Monday, March 7, 2011
HCwDB of the Week: The Smarm Candy and Patty
Last week was a seriously competitive douche-off of hott and choad steam. We had the Fry Guys, Toolbags on Sale, the legal threats of Champagne Katie, and the odious Vegaswankery of General Lickarthur and Shane Choking a Bitch.
But no pic more encpasulated the tragedy of quality suckle thigh getting macked on by Members Only ferret turd than the Smarm Candy’s fondling of Patricia.
Our last Weekly winner (loser) before next week’s voting-enhanced Monthly smackdown, this hottie/douchey sleazery is a potent reminder that in our post Jersey Shore era of irony, the real douches still lurk.
To be mocked.
And wear fauxhawk.
I think I like curvy Patricia. Oh yeah.
.
I also think Lickarthur’s denial is going to spur a protest or two, but he may make a comeback at the Douchies.
I might have gone with Shane Choking a Bitch, actually, since real or simulated domestic violence kicks the douche up a notch or ten, but on the other hand, I think Patty is the hotter hott.
Patty was definitely the hottest of the hotts. Look at how happy she looks with that greaseball hugging. Damn that’s gotta be maddening. Don’t you have Spanish class with her? How come you never made a move? I heard she’s the best knob polisher in all of Eleventh Grade, and that’s includes beating out Slurpy Sandy. Oh yeah, and she’s super nice too, not one of those stuck up cunts like the Franichi sisters. And I think her Dad owns a baseball team but I can’t remember which one, I think its like the Seattle SeaRams, or something like that. You know how I can never remember those stupid team names. Anyway, I guess I shoulda told you when she told me she liked you. But I was still mad at you for using MY shampoo on the dog. Oh well, I’m sure another well adjusted, employed hott sex-addict who comes from a good home will come along anyday now.
Now that is what I want to see on a bleary-eyed Monday after a four night bender. I think she is sweet and her matronly arms hold me gently until the Valium and Oxy’s stop my delirium tremens. And my eyes are crossed so I can’t see the thing on the right.Fuck it. I’ma start drinking and roll a blunt (Emily Blunt). And I didn’t jump high school chicks, that will be when the fam goes away the weekend of the school homecoming and the house becomes a grotto of dildo’s and pills.
@rev
Come talk to us when your house is actually BUILT out of dildos and pills. Then we can talk about WINNING.
This photo smells faintly of Old Spice, grease and disappointment.
^What do you mean, faintly?
… thigh…
@Medusa,
I was going to say it smelled faintly of pleather, Icy Hot, and unfulfilled yearning for curvy mid west hotness.
.
.
Then I realized it was me I was smelling.
The Smarm Candy clearly has pesonal space issues. Using her dress, your coat, and your pants as a condom is not going to score you points towards a second “date”. Patty just didn’t run fast enough. No pitty for the Smarm Candy though, he’s got his stalking technique down to a science. Just watch your back:
.
Really? Smarm comes of as more euro/mid east baggery, while annoying not too toxic. Shane Chocking a Btch I feel reflects the ethos of this sight. A douchebag of the highest order and by that I mean scumbag with a hott who is Hot and doesn’t deserve to be in his sociopathic radar
SUGAR INTOLERANCE RISING.
.
that is all.
I missed the vote but Smarm deseves it….sunglasses at night are always huge.
I guess I shoulda told you when he told me he liked you. But I was still mad at you for using MY shampoo on the dog.
Found your site on yahoo today and really liked it.. i bookmarked it and will be back to check it out some more later …