Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Major Havoc Shirt Guy Runs With The Goose

There’s not really much to say about Major Havoc Shirt Guy and Suzie running with the Goose, except that it brought back a pleasant memory from your humble narrator’s childhood.

That period, in late 1984, when I owned Major Havoc at Cambridge’s late, great “1001 Plays.”

# posted by douchebag1
3:27 pm March, 30 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

Nice shirt.

Too bad about the fireworks factory exploding, though.

4:16 pm March, 30 Southern Scrotic said...

She’s perky.

4:36 pm March, 30 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Uh, Boss? Didn’t you notice that I replaced the Goose in the bottle with Windex that has an added splash of wasabi? And the shirt. A new invention here in Muppet Labs. It’s just a prototype right now but we’re hoping it becomes a big seller on the Dbag circuit. It’s the Laser Tracer Pinata shirt. Here’s how it works: everyone but the douche is given a small key chain laser as a “gift” when they come in the club. Then they are told it is Fucckstick’s birthday and that they should wave their lasers around on his shirt to compose birthday messages for him. When over 51% of the shirt is covered in the laser tracings it pulls up over his head trapping him inside. Then a steel cable shoots out the top of it that has a treble hook attached to it. The hook either gets caught on something or imbeds itself into the ceiling. A small winch then winds in the cable until he is approximately 4 feet off the ground. Clubs are issued to anyone who wants one and then the fun begins! We need a snappy name for it though. Any ideas?

4:49 pm March, 30 Et Tu Douche? said...

Looks like chick in the background is getting ready to mount Eric Estrada while her friend patiently awaits her turn.

5:02 pm March, 30 PooshDouche said...

He almost got away with it. No ink, no sculpted facial hair, no obvious hair color enhancements. Yet his inner douchiness couldn’t help but push out the tongue and toss a sign. Congratulations, we have a douchebag.

5:10 pm March, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Dr. Bunsen
.
That is a great party favour. I will think of a name while I have spare time in an institution I am signing myself into next Monday. The great part is that the nurses are lovely and I can walk across the street for some great pie while my non-self-committed friends rage through the barred windows at my freedoms and family visits in the park. Looks of hatred I get while enjoying a doob and beer with the kids will have them spitting lithium and throwing burning dirty diapers at me while I laugh and play cribbage with the young tarty ladies at the psycho desk in the wee hours. I will be getting off psych meds only, and only because they have killed my Johnson. The Misses misses Johnson more. No fucking internet or cell phones though. And in Canada it is all free, in a way. Son.

5:12 pm March, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^And this guy is a douchebag of the ages. I have been meeting him and his ilk for 40 years. I call it, Daddy Didn’t Pay Attention Syndrome. Jeremy?

5:19 pm March, 30 soy bomb said...

Though I’ve been programmed to mock with ice cold indifference, I can’t hate on this dude. He’s sh*t-faced. No doubt there’s photos of yours truly out there somewhere on the world wide webs making stupid faces while being two minutes away from going face-first into the closest gutter. His loud, obnoxious, annoying shirt is the only indicator of any kind of douchitude, but he’s got normal hair, normal watch etc. Pass.

5:26 pm March, 30 Wedgie said...

More like running with the snow cone syrup.

5:26 pm March, 30 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Is that the kid from Home Improvement?

5:27 pm March, 30 Medusa Oblongata said...

Godspeed, Rev. Chad. Damn those psych drugs. They do wonders, but damned if they don’t make ya impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. The answer to that is to take more drugs. Argh. I hope it goes well and I am enjoying the mental picture of the inmate rage while you enjoy some pie.
.
His shirt is a code. I can’t get my Enigma machine started, damnit….

5:33 pm March, 30 soy bomb said...

@Medusa: Perhaps his shirt can help the F.B.I.?

5:40 pm March, 30 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Rev
Stay strong son, big pharma sucks balls!!!!!

6:17 pm March, 30 Nancy Dreuche said...

@soy bomb, I cracked the code. It says: “I killed this guy and dumped him in a field.” And then down at the bottom it appears to be a grocery list. “Milk, milk, lemonade…etc.”
.
@My dear RevChad, you’re doing the right thing. Ain’t no shame in your game. Good luck and speedy recovery. Also watch out for the chick who says she’s engaged to Madonna. She is not. And the ring is a fake. Also stay away from the kid that plays “Erotic City” by Prince 24-7. He will steal your chocolate cake when you’re not looking.

6:34 pm March, 30 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Shirt reminds me of an acid drenched session of Tempest on level 865.

6:40 pm March, 30 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I’m giving a notta douche. Blue flavored liquor and a mildly cute hott… who in his place could resist showing some youthful enthusiasm? Go in peace and do a shot for uncle McCrudeshoes.

9:40 pm March, 30 Vin Douchal said...

Okay. So I just got the evo phone and set this bad boy up off the WiFi at home. This thing kicks major ass, son. Now on to porno sites

9:55 pm March, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Acid Drenched Session on Tempest
.
Wow. So many memories of shirts, acid drenched sessions on Tempest. Remember the place where you used to go with your girlfriend when you were 15 and fuck all to do. Remember the places you went with her to get high so the games were even freakier, She was a Pac Man girl and you never tried to beat her because you wanted to keep this girl that all the other girls loved and hated at the same time because she was her and they wanted you.You went to the alley behind the place because it was around shift change and the coppers aren`t doing arcade alley 15 year old doobie patrol. She grabs your balls through your skintight Levi 501`s and you know what you in for, like the time she blew-jacked you off watching Othello live at the National Arts Center. This only happened because she knew how to get stuck way in the dark back of the theatre so she made sure you were late to return from lunch on this school monitored trip. What a girl, Tami. She`s wearing those skin tight things that were velvety shiny in 1980, The only girls that wore those were the perfect, the one`s that knew they lookes like women, and the ones who were having sex already, Tami was all three, a force among 15 year old woman that when she saw your rugged looks and the masterful way you played football, even tough she hate sports, and the way you always had doobs abd cash fell in love with you and had a friend send me a note. What a catch for a boy who 4 years earlier was the chubby guy in grade six. So its Friday and I`m playing DQB as a sophomore for the senior team. These fucking guys hate me for two reasons, they want to fuck Tami and I have beaten half of them up. The reason they use is that I`m a druggie. Pussies can`t get my kind of tail. So Tami and I hop onto my Raleigh 10-speed, her on the handlebars to go to the park on the way to my place. On the bench she asks me where we are going to fuck. So many places we`ve used, but we think Mom and Dad are going out for their usually very late Friday night……………….

10:38 pm March, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Friday`s were great at my house for many reasons. Dad came home at noon and banged the hell out of mom who was on the pill and too old scholl to do it while there were kids in the house. Understandeable. So Dad is half lit smoking his pipe with a big smile on his face when his favourite Friday night guest Tami would step into his parlour and in an uncanny tone of voice which she only used on those she really enjoyed furtively blurts out Hi Mr. Kroeger. Call me George, how many times over the last year have I told you not to call me MR.Kroeger. Great to see you Tami. Is that my daughter I hear in their says mother from the kitchen. Mrs. Kroeger its me says the sweetest little mix I ever met in my life. They run to hug each other. Same thing every week it was sickening. But having your parents adore the beautiful post-pubescent girl you`re fucking and they think you won`t cause she`s Catholic too is very cool. Then you got too get down to eat some of mom`s fine food have a few drinks and wait for them to leave. the phone rings. Fuckkk. fuckkk. The service club mixer has been cancelled due to legionaires disease. Have to go for a walk smoke another dube and figure out where to go. Parties. Must be parties cause we would have been invited damn it, Get Tami on phone, sultriest 15 yo voice ever heard. NO parties. For reals.
Check to see if parents going elseswhere. Dad`s had too much too drink. Fort in the old garage with my stashes and mattress. Not tonight your brother might go into the garaage. Another joint walk after dark, its hot. On way back see giant guy yelling hey ya stoners come here. Thats Jimmy Tami says. 6-8 jimmy invites us to party. Worst basketball player ever. Into party, I got dubes these peeps had booze. Funning around to Zep, REO, SAGA, and spacy shit for a awhile until Jimmy comes around with this other girl we know Saskia. 5-10 high. We drop bugs bunny blotter and wait to get higher on the acid. So the renter of this apartment hears of my predicament and offers a spare room with clean sheets. I barely new this dude caused he worked full time at the record and stereo store. We accepted and had very good teen sex. Her womanly hips riding me like I was a thouroubred horse writhing under her pristine post-pub boobs and of course her huge mound of fertile nature bush grinding my hairy taught lower stomach. and she liked to ride my face too but not into oral yet. Returning to the crowd eveyone is very groovy man, and it hit us. We started flying through thr universe through solar system, star nurseries, all the equations and symbols of the creation. We were beautiful stoned gods with our eyes closed in a crappy basement apartment full of smoke and beer. Then the harsh happened.
.Jimmy runs from hosts bedroom chasing Saskia. Put that fucking thing down right now Jimmy. I got a dildo with a bunch of Michelle`s shit on the end of it and I`m going to stick it in Saskia`s nose. SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK.
As Jimmy closed in on Saskia, Everyone in this place, maybe 20 people, realized that they were super high and then get to see two people run around a room because of a dildo with shit on it. We realized that we were seeing the most happy and ridiculous event we would ever see in our still young lives………….

11:03 pm March, 30 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Chad’s strongest point in design school was type design and manipulation with CAD-CAM, been there, done that, got the Tee-shirt, DUH!

11:16 pm March, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Around and Around they went. Chad this is freaking me out. He`ll put it down soon Tami, just laugh it`s funny.
Smack. Turn around Saskia got the thing from Jimmy and threw it back into the bedroom. I won`t do it any more Sask, She turns to our stoned smiling gaze as Jimmy runs towards her. Tami shreeks Saskia, Saskia turns to see dildo towards her face it hits her nose. Jimmy stands looking scared as Saskia realize that she had Michelle`s shit on her nose. We are all freaking out now because it is getting harsh. Saskia looks at Jimmy and says Jimmy do you remember what I told you I would do if you touched me like that in the bedroom. Smack Zap Crack. She stepped back, jumped and cross kicked his huge nose into pieces. Now we were feeling a major buzzkill cause somebody had to kind of isolate the problem and get him to a doctor. Tami sends me cause she thinks I`m the most sober. So we wrap his head in Cotton to stop the mess.Then somebody went to get stypic powder, it was still before midnight. So I adjust his nose a bit straighter and shove styptic powder and cotton up his nose to stop the..Fuck it, I`m tired.
.
Tami left me for a 9 fingered married 38 year old ex-con that owned a video arcade two years later. The arcade where we smoked the joint and she felt my balls.

6:53 am March, 31 Douche Springsteen said...

Tough break Rev. But the ones that can fuck that good at 15 are trouble.

7:07 am March, 31 boatbutter said...

Looks like Tron drove drunk all over his shirt.

7:11 am March, 31 boatbutter said...

I’ll guess Tempest gave him the ol’ Cleveland Steamer.

7:12 am March, 31 saulgoode42 said...

That game, Pole Position and Spy Hunter. Over and over and over and over and over again. RIP Silverball in Berkeley! First time I heard ‘Holiday in Cambodia’ was on their crusty old jukebox.

7:16 am March, 31 boatbutter said...

I think the The Wachowskis bukkaed all over this asshole.

7:57 am March, 31 DarkSock said...

I love RevChad’s stream of unconsciousness outbursts.

7:58 am March, 31 DarkSock said...

Suzie: “I’m sorry, Todd; you’re just not my type”.
.
.
.
.
.
sorry…

8:57 am March, 31 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Rev Chad
.
Sorry for the lateness but I’m on Spring Break.
.
Go with it brother. Do as they say. The fuccen drugs suck total ass (you know I know that) but you gotta follow their rules to get off ‘em. You can and you will do it. Just make sure to watch out for any big indians. Those guys are trouble. Once you’re off ‘em, let me know what it’s like. Hell, I think Medusa is holding Doc Bunsen Jr. hostage or something. Godspeed brother.

5:27 pm March, 31 Stephanie said...

And if you unscramble those letters on his shirt it says Duh.

5:02 pm April, 3 Level 6 Logician said...

^Fuckin’ A business, thats great news! I took a crap the other day and my toilet flushed it down. After the first flush!

5:20 am April, 4 vacation rentals said...

I have to laugh and play cribbage with the dealer psychosocial tarty young woman in the early hours. I’m going to get off the psych drugs simply because they have killed Johnson. Johnson had more

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