Monday, March 14, 2011

HCwDB of the Month

Four finalists enter. Only one couple may be mocked supreme like a royale with cheese.

Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Stephanie and Suzanne meet The Greasepitz

Orange.

We see it on Celebuholes like The Apprentice Guy.

We see it on politiholes like John Boener.

Wherever we find it, it must be mocked.

And while the Greasepitz may be “Paid to Orange” male strippers, as Kylie discovered, but their probaggery does not excuse their douchewankery.

But are they enough to take the prize? Does their uberdouche in presence of the innocent lady hotts raise the cackles of a societal plague enough to win? We have three more to go:

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #: Billy Dee Willhelm and Champagne Katie

The tasty compact drinkable hottness of Champagne Katie set off what the kids call a “kerfuffle” on the site a few weeks back, when Katie threatened legal action against HCwDB.

Thankfully, reader Oliver Wendell Douche, a real lawyer in Austin, Texas, agreed to take up our cause.

That legal threat prompted a number of ‘bag hunters to track down Champagne Katie on Facebook and flirt with her.

But that is all backstory. Addendum. We must judge only by what we see: the visual power of Billly Dee Willhelm’s greasy “smoove” ways, and Katie’s uberpoppin bazoombas.

Can they win the Monthly? That, we shall see.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: Toxic Terry and Angelica

Toxic Terry brings back the Rockerbag sub-genus of the choadal family.

His is a face that is punchworthy poowhackery.

The fact he may or may not be a z-list one hit wonder “celebrity” in our age where anyone who ever did anything, or even thought about doing anything, is some Warholian slice off the fame machine.

No dice, Rockerscrape.

You are turdalicious.

And tasty Angelica offers a nice and reassuring slice of mama boobie pie. For hers is the understated pooch slap thigh lickle. Hers are the curves that age well, into the 40s with firmness and taut bounce. Like a racehorse. A shtuppable racehorse.

That’s been peed in.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: The Smarm Candy and Patty

Smarm Candy harkons back to the halcyon days of mock on the site, 2008-ish, when puds like this were still haunting the collective zeitgeist like a puddly ass pimple of pre-squirable cultural goo shmeg.

But here’s the rub.

All our mock, in both televisual realm and here, and this pud is still rubbing up on Patty and then telling her to go buy him a Jager at the bar so he can talk to his bros.

So for that, he is crapustule.

But they are only #4 of four.

Which of these four rises to the top (bottom) enough to call themselves HCwDB of the Month and earn a slot at the 2011 Douchie Awards?

I put it to you, Greg.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1
7:35 am March, 14 Mr. White said...

Here’s my rapidfire breakdown:
1. Good hotts, but posing with gay strippers. It doesn’t bring the rage. (I don’t think those ladies are that “innocent,” either, DB1.)
2. Sadly, Champagne Katie proved herself to be a douche with her comments, proving once again that pert breasts are not a good indicator of IQ. DQ’d because it’s a DBwDB pic.
3. Dude had a shitty “hit” with a shitty “band” and then somehow extended his fame by going on rehab shows. Extreme douche, but his 15 minutes should have been over 14:59 ago. Don’t reward him by prolonging his fame here.
4. Not the hottest hott or the douchiest douche, but a real world, old skool combo. Patty and Smarm Candy for the win.

7:50 am March, 14 smackdouche said...

As proof that I am not homophobic, my vote goes to the greasepitz.

7:52 am March, 14 The Minister Scott Stapp said...

Patty. For she is as pure as the driven snow on a crisp winter solstice day with 3 year olds making snow angels in it while sipping on minty candies and giggling. He is the black turd that shows up when it melts. And matronly arms. Son.

7:52 am March, 14 Deltus said...

Gotta go with my gut on this one. And the coupling that makes me the sickest is Smarm Candy and Patty. He is greasy stupid overconfident assmunch smackface choad. She is sweet and hott sauce lovely smile banging bodied slurp gnaw. No other entry makes me want to club baby harp seals to death with the willed-into-corporeality that is my disgust at their pairing.
.
Smarm Candy and Patty FTW, and may God have mercy on those poor seals.

7:58 am March, 14 Eliza Douchecoo said...

Going with the Smarmer here, he is most definitely the most punch to the face worthy out of all these guys. Although the legs in the greasepitz are calling to me, I must say no and vote with my fist and the Smarmster is worthy of meeting it.

8:10 am March, 14 Wheezer said...

The Greaseputzes smile too much, and since they are strippers, likely do what they do more for each others’ pleasure than for that of the fine ladies here. While being tatted up choadwanks, the potential gaybuggery—–‘baggery (sorry) takes away some of the votes. They would only infect the hotts by accident.
.
Champagne Katie needs to get it on with Champagne Sally from “pic #2″…..after they flirt with each other for awhile. Start slowly, ladies, while my popcorn pops. Then they can win a Douchie Award for that scene. And Hines Ward here doesn’t piss me off much, really. Maybe Katie told him to vamoose, explaining why he was hitting on the other chicks.
.
The not-so-rocking rockerasshole Toxic Terry Cloth gets no rocker pass from me, and the frightened irritation he’s expressing here “cuz ur lukn at mah biotch” (just how he’d type, speak, and think it) deserves a cast iron skillet to the left jaw. And Angelica’s smile and boobies drive my nethers wild with pleasure.
.
But Patty’s curves are so sleek, and her positioning speaks volumes. She’s holding tightly to her purse, knowing hipsterbag wannabe Smarm Candy wants to know “How much cash you got?” She caught him peeking in there last night. That’s why she really wants to get away, especially since Smarm left his ivory hipster hat at home and has been acting pissy all night…..’til he started getting a little tipsy (seen here). She’s just waiting for her friends to show up and take her home. To me.
.
So, by the ever-slimmest of margins, probably found in the fabric of the dresses the respective ladies are wearing here, I give this Monthly to Smarm and Patty over Toxic Terry and Angelica. I’ll bet she’s wearing boots, and her boots and sexy legs are made for walkin’…..all over and away from Smarm Pansy.

8:23 am March, 14 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

It’s a very heavy line-up this month, but my decision goes to Champagne Katie (from the sounds of her I’d say the champagne you buy at Wal-Mart) and Billy Dee Willhelm. The oily appeal of Billy Dee, coupled with the semi-literate, prosecutorial minded Katie, brings all the shock and awe, one assumes, of one of Stackhouse’s who-bag jump-offs.

8:25 am March, 14 banana hammock said...

Toxic Terry & sweet Angelica FTW! He is just so sad Douchy, and she is so magically delicious.

8:27 am March, 14 MoeDouche said...

Smarm Candy and Patty. She is succulent barely-legal hottie and he is a douche of gargantuan proportions.

8:39 am March, 14 Greg said...

Yo DB1, thanks for the shout out! I’ll do my best.
.
My vote goes to the Smarmster and PattyCakes. He’s the douchiest looking backpack I’ve ever seen and she’s like sunshine on a sunshiney day.

8:39 am March, 14 melvil duchi said...

Billy Dee Willhelm and Champagne Katie

8:54 am March, 14 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Smarm Candy and Patty FTW. He’s objectionable to all the senses.

9:08 am March, 14 Mr. Biggs said...

Again, I have to go with “Best qualified for HCwDB sequel book cover photo” rubric. And that takes us straight to Patty and Smarm Candy. The mugging, the sneer, the metaphysical grease, the innocent bouncy giggle smile. It’s all there, in a composition Picasso would envy.

Patty and Smarmy for the win. Western Civ for the loss.

9:11 am March, 14 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Gay guys and a pseudo-celebrity has-been/never-was are laughable, yes, but this does not make them winners (losers) on the big stage. For this reason, I go with Smarm Candy. Patty’s delectably delicious and suckleable inner thigh is just a boner bonus.

9:14 am March, 14 Scooby Douche said...

Lots of sweet smiles and tasty sweater meat this month. Well done DB1. Now, on to the analysis…

1. This is definitely “girls night out”, so these two honeys are not “with” these guys. Therefore, they do not meet the criteria of hot chicks “with” douchebags. And these guys don’t seem to be too douchy anyway; they’re just too stupid to get a real job. So they are gonna do this for a couple of years, then on to their real life’s work, Philadelphia Department of Sanitation.
2. Katie gave me a boner until her threat note. Stupid chicks make it go soft. Nice cans, though. Billy Dee needs a real shirt.
3. The clear winner. Angelica’s come-hither smile, flowing brunette hair and wondrous mounds of fleshy joy promise days upon days of lustful pleasures. Exactly the kind of girl you hope your son brings home. And Terry is why shallow graves in the desert were invented. Which is exactly what I did when my daughter brought him home last week. RIP Terry.
4. Patty is way up there on the hot meter, She almost pulls it out by herself (and I’d let her pull mine out!) Sexy little tight dress, nice legs, she is what we fight to preserve. To hell with the environment, why is there no federal Patty Protection Agency issuing injunctions to keep Smarm’s greasy hands off her?

9:30 am March, 14 BustADouche said...

Katie is a douche, mostly because of identical poses in different pics and a gawd darned cell phone in hand. Greasepitz are just that but not uber douchey and Steph and Suze are hott, they are not drop dead gorgeous. Angelica is the least hott of all and I just feel utter sadness and sympathy for Terry. That leaves me with just Patty. Definitely smokin’ hott but there is an underlying wholesomeness there that takes the cake. Her douchebag has more than the minimum number of douche requirements to take the top prize. Here’s hoping to more pics of Patty in the future.

9:44 am March, 14 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

The Smarm Candy and Patty. At the end of each date, she goes home, sits in front of the mirror to get ready for bed, and replays the whole evening in her mind. Who bought dinner? She did, but only because his boss was late with the pay check again. And drinks, well they go with dinner don’t they? And didn’t he pay to get into the last club? At least that’s what he said. Oh well, no sense dwelling on it; it’s only money. Then there was the dancing. Well more like sex on the dancefloor what with him pulling up her dress every chance he got and grinding his crotch into her ass, her hip, her mound. Which only made the ackward, quick sex in the car at the end of the evening, well, just so much more… Patty looks in the mirror as she puts her jewelry away. She takes a deep breath and flashes a smile. He’s a good guy. He takes care of her. He hasn’t cheated in a long time.
.
The smile never quite makes it to her eyes.
.
When Smarm Candy gets home he flops on the couch, fires up the X-box, and tells his buds how he f*cked the shit out of girlfriend.

Nobody wins, but Smarm gets the nod and a shovel to the face.

9:48 am March, 14 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Champagne Katie, even with her intellectual shortcomings, is the hottest of hot. The wallet chain and waxed chest accent by red bead necklace sealed it for me. The clubbaggery of Billy Dee Willhelm for the win (loss).

9:50 am March, 14 Deltus said...

@Mr. Scrotato Head: you misspelled “awkward” as “ackward” above, but it’s one of those mistakes where the genius comes through. That quick sex really would make a great gal like Patty go “ACK!” later. It’s ackward.
.
Or is that what you intended, sir? Wouldn’t surprise me. Huzzah!

9:52 am March, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Smarmster is prepared for the Douchequake and resulting mayhem caused by the Choad-nami by wearing a nautical compass on his wrist and having a handy hood avaible in the zipper on his “Members Only” in case there’s a sprinkle on the way to his job as a cashier at the can recycling center. Lord knows he’s not doing any physical labor judging by those soft girlie hands ….
.
And Patty? That little glimpse of her perfect legs force the eyes up to the vortex where her oddly patterned dress has a rorschach test right over her pussy . And in this rorschach test I see a perfectly trimmed triangle of pubic perfection. Plus she looks friendly, like a waitress at Friendly’s. May I have a Strawberry Fribble please?
.
Smarm / Patty FTW

10:02 am March, 14 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Vin^
.
“cashier at the can recycling center.”
.
Snork!!!!

10:02 am March, 14 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I’m stuck in the Douchadox, so it is Champagne Katie and ol’ whathisname FTW.
.
Not that I’m saying I’d let the rest of the hotts suffer their chosen fates. In fact, I’d want to rescue them, rub cocoa butter into their skin, and read Klingon love poetry until they fall asleep.

10:04 am March, 14 Wedgie said...

I agree with Vin, except it’s a Flaccid Members Only jacket–a sure signifier of the dreaded virus.
#4 FTW.

10:05 am March, 14 Wedgie said...

And thanks to DB1 for the Animal House reference. It makes me long for my days at STDSU.

10:48 am March, 14 Bag A said...

Greasepitz.

10:55 am March, 14 Ohio FJ said...

Toxic Terry for the win – he has it all – and so does she. His is all the wrong reasons and hers the right ones.

10:59 am March, 14 dbBen said...

Toxic Terry and Angelica
.
For she makes me think of Kelly Brook, which warms the very cockles of my heart. He makes me think of the floor of a bad Las Vegas tattoo parlor, which makes me want to do a tough actin tinactin dance (John Madden sounds friendly).
.
It’s unfortunate that they didn’t make that zoot suit hat a size smaller, then he could have dropped the bandanna and told everyone he was a gentleman.

11:50 am March, 14 Et Tu Douche? said...

Smarm Candy & Patty for the fail/win.

11:52 am March, 14 army (ret) douche said...

I’ll have to go with smarm and patty. she isn’t the hottest hott, (katie has a case of the psychosis) but patty deserves better than the “old school” douche. posessing so many classic offenses.

11:54 am March, 14 Et Tu Douche? said...

I think I’ve been to that Friendly’s that Vin speaks of, Hmmm Big Beef Chesseburger & Strawberry Fribble.

11:56 am March, 14 Fatness said...

#4: The Smarm Candy and Patty
.
The other three are weak, weaker and weakest in a very weak field,a nd one shouldn’t even be here due to the show biz connection. We need to go back to weekly voting and get some real contenders up in here.

12:05 pm March, 14 Hermit said...

If we look beyond the windbreaker, and behind Smarm Candy’s sunglasses, we can see that his eyes are clenched tightly in pre-orgasmic bliss. His lips are firmly pursed in rapturous contemplation. He’s holding Patty in a creepy sensual embrace, and it has obviously caused him to enter some kind of ecstatic, douche euphoria.

12:38 pm March, 14 SonnyChibaChoad said...

Smarm blowpoop FTL…

12:48 pm March, 14 J. Noble Wankstein, Esq. said...

I vote for #: because Katie is prosecuting this site. Soon, I am sure.
And because Lando Calrissian sold out Han Solo. Bling-wearin’ muthafucka.

1:10 pm March, 14 elderdouch said...

None o the hots put the flag up the pole for me this month do I have to go for douche I’dlike to run down as he crossed the street.

#3 Toxic Terry FTW

1:18 pm March, 14 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Champagne Katie’s adorable cuteness and diva-fit carry her to victory. Billie Dee rides her coat tails to the monthly Douche winner circle.
.
I think she’s HOH worthy.

1:25 pm March, 14 Anonymous said...

Smarm Candy. He’s like a floater that just wont flush.

2:23 pm March, 14 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Anal mugging always gets my vote.

Smarm Candy FTM.

2:54 pm March, 14 Charles Ulysses Farley said...

A lot of pond scum floating at the top of our collective gene pool for this monthly but only one truly enrages. Smarmy and Patty. Photos like this make me never want to get out of bed if I have to face a world where this kind of co-mingling would be allowed to occur. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am going to curb stomp a baby harp seal.

3:00 pm March, 14 Anonymous said...

Greg, 8:39 FTW

3:02 pm March, 14 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

TERRY and ANGELICA.
He’s the Lawrence of Arabia of Tatted douchery, and she…she’s just a pretty darn nice hot chick.
It’s the perfect coupling.

3:04 pm March, 14 Greg said...

Thanks for the shout out Anon 3:00p, just doin’ my part. Every vote counts right?

3:27 pm March, 14 chiapet85 said...

Stephanie and Suzanne meet The Greasepitz

3:46 pm March, 14 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Billy Dee Willhelm and Champagne Katie

4:02 pm March, 14 FoghornLeghorn said...

Am I voting for the hot chick, or the douche? If it’s the hot chick, I have to go with Champagne Katie—empty threats, bad grammar, and all. Billy Dee is no slouch as a douche, but he’s not necessarily a Monthly winner.
.
If it’s the douche, I have to go with Smarm Candy. Everything about him makes me hope Patty gets away. Maybe if he stopped grinding on her, and I could see her butt, I could vote for her.
.
In this case, my inner conflict splits the ticket, and makes me vote for Toxic Terry and Angelica for the win. He’s everything I want my sons not to be. And Angelica…well, she’s just Angelica. Nice eyes and smile, and a breast shelf that forms nearly a right angle to her long axis. She even tried to match her outfit with Terry’s tattoos. That’s the type of dedication that gets her over the hump for me.

4:33 pm March, 14 G said...

Smarm and Patty for the win…he has a face I want to smack. Patty = hott…that is all.

4:59 pm March, 14 Anonymous said...

Smarm candy FTW

5:09 pm March, 14 The Dude said...

Greasepitz. Does that oil bead up when they get sweaty?

Urp, I just threw up on my screen a little.

5:15 pm March, 14 Dex said...

Katie would have had my vote, if she didn’t prove herself to be a total fucking idiot with her email. She deserves a lifetime of Billy Dee and his brofriends.
Toxic Terry and Angelica absolutely do it for me. Terry has no idea who Mike Ness is or what he stands for, and for his ignorance over the image that he and his ilk have poisoned like radiation leaking from an earthquake-damaged Japanese nuclear reactor (too soon?), he enrages me. Because of twats like Toxic Terry, my Social Distortion t-shirt has hung, unworn, in my closet for a year.
Angelica. I don’t know which I want to be more. The breeze that whips past your legs to lift your dress and give the world the briefest glimpse of the un-bleethed promised land beneath, or your hair, cascading down your supple bosom like an amber waterfall of EverythingIWantInLife.

5:28 pm March, 14 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

So many people cite Katie’s tantrum as a reason to disqualify her. I just want to ask that you consider the possibility that it’s both in character, and highly entertaining. I don’t think it should harm her bid. It’s not like she’s running for congress. That is all.

5:35 pm March, 14 Douche ex Machina said...

Smarm Candy and Patty FTW. Patty could rent that smile out to Crest.

7:04 pm March, 14 soy bomb said...

Billy Dee Willhelm and Champagne Katie For the Win. Billy Dee has several adouchements going for him, but certainly what will push him over the ledge, screaming, is his bizzaro see-through silky shirt. Seriously, look at that thing. As for Champagne Katie, her poorly written litigious threat may have lost her some votes, but came off as charming and endearing in mine eye(s). I don’t know about y’all, but I’m not paying her to think. Or speak. Or write or anything like that. Just to knock boots.

7:21 pm March, 14 Douche Springsteen said...

Not entirely convinced that Smarm Candy isn’t a corpse and that photo is just some sort of Weekend At Bernie’s-esque prank.

Billy Dee is junior league douche at best. Sit down son, we’ll call you to the big leagues if Gynochin gets hurt.

Angelica is the hottest hott this lunar cycle, but TT and his celebu-bag status is about as relevant as Charlie Sheen’s rants will be in another few weeks when the next stupid thing comes along.

Hence, by process of elimination, the Greasepitz / Stephanie & Suzanne for the monthly. The dialectic of a solid, stand-up double pair of hotts and combined with a couple of shirtless shaved ‘bags sporting enough grease to run the biofuel powered Dave Matthews Band tour bus fleet (bonus points for stupid graffiti ball cap and bad ink) is enough for me this month. I have spoken.

8:22 pm March, 14 DarkSock said...

I am forced to vote for The Smarm Candy and Patty, if only because on the very same day it proved a scientific theorem about early humans having barbed penises (penii?) that I read on The Onion, which next to this web site is my sole source of World News. Fairly Unbalanced.

8:55 pm March, 14 creature said...

TT & Angela for the win… cut off his head with a sharpened spade, his fingers with garden pruners, sew them up in a gunny sack & toss over Niagra falls…leave the torso at the statue of liberty as an example of extremely retchid refuse

8:58 pm March, 14 Wedgie said...

^Mine still has barbs. And some pretty gnarly scars, several fish hooks, a bit of graffitti that says “Raiders Suck” and the remains of a Hawaiian sling spear stuck in the middle.
Don’t judge me unless you grew up in Newport, fuccers.

9:30 pm March, 14 Rad Bromance said...

Patty is that sweet girl at Macy’s who sold you that sapphire pendant for your wife’s birthday and giggled at your driver’s license as she verified your ID for the AMEX charge.

“Oh! You’re like, in the same neighborhood as my friend Jenna!” she exclaimed. She blushed a little as she handed you the receipt, and briefly her fingertips brushed your palm.

The same fingertips that probably gripped Smarm Candy’s shaven scrotum the night before when she tried valiantly, but ultimately unsuccessfully, tried to give his Goose-impaired member a handjob.

I know what you’re thinking. And no, there’s not enough Purell in the world .

Patty and John Leguizamo’s idiot younger cousin for the win.

9:33 pm March, 14 Troy Tempest said...

smarm candy and patty ftw. Why? Because he is so douchie that when he walks down the sidewalk earthworms erupt from the neighbouring lawns begging birds to feast on them, for they know the douchepocalypse is nigh.

12:07 am March, 15 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I really haven’t been around much in the past couple months, so I have no real baseline with which to judge the nominees for the monthly. My vote would be arbitrary and meaningless in the face educated and objective opinion. It is for this reason that I can not, with all good conscience, put forth a declarative statement endorsing any particular group or individual as emblematic of a particular title regarding an idealized state of being.
.
Stephanie, Suzanne, and The Greasepitz for the monthly. Because my ferret removed it’s own scent gland in protest of their existence.

12:28 am March, 15 Motorcycle Accessories said...

No other entry makes me need to club child harp seals to death with the willed-into-corporeality that is my disgust at their pairing.

2:07 am March, 15 collossus of choads said...

Greasepits FTW.
Professional necessity should not diminish the doucheosity.

5:39 am March, 15 Tanath said...

not much of a contest this month. toxic terry for the loss.

5:45 am March, 15 Joey Bagadouchey said...

Toxic gets my vote. He really sucks and she mesmerizes me

8:27 am March, 15 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

The Smarm Candy and Patty FTW! Why?
.
She is like sunshine on a cloudy day. He is like a phlegm-covered piece of gum gum you just stepped on.
.
She smells like lavender-scented kitten burps. He reminds you of that time when you puked up what was left of that expired carton of milk that you used to wash down that Wendy’s chili that had been in the fridge for over a week but hey you were starving into the dumpster behind the abortion clinic.
.
Her laughter sounds like a cacophony of children playing, cats purring, and birds chirping. When he opens his mouth an overwhelming ear-shattering racket of derping, grooing, bro/brahing, and duuuuudeing comes out that just makes you reflexively start looking for a shovel.
.
It is this dichotomy that gives this pairing the overwhelming win.

9:12 am March, 15 tall guy said...

Heavy competition this month. Apparently, others are having difficulty finding the cultural baseline. You want evidence? collossus of choads summed it up succinctly: ‘Professional necessity should not diminish the doucheosity’. Look at that Greasepitz ablobster on right and try telling me its parents weren’t siblings. I’m not having it. But I’m not sure if they’re monthly material. And as cute and as button-nosed as Shampoo Katie is, from what I read she’s above average in the attention-seeking stakes. Sorry, SK, but that’s a turn-off. As for that body-shirted lothario beside you, he probably wants to restrain you using the excess of chains he’s wearing. Now as for toxic terry… Anyone else reckon he looks sweaty? Love Angelica. No, the win must go to the infiltrating near miss of Smarm Candy and Patty. His watch alone gets him over the line. Add the sunnies indoors and the everpresent Billy Idol sneer and we’re home’n’hosed (hosed with bleach that is).

Smarm Candy & Patty FTW.

11:36 am March, 15 Anthony LaBaglia said...

Gotta be Billy D. Again, for his likeness to that dude from Tears for Fears.

1:22 pm March, 15 One for the Choad said...

“I put it to you, Greg.” Always love a good Animal House reference.

I’m torn. Champagne Katie is the tastiest slice of cheesecake here, but her complete lack of a sense of humor prove that she is unworthy of our love. This puts Smarm Candy in the pole position for exhibiting all sorts of douche-like tendencies, be it hair, sunglasses, clothes, pose, and that goddamn kissy face. Ugh, fuck that guy. Smarmy and Patty FTW.

3:07 pm March, 15 Blair said...

My God, the paradox of the hottie/douche is nowhere more apparent than with Angelica and Toxic Terry. I rage against the dawning Douchepocalypse that would allow that picture to happen.

Oh, and for future reference, Terry, if you’re going to put on a headband and bandana, make it a true head scarf, Iron Sheik-style.

4:08 pm March, 15 RU4 86? said...

Patty looks like a dude I used to drink beer with in the face. But upon close inspection of her thigh I see no low-hanging fruit, so I would gladly make love to her on the back seat of a Greyhound Bus headed to Seattle in the rain, if she didn’t mind me calling her Phil occasionally.
And though I detected no dangling testicles on Patty, I do believe I detect a dangling participle in that first sentence.

6:59 pm March, 15 Medusa Oblongata said...

I’m gonna go with Angelica and Toxic Terry. I feel bad for acknowledging the existence of Shitty Shitelock (other than scraping his entrails off the front bumper of my car), but I cannot deny the wrongness of this pairing. She has got some enormous boobies. Look closely, there they are. And she has that fakey-red hair with the little updo and a tad too much eye makeup. I know that look. That’s a chick that’s into chicks. That means I have a shot to be succling deleriously on those satiny white pillows of God’s good grace. And they are wrapped in the greasy arms of that Clowndouche. I weep and wail in anguish and cast my vote for Angelica and TT.

7:30 pm March, 15 douche equis said...

Toxic Terry and Angelica. Why? Because, that’s why. Do I look like I have time for an HCwDB-sized comic rant here?

7:36 pm March, 15 Grand Douchemeister said...

The Peppermint and the Patty.

Agreed with the comments espousing the purity of the union being a primary reason.

Katie revealed herself a bleeth.

Male strippers don’t qualify due to job requirements.

2:11 pm March, 16 Deltus said...

Fucking SPAMmers. Motorcycle Accessories, fuck you. Stealing my shit. You even bothered to change two words from the line. It’s not even copy and paste, you bothered to change two words. I don’t even understand that.
.
In short, DIAF.

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What is 9 + 15 ?
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IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)