Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Markie Demonstrates Performative Asswankery is Real Douchescroterty

It’s all ironic Jersey Shore dress-up until you realize the star tatt is forever.

Tasty bleethy Champagne Carly’s kissy lips make the Baby Jesus heimlich a nun then bitch slap a porpoise.

Which is just mean. Because porpoises are mammals. I mean really, Baby Jesus.

# posted by douchebag1
9:34 am March, 23 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Hey, look, it’s pregnant looking Summer Glau.
.
I’d let her fire my fly.

9:39 am March, 23 Banana Hammock said...

No Hot Chick’s wearing GLAD® bag’s to the prom

9:40 am March, 23 Banana Hammock said...

anyone notice that his Man Panties match her moo-moo?

9:43 am March, 23 Et Tu Douche? said...

I believe Markie should get a pass, I think he is mocking both the Hipsterbag and the Jerz. Mock on Markie

9:57 am March, 23 Mocturnal Emissions said...

Happy Birthday Richard Greico! Without you there would have been no Bleethification of Yasmine, hell we wouldn’t even have known that’s what it was called without you Rich. 21 Jump Street was a horrible show! XOXOXO Have fun getting older and even less relevant.

10:04 am March, 23 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Is Champagne Carly any relation to Champagne Katie? I’d like to Mimosa both their Bellinis. Bad news for Carly, though. It appears she has Jan Larggman’s shirt on, and she put it on sideways. Or upside down. Or something. That must have been some party last night, and a coyote biting, fire and brimstone raining morning when she woke up in just past the event horizon of his orbit. And by event horizon, I mean sweaty man boobs.

10:07 am March, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Dr. Bunsen

dodair@bell.net
.
The rest of you. We do not mean to use this as a personal platform. Son. A dude has issues.That is all. Son.

10:21 am March, 23 Medusa Oblongata said...

Brothabag+Hipster Specs+Emo Star Tatt+Rocker Horns=Antechrist.

10:22 am March, 23 Medusa Oblongata said...

Jeebus. American Apparel is really scraping the bottom of the barrel turning out dresses like that feed bag she’s wearing there.

10:26 am March, 23 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Brotha-bag color coordinated his undies reveal to bleeths dress. Very classy.

10:29 am March, 23 Wheezer said...

Where are her boobies? This is bothering me.

10:30 am March, 23 Mr. White said...

@medusa
Double check your equation. It may just equal Chris Brown. It depends on the woman-beating coefficient.

10:41 am March, 23 keira knightley said...

@Weezer,
Her boobs look fine to me.

10:51 am March, 23 Banana Hammock said...

Her boob is standing in front of her wearing a sharpie star.

10:53 am March, 23 Anonymous said...

@Wheezer
.
Her boobs are in there. You’d just have to work your way past more folds of fabric than there are wrinkles in Plinky’s Mom labia.

11:31 am March, 23 Mocturnal Emissions said...

Damn it, RevChad Fun Time Crazy Hour is over. Seriously though, get better Revvy, I command it.
.
I was so caught up in our Lard and Gayvior Richard Greico’s Bday, that I forgot to mock this shirtless underpants poke stooge. If only that tatt was Sharpied on Banana Hammock he might be able to look in the mirror without crying when he hits 35. Ah shit, my birthdays comin’ up better make sure I don’t get any stooopid tatts from now till then.

11:44 am March, 23 Wedgie said...

Nice tattoo rocket scientist.

11:56 am March, 23 Collaz B. Popped said...

Urkel can sure pull some tail…..

12:02 pm March, 23 Hermit said...

I don’t get out much, but today I glimpsed a little bit of Americana when I was forced to eat at a MacDonald’s for lunch. It struck me that there are always three categories of people there:
.
1. Skinny twelve- year old girls dressed like hookers.
.
2. A semi-retarded middle aged dude on a scooter wearing thick black-framed glasses and some kind of headphones.
.
3. A group of three-hundred-pound, twenty- four year old women, with mixed-race toddlers wearing the signature tights that stop mid calf to expose a rose tattoo on their huge, white, tree-trunk sized legs.
.
I figure groups 1 and 2 have to be the same people, and Mac Donald’s should be commended for being at least partially responsible for taking them from eighty pounds to over three hundred in the span of a few short years.
.
On my way out, I tipped my hat to the retarded dude. He stared briefly at me, wiped off the stream of drool running down his cheek, fired up his scooter and rode off into the uninterrupted panorama of strip malls and suburban traffic.

12:04 pm March, 23 Hermit said...

^groups 1 and 3

12:07 pm March, 23 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

All I see is a lot of pink kissy-lips, and a damn star tatt.
And Brothabag ties one on minus the shirt, while Sistah prefers gunny-sacks to gowns.
It’s so sad when the flat graphic designs are more outstanding than the real humans in 3-D flesh.

12:10 pm March, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Rev Chad
.
Check your email.

12:12 pm March, 23 Mocturnal Emissions said...

Ah Hermit, I would break my only golden rule: “Thou shalt not spend more than five minutes within or around the vicinity of a McDonalds.”at the off chance I might meet you there. Actually that retard sounds pretty hot too.

12:29 pm March, 23 DoucheyWallnuts said...

DB1’s profound statement that in the case of Markie, “ASSWANKERY IS REAL DOUCHESCROTERTY,” is reminiscent of Descartes who stated the mind, consciousness and self-awareness is separate from the brain and intelligence. This mind-body problem is similar in substance to the asswankery-douchescrotery conundrum. A modern day Douchebag Dualism is a form of emergent materialism and thus can be contrasted with non-emergent materialism.
.
Cartesian Dualism is Descartes most well-known contribution to philosophy. Not as well known is that Descartes was the first person coin the phrase, “Meat Curtains.”

12:36 pm March, 23 Medusa Oblongata said...

Hermit, you just described my entire clientele.
.
Wait. I work at McDonalds? FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

12:49 pm March, 23 Stephanie said...

I’d like to tie him up and take all of his clothes off and let him off at night in the ‘hood, then see how cool he is.

12:51 pm March, 23 Deltus said...

I don’t think it’s too late for Champagne Carly. She can still be saved. So help me Baby Jesus.

4:27 pm March, 23 Wedgie said...

I hope that’s not a colostomy bag making all those bumps around her middle.

4:56 pm March, 23 Mocturnal Emissions said...

@Stephanie, will you marry me?

7:32 pm March, 23 soy bomb said...

I’d like to tie her up and take all of her clothes off and put a hood over her head and make her tell me how cool I am.

7:59 pm March, 23 Mocturnal Emissions said...

@soy bomb, on second thought, maybe you should marry Stephanie.

9:25 pm March, 23 Guid is Good said...

Not so Tasty bleethy Champagne Carly’s dress reminds me of the tarps they put over your house when the roof gets ripped off.

10:31 pm March, 23 Mr. Biggs said...

Seriously. It’s irony reductio ad absurdum. Like the worm that eats itself. Until there is no worm. Only a cold hard kernel of what was once a mind.

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