Monday, March 7, 2011

HCwDB of the Week: The Smarm Candy and Patty

Last week was a seriously competitive douche-off of hott and choad steam. We had the Fry Guys, Toolbags on Sale, the legal threats of Champagne Katie, and the odious Vegaswankery of General Lickarthur and Shane Choking a Bitch.

But no pic more encpasulated the tragedy of quality suckle thigh getting macked on by Members Only ferret turd than the Smarm Candy’s fondling of Patricia.

Our last Weekly winner (loser) before next week’s voting-enhanced Monthly smackdown, this hottie/douchey sleazery is a potent reminder that in our post Jersey Shore era of irony, the real douches still lurk.

To be mocked.

And wear fauxhawk.

# posted by douchebag1
7:20 am March, 7 Wheezer said...

I think I like curvy Patricia. Oh yeah.
.
I also think Lickarthur’s denial is going to spur a protest or two, but he may make a comeback at the Douchies.

7:29 am March, 7 Mr. White said...

I might have gone with Shane Choking a Bitch, actually, since real or simulated domestic violence kicks the douche up a notch or ten, but on the other hand, I think Patty is the hotter hott.

7:44 am March, 7 Your Annoying Little Sister said...

Patty was definitely the hottest of the hotts. Look at how happy she looks with that greaseball hugging. Damn that’s gotta be maddening. Don’t you have Spanish class with her? How come you never made a move? I heard she’s the best knob polisher in all of Eleventh Grade, and that’s includes beating out Slurpy Sandy. Oh yeah, and she’s super nice too, not one of those stuck up cunts like the Franichi sisters. And I think her Dad owns a baseball team but I can’t remember which one, I think its like the Seattle SeaRams, or something like that. You know how I can never remember those stupid team names. Anyway, I guess I shoulda told you when she told me she liked you. But I was still mad at you for using MY shampoo on the dog. Oh well, I’m sure another well adjusted, employed hott sex-addict who comes from a good home will come along anyday now.

7:46 am March, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Now that is what I want to see on a bleary-eyed Monday after a four night bender. I think she is sweet and her matronly arms hold me gently until the Valium and Oxy’s stop my delirium tremens. And my eyes are crossed so I can’t see the thing on the right.Fuck it. I’ma start drinking and roll a blunt (Emily Blunt). And I didn’t jump high school chicks, that will be when the fam goes away the weekend of the school homecoming and the house becomes a grotto of dildo’s and pills.

7:51 am March, 7 Mr. White said...

@rev
Come talk to us when your house is actually BUILT out of dildos and pills. Then we can talk about WINNING.

8:06 am March, 7 Medusa Oblongata said...

This photo smells faintly of Old Spice, grease and disappointment.

8:10 am March, 7 Wedgie said...

^What do you mean, faintly?

8:23 am March, 7 banana hammock said...

thigh

8:26 am March, 7 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Medusa,
I was going to say it smelled faintly of pleather, Icy Hot, and unfulfilled yearning for curvy mid west hotness.
.
.
Then I realized it was me I was smelling.

8:34 am March, 7 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

The Smarm Candy clearly has pesonal space issues. Using her dress, your coat, and your pants as a condom is not going to score you points towards a second “date”. Patty just didn’t run fast enough. No pitty for the Smarm Candy though, he’s got his stalking technique down to a science. Just watch your back:
.

8:34 am March, 7 Et Tu Douche? said...

Really? Smarm comes of as more euro/mid east baggery, while annoying not too toxic. Shane Chocking a Btch I feel reflects the ethos of this sight. A douchebag of the highest order and by that I mean scumbag with a hott who is Hot and doesn’t deserve to be in his sociopathic radar

6:39 pm March, 7 Steve L. said...

SUGAR INTOLERANCE RISING.
.
that is all.

3:39 am March, 8 Collaz B. Popped said...

I missed the vote but Smarm deseves it….sunglasses at night are always huge.

4:05 am March, 8 Harley Parts said...

I guess I shoulda told you when he told me he liked you. But I was still mad at you for using MY shampoo on the dog.

6:42 am March, 11 Albert79 said...

Found your site on yahoo today and really liked it.. i bookmarked it and will be back to check it out some more later …

Leave a Reply

What is 12 + 12 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)