Thursday, March 3, 2011

Bullet Barry Fondles the Suzy Pear

The increasing trend for bagwear to feature bullets, bloody gunshots, or various other overpriced, silkscreened examples of violent conflict, is simply 2011’s answer to the previous iteration we knew as “Unearned Dog Tags.”

Suzy Pear has dressed up for a night on the town. She deserves better than to have her firm glutes grabbed by a pudwack whose closest brush with armed conflict was the time his Mexican gardener, Gomez, shouted at him to move his car so he could leaf-blow the driveway.

Mmm… Suzy Pear. I forgive you. Now come to me. Let me blow spit bubbles softly towards your lower calf area while you yawn and watch Oprah.

# posted by douchebag1
1:33 pm March, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The posts have been fast and furious over the past few days and I find myself woozy from the veritable cornucopia of douchal scrotitude that is on display. Suzy Pear is a representation of all that’s good in the world – and in my pants – while Bullet Barry makes me want to hurl myself into oncoming traffic.

1:52 pm March, 3 Taint Nuthin But A G-Thang said...

Suzy Pear is the fodder of my dreams. Bullet Barry’s only use on this planet would be to delimb him and feed his appendages to some angry hogs.

1:54 pm March, 3 DarkSock said...

Mitch Blanston: Flatulence Suppression Specialist.

1:55 pm March, 3 DarkSock said...

Lance preyed he could keep the turtling feek loaf from rolling out of Mary’s skirt just long enough for the Ke$ha song to end and get her drunk ass off the dance floor.

1:56 pm March, 3 DarkSock said...

After his recent shock with the tranny incident Tommy made sure to gender-check all future potential mates early on in the relationship.

2:07 pm March, 3 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

me sees a tatt sneaking out from his shirt. let me guess, it’s some tribal pattern / barbwire / skull one to let the ladies know he really is a bad boy. Barry is a tool. Suzy is smokin hot but slipping into bleethdom.

2:08 pm March, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I like small arms like that. They are the same size as my cock.

2:09 pm March, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I feel like partying Charlie Sheen style this weekend. If only I had a few pornstars and insanity.

2:27 pm March, 3 Don't Douche For Me Argentina said...

@Rev 2:09p, don’t be modest Rev, you’re chock full of insanity. Why don’t you just party Charlie Sheen-Lite style? Watch some porn, do your drugs and update everyone to your every shenanigan on this site. Let this be your Twitter. Please let this be your Twitter.
.
The bullet shirt would look better smattered with actual bullet holes. Wink.

2:36 pm March, 3 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

I can only imagine the baggage this woman comes with. I’ll do it right after I finish imagining her bouncing up and down on my bed while I lay back knowing, “Yeah, I’m gonna get that.”

2:38 pm March, 3 Anthony LaBaglia said...

I feel like partying Charlie Sheen style this weekend. If only I had a seven-gram rock and some tiger blood.

2:39 pm March, 3 Anthony LaBaglia said...

I feel like partying Charlie Sheen style this weekend. If only I had aa box and some of my grandfather’s hats.

2:39 pm March, 3 Anthony LaBaglia said...

a box

d’oh

2:41 pm March, 3 Anthony LaBaglia said...

I feel like partying Charlie Sheen style this weekend. If only I had a troll hole.

2:50 pm March, 3 smackdouche said...

With one exception, the hotts have been strong today. I’d love to spray my Adonis DNA on her.

2:55 pm March, 3 DarkSock said...

I feel like partying Charlie Sheen style this weekend. If only I had a jelly dong, a bottle of Jack, some lye, a shovel and a heavy tarp.

2:56 pm March, 3 DarkSock said...

I feel like partying Charlie Sheen style this weekend. If only I had some ether, a broken car antenna from a ’68 Plymouth Fury, a luke warm Hot Pocket™ and a pillowcase full of shaved arm hair from Armenian women.

2:58 pm March, 3 DarkSock said...

I feel like partying Charlie Sheen style this weekend. If only I had access to a still-warm gut-shot deer, AstroGlide™, a doily with a hole in the center about the same diameter as a baseball bat, and a pack of Marlboro™ Reds.
.
.
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And a dirty prosthetic leg full of Kool-Aid™.

2:58 pm March, 3 bflak said...

Suzy Pear: Hall of Hot? Hall of Hand?

3:23 pm March, 3 banana hammock said...

and so would I…………

3:25 pm March, 3 DarkSock said...

Todd was pleased with the generally positive response to his vibrator print shirt.

3:30 pm March, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

In Soviet Russia the coke snorts you.

4:19 pm March, 3 Ferris said...

Holy Mary humping a hockey team . . . Suzy Pear for the Hall of Hott right effing NOW.

4:49 pm March, 3 Vin Douchal said...

I feel like partying Charlie Sheen style this weekend. If only David Allan Coe brings his band and a jug with “XXX” written on a piece of masking tape across it
.
Check this one out:

4:53 pm March, 3 Wedgie said...

Nice buttplug bandoliers shirt; on sale at Costco now.

4:54 pm March, 3 Wedgie said...

@Vin:
That song was ausome.

4:59 pm March, 3 Deltus said...

I feel like partying Charlie Sheen style this weekend. If only I had 8 kilos of coke (sorry, “Charlie Sheen”), a dozen pricey hookers, an Aussie rugby team, 3 hydrogen powered amphibious vehicles, and an incontinent donkey with a cheese fetish.

5:14 pm March, 3 Deltus said...

I feel like partying Charlie Sheen style this weekend. If only I had 6 barrels of Crisco, a bullwhip, 3 Richard Simmons impersonators, and enough booze to keep a legion of college students drunk for a 3 day bender.

5:43 pm March, 3 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I feel like partying Charlie Sheen style this weekend. If only I made $2MM an episode, and had a dozen cross-dressing midgets, a cement mixer full of absinthe, and a Turkish masseuse.

5:54 pm March, 3 Don't Douche For Me Argentina said...

I feel like partying Charlie Sheen-style this weekend. If only I had a lactose intolerant lemur.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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What? That’s all I need. I’ve got all the other stuff already.

6:10 pm March, 3 Don't Douche For Me Argentina said...

Ah, who am I kidding, my version of partying “Charlie Sheen-style”, would involve a giant tub of Red Vines, two big glasses of Tang and a three Coronas, all of this is going on while I text two dudes at the same time. I said text. Not sext. Damn, I’m getting the shakes just thinking about it.

6:43 pm March, 3 Kennedy Smith said...

Mainly just pissed that the wardrobe malfunction was not caught on film.

7:19 pm March, 3 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Ever since the Vermont Country Store started stocking vibrators among its trusty old-fashioned merchandise offerings, tee-shirts subtly advertising them in the form of bandoliers have subliminally taken over skulls and tigers as the latest “got-to-have” symbol of douchebaggery, leaving Ed Hardy in the lurch.
And broads like this one just as confused as ever.

7:22 pm March, 3 Steve L. said...

if i was Adam Sandler i’d murder this guy.
.
also:
.
i feel like partying Charlie Sheen style this weekend. if only my career is not in freefall.



that’s all i got.

8:56 pm March, 3 Mr. White said...

I feel like partying Charlie Sheen style this weekend. All I need is Crucial Head, Plinky’s mom, Pfah, and the Laundry Gimp.
.
And I’m pretty sure Medusa already has most of those chained up.

9:12 pm March, 3 Wedgie said...

Well, you gotta give Charlie his due. In a business where any pub is good pub, everybody is talking about him. I heard a bunch of guys in the gym going on about it this morning. At 5 fuccen a.m.
Crazy like a fox, buddy.

9:49 pm March, 3 DarkSock said...

Dammit why didn’t I think of “Don’t Douche For Me Argentina” as a handle….?

10:17 pm March, 3 DarkSock said...

Using his tight bicepular flex action, Doug was able to quickly adjust Maria’s flappering queef into an E-minor crescendo, causing a chorus of squeals from the meeting of the IBEW Local 164 meeting in the corner of the Des Moines Applebee’s Franchise.
.
.
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Medical Fact, verified by a bona fide Rod Serling voice impersonator.

10:17 pm March, 3 Hermit said...

Suzy’s not real happy with the liberties Barry is taking with her taught, pale buttocks. Just out of the frame, in her left hand, is a nine inch ice pick which she will soon expertly plunge deep into Barry’s spinal chord. Barry will drop to the floor like a wet towel, briefly conscious, but devoid of all motor function.
The coroner’s report will note the tiny hole pierced, ironically dead-center, in the ludicrous image of a fifty caliber round.

10:44 pm March, 3 Anthony LaBaglia said...

I fell like partying Charlie Sheen style this weekend. But I’m not cutting my penis and number of porn star participants in a third for noone.

11:38 pm March, 3 Wheezer said...

Ironobaggery: a bullet shirt for one who shoots blanks.

2:30 am March, 4 teh_abominable_snowdouche said...

Man, she’s got the kinda face that’ll make me tear a tendon around my wrist again. But that’s ok Suzy, daddy’s got another one.

2:38 am March, 4 teh_abominable_snowdouche said...

I feel like partying Charlie Sheen style this weekend. If only I had an avocado, some tin foil and a spoon.
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‘Cause I’m classy like that.

2:41 am March, 4 teh_abominable_snowdouche said...

I feel like partying Charlie Sheen style this weekend. Time to go buy some flower shirts, a hosepipe and a confused Israeli boy named Kyghyed.

8:36 am March, 4 Medusa Oblongata said...

Mr. White @ 8:56 beat me to it.
.
I feel like partying like Charlie Sheen this weekend. Too bad Mr. White isn’t here.

8:37 am March, 4 Medusa Oblongata said...

I feel like partying like Charlie Sheen his weekend. Too bad I don’t have a penis.

10:21 am March, 4 Stephanie said...

Ugly shirt Barry helps Suzy with fart aiming.

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