Friday, March 11, 2011

Friday Thoughts and Links

Fishmouth Frankie may not know much. But he does know this: Popsicles pwn creamsicles.

Oh sweet Danielle. How your Mayan Eye of Coitus bespeaks a pumpkin sunrise of tangerine candy corns and buttslappy slap.

Yup. No idea what I’m saying any more.

Your humble narrator has been called up the bigs. From semi-professional alcholism to pro.

And I have only the tasty goodness of HoHo Snack Cakes to thank.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB Book Pick of the Week: “I am at this moment writing a lengthy indictment against our century. When my brain begins to reel from my literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip.”

Some Brazilian soccer star I’ve never heard of named “Ronaldhino” douches it up with the hotties while watching Carnivale. And Ed Hardy hits South America like a plague of frogs.

In honor of our upcoming St. Patty’s Day: Leprechaun Rap. Not actually good. But very Leprechauny.

Political blogger Josh Marshall discovers his four year old is a douche.

You remember Cowboy Curtis from PeeWee’s Playhouse in your nostalgic memories of childhood. But do you remember who played Cowboy Curtis? Neo means one.

Christopher Walken reads The Three Little Pigs. And all is right with the universe.

In science news: Reading HCwDB 10 minutes a day will help prolong your life.

But you are not here to find help prolonging your life. You are here for pear. Here ya go:

SuElyn Pear.

Sue Ellyn Pear? SueElyn? Does it matter? It is pear. And pear is gnaw.

# posted by douchebag1
12:38 pm March, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’ll pick Samuel L. Jackson for the block DB1.

12:42 pm March, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Who played Captain Carl? Who played drinking games to Pee-Wee while in university before they went crazy? I know one.

12:45 pm March, 11 Deltus said...

Boss, “douchal tidal wave”? Today? Too soon, dude.
.
Also, I worship SuElyn Pear, no matter how it’s spelled.

12:47 pm March, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

He was also in Pulp Fiction and that Tina Turner movie.

12:49 pm March, 11 douchebag1 said...

@Deltus, good point. Wrote that up before I heard the news. Frogs are funnier anyway. Who doesn’t laugh at frogs?
.
– management

12:58 pm March, 11 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Hate this fat fuccin human meatloaf with the white hot rage of a thousand dying suns. Looks like Jim Belushi and John Goodman had a love child, which Goodman carried in his large intestines until he gave ass-birth to an ass-baby.
.
Young Debbie Harry Bleeth caught a toxic blue fungus when he drooled on the top of her head.

1:20 pm March, 11 Vin Douchal said...

Judging by that pose, Pee Wee had some Grade-A crank and wasn’t shy about sharing
.
.
And boss, sorry but “A Confederacy of Dunces” was the worst pile of whiny drivel ever set to pen, outside of any bio of shitty celebrities or Danielle Steele supermart check out counter door stoppers. You want a good book? Try “Underworld” by Don Delillo or “Strong Motion” by Jonathan Franzen.
.
@ Wheezer
We’ve seen this blonde before, right?

1:27 pm March, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

Cowboy Curtis would be Lawrence Fishburne who’s at the ripe age of 17 got to spend several months in the Phillipine jungle filming some movie call “Apocalypse Now”.
.
Speaking of ripe, today’s Pera makes me go Hmmmm!! and by Hmmmm!! I mean I got a slight chub.
.
Soccer players get some serious trim, i can’t hate on that.
.
I see the Ubiquitous Red Cup is making a come back these past few days.

1:33 pm March, 11 Douche Springsteen said...

Ronaldinho has gums that would put Secretariat to shame. The only way he is pulling world-class tail is by being a world-class soccer player/footballer. And those Brazilian girls sure do sport some world-class pear. I know from experience, dude. Well not me, but this guy I know….
A good weekend to you all.

1:36 pm March, 11 DarkSock said...

@ Vin:
.
“A Confederacy of Dunces” was the worst pile of whiny drivel ever set to pen
.

I love you man, but you are of course wrong. It ain’t everybody’s cup of tea but it’s my favorite book. Now, “The Sound and the Fury”? Crap.

1:38 pm March, 11 DarkSock said...

Pic caption:
.
Cindy learned a hard lesson about letting Jon touch her after coming straight off his night shift at the urinal soap factory”.

1:52 pm March, 11 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Vin
.
Re: A Confederacy of Dunces… I concur with you good sir. I think I maybe chuckled twice while reading it. I can think of about 75 other books I’d read before that one (and a good choice with “Underworld” there). I tend to read mostly non-fiction but anything by Vonnegut, Heller, Welsh, DeLillo, or Wallace will be up there for me.
.
Re: the pic… Douche reminds me of Belushi in the old SNL cheeseburger sketches.

1:56 pm March, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

I still say DB1 should use his Viacom connections and film a modern day version of Apocalypse entitled “The Heart of Douchness”.
.
Some ideas for the Cast:

DB1-Capt. WIllard
Wedgie – Lance the surfer
DarkSock – Chef, the saucier
Mr. Scrotato Head – Chief, the boat commander
The Rev Chad – Dennis Hopper’s, Photo Journalist character
Vin Douchal- Lt. Colonel Kilgore
As for Colonel Kurtz – Donkey Douche? Beinlich?

1:59 pm March, 11 Douche Springsteen said...

@ Et Tu Douche?
For Col. Kurtz I think Stackhouse the Poet is the obvious choice.

Never get out of the boat!

@Dude MacCrudeshoes

I answered your question in some form to Fatness a post or two back. My bad. Hi Fatness. I love you man.
Where did Nancy Dreuche go?

2:09 pm March, 11 Vin Douchal said...

Duvall , eh? I’ll take it
.

2:15 pm March, 11 Wedgie said...

Stackhouse as Kurtz……(Whispers): “Heeeyyyy, whobags. I’m trying to do tri’s”.
The horror….the horror.
And for this happy Friday, I thank you DB1 for giving me the Leprechaun rap. “Lep in the ‘hood, come to do no good”. Yeah.
BTW, check out the credits as they roll. Some character in that movie was named “Chow Yung Pi”.
Go get ’em, Lep.

@Wedgie
.
You go surfffingg.?

i’d sue ellen for antitrust violations and tortous cockblocking to get a piece of that ass pear.

3:17 pm March, 11 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Vin & Dr. Bunsen…
.
I read that piece of crap simply because so many people said it was “Amazing.” Well, I just didn’t get it. I kept waiting for something to happen and nothing did. Tough to go against the tide, but I will happily join ya’ll on this trip. C of D… HATED IT!

3:33 pm March, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Diane Lane. MMMM.

3:35 pm March, 11 I R A Darth Aggie said...

And pear is gnaw.

That reminds me, I’m hungry. First food, then pear.
.
What? of course it is that way. Build up your strength first, fellow baghunters. Then you can enjoy the pear all night long. Or until you have cream pear. Which ever comes first. As it were.

Son.

4:01 pm March, 11 soy bomb said...

It was embarrasingly obvious to the gang that Fishmouth Frankie had a smurf penis

4:18 pm March, 11 Another Douche Bites The Dust said...

@RevChadFromTheHospital, hey its me Nancy Dreuche! I’ve been here all along, just been using different Names because the ol’ troll issue I was having. Crazy times we live in when I have to go into hiding on the internet you know, becoming anonymous and what not. Anyway, how’s the food there at the hospital? Did you finally lose ALL of your marbles? I hope this doesn’t mean an end to your stories. Hopefully its just the beginning. Oh wait, there you are again at 3:33p sans FromThe Hospital. I guess time really does heal all wounds. Welcome home!

4:49 pm March, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

If I’m not mistaken Fishmouth Frankie, as seen in pic above, is really John Largemans separated at birth, knuckle headed, fraternal twin brother Francis Largeman.

6:20 pm March, 11 creature said...

taste in literature is a very personal thing, but, I have to disagree with Vin & the good Doc… “A Confederacy of Dunces” is damn fine readin’…son

7:52 pm March, 11 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Fishmouth Frankie is so beyond douche, he’s Bleethy Beefy, and so is Danielle…what ya might glimpse in peopleofwalmart.com.
On the other hand, we have clean-as-a-shewolf-whistle SUELYN PEAR for a much needed antidote.
And then, for the ultimate chaser, always, ALWAYS Christopher Walken in any way, shape or form. I’ll take The Continental.

8:07 pm March, 11 Crucial Head said...

Count me in on Confederacy of Dunces. Utterly brilliant. Creatch is right… like music, literature is a bit subjective. But c’mon now peeps.

10:53 pm March, 11 Wedgie said...

Ignatius J. Reilly is my hero. I am also partial to J. Fartstain Krunk.
SDSU wins it with under 5 seconds on the clock.
Too bad all we get is BYU kicking our ass again tomorrow.
Fuccen Jimmer scored 52 points today. By himself.
Our whole team just scored 74 against UNLV.
God hates Mormons.

10:53 pm March, 11 Wheezer said...

Hey, two weeks in a row that I have two submissions (Sue Ellyn Pear – “swellin”? – and the 10 minutes a day thing) make the FTAL list!
.
@Vin, 1:20 p.m. –
.
It’s certainly possible that this “blonde” Quartasian hottie has been here before. I’m having potential deja vu flashes here and there, but can’t quite place them yet. It’ll occur to me about 3-4 weeks from now when I’m hunting for someone else, I’m sure, and then I’ll forget exactly where I was supposed to find this particular hottie. Or something.

2:24 am March, 12 Rev. Chad said...

@Nancy Dreuche
.
Get an identity sister/brother, you complete me. Fucking insomnia. The worst thing is seeing that fucking Jay Leno while you flick the channels. That douchebag should be brought up on crimes against humanity for his bullshit comedy. The Situation as co-host? Really? Really, really?

6:01 am March, 12 Horace Dangleballs said...

“Your humble narrator has been called up the bigs. From semi-professional alcholism to pro.”
.
Alcoholics go to meetings, DB1. Most of us are just drunks.

6:44 am March, 12 ehcuodouche said...

This appears to be a picture from the short lived reign of Marcus Bigdouchicus (251-251AD). Here we see him with his blonde Korean concubine at the vomitorium (actually used to be an orgy, but Marcus smelled really bad). If you look closely, you can see the Praetorian Guard sharpening their swords in the background.

7:22 am March, 12 Long Time, First Time said...

I’d have to say The 2011 Douchie for Unwarranted Induction to The Hall of Mock goes to…
.
.
DICY!!!!
.
.
.
Must be awesome to have a set of tits!!!!

8:05 am March, 12 Wedgie said...

^Weenie.

8:26 am March, 12 Long Time, First Time said...

But you know I’m right, Wedgie.

9:26 am March, 12 DarkSock said...

Pic caption:
.
“The only thing Cindi and Jon had in common was their booger chewing fetish…but that was enough. It was enough.”

9:56 am March, 12 Another Douche Bites The Dust said...

@I Loved you Long Time, The First Time, its actually not really that awesome. Just another set of body parts to manage.

@”RevChad”, I really hope this isn’t the real Reverend Chad Kroeger because what I’m about to write would blow that dude’s drug and booze adled mind into a tailspin, but if you’re serious meet me this Sunday where it all began. Same time. Same bus stop. 2nd Chance. Fuck it up and I’m out. That goes for me too. If this is the real Reverend Chad Kroeger please disregard this message just like you disregard your wife and kids.

1:56 pm March, 12 skrag2112 said...

If staring at tits makes your life longer, then I’m going to live to be at least 1000.

10:54 am March, 13 Wheezer said...

Fishmouth Frankie may be Clutch Cargo’s great-grandson.
.
I think he was born from some of Spinner’s or Paddlefoot’s poo.

1:30 pm March, 13 Medusa Oblongata said...

I was kind of thinking this photo was from the set of the new Head Of The Class series.
.
Hidest not from yon Trolls, Nancy D. Fly your flag and let the Trolls eat your dust.

1:56 am March, 14 Motorcycle Accessories said...

If this is the actual Reverend Chad Kroeger disregard this message like you disregard your spouse & kids.

3:08 am March, 14 douche equis said...

I agree on the lameness of “Confederacy”. Lots of people like it; I am not one of them.

Now for all you DeLillo et al fans, William Gaddis’s “J.R.” is the real stuff, my favorite book.

And as for SueLyn, I just chewed a hole through my monitor.

3:49 pm March, 15 Stephanie said...

He should get more tattoos,especially ones that grow fatter when he flexes.

Leave a Reply

What is 10 + 11 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)