Friday, March 25, 2011
Friday Haiku
Vegan fun and games,
Jake’s cabbage smells like lettuce,
Cindy swears off meat.
Rebecca Romaine,
she’s not, but I’d still garnish
her with creamy ranch.
— Wheezer
I would not worry
About animal or plant
These two have fungi
— Dude McCrudeshoes
Someone’s chip-and-dip
was violated by Jake’s
hairway to heaven.
— Mr. White
Waiter, I believe
I ordered some pear in this
salad not crushed nuts.
— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
New Age catheter
And toxin-free beast milk pumps
Home based business bust
— Vin Douchal
Adam Sandler tests
for his next big waste of film:
It’s Little Dicky
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Britney Spears’ aunt
Does Garden of Eden scene
Cast them both out, now!
Adam hides earthworm;
Eve won’t be biting apple
nor spitting his seeds.
Someone’s chip-and-dip
was violated by Jake’s
hairway to heaven.
Toss that salad out;
I don’t want mine infected
by his creamy ranch.
Jake takes LILypad
to hide cockk; frogs find flies much
more appetizing.
Forgot underwear?
Just grab a penis flytrap
and get a hummer.
Past prom king and queen
Oildale High Class of Ninety
“Organ”-ic farmers
Adam Sandler tests
for his next big waste of film:
It’s Little Dicky
New Age catheter
And toxin-free beast milk pumps
Home based business bust
She said, “Hide your shame!”
Confused, he hid his crusty
navel with a dish.
Now even leafy
green vegetables must face
douche and bleeth touch? *sigh*
Rebecca Romaine,
she’s not, but I’d still garnish
her with creamy ranch.
.
(Damn the syllables – shoulda thought of this one sooner instead of repeating it. Oh, and I see DarkSock’s new band “Penis Flytrap” does have a couple of videos out.)
Drunken barbeque
The hosts play with the foodstuffs
You gonna eat that?
Screech uses plate to
hide big ten incher. Never
learned metric system.
Creamy ranch dressing
Hey, we’re out of sour cream
We’ll just make our own
Lettuce guess meaning.
They cover their nasty bits…
Wait! Lettuce club them?
“Backyard barbecue”
doesn’t carry same joy in
douche and bleeth culture.
Hey there Abdullah
You’re no good at keestering
Keys fly out of ass
“Lettuce entertain
you with our lack of wit”. Ranch
sauce will follow soon.
Unsuspecting guests
Ask for a lobster salad
They get crabs instead
Ecolie break-out?
You’ve got to be kidding!
How can that happen?
Katie lifts a leg
Lets go tofu and bean fart
Odorous vegans
His low-rider pants
tugged lower by large key chain
Screams, “I’m janitor!”
Creamy Italian?
Not Medusa’s Mr. B;
she’ll open fire.
…..she will open fire…..
.
And I think Mr. White’s 7:18 a.m. is on the front. Book it.
Jake looks to swipe plate
from neighbor’s backyard party
Life on own costs $Jack!
Suburban cookouts:
wannabe gangsta tryna
look hard, but no meat.
Looks like these two have
not progressed beyond fourth grade
food pyramid play.
When do rest of the
Fruit of The Loom guys jump out
and beat them bloody?
White trash ‘Murrika:
Twitney’s half-assed bleached bedhead,
K-Fled mini-me.
.
(*VOMIT*)
This gives new meaning
To the phrase “toss my salad”
She’s quitting vegan.
Douchebag gives a Woo.
He scores plate for apartment.
Thinks garage sales rock!
Eco-friendly white
trash go dumpster diving for
latest fashion trends.
He’s wearing t-shirt;
“thank goodness for small favors.”
(That’s her life motto.)
I would not worry
About animal or plant
These two have fungi
Even starving kids
in China want nothing to
do with that lettuce.
I sense imminent
takedown request. “We are just
having fun, hatters!”
Eve with fig leaf bra
Offers Adam taste of sin
Original puke
He exaggerates;
to cover his cockk, he needs
a sprig of parsley.
Hamid gets giddy
Life in America’s good!
But not getting plates.
His gangrenous groin
itched horribly; nice breeze soothes
exposed raisinettes.
Slow day at Subway
gives “sandwich artists” time for
introspection. Derp!
If she asks “Do you
want vinegar an oil
with your sub?” SAY NO!
I’m betting that plate
would flutter to bottom of
her cooter softly.
Adam, Drew reprise
roles of their 50 First Dates:
Our 50 First Hates?
Random shirt logo
hard to mock; what the hell is
that? Bargain bin clothes?
My last haiku week;
resume day shift on Monday.
Will miss all this fun!
.
But I’ll see Ass Pear
ass—–errrrr, as it appears now,
so there’s that bonus.
Waiter, I believe
I ordered some pear in this
salad not crushed nuts.
She lets him toss her
salad. Just think about that:
she likes bacon bits.
Omaha summers:
he says, “steaks named for all this.”
She calls Council Bluffs.
.
(OK, that was wretched.)
Wheezer needs to trade
shifts with someone where he works.
Valued member lost.
Thanks Doc, but I like
day shift better; feel more like
a human that way.
This sucks some big balls.
Put a hit on Wheezer’s boss?
Any volunteers?
Who woulda thunk it?
Ceramic cabbage plate CAN
smell like sauerkraut!
rotten vegetables
flung by solid citizens
hit offending parts
Vegan asks retard,
Is that Romaine in your pants,
Or just glad to see me?
Captain Scrotica
can’t shield himself from fail: he’s
no super-soldier.
lettuce bra goes with
flapping meat curtain bottom
no stars for this meal
Cindy was enthused
Jake said he’d toss her salad
Forgot Jake is dumb
Mother Fucking Work
Goddammed Stupid Ass Projects
Missed Fucking Haiku
Half a Pint Liquor
And several Ambien later
Dark Sock arrives
@ Wheez 7:12 –
Nope, the name of my band is
Hissing Fetus. Rarrrrr!
One legged Annie
Turned into a horny slut
When you rubbed her stump
Just remember,
vegetables is what
food eats!
She said, Hide your disgrace! Confused, they hid his crusty
navel with a dish.
Oil stained driveway
Is site of d-bag picnic
Suburban nightmare.
Romaine-tic boobs are
supple and flouncy compared
to ceramic nuts.
Celebrating Earth
Day before April twenty-
second? What’s the rush?
In her salad days
she enjoyed serving his junk
on a cabbage plate.
She’s betting on a
Caesar salad. He’s just got
cherry tomatoes.
The raw eggs, ancho-
vies and croutons jumped ship when
they saw this toss-up.
Hiding the tiny
salad pickle under a
plate miffs Green Goddess.
Cojones on a
cabbage majolica sal-
ad plate: Smorgasbord.
i’m glad cabbages
cannot shed tears or blood. but
i still feel their pain.
Unsuspecting guests Ask for a lobster salad They get crabs instead.