Friday, March 4, 2011

Friday Thoughts and Links

Ed Hardy.

Still out there.

Still the clearest marker of douchechoad shoescrape this side of tiger blood.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “Hey pissant! You forgot your jukebox!”

For your bored weekend reading: The writers at Cracked do a pretty good takedown of movies and shows that were made up on the fly. The protagonists are Cylons for the loss.

Hiphop poet and voice of a generation, Skweezy Jibbs is on vacation in Florida.

A 5 Second Film that sums up the odious Pauly D.

The Germans love Das Boot Beer.

Lets never forget the early templates for modern protobaggery mock began, in all places, in a Disney Film.

HCwDB celebrated on the message boards of racist Aryan website “Stormfront.” Too bad they don’t know that I’m a gay Mexican black Muslim Jewish woman.

Someone peed in that horse once.

If you caught that fake trailer for “Hobo with a Shotgun,” the dude ended up making an actual movie. With Rutger Hauer.

Speaking of Aryans, don’t mess with angry Teutons in Helsinki.

Okay, you don’t want raging Nordic blood, you want pear. How’s about some:

Johansson Pear. She might not be able to act, but Pear.

Nah. That’s just celebupear. You want anonypear. Well here ya go:

Lounge Pear.

Lay back and repose. For the weekend is nigh.

# posted by douchebag1
12:53 pm March, 4 Taint Nuthin But A G-Thang said...

DB1, THANK YOU for the Lounge Pear. That should get me through the hangover I will undoubtedly have tomorrow. And DAS BOOT was one of the greatest things I have ever seen. (I guess this is me admitting I have seen little in my many decades of life.) Off to hit the single malt.

12:56 pm March, 4 r said...

Some entrepreneurial importer/exporter needs to send those Helsinki cops a set of balls or a taser.

1:00 pm March, 4 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

It appears Faye Reagan’s twin sister is trying to mount him, but Hardy bag is only interested in doing squat thrusts for the amusement of Claudio, as Claudio grabs his shoulder with one massive hand for more leverage. Ouch!

1:05 pm March, 4 Wedgie said...

Can that Sofia Coppola direct, or what?

1:12 pm March, 4 jonezy said...

D’Sock – any chance you can make a habit of re-posting some Sergeant Scrote posts with regularity? That shit had me in nostalgic tears and LOLs last week.
.
I’m envisioning DB1 posting them as “Your Sunday Samurai Scrote” or maybe just “Sundae Scrotae”, and then we’d all have a hearty laugh to begin our week, much like we have AP to end it.
.
Related- that post HAS to own the record for most commented Blog post on the internet. I don’t know how in the world we could verify that, but it just has to be true.
.
And in conclusion… FUCK FISH SLAP
.
with a Jelly Dong.
.
Enjoy the weekend BHs

1:21 pm March, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Kelli gonna get mad if he keeps showing up on here. Mang.
,
Is it wrong of me to believe that I get two free passes to boink high school fuck buddies that contacted me recently as retribution for the Mrs. taking my car full of booze and leaving me dry. I thought so. Son.

1:29 pm March, 4 Hermit said...

From the Aryan website:
.
.
.

“I come from a bloodline that has bred some of the greatest people to have walked the earth. From some of the best gladiators and conquerers to some of the best musicians and architects. Is this not something to be proud of? Arriba España!”
.
.
Is this where Crucial Head has been hiding?

1:31 pm March, 4 Et Tu Douche? said...

Skweezy Jibbs is my hero.
.
Hmmmm Lounge Pear!!!!!
.
@ Rev, I say go for it, Charlie Sheen style. Son!!!!!!.

1:35 pm March, 4 ¿Comó se dice, douchebag en español? said...

Dear Skweezy Jibbs,
I would love for you to do a collabo with T.Mills. It would make me nut. Hard. Well the female form of nut. I’m down with your stance on vacay nutting too.
Your only fan,
¿Comó se dice, douchebag en español?
.
Slam the pear and polish the apples people! Its the mother humping weekend! (At least that’s what my Dad calls it.)

1:46 pm March, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

From the horse story:

“You’ll have as much Zizz as a stallion for a week afterwards,”

Aryans bum me out when I’s hitin’ the pipe like Charlie.

1:46 pm March, 4 Medusa Oblongata said...

Is it wrong that I am wildly aroused by the black lederhosen getup in the Das Boot video? ‘Cause I am.
.
Horse semen. Banana pie flavor. Someone please give that guy a trashcan to the head, thank you.
.
Hobo With A Shotgun is REAL? And with RUTGER HAUER? Oh, shit. Now I’m not gonna get a damn thing done for the rest of the evening. Have a wonderful weekend, ‘bag boys and girls, I’m off to make some art or something. And because I love you….Probably best to just look and not actually click on anything….

1:47 pm March, 4 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Total non sequitur, but I just realized that you can randomly interchange pokemon powers with Charlie Sheen quotes:
.
I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. Contact may paralyze, poison, or cause sleep. I was bangin’ seven-gram rocks and finishing them because I power up Fire-type moves if I’m hit by a fire move. I’m an F18, bro, and I will destroy you in the air, and I damage the foe landing the finishing hit.

2:47 pm March, 4 soy bomb said...

I’m gonna do it up Emilio Estevez style this weekend.
.
.
.
By gently weeping on the toilet, naked, whilst my trainwreck assh*le of a brother garners 100X the publicity I’ve ever gotten or ever will get in my career.
.
.
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Not really. I’m gonna booze it up, Sheen style in Venice Beach, home of trainwreck assh*les everywhere.

3:02 pm March, 4 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

What’s ‘er name pear? – Meh
Lounge Pear: ARF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Medusa’s Link?
Thanks a lot!! Now I’ve soiled myself and need to change before I seek out the Friday Night Discos!
.
.
.
.
.
What?

3:13 pm March, 4 Vin Douchal said...

Medusa is naughty.
Aryans are assholes.
If that hobo movie has a happy ending it will involve Skweezy Jibbs and Pauly D each taking a shotgun blast to the face
.
.
@ Dude Mac, fellow red head lover
.
Faye Reagan’s freckles make me drool like a newborn taking his first teat. For another fire crotch red head treat google,” Nikki Rhodes “
.
Also , that Cracked article mentioned “The X-Files” which reminds us of the tasty Gillian Anderson.
.

.
.
Y’know, the douchebag awareness phenomenon can be traced back to the TV show “NYPD Blue” when Andy Sipowicz would call perps, “assholes” and “douchebags” stretching the limits of prime time censorship. The show also stretched the limits of credibility as Det. Sipowicz’ third wife was Charlotte Ross. Riiiiight

3:22 pm March, 4 Vin Douchal said...

Bad Link, try this: Charlotte Ross

3:23 pm March, 4 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am forbidden to go to your website to see Charlotte Ross. !!!. Can you post another link?
Wait. I have google. nevermind.

3:28 pm March, 4 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Vin

I dunno how to embed and image, but behold, Tobi Pacific pear:

http://img.listal.com/image/1631152/500full.jpg

4:01 pm March, 4 Vin Douchal said...

@ Dude
.
You need to learn how to embed so you can steer folks to the VERY NSFW Tiava Redhead Free Porno Page.
.
Like that. Have at it, son

4:01 pm March, 4 Hermit said...

I can testify to the powerful and potentially dangerous effects of horse semen.
Some years back, I spent a weekend in Alberta working the Calgary Stampede. With so much equine seminal fluid readily available, and being prone to compulsive behaviour, I had ingested so much horse semen that I found myself stumbling around the paddock area, mumbling incoherently and in a state of partial undress, horse ejaculate dribbling uncontrollably down my chin, and on to my Cowboy shirt.
I don’t remember much, but I woke up alone in Arizona four days later in a cast iron bathtub, overlooking the Grand Canyon at sunset with a four-hour erection that had caused permanent damage.
.
.
Fucking priapism.

4:26 pm March, 4 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Vin @ 4:01
Ba-Geebuz!! No forbidens on that link! And now I have soiled myself once again! I’m agonna tuck that link away for further *ahem* research and get back to all with a report. Maybe. Sometime.

5:55 pm March, 4 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Vin
.
I knew we shared a love for the Sox but for the redheads too? I grow to love this site more and more every day. Have a good weekend gentle people.

6:28 pm March, 4 ¿Comó se dice, douchebag en español? said...

@Hermit 4:01p, I didn’t think anything could top Skeezy Jibbs rant about old people needing to get their rocks off too or his really creepy hotel lobby picture, but you managed to do so with your “priapism poetry”. Bravo my socially secluded friend, Bravo.

6:52 pm March, 4 Dicky Comment Girl said...

@McCrudeshoes 3:28p, you really need to learn how to embed images. It seems like pretty much everyone here knows how. What’s the E.T.A on you figuring it out? I feel as if I’m missing out on all you visually have to offer us. Eh well, I guess some people just have the skills and some people (you) don’t.

9:07 pm March, 4 Vin Douchal said...

Hey fellers,
.
Nice to see the shared love for gingers. But the one uniting factor here is pear. Ass Pear, Son. And since we’ve gone pornographic today ……….
.

9:07 pm March, 4 Vin Douchal said...

shit! Not this again
.

9:07 pm March, 4 Vin Douchal said...

There ya go

10:44 pm March, 4 Wheezer said...

Damn…..I supply two of today’s links (horse semen and Scarlett), thinking I’m doing you hatters a favor, and now I owe all of you for the “NSFW” links.
.
And them I’m gonna prosecute this website for the carpal tunnel I’m getting from the fwappin’.

12:39 am March, 5 Motorcycle Mirrors said...

I power up Fire-type moves if I am hit by a fire move. I am an F18, bro, and I will destroy you in the air, and I destroy the foe landing the finishing hit.

12:43 am March, 5 tall guy said...

re. the Hardy plague still infiltrating the masses, even in Australia despite the firm’s interests in this country going belly-up: shopping for a gift today I pick-up what I thought was a distinctively packaged bottle of Versace (something or other…)

Anyway, while who was responsible for such a hideous example of graphic art I noticed the ugly Hardy tag.

Don’t give up the fight fellow ‘Bag hunters.

12:45 am March, 5 tall guy said...

correc. ‘anyway, while checking who was responsible…’

5:24 am March, 5 Kevin said...

That bald guys Iike 45 in the back hahahahahah way to old to
Be clubbing gO back
Home to
Ur
Wife and kids hahahah

5:43 am March, 5 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Dicky
I’ve done my homework, but honestly am none smarter than the average douche. Let’s try one:

5:43 am March, 5 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5:48 am March, 5 Dude McCrudeshoes said...
7:02 am March, 5 Dicky Comment Girl said...

@DMcS, I see a picture of a shoe. I think you’ve got it!

8:09 am March, 5 massengill said...

Scar-Jo is amazing, I’d smoke her tampons.
.
I read the first page of the hate site thread. Nothing really made me angry other than the d-bag Hermit quoted who says he is “part Spanish and Visigothic.” What a tool. Why not claim to be part Klingonian while you’re at it? Knob.
.
I hope that when that Scandinavian fellow got the lawyer he vaunted, he cam with a left-handed Jew.

1:54 pm March, 5 Steve L. said...

whoa Lounge Pear and Scarlet Johansson are right up there with Carol Alt. i stand corrected.

1:57 pm March, 5 Steve L. said...

also, someone looks too clean-shaven to be a hobo.

2:23 pm March, 5 Tanath said...

but gaston has skills useful in his day and age…

6:31 pm March, 5 DarkSock said...

I killed a hobo once.

7:12 pm March, 5 Wedgie said...

Is it still Friday?

8:02 pm March, 5 Escotado Vestido Rojo said...

Pensamientos fin de semana:
Me encanta música.
Béisbol está bien también.
Pero todavia douchebags hedor.
Y el queso está en mis pantalones.
.
Buenos noches amigos de los interwebos.

11:43 pm March, 5 party crasher said...

@Dude McDoucherton…
.
.
.
http://www.ironspider.ca/format_text/hyperlinks.htm

11:23 pm March, 8 london escorts said...

I am back after a small bit of a hiatus due to the blackouts and the failed Verizon Fios ONTs that were probably knocked out by the power surges resulting from them. Several homes on my street had the issue,

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