

He’s only a semi-colon if I’ve never heard of him.
DJ Assbag?

2:20 pm March, 28 Pliny said...

Drop him off on any street corner in North Philly at 2AM.

2:20 pm March, 28 Wedgie said...

His eyes look like Francis Dolarhyde worked on ’em.

2:22 pm March, 28 Tanath said...

Nicky…not Nicki

2:23 pm March, 28 Wheezer said...

His talent – and what should happen afterward.

2:29 pm March, 28 Vin Douchal said...

At least we have another Aussie hottie, Nikki Visser, to fall back on. I haven’t heard of any toxic penii destroying her va-jiddley-jay
.

2:40 pm March, 28 AnonymousNYC said...

After seeing this photo I’ve asked the hospital to remove the feeding tube and turn off the ventilator. Goodbye VERY cruel world!

2:48 pm March, 28 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

I had to find out who this guy is just because the picture is SO FUCKING INCONGRUOUS.
.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DJ_Ashba.
.
And Vin hit the nail squarely on the head… get any male offspring of yours a guitar toot de suite! Now, excuse me while I vomit out the soles of my feet.

2:52 pm March, 28 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Well, I know how she styles her hair…
.
http://www.funtasticus.com/2008/10/21/nicky-whelan-says-ello-mate/

2:53 pm March, 28 Wheezer said...

Gee, thanks Vin! Now I gotta walk around with perpetual wood…..
.
.
.
Hey wait, that’s a good thing!

3:00 pm March, 28 Wedgie said...

Nice Aussie cameltoe MC 900. Or do they call it something else?
It all sounds like boner to me.

4:38 pm March, 28 Mockarena said...

Gawd dang that rocker putz really pulled a sweet hott. It must be really infuriating to other guys who are musically inclined and wear top hats. I mean yowza she is a smoker, like on fire. Hmmm…I bet she shags like an angry Marmoset too. You can just tell. I mean damn. And look at him, he is unfortunate looking and he probably treats her horribly. Thats probably the most upsetting part. I mean sugary sweet baby Buddah did you see her body? I mean did you really get a good look at it? I’m so glad I’m into dudes or I would be punching walls right now. I mean look at him and then look at her and then look at her again. What a lucky bastard.

5:23 pm March, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

^she isn’t *that* awe inspiring. Not to mention the photographic evidence that she’s a douche spigot. Takes away a full point IMHO.

5:23 pm March, 28 DarkSock said...

This is why we fight, people.
.
I am disappointed that President Obama did not address this picture tonight. Instead he rambled on about the U.S. boning lesbians or something.

5:33 pm March, 28 Mockarena said...

@McCrudeshoes, I don’t know. I think you’re being too hard on her instead of hard in her. As evidenced in the workout pic she obviously worships Christ so..that means her judgement is solid. Aaaaand she’s bangin’ this guy so…I mean she’s got great boobs. And that’s all ya need right? So who from the HCwDB gang is going to “save” her from her poor decisions, er I mean this douchebag. Is it gonna be you McCrudeshoes? Are you going to rescue her?

5:56 pm March, 28 massengill said...

I don’t know how to embed images, but here ya go:

http://i.imgur.com/W6BIi.gif

6:02 pm March, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Mockarena,
Getting rescued by McCrudeshoes is a bit like calling in an airstrike on your own position. You never know if you will be looking down into, or up from the bottom of, a smoking crater. But sure, I’m up for anything. Including DarkSock’s lesbian boning army.
.
Now if you really want to rescue her, you should turn her lesbian, and immune to all douches. Just sayin.

6:37 pm March, 28 Mockarena said...

My dear misguided McCrudeshoes, rescueing her by turning her into a lesbian would not make her immune to all douches. I’m not saying it wouldn’t be a pretty bragable feat to mark off on my Bucket List, I’m just sayin’ women can be just as douchey as men. In fact I’ve done a lot more douchey things than my brother and some of my male friends. I’m not going to list my douchy doings here, because my Aunt Mildred sometimes reads this. And that bitch’s opera glasses would fall straight away into her Split Pea Soup if knew what I was up to. So in conclusion noone can really save anyone. (Life and deathYou can really only save yourself. Not

6:41 pm March, 28 Mockarena said...

Try again cuz I’m a spaz.
My dear misguided McCrudeshoes, rescueing her by turning her into a lesbian would not make her immune to all douches. I’m not saying it wouldn’t be a pretty bragable feat to mark off on my Bucket List, I’m just sayin’ women can be just as douchey as men. In fact I’ve done a lot more douchey things than my brother and some of my male friends. I’m not going to list my douchy doings here, because my Aunt Mildred sometimes reads this. And that bitch’s opera glasses would fall straight away into her Split Pea Soup if knew what I was up to. So in conclusion noone can really save anyone. (Life and death situations yes, but relationships with other people, no)You can really only save
yourself.
@Massengill. Only the elite can embed images. Get your kneepads.

6:50 pm March, 28 Medusa Oblongata said...

This one time, I was doing this really dumb tattoo on this fat guy. I turned to my work table and tipped over my ink tray and splattered a bunch of it onto the floor and got my shoe in the process. I stood up to get the paper towels, and when I moved my foot, the resulting smear looked like this dude, no lie. Well, it would have looked like him if I had also taken a huge, greasy Taco Bell shit in the middle of everything.

6:53 pm March, 28 Medusa Oblongata said...

Who the hell is Billy Bush?

7:26 pm March, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Taco Bell shit in the middle makes the story.
.
For that laugh and the ease it gave my withdrawal syndrome for the next few minutes. I give you Billy Bush is Jeb’s retarded Bush/Mexican kid that is on a trash suppertime scandal show and will never be a politican.

7:42 pm March, 28 Wedgie said...

Does that mean Billy Beer is making a comeback? Hot Damn!!

7:52 pm March, 28 creature said...

he looks like a bitch…down under Boy George (does that make him the taint of ‘The Empire’?)
…later she will itch…in her fur basket!

7:59 pm March, 28 tall guy said...

I confess to not knowing very much about Ms Whelan at all. The lives of such trash media filler interests me little. Although hers is an arse that I’d shaft with pleasure.

8:18 pm March, 28 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

If Bret Michaels met Michael Jackson and both gave way to cross-referencing, er, dressing, this is what we’d get.

The douchebag, that is..

Not her, silly.

She’s too perfect a Hott for even this site to bear.

8:30 pm March, 28 DarkSock said...

Well this dweeb’s in the current incarnation of Guns and Roses so we know he’s bisexual because he’s chugged Axl’s cockk.
.
Chinese Democracy……man, if he’d never released that turd, it could have lived on in legend as the Smile of his generation. But…..instead it’s a cautionary tale of the abuse of stimulants, already told, and better, by meth junkie Travis Meeks who imploded “Days of the New”.
qwet
qret

8:57 pm March, 28 fatness said...

“flyover states”
.
Yah, fuck you too. I’m currently on the left coast and if you insist on flying over the part of the country that actually beats the shit out of people who look like this, and them mock *them* for administering said beating, you’ve been sucking at the MTV cock too long. Sorry.

10:24 pm March, 28 DarkSock said...

I see a lot of planes fly over Biloxi. They bring fat pasty gamblers here from Jersey so we can take their orange idiot children’s inheritances in our casinos. As a local, I appreciate the 24/7 party atmosphere that I failed to find in New York, Boston, San Francisco, etc., and I REALLY love those snow-bird subsidized $10 filet mignon dinners. MMM-MMMM!.
.
So for once I do not find “fly-over states” to be part of the disheartening “us vs. them” idiocy that has replaced civil discourse in this country.

10:37 pm March, 28 Mr. Biggs said...

She may be hot as Fukushima, but what’s with the ladies turding themselves up for the camera? Seriously. Its like she’s trying to be hideous.
You want to make an impression? Wear some nice shiny sweats to the gym, work up a lathery sweat for an hour, put on some pumps and hit the red carpet in that. No change, no makeup. I promise we’ll notice. At least I will.

10:40 pm March, 28 Mr. Biggs said...

Like that Fukushim reference? I did.
Taco shit on the left is proof Rock is dead. I’m looking forward to further iterations of turdosity as it spirals its way to an ungodly conclusion.

5:33 am March, 29 Mr. White said...

I guarantee this scene has happened more than once:
.
Ms. Whelan slinks into bathroom wearing a negligee. DJ Ass is at the makeup mirror.
Nicki: Oi, want to put your shrimp in my barbie? Wiggles hips suggestively.
DJ Ass: BITCH! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT INTERRUPTING ME WHEN I’M PUTTING ON MY MASCARA?!?
Nicki: Oim sorry, love, I just…
DJ Ass: SHUT UP, WHORE! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!
.
And, scene….

5:58 am March, 29 boatbutter said...

@ darksock

Out-fucking-standing Escape From New York pic. Largely filmed right here in sunny fly-over hub, St. Louis.

6:56 am March, 29 Scroto Beware said...

Guns n Roses hath you choad,
For Appetite for Cheese,
Aussie Hottie doth pity him,
Sweet Douche of Hers.

6:57 am March, 29 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I’d hit that.
.
Him with my fists.
.
Her…in my BUNK.

7:34 am March, 29 DarkSock said...

I’d fly over her red state…

8:44 am March, 29 MoeDouche said...

This picture makes me want to go home and sit in my room by myself. Lights off. .357 pointed at self. Pull trigger. I am done.

1:49 pm March, 29 skrag2112 said...

GAH! Did Nikki Sixx fuck a gelfing?

9:17 pm March, 29 Stephanie said...

If Boy George and Michael Jackson got pregnant and fell down the stairs and crapped this.

5:18 pm April, 3 Level 6 Logician said...

My dearest Stephanie,
Single. Fucking. Tear.

Yours truly,
Whatever name I’m goin’ by today

Leave a Reply

What is 14 + 5 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)