Friday, March 25, 2011

Friday Haiku

Vegan fun and games,
Jake’s cabbage smells like lettuce,
Cindy swears off meat.

Rebecca Romaine,
she’s not, but I’d still garnish
her with creamy ranch.

— Wheezer

I would not worry
About animal or plant
These two have fungi

— Dude McCrudeshoes

Someone’s chip-and-dip
was violated by Jake’s
hairway to heaven.

— Mr. White

Waiter, I believe
I ordered some pear in this
salad not crushed nuts.

— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche

New Age catheter
And toxin-free beast milk pumps
Home based business bust

— Vin Douchal

Adam Sandler tests
for his next big waste of film:
It’s Little Dicky

— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt

# posted by douchebag1
6:57 am March, 25 Mr. White said...

Britney Spears’ aunt
Does Garden of Eden scene
Cast them both out, now!

6:58 am March, 25 Wheezer said...

Adam hides earthworm;
Eve won’t be biting apple
nor spitting his seeds.

6:58 am March, 25 Mr. White said...

Someone’s chip-and-dip
was violated by Jake’s
hairway to heaven.

7:00 am March, 25 Wheezer said...

Toss that salad out;
I don’t want mine infected
by his creamy ranch.

7:02 am March, 25 Wheezer said...

Jake takes LILypad
to hide cockk; frogs find flies much
more appetizing.

7:06 am March, 25 Wheezer said...

Forgot underwear?
Just grab a penis flytrap
and get a hummer.

7:08 am March, 25 Vin Douchal said...

Past prom king and queen
Oildale High Class of Ninety
“Organ”-ic farmers

7:09 am March, 25 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Adam Sandler tests
for his next big waste of film:
It’s Little Dicky

7:10 am March, 25 Vin Douchal said...

New Age catheter
And toxin-free beast milk pumps
Home based business bust

7:10 am March, 25 Mr. White said...

She said, “Hide your shame!”
Confused, he hid his crusty
navel with a dish.

7:11 am March, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Now even leafy
green vegetables must face
douche and bleeth touch? *sigh*

7:12 am March, 25 Wheezer said...

Rebecca Romaine,
she’s not, but I’d still garnish
her with creamy ranch.
.
(Damn the syllables – shoulda thought of this one sooner instead of repeating it. Oh, and I see DarkSock’s new band “Penis Flytrap” does have a couple of videos out.)

7:12 am March, 25 Vin Douchal said...

Drunken barbeque
The hosts play with the foodstuffs
You gonna eat that?

7:13 am March, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Screech uses plate to
hide big ten incher. Never
learned metric system.

7:15 am March, 25 Vin Douchal said...

Creamy ranch dressing
Hey, we’re out of sour cream
We’ll just make our own

7:16 am March, 25 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Lettuce guess meaning.
They cover their nasty bits…
Wait! Lettuce club them?

7:16 am March, 25 Wheezer said...

“Backyard barbecue”
doesn’t carry same joy in
douche and bleeth culture.

7:17 am March, 25 Vin Douchal said...

Hey there Abdullah
You’re no good at keestering
Keys fly out of ass

7:17 am March, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“Lettuce entertain
you with our lack of wit”. Ranch
sauce will follow soon.

7:18 am March, 25 Mr. White said...

Unsuspecting guests
Ask for a lobster salad
They get crabs instead

7:19 am March, 25 Claude Douchenbagger said...

Ecolie break-out?
You’ve got to be kidding!
How can that happen?

7:19 am March, 25 Vin Douchal said...

Katie lifts a leg
Lets go tofu and bean fart
Odorous vegans

7:19 am March, 25 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

His low-rider pants
tugged lower by large key chain
Screams, “I’m janitor!”

7:21 am March, 25 Wheezer said...

Creamy Italian?
Not Medusa’s Mr. B;
she’ll open fire.

7:22 am March, 25 Wheezer said...

…..she will open fire…..
.
And I think Mr. White’s 7:18 a.m. is on the front. Book it.

7:23 am March, 25 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Jake looks to swipe plate
from neighbor’s backyard party
Life on own costs $Jack!

7:24 am March, 25 Wheezer said...

Suburban cookouts:
wannabe gangsta tryna
look hard, but no meat.

7:26 am March, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Looks like these two have
not progressed beyond fourth grade
food pyramid play.

7:28 am March, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

When do rest of the
Fruit of The Loom guys jump out
and beat them bloody?

7:28 am March, 25 Wheezer said...

White trash ‘Murrika:
Twitney’s half-assed bleached bedhead,
K-Fled mini-me.
.
(*VOMIT*)

7:29 am March, 25 Wedgie said...

This gives new meaning
To the phrase “toss my salad”
She’s quitting vegan.

7:29 am March, 25 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Douchebag gives a Woo.
He scores plate for apartment.
Thinks garage sales rock!

7:30 am March, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Eco-friendly white
trash go dumpster diving for
latest fashion trends.

7:31 am March, 25 Wheezer said...

He’s wearing t-shirt;
“thank goodness for small favors.”
(That’s her life motto.)

7:33 am March, 25 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I would not worry
About animal or plant
These two have fungi

7:33 am March, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Even starving kids
in China want nothing to
do with that lettuce.

7:33 am March, 25 Wheezer said...

I sense imminent
takedown request. “We are just
having fun, hatters!”

7:35 am March, 25 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Eve with fig leaf bra
Offers Adam taste of sin
Original puke

7:36 am March, 25 Wheezer said...

He exaggerates;
to cover his cockk, he needs
a sprig of parsley.

7:37 am March, 25 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Hamid gets giddy
Life in America’s good!
But not getting plates.

7:40 am March, 25 Wheezer said...

His gangrenous groin
itched horribly; nice breeze soothes
exposed raisinettes.

7:42 am March, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Slow day at Subway
gives “sandwich artists” time for
introspection. Derp!

7:45 am March, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

If she asks “Do you
want vinegar an oil
with your sub?” SAY NO!

7:50 am March, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I’m betting that plate
would flutter to bottom of
her cooter softly.

7:50 am March, 25 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Adam, Drew reprise
roles of their 50 First Dates:
Our 50 First Hates?

7:51 am March, 25 Wheezer said...

Random shirt logo
hard to mock; what the hell is
that? Bargain bin clothes?

7:55 am March, 25 Wheezer said...

My last haiku week;
resume day shift on Monday.
Will miss all this fun!
.
But I’ll see Ass Pear
ass—–errrrr, as it appears now,
so there’s that bonus.

7:58 am March, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Waiter, I believe
I ordered some pear in this
salad not crushed nuts.

7:58 am March, 25 Wheezer said...

She lets him toss her
salad. Just think about that:
she likes bacon bits.

8:04 am March, 25 Wheezer said...

Omaha summers:
he says, “steaks named for all this.”
She calls Council Bluffs.
.
(OK, that was wretched.)

8:07 am March, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Wheezer needs to trade
shifts with someone where he works.
Valued member lost.

8:08 am March, 25 Wheezer said...

Thanks Doc, but I like
day shift better; feel more like
a human that way.

8:08 am March, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

This sucks some big balls.
Put a hit on Wheezer’s boss?
Any volunteers?

8:09 am March, 25 Wheezer said...

Who woulda thunk it?
Ceramic cabbage plate CAN
smell like sauerkraut!

8:14 am March, 25 creature said...

rotten vegetables
flung by solid citizens
hit offending parts

8:17 am March, 25 Rockabilly Johnny and the Electric Foreskin Benders said...

Vegan asks retard,
Is that Romaine in your pants,
Or just glad to see me?

8:19 am March, 25 Wheezer said...

Captain Scrotica
can’t shield himself from fail: he’s
no super-soldier.

8:19 am March, 25 creature said...

lettuce bra goes with
flapping meat curtain bottom
no stars for this meal

8:20 am March, 25 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Cindy was enthused
Jake said he’d toss her salad
Forgot Jake is dumb

8:26 am March, 25 DarkSock said...

Mother Fucking Work
Goddammed Stupid Ass Projects
Missed Fucking Haiku

8:34 am March, 25 jonezy said...

Half a Pint Liquor
And several Ambien later
Dark Sock arrives

8:34 am March, 25 DarkSock said...

@ Wheez 7:12 –
Nope, the name of my band is
Hissing Fetus. Rarrrrr!

8:48 am March, 25 Anonymous said...

One legged Annie
Turned into a horny slut
When you rubbed her stump

10:03 am March, 25 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Just remember,
vegetables is what
food eats!

12:17 pm March, 25 apartments for sale said...

She said, Hide your disgrace! Confused, they hid his crusty
navel with a dish.

8:52 pm March, 25 Choadsworth Doucheborne Jr. said...

Oil stained driveway
Is site of d-bag picnic
Suburban nightmare.

10:16 pm March, 25 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Romaine-tic boobs are
supple and flouncy compared
to ceramic nuts.

10:19 pm March, 25 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Celebrating Earth
Day before April twenty-
second? What’s the rush?

10:21 pm March, 25 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

In her salad days
she enjoyed serving his junk
on a cabbage plate.

10:25 pm March, 25 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

She’s betting on a
Caesar salad. He’s just got
cherry tomatoes.

10:29 pm March, 25 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

The raw eggs, ancho-
vies and croutons jumped ship when
they saw this toss-up.

10:44 pm March, 25 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Hiding the tiny
salad pickle under a
plate miffs Green Goddess.

10:56 pm March, 25 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Cojones on a
cabbage majolica sal-
ad plate: Smorgasbord.

11:24 pm March, 25 Steve L. said...

i’m glad cabbages
cannot shed tears or blood. but
i still feel their pain.

2:44 am March, 28 Canadian Drugs Online said...

Unsuspecting guests Ask for a lobster salad They get crabs instead.

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